Guys, in a relationship, what do you think when you are perving on other women?

[Anonymous]

Of course I know there are better looking women than me. Of course I know that there are women out there that my boyfriend would love to have sex with if he got the chance. Of course I know that my boyfriend would wonder what big breasts feel like and such. And Of course, I know that he would never leave me for anyone else because he loves me. I know all of this, so why am I still so insecure? Whenever I catch him looking at another girl, I tell him I'm going to the gym in tight leggings and a sports bra as apposed to the loose sweats I usually wear (something he DOES NOT want to happen). So he doesn't perve on other girls when I am around because he doesn't want me to do that. I perve on men too. I do. If I see a group of shirtless, sweaty construction workers I'll salivate at the mouth. But then I don't think about them either, and I don't think about them naked and I don't wonder about what it would be like to have sex with them. I would still choose my boyfriend to have sex with any day of the week. If I knew my boyfriend thought like this when he looked at other women, I wouldn't have a problem. But this is where men and women differ, I think. I see my construction workers, and I think they're hot. Nothing more. When men see a sexy girl, their brain goes to sexual thoughts. The evidence lies in the ease of an errection. They get turned on. Guys, is this true for you? These are my thoughts, and these are the reasons I become such a harpy when my boyfriend looks at another girl, or porn, or an actress. If I knew he was only perving in the way I do, then that would be okay.

[OlderAndWiser]

Men fantasize about things that they would never try to make come true. Most men fantasize about watching two attractive lesbians getting it on and sometimes they may fantasize about watching their girlfriends or wives with another woman, but they don't really want that to happen.

The same is true for the threesome fantasy. Many guys think about it but very few have ever done it and, of those who have done it, a considerable number would never do it again.

It doesn't mean that we have more of a tendency to be unfaithful. You can't imagine how many times I have had sex with Kate Hudson and Heather Locklear (both heavy moaners!), not at the same time, of course. . . in my mind, but I have never once been unfaithful in a marriage or in a committed relationship.

Girls will never truly understand guys. . . and vice versa. . . and being in a relationship requires a little faith, so. . . have faith, and if it still bother's you, talk to your boyfriend about it. Tell him like, "I have this problem and it's crazy and I can't control it and if there's anything you call tell me for how to control it, that would be great. The problem is. . .." and then you launch into describing your insecurity. Emphasize that you are aware that you are being unreasonable so that he doesn't feel like he is being attacked.

[Asker]

I understand where you are coming from, but this is my insecurity. If he was thinking about another girl or was even more attracted to another girl, I wouldn't think he would cheat on me or was unsatisfied with me. But my looking at other guys is just that. I am looking and admiring. I don't fantasize about actors, I don't wonder about good looking men I know. I just look and admire. Men seem to really THINK about other women, even if it has no connection to how they feel about their girlfriends. I will try to discuss it with him that way, but I doubt I'll get anything out of it. When I've spoken about it in the past with him, my man seems to have the same approach. "I'll never leave you, I love you. Why would I want anyone else if I have you?" He thinks it has to do with me being worried he'll leave me, but it's not that at all. I think, it's got more to do with me wanting to be the best I can for him physically.

[OlderAndWiser]

Then tell him what you feel it's really about: insecurity about your appearance.

[Amplify]

While men can get an erection from looking at attractive women, they can also occur for no good reason.

There's no "boner muscle", it's a dense collection of blood vessels. When your body wants to contract more then a couple blood vessels, it contracts all of them, including the member. I don't know all the reasons your body would want to contract all your blood vessels, but I'm pretty sure there's a lot.

If you're using his erections as a sign for him thinking about sex, please note it's not 100% accurate.

I've said this before, and I'd love to say it again. Men don't compare the physical attractiveness of 2 women unless they are asked to. They only compare mental attractiveness. While this does mean if he doesn't talk to them for more then a couple minutes that you're perfectly safe, they will most likely have less of a personality then you. The prettier the person, the less a personality is needed. Not everyone who's hot is boring, but the odds are in your favor.

Besides, most men wouldn't want a porn star for a serious girlfriend anyways. Sharing is not caring in this situation.

[dave216]

Exactly the same things we think of when looking at a female when we are not in a relationship. :)

[DeadShot619]

Personally I think I do with other girls what u do with those men. Sort of anyway. I know there r more attractive looking women out there than my wife but I would never actually consider doing anything with any of them because I love my wife. I may look at other women and think, damn she's hot. But even if given the perfect chance for guaranteed secrecy I still wouldn't touch another girl. And with the erection thing, an erection doesn't ALWAYS mean he's horny. Those things do have a mind of their own sometimes. If my thoughts go anywhere it's more along the lines of what if my wife had a body like that. But it's a what if. Not an I wish. BIG DIFFERENCE

[cavmanier]

No if I see an attractive girl I really don't start thinking about sex with her. From my memory, the furthest it's went is admiring their beauty. To be seriously attracted to most girls it's rarely happened just by looking at them. For me, liking her as a person matters so much for attraction.

[Victorpeers3]

I'd perve on other girls in a relationship but I'd never think of having sex with them. Every night I imagine only my girlfriend having sex with me (though we broke up now). But I saw her making posts about dating her favourite celeb, watching gay porn, flirting other guys which is really killing me from inside. End of the day, I'd not mind if my girlfriend perves other men or watch porn but would definitely feel bad if she's cheating me.

[Xelebrum]

It doesn't matter if you're the sexiest piece of pie in the world. He will always look at other girls. As will all other straight guys. It's natural, it's in our DNA for crying out loud. It's all primal instinct. To expect a guy, or even a girl, to automatically avoid looking at every other member of the opposite gender they ever come across as soon as they get a boy/girlfriend is wishful thinking at best.

Yes, your boyfriend will check out other girls sometimes. But it's all subconscious. Most of us, honest to God, do NOT do it intentionally. I know it sounds like bull, but it's true! And erections are involuntary reactions, we have no say in when they do or do not pop up (literally). We don't even have to look at another woman for it to happen. Sometimes we wake up with a hard-on, sometimes our jeans rub against it one time and it's automatically at full attention. Most of the time when we get boners, we're not actually turned on. Or at least not looking at something that would turn us on. Just one pant rub, one single thought, even a change in temperature, is all that it takes.

TL;DR You have nothing to worry about, it's completely natural and more often times it happens without us realizing it.

[Remonster]

Excellent reply!

[sid312]

Your a great girl but men just look when in a commited realationship. At least good guys do. I mean when u see it u say wow look at that but the male mind doesn't go as far as ur given us credit for.5 min later were onto something else cars sports etc. I am not day dreaming how i am gonna undress her and have sex with her. It doesn't go like that

[sid312]

And the erection thing look it up men between the age of 15 to 25 have on average 11 non sexual erections a day! Non sexual. It gets hard for no reason hell i dont know why

[Asker]

So you don't have any sexual thoughts about other women?

[FistSlaminElite]

Honestly, if irs a girl I REALLY like, most girls that catch my attention are just "oh look at that" and its over but if I really find her attractive ill either feel that I kinda want her (NEVER would do anything on it) but don't go through any fantasies or nothing, no thoughts. On the rare occasions I do like her even more and go to thoughts. It'll be a quick little fantasy or too, then my mind is like "Nah you want your girl" and so the fantasy changes to my girlfriend.

[DaveyBaby107]

Erections are involuntary. It sometimes means nothing. Honestly, as sexual creatures it's not uncommon to have thoughts wander. I know my girlfriend thinks Tom Hardy is gorgeous. If she dreamed of having sex with him, who cares? I know she loves me and she's in bed with me. Doesn't bother me. She's a very horns woman and she targets it at me. But she knows I think women like Kate Upton or Christina Hendricks are damn sexy. By definition "sexy" is used for things the relate to sex. She doesn't care though cuz I'm hers and in her bed. Nothing wrong being protective of your man but if he never acts in his fantasies and he loves you, it doesn't really matter.

[This_guy_here]

lol, "perving".

[ChefDavid]

I don't know about your boyfriend but I appreciate other women for their beauty alone. I don't have fantasies about every woman I loo at. My wife and I both appreciate a well formed body and pretty face. When we see someone we think is outstanding, we will ask the opinion of the other. Both men and women. I can appreciate what it takes to maintain a well formed body and so can my wife, a personal trainer. Not all men are the same. Talk to your man and ask him what he thinks of the women he looks at. You might be surprised at the answer you get.