I accidentally cheated on my girlfriend. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

Saturday night I had sex with a hot chick I met at a bar. She had asked to come to my hotel with me to use my toilet because she was stayng with a male friend and didn't want to crap in his toilet and get embarassed. So she came with me and dropped a sewer trout. When she got out she asked if I would mind if she showered. I said fine. We were both drunk and she stripped down in front of me and then got in the shower. After about 2 minutes she called to me and asked if I would bring her the soap from the sink. I told her there was some in the shower. She said she was dizzy and didn't want to bend down to get it. So I got it and when I went in the bathroom she threw open the shower curtain. It startled me because I was handing the soap to her through the curtain. I dropped the soap and she said something like "now I have to bend over." She bent over right in front of me and gave me the full reveal. Anyway she then saw me looking at her and said I was dirty. She said I needed to get in the shower with her since I was dirty. I was way drunk and not thinking straight and disrobed and got in. One thing led to another and we did it in the shower. It wasn't really my fault so I am wondering if I should even make an issue of it. I mean it meant nothing. I am debating whether to tell my girlfriend mainly because I didn't use protection and I unloaded in this little petite thing so I wonder if she had any stds. Afterward she got dressed and left. I don't have her number so it isn't like we are going to hook up again and I am in a city 750 miles from where I'm from so I won't run into her. So why bother telling my girlfriend. Obviously every guy would have done the same thing out of animal instinct. It won't happen again so should I just pretend like it was a dream?

[Betwyn]

I'm sorry, I missed the part where you were walking along minding your own business, tripped, and speared her right threw both your clothes.

^-- that, would be an accident.

Was this something you would have done sober?

You could, like many, just pretend it never happened. You would have to live with that guilt. and you would need to get checked out and be clean before you could touch your gf..

Or.. you could man up, tell her, and face the music.

She might hit you. Scream at you. Cry.. Break up with you.

But.. she might not too.

ok, well, no matter what she's gonna scream or cry...

I'm a big proponent of honesty.

and hey, if you do break up over this, lesson learned, right?

[Asker]

That isn't the only way it can be an accident. And no I wouldn't do it sober that is why it was an accident. I was altered. And why would I put her through that heartache when she will never find out anyway and when it was an accident? That is just stupid. It is like telling her I'm dying from cancer but then a week later tell her I was joking. USELESS heartache.

[Betwyn]

1: Being drunk, doesn't make it an accident. Unless maybe, someone forced the alcohol upon you. 2: Pray tell, what is another accidental cheating? And why? It's called honesty and integrity. Lord Eddard Stark could have left the bastard, but no, he owned up to his mistakes and brought Jon Snow to the North. (leaving aside all the other theories) You betrayed her. Not telling her, is, lying. Yes, that is a decision that is yours, and yours alone to make. You have to live with what you have done, and, with the lie you want to tell. But.. if you give her herpes or aids or any other of a number of things that you may, or may not, have caught from this other girl, well... Your girlfriend will have to live with that as well, and the only thing she has done wrong, is liking, and trusting, you.

[Asker]

A lie is an intentional false statement. Not telling her is not lying. It is saving her heartache and really she should understand that. It isn't like I did something wrong intentionally. It was an accident so why should I have to deal with her crybabying over it? None of this discussion matters anyway. I know it was an accident. I'm not asking for advice on that. It's a moot point now anyway. I told her I had a little accident over the weekend but that I didn't want to get into it as it would stress her out and I already took care of it. She was fine with that.

[Betwyn]

It is lying by omission. And, you chose to get drunk, thus, anything that happens after that, is not an accident. If you drive drunk, and kill someone, you still go to jail.

[Asker]

If you have sex with a drunk girl then it's rape. So why the double standard? She can't consent to sex when drunk... yet I'm responsible for cheating if I am drunk? No doesn't work like that. There is no such thing as lying by omission. That's made up.

[Betwyn]

I guess you think US Law is made up too?

https://definitions.uslegal.com/l/lie-by-omission/

While the example is a different situation, it is the same concept.

Oh, so now you are saying you raped the drunk girl in your bathroom?

[Asker]

Either you can't fucking read or you are retarded. She wasn't drunk. No where did I state that she was drunk. There is no point in continuing with you because you are doing nothing but pushing a femi-nazi agenda. So beat it.

[Asker]

I didn't break the law so your BS made up term isn't applicable. You can't take the legal definition of something and then apply that as the regular definition.

[Betwyn]

"We were both drunk" Try and keep your lies straight. k? thanks.

[Betwyn]

and again with the name calling. and, I'm one of the last to ever be called a femi-nazi. I've gotten drunk, been raped, and not called the police about it. Why? Because I put myself in the situation and got drunk.

[Asker]

I see. So leave a rapist out there to continue raping women. You're a sick tool. And you have the nerve to lecture me. ROFLMAO!

[Asker]

That was a typo and should've read we weren't both drunk. And it matters not either way. I was drunk off my ass. That vitiates intent in a specific intent crime which rape is. So either educate yourself or STFU.

[Betwyn]

wow, language so foul... you must be winning. *yawn*

[Asker]

That's right, you BETTER yawn.

[Anonymous]

Don't pretend it was a dream and that it didn't happen therefore, you should tell your girlfriend.
I don't agree with your statement saying that it wasn't your fault because you should've known her intentions even though you were drunk. Also, you should've fought the temptation knowing you had a girlfriend. Even though telling your girlfriend could result in the relationship ending it is better than carrying on a relationship with a secret that can have worse effects.

Have you told any of your friends? If you have then you should tell her before she finds out from them.

You can never have or sustain a relationship with a lie.
Get yourself checked out for STDs ASAP!!

[Asker]

that's like saying you should've walked the line straight for the cop even though you were drunk. you apparently don't get it. i said i was super drunk duh.

[Opinion Owner]

Even if you were drunk (or super drunk as you put it) you should've said two letters that made a word to these temptations: NO.

[Asker]

So if the girl is super drunk and I have sex with her and she cries rape then I can use that same argument? She shouldn've said no?

[Opinion Owner]

Should've asked her if she wanted it instead of letting your dick do all the thinking for you😊

[Asker]

You aren't making sense. I WAS THE ONE WHO WAS DRUNK.

[Esplorare]

Tell your girlfriend. She deserves to know.
You're already a cheater, don't be a liar too.

[Asker]

I don't think I really cheated because there was no intent to cheat. I didn't go after this girl it just happened and I was drunk so it wasn't really my fault. I debated whether to even call it cheating.

[Esplorare]

Oh, stop it. Stop lying to yourself and deluding yourself about the situation you willingly participated in. You cheated. Point blank period. It doesn't matter whether it was pre-meditated: you cheated on her. You got irresponsible, reckless, careless, and slipped your dick into another vagina. It's cheating and she deserves to know.

[Asker]

I looked it up and if you are drunk when you commit a specific intent crime then you cannot be found guilty for it so I would think this is the same thing in this situation.

[Esplorare]

Smdh

[Asker]

what is smdh?

[Esplorare]

shake my damn head You are wrong. You're too old for this nonsense. Grow up.

[Asker]

Be have accidents no matter what age.

[Esplorare]

You don't accidently slip your dick into a vagina and f*ck it -_- Get real, dude.

[Asker]

I was super drunk thus it was an accident. You aren't reading thoroughly.

[Esplorare]

Why are you asking us what you should do when you just bitch and get an attitude if we don't tell you that you should continue deluding yourself about being a cheater? -_-

[Asker]

Reread the question. You are giving an answer to a question that wasn't asked. I asked if I should say it was a dream. Here are the choice 1. I had a dream that this happened. 2. I just don't tell her anything. Pick one.

[Esplorare]

Don't tell me what to do. I gave you your answer. I'm not going to aid you in being a lying, sneaky, sleazy cheater.

[Asker]

There is no point in you being here or commenting then so get lost. I'm not asking for opinions from judgmental pricks. I already stated it was an accident. That is not up for discussion.

[Esplorare]

Whatever I want to be up for discussion is up for discussion considering the nature of this website. I'm not being judgmental, I'm being honest and you don't want the truth.

[Esplorare]

You cheated. Tell her the truth instead of trying to get support in you being a sleazy liar.

[Asker]

I didn't have intent to cheat so I didn't cheat. Bottom line, end of story, full stop.

[Esplorare]

You're a disgusting, sleazy cheater who's not man enough to be accountable for your wrongdoing.

[nathalieverria]

Accident or no accident, you should DEFINITELY tell your girlfriend. She deserves to know what happened. It is a tricky situation but fact is that it was NOT a dream, and you actually did cheat on her. If the roles were reversed, would you not want to know that she had "accidentally" cheated on you?

[Asker]

You cannot reverse the roles because my girlfriend is female and would never bring a strapping stranger into her hotel room.

[nathalieverria]

She wouldn't bring a strapping stranger into her room, but you would? Nice.

[Asker]

she's a girl. she's 5'2'' and 100lbs. of course she wouldn't being in a stranger. i'm 6'1'' and very fit an muscular.

[hiimhannah97]

I hope your girlfriend finds out because who would ever want to be with a guy who can't man up that he purposefully cheated.

You make the decision to have sex with her.

She isn't fall on your penis.

[hiimhannah97]

Oh and an accident would be like tripping and dropping something or accidentally calling someone when you meant to hit another number. What you're talking about is a mistake. Drunk ness is when your body is all out of whack but you still have the control to walk away. Was it an accident that you opened your door last night or walked to the bathroom? Was it an accident that you were speaking to people last night or grabbing the soap from the counter? In your mind, the definition of an accident would be anything anyone does when they are drunk. But here is the thing. What you did.. is fully on you. No matter how buzzed you were, drunk, smashed, hammered, or whatever. You had the muscles, the strength, and the knowledge to walk away no matter how horny you were. You took the muscle to disrobe yourself, to take a step into the shower, and to have sex with this woman. You had the muscles to have sex with her and the brain power to talk to her.

[hiimhannah97]

You knew what you were doing. You weren't paralyzed where the woman could have taken full advantage of you. You aren't talking about an accident, you're talking about a lack of self control and will to want to walk away. Admit it, you wanted to have sex with that women and the alcohol messed up your brain to make your lack of self control even stronger, so you had sex with her. That's not an accident because no mafter how turned on you were, you could have walked away. You caved.

[Asker]

You're 17 so you don't know what you're talking about.

[MAJ4251]

I stopped reading after I read the question.
Fuck that. You don't accidentally cheat. Don't blame the alcohol either. Drunk or not, you don't do anything you wouldn't normally do. Alcohol doesn't change you into a completely different person.
You have no excuse. You cheated. You're a shitty person.

[Asker]

Not going to address someone who refuses to read the full story. No point to it.

[Claireluvskaren]

Accident, I don't think so, you were horny, she was too so you took advantage of the situation. Not an accident.

[Asker]

you may not think so but I KNOW it was an accident

[SolitaireBond]

How can you call it an accident.. Remember it takes TWO TO FUCK.

[Asker]

If it takes two to fuck then a guess a girl can never be raped based on your "logic."

[SolitaireBond]

Part of that is true.. However the girl can still get raped (fucked) AGAINST HER WILL. You and this girl you were with, were very obviously consensual in having sex in the shower as neither of you objected.

[Asker]

When you're very inebriated you can't consent to sex. So I didn't consent so it was an accident.

[SolitaireBond]

See it as you want.. It is after all only you who has to live with your conscience.

[Asker]

Exactly. And if I have to live with it then there is no reason to tell her and make her sad.

[musicbrain5]

I don't get why people say they "accidentally cheated". It's not an accident and being drunk doesn't make it okay or take the blame off you. You still invited the girl to your room and went into the bathroom while she was in the shower. And no, don't say that every guy would do that. You can't speak for every man on earth.

Tell your girlfriend because this is clearly weighing on you. She'll know something is up so just be honest.

[Asker]

I DID NOT INVITE her to my room. You didn't read it clearly. And I only went into the bathroom because I was being a gentleman because she was calling for me.

[musicbrain5]

You still let her in though. She asked and you said yes. Did you really think she was just going to use the toilet and then leave?

[Asker]

Yes that is what I really thought.

[BarbaraP]

"don't have her number so it isn't like we are going to hook up again and I am in a city 750 miles from where I'm from so I won't run into her. "

'Cause you would call her if you had the chance?

[Asker]

Irrelevant.

[BarbaraP]

Irrelevant? Lmao! It's everything actually.

[Asker]

No it isn't. It has nothing to do with my question. It is info you want to know but it isn't relevant to answer the question posed.

[BarbaraP]

You're worrying about this story when you're basically saying that if you had the chance to meet that girl again you would take it. What does it say about you? That you probably don't care enough for your girlfriend. You should tell her the truth.

[Asker]

You're making an assumption and you know what they say about those who assume... The only reason I added the number and distance bits was to show that it was an accident and I had/have no intention of doing something at a later date. And I am not asking what anything says about me. If you want to judge me then start your own thread. The only question here is whether I should tell her it was a dream. So stuff it.

[BarbaraP]

Well, it sounded like that.

[Asker]

Yeah to someone who wants to twist words.

[anshin]

If its your girlfriend in the same situation, lets say its the guy who seduced her, how will you react?

[Asker]

If she was super drunk then it wasn't her fault. How can you treat someone the same way as someone who is sober? You can't. Period. She doesn't drink so her doing something while drunk would be a lie.

[anshin]

You can't blame all this stuff because you got drunk. Drunk or sober you can still say NO to these temptations. You could have simply walked out of the shower as soon as you have handed the soap. And no matter what you say, as long as you penetrated another vagina other than your girlfriend's, its cheating. Argument over.

[Asker]

not true at all not even close. why is it that a woman could claim this was rape if she was drunk so couldn't have consent yet you have a double standard and say i cheated even though i couldn't have intent?

[anshin]

Funny. You are comparing your situation just to get out of it. Girl drunk dead + without consent = Rape. I hope you get the logic here. Its rape because you forced yourself to a half concious or whatever girl. Guy drunk + without intent but still had sex with another girl = Cheating. You both were WILLING, you didn't have intention of having sex with her initially but you still did it eventually. See the difference? No one cares about the process, ITS THE OUTCOME.

[Asker]

No that is total BS. Where do you live? Where I live if a girl is drunk then it is rape because she cannot legally consent. She doesn't need to be super drunk or passed out it is still rape.

[anshin]

Wait, so whats the issue here now? Rape Law or if you cheated or not? You cheated. Accept it like a grown up man. Ok?

[Asker]

The issue is whether I should say it was a dream. You confuse the issue by contesting my premise that it was an accident. I confirmed for you that I had not intent to cheat so it wasn't cheating. Then you blather on. So I pointed out how the law says a girl cannot consent to sex if she is drunk and thus it should follow that a man cannot cheat if he is drunk. Why? because the law says a woman cannot form consent to sex if she is drunk. by analogy a man cannot form intent to cheat if he is drunk. case closed.

[anshin]

I'll sleep for now and i will get back to you when i wake up. I will not end this!! Lol

[CocoRachelle]

Yeah, you should tell her so she can hopefully make the right decision.

[Asker]

i'm not going to tell her because even after I tell her it was an accident she may be doubtful. i don't need her drama on that. the question was whether i should say i dreamt that.

[MAJ4251]

She'll be doubtful because saying it was an accident is bull.

[CocoRachelle]

@MAJ4251 Yep, I know I would be if I found out my guy slept with another woman. No more trust.

[Asker]

Then I won't tell her.