Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Girls, have you ever cried during sex?

My gf is 18 and so am I. We've been dating for about a year. Anyway, the 1st time we had sex she was crying. She kept telling me not to stop but I felt terrible because it looked like she was in pain. She still cries about 50% of the times we sex. Have you ever cried during sex? If so was it because you were in a lot of pain?
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+1 y
I don't think she cries from pain because I sat her down yesterday and told her that if sex is painful enough to bring her to tears I'll do everything I can do to change that even if it means not having sex for awhile and she told me it wasn't necessary. I think she's just very emotional or had a traumatic sexual experience she doesn't want to talk about
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Most Helpful Girls

  • It's unlikely to still be a physical cause at this stage and by the sounds of it you're someone easy to be around and that she could talk to if it was. The emotional connection is a possibility, it can happen and some women just have a very strong reaction (hormones or something). Every time though, indicates things might be a bit more complicated. I know with me it was. It was because of something traumatic but it's a really hard thing to explain. I wanted to be with him so much coz I loved him but opening up like that brought up heaps of emotions that I just couldn't make sense of at the time. I wanted to be with him and I knew that in my head, but the physical stuff caused my body and emotions to react. At the time, I just couldn't talk about it. I didn’t have the words. I wasn't ready to admit to myself that I was struggling, let alone anybody else. On top of that I didn’t want anything to screw us up, I was actually happy.

    It's a really difficult one, and I am of course assuming here that there is something she is struggling with. It may not even be something obviously related, but she might be struggling nonetheless with emotions around sex, for whatever reason (it may be traumatic, but other reasons might be: culture/guilt, body insecurities, or just being that intimate and trusting someone that much, she may not be used to it). Bear in mind she may not understand it herself.

    Maybe try talking to her but away from the bedroom. Just after it used to happen to me I'd so want to convince myself I was fine, I'd never have been able to talk. Open spaces work, so she doesn’t feel trapped by the conversation. Maybe if you go for a walk but on a normal day, not after sex. Ask her if she enjoys sex? See if she hesitates. I always enjoyed being with him coz I loved him but sex was complicated. Reassure her you care about her and only want to do it when she's 100% happy. Maybe take a bit of a break from it, just cuddle and spend time together.

    • That will show her the relationship doesn’t entirely depend on sex. Does she initiate it more or you? Let her know that she doesn't have to every day, sometimes she just might not want to. It’s difficult to tell if there is a reason. If she doesn’t want to talk or is unable to explain, you can’t make her and you can’t be a mind – reader either. Just make her aware she can talk if she wants to. You clearly care about her and you seem like a really decent guy. If she doesn’t give a reason and wants to continue, you can only go by what she says. Please tread carefully though. Try and be aware and observant, you might even start to notice it’s certain things that make her react (certain positions/words), or there is a pattern leading up to it. Things like if she loses eye contact at certain stages during sex, if she freezes up physically and moves less, her breathing becomes very shallow. They might be slight reactions but if you’re connected and aware you might start to notice them.

    • He always did and he stopped what he was doing. Slowed it down, gave me breathing space but still held me, we’d cuddle and sometimes we’d continue, sometimes kiss for a while and then go back to it. If it is a panic attack she’s having, and it’s only a possibility – she needs time to feel calm and that she’s in control. I was lucky, these were things he did instinctively. I never discussed it with him and he never said anything, never made an issue of it. I wasn’t able to explain at the time. I wish I had but I will always be grateful to him for the way he reacted. It was an unspoken kind of thing and it made every kind of difference to me. The best of luck. She’s really lucky to have someone that cares. I don’t want to make an assumptions, the best advice I can give is: Whatever the reason, just keep the door open so she can talk when she’s able/wants. Until then, all you can do is be patient and let her take the lead. There are some truly decent lads out there she's lucky to have you

    • Lately I've been waiting for her to initiate it because if it is that painful I don't think she'd do it

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  • Yes! I find that it's when I really feel a love connection or bond with the person. I would recommend though that you take it slow with her. I mean if you've been having sex for a year it shouldn't still be hurting her but it's also good to keep in mind that some woman can still experience pain. I think it's absolutely adorable that you care so much and I would even explain to her that you are thinking of her well-being and just ask politely "hey babe, you know does it still hurt you when we have sex?" Try not to mention the crying because then she might feel that you're paying more attention to her crying then the heat of the moment! Good luck ! (:

    • We've only been having sex for like 6 months but I do think it's weird that she might still be in pain. I don't think she'll tell me if she's in pain because she doesn't want to disappoint me but I'll try asking her again. It's just driving me crazy because I hate feeling like I'm causing her pain

    • It's very important in a relationship that you both are able to communicate. I absolutely adore that you care so much about her and I think she'd love and respect you more to see that you care about her and if she is in pain. Next time you guys are having sex, once she starts to cry, just say "am I hurting you" or "are you okay?" because my boyfriend did that to me when we first started having sex. It showed me that not only did he care but he was able to view sex as bonding experience rather than someone just trying to get their nut.

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What Girls Said

(63)

  • Aww... i don't think you understand that a virgin girl has a hymen (a thick layer of skin covering the vaginal entrance), when you push through it, it hurts a lot if your not gentle, when you push through the skin tears so you can to go very slow and gentle, there is also bleeding involved too, with some females it's easier because their hymen is thinner so easier to get through, not as much blood and not as much pain. The fact she's still in pain could mean you haven't broke the hymen fully or she has an infection, she shouldn't be hurting still.

    • The hymen isn't covering the vagina. You couldn't have a period if it did.

    • I said the vaginal entrance, there is different parts, the lips, the clit then the vaginal entrance, the hole, the hymen is at the entrance to the vaginal hole.

    • It's still not covering though.

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  • Never, and I cry very easily...

    • What does it mean if she cries during sex?

    • Honestly, I have no idea unless she can't even control it, then it might be like a tick she can't control from a disorder? You really have to ask her on this.

  • Hmmm, you said in your post that "she looked like she was in pain." Well, dude, check it out if she is in actual discomfort. If she is, then work something out. If she isn't then this might be one of those expressions she gets when experiencing pleasure.

    I've cried during sex, not because of physical pain, but because something sad was going on, or times I was feeling grateful as part of 'making up' after a nasty fight, hurt feelings, etc. I've also cried out of sheer delight when the boyfriend shot the Orgasm meter so far out of orbit that I couldn't remember who I was. Now that is what I call tears of jubilation! I'm sure that in the throes of the rapture I probably was shrieking like an insane woman and writhing like I was being possessed a demon like that girl in the 'Exorcist.'

    In sum, girls shed tears to express a lot of feelings... not just pain. I recommend that you become sensitive to that as a guy and learn to become more comfortable with these expressions.

  • I've cried maybe two or three times right after having sex because I felt so emotionally connected to my man that it was overwhelming. It's super embarrassing, but I just can't help it.

  • I cried once because it was an emotional connection that I felt it didn't hurt or anything it felt good but I could feel us connecting at that moment and it was such a connection that it made me cry :)... you know like in some movies

  • you must have some good dick ;)

  • Never. I have heard that some women do cry due to intense feelings of love. If she looks like she is in pain, then you need to figure out the source and fix it. If it's nothing you are doing sexually that is the problem, then she should get checked out. There should not be that kind of pain during sex. There may be something wrong with her. I think she should see a gynecologist to make sure everything is physically okay with her. Don't just ignore it.

  • Not that i remember

  • This happened to me when I lost my virginity. I wanted to wait for marriage but decided to do it. I lived him and he loved me and it was my decision to do this. It was emotional because virginity meant so much to me and it was a process to get over the fact that I actually did it and was doing it (in the act) I cried so much for a while lol just be nice and don't pressure her to do anything if she's not comfortable. Tell her you love her and comfort her. She will eventually come around completely and you two will be enjoying it fully, just be there for her.

  • Talk to her be like her friend. If its pain do something else. If pleasure then you r on the right track. If she feels guilty then... think what to do next

  • Show more from Girls (53)

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