Sexual Relationships
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I was way too drunk last night and lost my virginity. I feel weird about it and don't have anyone to really talk to?

I have always been very proud of my virginity. I am 19 years old and go to a college where hooking up is popular and being a virgin/dating isn't really. Well I've been kind of dating this guy who has been nothing but nice to me. We hang out when we are drinking but also do things like go to the library to study together. Well yesterday we were day drinking and I have not been that drunk this whole year. One thing led to another and we were having sex. It wasn't his fault, I didn't tell him I didn't want to. He did know I was a virgin though. But about a minute in I told him to stop becasue I wasn't on birth control. He stopped. I definitely lost my virginity though. I was bleeding and it hurt a little (probably would have hurt way worse if I had been sober). I went home soon after that and I think he waited for me to text him first. The rest is fuzzy for me because I blacked out. I told him I couldn't rmeember how I got home and I was sorry for being such a dab. He was really really nice though and told me he seriously had a great time and hopes to see me again. So that's good at least... I do not plan on having sex with him again unless he becomes my boyfriend. The only reason it happened was because I was drunk. I am really dissapointed in myself and wish that it didn't happen. I could feel way worse than I do... but I still am dissapointed! I wanted my first time to be meaningful and with somebody I really loved. Instead this hapened and I don't even know if I like this guy that much I just have liked dating him and getting to know him. Now when people ask me if I'm a virgin I have to say "no" even though I wish I couldn't count this because it happened for a short amount of time and I was sooooooooooo drunk and I barely remember it
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Most Helpful Girls

  • People define virginity as different things. They also havedifferent views on sex. I personally don't think you should be 'disappointed' in yourself. I don;t think you have let anyone down, it just didn't happen how you wanted. I can understand you feeling disappointed but I don;t think you should be feeling disappointed in yourself. Personally, I never saw having sex for the first time as losing anything. Sex is a big deal to me be it the 1st 10th or 30th time of doing it. That's just me. If when you do do it again, and that's special to you, that's what you'll remember, and you are allowed to consider that as your first time if thats what you want. Coz tbh from your descirption you didn't really have sex. Don't beat yourself up. You haven't done anything wrong things just didn't go the way you planned. At least you were smart enough to get out of the situation since you're not on birth control. I was with someone I really loved, but tbh I went and did it before I was ready even though I loved him. Very few people's first times are perfect. But we get over it we move on and we learn or lessons - not ones about what we morally should or shouldn't be doing according to other people's standards, but about how to make healthy choices for ourselves and one's we're happy with. Don't beat yourself up, look after yourself instead. If you want to pm me, feel free. "I made decisions that I regret, and I took them as learning experiences... I'm human, not perfect, like anybody else."

    • Yes sex is a huge deal to me too. I look at it as something very special and a way to connect with someone you love. I didn't have big expectations as far as how the sex was the first time for me but all that mattered to me was who I would be doing it with and definitely did not plan on being under the influence. I do not want to count this as having sex my first time :( but we did have sex just not for a long time at all. I would say one minute max. Thank you very much for your insight <3 I may end up sending you a PM

    • I'd imagine your head is kind of spinning, there is a lot emotion surrounding having sex for the first time. On top of that you're disappointed with how it went. I know it's not what you wanted. But you are not a better/worse person then you were before, it doesn't mean you can't have the sex you want in the future. Be kind to yourself and look after yourself. Talk away if you need to, give yourself some time, cups of tea, etc. You will look back on this and in time it won;t seem half the big deal it might now. Yeah no problem, feel free anytime. I'm on English time so if you don;t get an answer straight away thats why, but I promise I will respond if you need to chat. Take care :-)

  • So you broke a promise to yourself and it's eating away at you... what do you do? Forgive yourself. Be patient and gracious with yourself.
    Sometimes we fail to map out our occurrences in order to get the results we'd like and that's okay. :) In this life, our way and our own understanding isn't always the best route for us. Having an unexpected path stop our plan can sometimes end up being a really powerful, good thing for us mentally, spiritually, and emotionally later on. It's great that you respect yourself enough to humbly realize you made a choice that creates a bit of unrest in your heart. Use that unrest as a lesson for the next time.

    You really need to not guilt trip yourself for this and do not encourage an internal dialogue that is going to disassemble your pride and worth. Women are so much greater than their parts, the size of their parts, and the story of their parts... meaning you are so much greater than your vagina and what activity has existed and has never existed in there. Even when you were a virgin, you were so much greater than your vagina. There is so much more about you to completely adore, love, and cherish. It's a major injustice to yourself to underestimate the view of you due to what happened. Chin up, you are lovely.

    • Also, there's a major difference between brief, momentary sex that you barely remember and an actual sexual journey that involves mental, emotional, and spiritual intimacy with a man along with the sex. You are still very virginal in the way that you have not embarked on that beautiful adventure yet.

    • Thank you for this I really appreciate it!! I do think about the journey of life in a more spiritual way so what you have to say really helps me think about it in that context. I am going to try and just take it as an experience that is going to help me grow and lead me to where I'm meant to be in life. I feel kind of sad because it's not how I wanted it to happen my first time, it's not what I wanted in my heart. I know it was only because I had been drinking so much and that makes me frustrated because normally I have very good judgement and things like that don't happen. And yes I don't want to consider it as sex because it lasted at max for one minute but it was sexual intercourse and I was bleeding after. So physically I had sex but I DO still feel like a virgin and maybe that's why I'm sad too. I know that virginity is something that society has partly constructed up but personally for me it is special and a big deal/part of me. Thank you so much again though... <3

    • Ya know, it's okay to be sad. It's okay to shed some tears. Tears are a release and that release is good for your mind and spirit. I'll be honest: The power in virginity is simplicity. Not having pregnancy scares and having one less way that a man can hurt you. It's an unspoken truth that many women try to ignore. Virginity comes with this innate simplicity and that simplicity can seem like a treasure once you step into the complex world of heartbreak and begin to see and feel the damage a man can do. However, this simplicity can still be achieved if you are just highly selective about which men get to experience your body.

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  • Okai maybe losing your virginity this way was not how you had pictured it, but look on the bright sides. First you didn't do it with a total stranger, this guy was clearly a friend, or becoming one anyway. Secondly, when you asked him to stop, he did, which shows he has some respect for you. Thirdly you remember it, even if everything is all blurry and makes you feel guilty, you still have something to hold on to : it's not like you woke up fully naked in a stranger's bed 150 miles away from where the party stood.

    I disagree with you on the fact that you have nobody to talk to. You have this guy, who seems to be quite sweet for a newly frat boy. You can talk to him, even if you need to yale at him or cry in front of him.. He has to hear it out loud. And maybe you can give him a chance : Are you willing to have a relationship with that guy? If you start having feelings for him, this memory will turn into a good one, maybe one you'll laugh about someday.

  • unfortunately it had to happen like that bit hey seen it in a positive way at least the guy is nice to you and seems like a very nice guy. You say he knew you was a virgin and after that happen he still told you hope to see you again. Look loosing your virginity when you didn't want to can be a bit uncomfortable but you can't do nothing about it anymore. All these people in the word dont live with if im a virgin still. Try and forget about it. Do you at least like the guy you hang out with?

Most Helpful Guys

  • It happened, no way to change the past. Of course, a hymen reconstruction is possible but you'll still know it happened.
    You just have to accept you made an error , drinking that much.

    Think about this: are you a worse person today? I don't think so. I think you're basically the same person as the day before. You just made an error, nobody died, nobody will suffer.
    PS,
    in my opinion virginity is overrated in the USA and in Muslim countries.

  • Physically you are not a virgin, but in all other ways, you still might be, so do not be nervous but remember it is not good to hook up randomly or have many sexual partners.

    • That's exactly how I feel about it but could not put into words. Thank you! And believe me I agree

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 5

  • and if you were drunk, you could not, by law, give consent to sex.

    • what if he was drunk too

  • Not an uncommon situation. There's not much you can do about it, except make a joke and say you were so drunk you don't count it as losing your viriginity.

  • The past is in the past. There's nothing you can do about it except get over it.

  • What's done is done, you just have to accept it. He does sound like a good guy, though, so I'd say you're pretty lucky compared to a lot of people. And not being a virgin isn't something to be ashamed of.

  • Try not to feel too bad. Virginity is a social construct and prized for all the wrong reasons.

    • preach

  • Im sorry , try not to regret it.

  • You were drunk so that's considered sexual assault. If you need someone to talk to about it you can message me anytime. Also, I lost my virginity when I was drunk to a stranger so I know how you feel

    • I do not believe it was sexual assault. Just a shitty situation. I could try and think that he sexually assaulted me but we were both drunk and I didn't tell him not to do it. Yes he should have done some things different/not done some things at all but so should have I. I am not 100% innocent here and I think that he probably feels bad about it to.

    • I was just telling you what the law says. If you don't feel like he assaulted you then he didn't. Anyways, I was serious about the rest of my comment. I had a similar experience my first time and you can message me if you want to talk about it or anything else

    • I know by the law it honestly probably was but then that would say that I was innocent in the situation and I know that it isn't true.. thank you so much I probably will send you a PM soon

  • At least you did not fuck your boyfriend best friend and be pregant and don't know who baby your carrying when I fucked his best friend I was drunk

  • That's sexual assault if your intoxicated because you can't think clear enough to concent, and he probably knows it too

    • What if he was intoxicated too

    • "That's sexual assault if your intoxicated because you can't think clear enough to consent,___" That theory can be discussed because it would make DUI convictions impossible: "Honorable Judge and jury, the defendant was intoxicated and thus couldn't think clear enough to avoid driving." Same about rape: "Honorable Judge and jury, the defendant was intoxicated and thus couldn't think clear enough to avoid raping the girl." You're free to imagine a few more.

  • Pm me I'd like to talk to you

  • I lost mine sober. Tried to make it romantic and comfortable but it doesn't work. It was still the most unpleasant experience of my life. Don't get too down about it, at least you have something c to blame for it not being that great

  • See this is why I'll never date a non-virgin girl. They just throw it away like it's cheap candy

    • Wait what do you mean? You think I threw it away like candy?

    • Yes you did. Now if you meet the love of your life in the future and he kept himself for you you can tell him you lost it to some drunk guy

    • Oh, stop. Stop trying to put this young female on a guilt trip and filling her head with such ugly possibilities. That's mean-spirited. You don't speak for every single man. Just because you would shame a woman and make her feel bad for not saving her first time for you doesn't mean every other guy out there would do the same.

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