MEN: how do you feel when you fail at making a woman orgasm?

[thewanderingme]

does the type of relationship, or lack of an actual relationship with her, matter/change how it makes you feel?

[ccp16]

I always make my girlfriends cum before sex, as mostly orgasms via penetration are way more difficult for them to have, plus I can keep them on the edge and make it last longer for them in other ways.

HOWEVER, they don't always cum, maybe its too much in one day, too soon after or she was in a shitty mood. Women are different from men in that they have a lot more that can effect their orgasms, especially emotionally.

So when they don't cum, no I don't feel bad, they almost always stop me saying it just won't be happening this time, but it still felt incredible, now lets have some sex. I mean as I mentioned, most women I know cum very rarely through penetration alone, so why do women even have sex? Because it still feels incredible...

I am a bit of the opposite, I can't cum from BJs, or at least I have only a handful of times. I have had two girlfriends be very upset with this, one even cried once (she was on her period in her defense).

Sometimes I think people get too caught up in the orgasm and forget to just enjoy what feels good. Alcohol really effects me in a bad way, but you better believe we still have sex after a night out drinking, even though I know I can't cum, I still super enjoy it!

I have only ever had one ONS, I can say that it was very selfish, which I think walking into a ONS and expecting anything other than selfishness is silly to be honest. If you want good sex with a man that cares about your orgasms and learns what works best for your body, get a boyfriend. Neither party has the right to complain about selfish ONS sex to me.

[mr90skid]

Copy and paste from another question

Sex for me is about pleasuring myself and my partner so I take pride in making her cum multiple times I'm grateful to say that never been in a position when she hasn't cum but if it did happen I would i'd summon the strength to go a second round and give her some bomb-ass head. It takes me a long time to cum so usually she's the one who has to be a "trooper" and take it longer or get off and go down on me. I would be surprised and momentary disappointed in myself that I didn't pleas my lady. I'd thank her for telling me the truth and not letting me go on thinking I'm the shit in bed even though I was shit. DO NOT SPARE MY FEELINGS!! FUCK MY FEELINGS!! Lol I need the harsh truth. How well he handles it all depends on the guys confidence.

[thewanderingme]

also, that lying that a lot of women do causes guy to never progress. it's just wrong.

[emmabee11]

I hate how inecure some guys get when they can't make a girl orgasm just once... lol relax... it happens... and not everyone is destined to find you attractive, even guys can have problems getting it up sometimes when they realize they don't find a woman as attractive as they thought... just how it goes... attraction isn't always love at first sight... infact mostly you never figure out you like someone until you actually get to know them first and spend some valuable one-on-one time together just talking and interacting (something most people have lost sight of these days because of technology, love isn't like they show on TV, there are a tone of things on TV that aren't real to life.

[emmabee11]

Sadly though a lot of guys don't try to even learn about the female body, they just get what they came for then go, that's most dudes for you, so i doubt they would care if they made you orgasm, that's a rare breed.

[thewanderingme]

attraction for men is different. unless you have some extreme transformation, if the guy isn't attracted for the start, it's unlikely he ever will be.

[thewanderingme]

also, those who don't care it's usually because it's either a ons or someone he's using for sex.

[emmabee11]

No... it is the same way for women lol if we aren't atrracted from the start we won't be ether lol

[emmabee11]

But with attraction 99% of the time it's not instant attraction, you never know who your attracted to until you try, same with guys, it's not love at first sight most of the time for anyone, that kind of love only happens a few times in a life time.

[thewanderingme]

no, it's definetly different for most women.. we also don't realize we're attracted to a person until much later sometimes. usually after getting to know them better

[emmabee11]

Same for guys lol it's not like i've not gone out on dates before with guys... they may find something interesting about me until to realize they don't find me as interesting as they thought just like females, we are not THAT different.

[thewanderingme]

no, they still find her attractive from the begining.

[Katastrophy]

This is really an unfair question... Not all women have orgasms, and not all of them can have one every time.

As long as both parties enjoy themselves with each other, it doesn't always have to end with an orgasm.

[thewanderingme]

it isn't unfair at all. a couple guys mentioned that. I asked how the guy feels when she doesn't.. most women who don't it's either because of mental or anatomical issues, which they should deal with.

[Katastrophy]

Okay, true you did. What I'm saying, though is that i feel it's unfair for the men to feel guilt if it is already known she doesn't every time. Like you said, mental or anatomical issues are possible. Some need more clitoral stimulation to orgasm. Even if she DID see a doctor it doesn't mean she would suddenly come every time after that. It shouldn't be a self-esteem buster. If it is an issue with her body, then to me, the pressure to orgasm makes it that much more difficult and makes both parties feel bad and that's not the point of having sex. If she doesn't finish, she can finish herself. He could make her orgasm orally, so she gets one before sex. It's not always about the O. That's all.

[thewanderingme]

it was more a question of, if she NEVER cums with him.. and more clitoral stimulation doesn't excuse the guy. that just says he's lazy.

[Katastrophy]

Do you have that issue? Because if not, I'm telling you as someone that has this *same* issue, that it is not always guy's fault. Yes, I'm sure that some guys will be selfish and focus on themselves. Some can be lazy, but to say he's lazy because her body doesn't always reach that O is stupid. If that's the case it is up to you and your partner to discuss different things to try.

[emerald77]

I really don't think they care all that much. No guy has EVER made me orgasm, and they really didn't care when we talked about it, it's like they don't even try at all.

[AustinMan]

The only time I'm off the hook is if my lady wants one of those animal fuck me/hurt me quickies where my cumming quickly is part of the appeal.

[thewanderingme]

lol.. I hate quickies personally.. and that kind of sex can last a good while too. ;)

[AustinMan]

They can last but she wants it fast. She wants to feel used. We're very kinky and it's just one of our things we do to and for each other. I also tie her up and make her cum until she's begging me to stop.

[Theguyoverthere]

Well it's gonna depend on who it is. A woman never having one with me would mean the chemistry's not there. I wouldn't take it personally. If she doesn't orgasm every so often I'd just find out if she has something on her mind or chances are she was only having sex with me to prevent me from being sexually frustrated. If this was a long term relationship and suddenly she stopped getting off, I'd think something was up.

There's plenty of times on the other hand where one partner's in the mood and the other partner's not 100% into it and is merely aiding him or her in getting off and not interested in getting off him/herself. Same thing with oral sex for example without returning the favor. If the other person doesn't want one at the moment, maybe he or she wants one tomorrow. It's not the end of the world.

[AshleyMD]

A man doesn't make you orgasm, you make yourself orgasm, you have to be in the moment and want it or else it's never going to happen so I think it's sad that some men blame themselves when a girl fails to orgasm.

[albundyfan]

partially true, but there are positions that allow us to assist.

[AshleyMD]

@albundyfan yeah can you assist but I feel like guys blame things on themselves too much and girls don't realize their own responsibility for their own orgasm.

[thewanderingme]

lol, no it doesn't work like that.

[thewanderingme]

PART of it is her mental state. only part.

[AshleyMD]

You can cum from brain alone, I've done it so many times, it just takes a bit of effort to figure out how to do it.

[Bysshe]

"You can cum from brain alone" Without any physical stimulation?

[thewanderingme]

I do it all the time too, I don't like masturbating. that isn't the point. sex is different. teo people are involved.

[foxloversi]

You mean like never, usually, occasionally? How often? Occasionally it happens, maybe one of us is not really in the mood. But if never brought her to orgasm... I don't really know, I guess I'd feel like shit. If she didn't try to do anything about it I might also blame her, probably.

[thewanderingme]

never. you never ever get your partner off.

[foxloversi]

@Asker Well in that case it's over. A relationship where one or both parties are not satisfied sexually should not last. And I'd probably blame her cause I almost always got my girlfriends off.

[Braveheart4321]

I alway make it a point to get her to orgasm at least once before I do

[thewanderingme]

that's lovely, but not what I asked. ;)

[soberpiper]

I've never failed to deliver so I don't know.. LOL..

Okay, seriously. It used to bother me but not so much anymore. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. Hell if I don't get hard or cum, I don't blame it on her, so why should I feel inadequate?

[thewanderingme]

you can't get hard?

[soberpiper]

Every once in a while it happens dear. Its part of life. And it happens more as a man ages.

[missamanda123]

I never had a guy who cared if I came

[Bysshe]

You've had boyfriends?

[missamanda123]

No just casual sex partners

[thewanderingme]

you've never had an orgasm during sex?

[missamanda123]

No not from penetration with a man. I can cum with a vibrator on my clit

[thewanderingme]

were the casual guys friends with benefits or random ons?

[missamanda123]

casual friend w/ benefits

[Levin]

I'll let you know when it happens...

:P

[thewanderingme]

it's happened.

[TadCurious]

Well I feel kinda bad, even though I know for lots of women it doesn't have anything to do with how good in bed the guy is. Some women are just non-orgasmic for different reasons. I know I've gotten lots of girls to orgasm, though, so I don't assume it's because I'm not any good.

[thewanderingme]

it's not that high a number. most women can, they just aren't vocal enough to make sure it happens.

[TadCurious]

I agree that most women can orgasm. And in the absence of some kind of debilitating injury you could probably say all women theoretically can orgasm. But some women have psychological issues that get in the way of them cumming, that not even the best lover can overcome. At least not until the woman gets therapy.

[JackKerouac77]

I chose "I'm a woman" because this has never happened to me.

[foxloversi]

Bullshit. Unless you're a virgin, in that case you're correct :D

[thomasjjeffy]

apply cold water on the burnt area

[thewanderingme]

it's happened to everyone.

[JackKerouac77]

Gosh, people trying to lay their inadequacies on me! Go be sad somewhere else. Only been with two girls, so there hasn't been many lovers to please. @foxloversi No, I always ate her out before we had sex. This is my formula for success. @asker If it's happened, I wasn't made aware of it ever or had any complaints labeled against me. See fox's answer.

[JackKerouac77]

I should clarify that the times when I didn't go down on her before intercourse, I went down after. I am not a jealous lover.

[foxloversi]

@JackKerouac77 So your *secret formula* is to eat her out? Thanks, Captain Obvious. I guess my GF will never again experience sex without orgasm from this day on.

[thewanderingme]

huh, I don't know what you mean by "not a jealous lover"?

[thewanderingme]

@foxloversi if you're actually good at it, YES!

[foxloversi]

@asker I thought my sarcasm was obvious. Look, I'm 30 years old, I've been having sex for half of my life. You really think I didn't find that out already? ;) by the way, eating her out is not all you can do. There are 10 idle fingers that can get busy with certain holes and nipples in the meantime, right?

[JackKerouac77]

@foxloversi HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHA

[Spencer10]

Not great that is for sure... I do not like to leave a woman unfulfilled. But it is unrealistic to expect a woman to climax everytime there are so many variables... it motivates me for the nest time!

[thewanderingme]

I meant as in NEVER.

[Spencer10]

Never? um I would feel totally inadequate I guess and like a major loser. Might mess me up bigtime.

[meatballs21]

Like I have failed as a lover and a man.

[harakiri]

:o :(

[thewanderingme]

why as a man?

[meatballs21]

You've let her down.

[kheserthorpe]

Yeah, agree. That said my first gf never had an orgasm with me. She had never had one. She never masturbated. I didn't take that too hard. But my next partner I made orgasm in like 5 minutes so apparently... my technique wasn't that bad.

[thewanderingme]

@khesrthorpe what works on one doesn't work on all.

[thewanderingme]

@kheserthorpe

[kheserthorpe]

While that's true, if anything my 'technique' was developed for the one who -never- orgasmed.

[muspelhem_5]

1-0 basically

[thewanderingme]

huh?

[muspelhem_5]

I win.

[theCatcherintheRye]

they would probably feel devastated.

[thewanderingme]

some would, some wouldn't care in the least I'm sure. I ask because of all the insecurity over penis size and muscles, etc.. I wonder if those guys have an issue getting women off because of their insecurities...

[cjmtherfcker]

Really depends more on the girl. If I like her I will do my best to please her.
If not. Then its a race and whoever cums first wins

[thewanderingme]

wow! ok. at least you're honest.

[Shaft50]

I can't vote because the option I would have isn't here. I would feel determined to succeed in giving her as much pleasure as possible... sometimes that doesn't work. Neither of us have failed, we just need to explore some more options.

[Despondency]

I have never actually professed that ability.

[thewanderingme]

well, of course YOU wouldn't "profess" it. ;)

[Despondency]

Well, some do, you often hear "I'll make you cum so hard your head will spin" and then the letdown when there is failure. I don't really brag about it; I personally have never failed to create that particular sensation (or so was reported) but at the same time I've not really run into a lot of sexual partners. I guess if I were to make such a guarantee I'd be upset with myself for failing.

[therussianconcussion]

time to get a new girl.

[thewanderingme]

wow! that's sad. lol

[therussianconcussion]

why? if i can't please her then whats the point on trying to drag this through?

[SurströmmingLover]

I smile and I say: I won. I had an orgasm and you didn't, beyotch. I'm that mature.

[llorando]

I never tried as I'm still a virgin. If I ever did try an failed I'd feel bad for her.

[skeptic007]

go get laid ur 26

[llorando]

What does being 26 haft to do with me getting laid. @skeptic007