I was recently raped a few weekends ago and I have so many weird emotions Im not sure what to do anymore?

I am only 15 I will be 16 in a few days and I'm not sure what to do my family and I went through the police process and the emergency room etc. it really took a toll on me and I am never going to be the same.and I hate him for it. but the guy that did it was 22 years old and he knew I was 15 and so it scares me he recently was bailed out of jail. I have started to have feelings for him and I'm really disgusted because he did this to me and I love him almost we didn't know each other for that long but he's the only person that showed me affection and love I feel like he's the closest thing I've ever come to having love and that is what I've always dreamed up and I'm a lot more mature than most people my age so it's really hard for me and I have four siblings that are over the age of 20 and have kids and already married and I am still in high school I just want to be like them.is this wrong?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I think you are only feeling this, because you are afraid that you will never find anything closer to love. But that is not true! I'm sure you are a beautiful, wonderful girl, and you deserve better than to be treated like that. There are people out there who would form a relationship, and almost be drawn to your helplessness and nurture you the way that youve always wanted (my ex GF was raped by her stepdad, and i was drawn to her because she seemed helpless, and i took care of her for a long time). You must remember that this guy hurt you when he took advantage of you, and that he is bad for you. Think about how much better you could have.

    I am really sorry for what happened to you, i know how it feels (not directly of course, but I've seen what it has put people through). If you want any further advice, or just someone to talk to, feel free

    • Thanks for MH. I hop you feel better soon 😊

  • I'm really sorry you had that happen. What you're feeling is normal but still very disturbing. I very strongly encourage you to call the national sex abuse hotline and get the names of some therapists in your area that specialize in dealing with cases like yours. They can help you through this and show you the way to emerge with minimal psychological damage.

Most Helpful Girls

  • That is pretty weird. You need to go into counseling. Help you sort through those emotions.

  • I'm sorry this happened to you. You should talk to someone about it

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • first off im sorry for what happened, if u ever need someone to talk you can find me here
    second you need to go to a psychiatrist and talk this out
    third connect with other rape victims that will help you understand how to deal with this

    • Thank you I do go to a psychiatrist and talk with her now but I feel like no matter how hard she try's she will never fully understand my parents have made me keep this a secret they don't want people knowing that it happened to me I feel like they are completely ashamed of me

    • no my dear your parents are not ashamed off you. You didn't do anything wrong, a monster did something bad to you and you were nothing but a victim they just dont want you reliving the trauma, if you tell others they will ask what happened and that will make you relive it again and again so they are trying to protect u... Give your psych sometime and see if she is up for the job, if you still feel the same then change the psych. Everyone has different needs so its alright to change psychs

  • I'm really surprised that you have these feelings for your rapist

    • I know it's not right but Im not sure how to hate him or anyone for that matter it's not my nature

    • Stockholm syndrome.. well sort of lol.

    • He must to be punished without any mercy, he is a rapist and I don't blame you about whatever you feel because what happened to you is very sad, God be with you

  • Maybe these can help. These people should be experts and will be able to help you. You are not alne. Please call them.

    www.rainn.org/.../national-sexual-assault-online-hotline

    www.healthyplace.com/.../

    https://www.aftersilence.org

    • I only knew him for like three days I didn't even know his last name and we decided that we wanted to meet up at the time I didn't know his age would you stupid of me but he made me trust him and made me feel safe and wanted and we went for a little drive out in the country and he said we were just going to sit and watch the stars in his truck but then he started getting very touchyand I went for the door and there was no handle on the door I had no way to get out I didn't realize it when I got into the truck because there was one on the outside and he shut the door for me when I got in I told him to stop and he said don't worryeverything will be okay until I just sat there cause I didn't know what to do and he kept mentioning you had weapons and backless truck because he's part of the military so what was I supposed to do I hate myself for not doing anything I trusted him

  • It's not rape if you love him

    • It's rape if she didn't want it man come on and because of the age it's techinically statutory rape