Guys, am I overacting to this? I found in my husband's google history that he had been looking at p*rn!

So I found in my husband's google history that he had been looking at p*rn and other things for over a year without me knowing. I can let the p*rn stuff go, but 2 searches in particular really bothered me. One was 18 yr old in tights and the other teens putting on tights. I asked him about this and he said it meant 18 and 19 yr olds. And the girls from what I saw did look like they were 18+. I told him that p*rn sites will have 18+ but google will pretty much show any age and he said he didn't realize that. He isn't that computer savvy so that could be the case. He only searched this once and all of his other searches were relating to tights and pantyhose so I'm thinking it was more about that then the age. I am also bothered by the fact that he kept all of this a secret and also that he never asked me to wear tights if that was such a fantasy of his. I work in a office and I wear tights all the time and he never said anything. He did also search for anal virgins which I know it's just chicks having anal for the first time, but of coarse they were young too. This has bothered me to the point where I've been contemplating divorce. I just need some insight into a guy's mind about all of this. Is it common for men to look stuff like that up? What should I think about all of this? by the way, he's 42 and I'm 31. Been married 10 years and have 2 kids.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Generally, when women ask "am I overacting to this?" the answer is most always yes.

    One of the greatest misunderstandings that women frequently have about p*rn , is thinking that its a list of desires he has hidden for you.

    p*rn is like any other visual media. Watching George C. Scott perform in "Patton", doesn't mean I want to re-fight World War II. p*rn is an opportunity to escape and experience something else. Something that is NOT a part of my everyday life.

    As to the girls you found wearing tights, I think your worry is that he wants sex from these barely legal young girls. Perhaps if we could enter his mind, maybe we find the memory of a high school crush who was on the dance team. Your concern is in the here and the now. The setting for his fantasy however, may be from a quarter century ago. He's not a teen and neither are you. He doesn't want role play to scratch this one itch.

    Echoing the concerns of @meatballs21 , can this really be all that threatens your marriage? You see Armageddon and I see molehills.

    For a woman's perspective on a man's use of p*rn , read the article at the following link: askclairecasey.com/men-watch-porn-draw-line/

    • Yes there have been other issues and I think this is what sent me over the edge. I'm just trying to understand if it's normal for men that age to like "teen" stuff or is it worrisome? I watch p*rn too, but I tell him when I do. And I also have no desire to look at 18 and 19 yr old men when I watch it.

    • In my experience, men are not bound by their own age in experiencing the fantasy of p*rn . At 20 years old, I have watched women in their 50s. At nearly 50 now myself, sometimes 20 years old catches my eye. The constraint you are experiencing is that of placing yourself in the story. Of course you want actors that are close to your own age. Understand that placing yourself in the story is not how men experience p*rn themselves.

  • Whoa!!! Take a deep breath there, Pilgrim!! Step back and get some perspective. From what you wrote, he's done nothing to you or the kids. He's just engaged his fantasies. We don't divorce people for what they think or feel unless it manifests in the real world.

    I strongly suggest you bring yourself down off that high horse. Take him out for an intimate drink. Tell him how much you love hm and loving him. If you're dissatisfied with the sex, say so. Be specific and pick the top three issues. Have recent examples of each. Tell him what you want. Then ask him if he can give it to you and what he thinks about all this.

    This conversation has to be calm, repeat calm, direct and matter of fact. No drama. No tears, No name calling. No shouting. Just a calm and respectful exchange of views.

    You might ask him about his favorite, darkest fantasies and share some of yours. If you have some common ground, and you will, work out a scenario, get deeply into role, and go for it. Role play sex is the best!!! I promise.

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  • Does he have a porn addiction? If he does, that presents different issues and calls for different advice. Assuming this is not an addiction. . .

    Many men look at porn on occasions. Some of the posts on this site are almost pornographic in nature ("Guys, my man wants to have anal sex. . .") It is a part of what men are and it does not mean that he doesn't love you or that your sex life is disappointing.

    You have two children and have been married 10 years so do not rush into divorce. You two need to talk.

    "I want to start by saying that this is upsetting to me and I know you may feel embarrassed to talk about this but, if we don't talk - freely! - about this, it could mean the end of our marriage."

    "Do you look at porn because you have fantasies that don't get fulfilled with me? Lets work on that. Here's a fantasy that I'd like for you to fulfill for me: _____. Now, what kind of fantasies do you have that we could work on - and don't hold back on me. I want to know if it's anal sex, getting tied up, or whatever."

    'What else can I do to eliminate your need to look at porn? If I do all those things for you, what would you be willing to do for me in return?"

    The idea is to use this as an opportunity to open some discussions, reinvigorate your marriage, and have more fun.

    I hope you'll give this a try. Good luck!

  • I think primarily you two should talk more about his fantasies at least to the extent you can fulfill them and be the focus of his attention.

    I wouldn't fixate on the 18-19. Maybe he prefers them to the milf category. Maybe it's just that the average porn star by age 25 seems like a ball of tan and plastic surgery etc.

    First anal may be him aiming young but I'd guess not. Most first anal videos are almost certainly not the girls first anal sex. She pretends it is. What he's searching for is anal where she's struggling to handle it (in theory) as opposed to some anal gangbang where some porn star is shouting that she needs more cocks in her ass roaaarrrr.

  • Just bang him more often, and he won't have enough sex drive left to be interested in such things.
    Twice a day will normally do it.

  • His mind is wandering off track! if you love him you gota be firm and give him an ultimatum. help him help him-self!

  • I wouldn't worry about it try to talk with him and work it out, if he is like me he has a pantyhose/tights fetish and wants to try it out and he is afraid you won't do it or accept him for it. I enjoy having anal sex with a girl but most won't he may want to have anal sex with you but is afraid you will reject him which will make it worse. See if he wants to try them both out (if you are willing to take the plunge you may enjoy it) he will be bonded to you like never before.

  • He is wearing your panties and tights. Likely getting it in the ass as well from Craigslist personals.
    I would really wonder. I think divorse is in the near future.
    It's not like guys are into hot xoung girls in tights and leggings or into smaller virgins. No way. that's gay stuff totally

  • Well if he only has a pantyhose fetish it's probably not the largest problem, and he may simply not have dared to tell you... but it's important to speak to him about it and direct his fetish towards his wife wearing them.
    With some luck, you may both become happier since you'll know how what to wear to tease him :D

  • Be honest, are you a sexual prude? Are you frigid?

    You dont have to answer publicly but, read them over and answer honestly.

    Have you ever refused to give him oral?
    Have you ever swallowed his cum?
    Have you ever turned down one of his fantasies the past?
    Have you ever watched p*rn? (If so, does he know?)
    Have you ever refused to watch p*rn with him?
    Do any of your clothes (daily wear or even formal wear) show significant cleavage or a lot of leg?
    Do you sleep in the nude?
    Do you masturbate often? (If so, does he know)
    Have you had sex in more than four positions with him?
    Do you often initiate or attempt to initiate sex or sexual behavior with him?
    Has he ever confided in you about a sexual fantasy and then you made it come true?

    If you answered no to more than two of these questions, its likely he 'perceives' you as sexually cold or frigid and I'd suggest you attempt opening up a little.

    Just my.02

    • I'm glad you asked. Yes I watch p*rn and he knows. I love oral sex. I am the one who initiates sex all the time and suggest new positions. He has never expressed his fantasies to me for me to turn down. I love to wear lingerie to bed. I'm 5'4, 110lbs, small frame, and I look nice everyday. I am honestly a very sexual person.

    • Ok good, then it just sounds like there is a break down in communication. Talk to him or better yet, take the initiative and wear some tights just for him one day? Maybe buy a pair and cut a little hole in the back and 'accidentally' bend over in front of him? Either way, do something to get his attention on you instead of the computer. Good luck and I hope it works out for the best!

    • And one more thing, what he's done is not grounds for divorce. Maybe grounds for being upset but, remember you married him for a reason (i. e;/took a vow in front of witnesses, that SHOULD mean something to you unless you're saying that your word is only good when everything is hunky dory... for better or for worse) and don't be so quick to throw around the 'D' word. Its not a toy...

  • I think you have to put things in context...

    1) Most porn sites focus on younger girls, so he likely just types things in and gets what he gets... so don't think that it is just because of the younger women that he is viewing. It is likely the actual roles that they are playing in the porn that intrigues him. After all, most porn, even the stuff they say is amateur, is scripted.

    2) Sounds to me like he could just use some fantasy fulfillment to spice things up... perhaps you have some that you would like to fulfill too. Discuss these with him and don't be judgmental. You may not want to fulfill some of his fantasies, but at least meet him halfway on some of these. He can for you too!

    Considering you have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids... you owe it to each other to try! Sometimes it seems like it is easier to just give up rather than try.

  • Men will look at p*rn , and each guy has his own things that he likes - he likes barely legal and tights and anal.

    You are totally overreacting even before you bring the fact you've contemplated divorce over this. You cannot be serious- there must be other problems in your marriage you're not mentioning and this has what tipped you over the edge.

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