Sexual Relationships
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Why would a husband continue to let his wife give him blow jobs if they aren't good and why would he stay married?

I have been recently reading online about blow jobs and what is considered a "good bj" and what a guys reaction is supposed to be and have come to the conclusion in my 23 years of marriage that I probably dont or haven't ever given my husband a good bj. I dont do all the things I'm supposed to do according to what online says. I dont know if I'm gripping in right, sucking hard enough and I know I can't deep throat. Unless I'm upside down but then I usually pass out after if I do it that way. He makes no noise, has no facial expression, no body signals, only that he cums at the end. He won't or hasn't ever told me he likes it, what he likes or how he wants it so I don't know, when it comes to sex he is not vocal. Acccording to online he's supposed to be quivering, biting his lip, his eyes are supposed to roll back in his head and whatever. He doesn't. Why would he stay married to me then if he isn't satisfied? isn't that a rerequirement for a guy to be married? Why did he marry me in the first place then if I'm not good enough?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • There is no perfect bj. Every guy has his own definition. I suggest you take him out for an intimate drink. Tell him you love him and that you want to show that to him in ways he enjoys. Ask him what he would like you to do differently when you go down on him. Assure him you won't freak out. That you're genuinely interested in learning. It's imperative that this be a calm, direct, matter of fact conversation, much like a business meeting. Then listen very carefully.

    You can learn to deep throat. As my contribution to the causes of making you a blow job queen, here are some tips that have helped many others:

    This information came from the gf who is the only woman to ever give me world class head and completely deep throat me. Her tips were:
    • Don’t try to breathe. Take several deep breaths and then hold your breath to go down on him deep. Trying to breathe will make you gag every time.
    • Start down slowly and when you hit the wall, back off a touch, change the angle and try again. Keep this up until you find the angle that works for you.
    • The gag reflex only lasts about two seconds so when you gag, stay right where you are and let it pass. Then keep going.
    • If, like most guys, your guy wants to push your head, tell him that you need to get things right first and, when you’re ready, you’ll put his hand back there yourself. Huge turn on.
    • Focus, focus, focus. You can largely overcome your gag reflex if you just focus completely.
    • Once you get all the way down, stay down. Work up to 10+ seconds and he’ll love it.
    • Use your toothbrush on the rear of your tongue to gradually desensitize your gag reflex.

    Questions?

  • Waves.. over here... I'm exactly the same as you're hubby, I'm not vocal at all and it annoys the crap out of my wife to...
    That said we have always been verbal and ask how's this feel, what's this like, wanna try this etc...
    Here's a thought, if you guys want to role play, pretent to be inexperienced and role play that, ask all the questions you want answers to... get your information from the person that matters, not what the rest of the world dictates...
    Hope this helps
    Feel free to message any other Q's

Most Helpful Girls

  • With such a lack of feedback from your husband it's no wonder that you have been left wondering. The important thing is that he is cumming. That's good feedback right there. And with that in mind it sounds like you're doing a pretty darn good job. By the way, my husband gives me good verbal feedback, but he doesn't make any other noises or roll his eyes or anything silly like that. What makes you good is not so much your technique, but your eager enthusiasm, desire and willingness to satisfy his needs. I hope you're enjoying swallowing his cum and then licking and sucking his cock clean at the end.

    • I can't swallow his cum, it doesn't taste good at all, its very bitter and sour, tastes like stomach acid. Maybe that why Im not good to him, cuz I dont enjoy it like I should.

  • Nice age range of Guys answered this question! Good for you guys : ) Some people are very expressive outwardly and show all their emotions, but some are way into their own world and retreat into their mind during sensual or sexual activities. Your guy may just be the latter of the two.. but I think you clearly need more open communication with him before you judge him : )

  • My husband is very vocal when I go down on him but he never cums.
    His breathing changes and I know that he is close but nothing. We end up finishing with sex I don't mind but I'd like to at times be able to finish the job.

    • But it seems that he actually enjoys your bjs

    • I'm sure he does. He'd gone a while with out them, it was more of confidence thing for me but with help from good old Google got me thinking about doing it again.

    • Yes, bjs are too enjoyable!

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 13

  • Uhh, marriages aren't dependent on good blowjobs.

    From a guys point of view any blowjob is good. Just some can be way better than others.

  • Suck less, lick more. We aren't garden hoses. You put it in your mouth because what's in your mouth feels good. We don't need to be sucked.
    I don't watch p*rn much, but I've notice this woman Lady Sonia - a Brit MILF - does a fantastic, pardon the pun, job.

    However, back to your original question... There's more to marriage than a BJ. I'd stay married to my wife if knew was I never going to get a BJ again.

  • The issue isn't you.

    It's him.

  • It's quite possible that he's more than satisfied. Not everyone will put on a show, just to prove it was good. Women are the same. Some can be quiet, and others are more vocal, but they're all enjoying it.

    If he wanted you to do things differently, he probably would have mentioned it. You can always ask him if he'd like something done differently.

  • It is "scary" how many women, women in their forties in fact, that I've come across asking questions about cocksucking on this site. The stock women put in is just... Insane, like, you all put way more stock in it than any guy I've ever known, myself included.

    I mean are you seriously suggesting that a man wouldn't marry you because you're not good at orally pleasing him? Or if sex in general is a reason why a guy just HAS to stay with you? Yeah, there are a lot of piece of shits that it would be a dealbreaker to, but this gigantic generalisation just depresses me to no end. Not because I feel bad FOR YOU, if you wanna think in two-dimensional terms you totally can, but it certainly depresses me when I think about others affected by that type of petty shit.

  • If he's cumming, you're succeeding. If he's NOT cumming, then there's a problem.

  • Satisfaction of sex is not a requirement for a guy in any relationship, it's merely a want (although having sex to produce children is different). Also it'd be way to much crap to go through to get a divorce. Plus perhaps he is satisfied but is just one of those people that doesn't show it or like showing it.

  • Maybe he enjoys it, maybe not. But no man worth his salt is going to leave someone he loves over something like that.

    I enjoy sex probably more than most, but really, it isn't a big deal. I tend to think people overvalue it in a relationship. It's important, but hardly a deal breaker.

    And another thing: most people are not great in bed, man or woman. And others are better than they give themselves credit for.

    He's stayed with you this long. Even if you aren't good, clearly his relationship priorities are placed on more important things about you than your oral sex performance. Give him a little credit for having the important things figured out ;)

  • He probably likes it, but feels uncomfortable talking about it. Unless you are using teeth or hurting him in someway, you are doing fine. Especially since he is able to finish, there should be no concerns. Any blow job that makes a guy finish is a good blow job.

  • I can't answer all of your questions specific to your husband but I can share an article with you that tells you all you need to know about blow jobs.

    sluttygirlproblems.com/.../

  • It is hard to screw up a blow job. It just feels good. Dont bother with what you read as in believing that you are bad at it but maybe try some of the ideas. My wife thinks her bj is bad but it is the best I have ever had. Besides, he probably loves you and it is all good.

  • If he cums at the end that your not getting it totally wrong. Don't write off your marriage because of your blowjob skills. I'm sure he doesn't tick all of your boxes when he goes down on you.

    Where are you getting your bj skill advice from? Cosmopolitan?

    • I generally dont ever have him give me oral. I enjoy it but I can never orgasm or it takes too long and think I'm probably disgusting down there to him, stretched out from child birth, so I dont make him bother.

    • If you can do it for him, he can do it for you... and why should you miss out. I think what is lacking here is communication. "Am I doing it right?" "Does that feel good?" "Hang on, use your lips and tongue more, not your teeth."

  • A BJ can either be foreplay or it can be a stand alone act. He may be more interested in it as foreplay. However, since u lead him to orgasm, believe me, he likes it. If you or now worried about doing it "right," you can learn from the internet and p*rn , and can then try different things. But, will doing it "right" lead to more vocal response? Maybe, maybe not. Some guys just aren't vocal with sex, even though they really enjoy it. Don't buy into ideas that guys quiver, bite lips, etc. Every guy is different. You don't even see that in p*rn . He stays married because he is satisfied, and there is more to it all than a good blow job. What does he do to you to satisfy you? That may be more important to him. It seems to me that you are better at it than u realize and are overly worried. It is so good that u are trying to get even better. That says a lot.

  • Do you believe in everything you read online? A good blowjob isn't the base of a great marriage? Would you divorce him, if he weren't amazing at oral?

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