How do Friends With Benefits relationships start?

I used to think Friends with Benefits relationships were an urban myth but from reading and answering questions on this sight it seems that quite a few men and women are enjoying friends with benefits relationships. How do I get in one of those? I know I probably sound like a total dog and I am but I have never been in one of these. When it comes to sex I love to pleasure a woman, I am not trying to convince you I am good in bed this is not a personals add but I am definitely a giver in bed and I love foreplay and eating out... both kinds. But anyway girls tend to see me as nice as friend material. Not the guy who they want to tear his clothes off. So for women who have been in a friends with benefits relationship or would consider being in one how does a guy even begin to ask or try to initiate such a relationship without seeming like a creep and getting a well deserved slap


Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to become friends with some cool chicks. Don't be afraid to be yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. This is very important to us girls. I have had many a FWB.. I have to say that most of them were guy friends I had that "one night" we just ended up having sex and afterward you just like the sex.. There are feelings there... but mostly just still friend feelings. I didn't allow myself to consider them a potential boyfriend, just someone who I have really good sex with. If you allow yourself to get weird about it, it won't happen.. You have to keep the friendship the same as it has always been and just flirt around the edges. Keep it totally casual. It has to be non-awkward. And don't spend the night...that just complicates things more. Both of you get what you want and then leave it at that. I hope I don't sound like a total whore. lol..Good luck!

    • Not at all I love to have sex and I'm not waiting for marriage so I would be an idiot to be a bitch to any woman with similiar interests. I guess I have always felt awkward about showing my sexual interest in a girl, I'm not shy about talking just a little to modest I guess

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    • Wow..lots of wisdom in your 25 years...By the way..Im not AFRAID of anything. I know who I am and what kind of relationships I have.. I don't judge people based on the questions or answers they post on here. That's the whole point of this site.

    • Well "Dante Thomas" I guess I am a wanna be slut then. I am a guy who would like to have sex with lots of women. Really rare huh lol not really. I don't care I agree with Sioux501. I think the whole no sex before marriage thing leads people to get married quickly because hey there horny but there are so many divorces and people particularly women that get tied down with kids and housework without pursuing thier dreams. But lets face it no one can go till there 27 without some good

What Girls Said 16

  • The best pleasure a woman can get in bed can only come from a guy who is emotionally attached to her and really, really in to her. Sexual pleasure is not about technique for women, it is about emotions and feeling that the guy really just totally digs us. I think to say that quite a few men and women are "enjoying" friends with benefits deals is a stretch. People are doing it but a lot of people are complaining about it too.

    Someone once told me that relationships are always evolving, or eroding, but not just staying the same. So with a FWB someone ends up getting some sort of feelings or wondering why the other person is not doing more with them, like maybe dating or wanting to hang out without having sex. In the end most FWB either fade away from lack of mutual interest because, hey, you have no emotional connection, or one person does get attached and the other doesn't and a lot of hurt feelings ensue. Overall the idea of sex without emotional connection is overrated though for some guys it can sound like a pretty good deal.

  • Give them an easy opening point, or kinda set the conversation up for THAT kind of talk.

    I would never approach one of my guy friends for a FWB situation, and I'd probably slap one of my guy friends if he came straight out and said "hey I wanna bang you but no strings attached, k?"

    HOWEVER, having said this, some conversations will guide you down that path with little effort required. If you can somehow bring the topic of sex to the conversation, in a non-threatening, casual kind of way, you'll soon find that the conversation either gets really really weird, or really really dirty. Either way, you'll get an idea of whether or not to bother.

    If things do start getting dirty, egg it on! Don't be sleazy, just be flirty and maybe suggest that the two of you should explore having some fun, if they're up for it. They still might say no, but if you get the friend balance correct, you can back off as soon as you see them hesitate and be like, "haha well can you blame me for trying? You get a man all worked up, what do you expect? *Winky face*" - keep it playful, laugh it off, don't sulk or get upset if she turns you down.

    Plus, there are other factors involved. There's definitely an element of "being in the right place at the right time", because the ideal FWB partner is looking for the same thing you are - No Strings Attached Sex, a little bit of friendship, nothing serious. People just out of long term relationships are often good candidates because they're not looking for long term stuff and are usually still a bit preoccupied with their ex. Double edged sword, though, they might be looking to jump straight back into that full on relationship with the next guy who crosses their path.

    Like everyone has said, you will always run the risk of them/you developing stronger feelings, but that's the risk when you play the game.

    My current FWB situation started with an innocuous sex talk over msn that turned dirty. Lots of fun, but know what you're getting yourself into. Make sure you stick to the rules - and establish them BEFORE you hook up. Communication, honesty and RESPECT are key, here. Don't be a jerk, especially if she develops feelings. Know that this kind of thing always has an expiry date, and make an effort to keep the friendship primarily about the friendship, and the sex as just an added bonus.

  • I think this situation depends on the type of friendship yo have with someone. If you are able to be open with each other and feel you could level with them without hurting their feelings. Also, if they are honest with you and you are able to handle it.

    Because believe me, I thought friends with benefits would be an ideal situation for me. But we both had feelings for each other, and I did end up getting hurt because despite his feelings, the long-distance thing is a problem (the distance is why I thought FWB could work).

    As far as friends go, there are always some feelings and it's hard not to confuse them even without the sex. Sex really confuses it and can put the friendship at risk.


    My guess is that the FWB situations that work best:

    You can both level with each other and do so from the outset.

    You both continue to date others... help your benefitter get out and meet others if need be! It's important for keeping it as a casual thing.

    I'm not so sure that doing this with good close friends is a good idea - keep it light.

    But your question was how to start one. Heckifiknow!

  • oh geez. you'd write it in a personals ad? if you did, I'd be scared. hah kidding. well if you're looking for friends with benefits then make sure both parties agree with it otherwise you hurt someone who deserves a lot better.

    I haven't been in fwb, I can't stand the idea of them. I guess find a girl who has similar interests as you.

  • friends with benifits starts with you being someones friend, texting them hangingout things like that. and its an attraction to each other that's too strong and you can't just be friends and it becomes sexual. BUT if you date this person it would be friends with benifits it would just be a relationship and the friends with sexual benifits goes on, and at some point just dies off..

  • Go to the usual spots. The Bar.

  • If there is sexual tension between the two of you, you should have no problem asking her!

    • Like what would I say?

  • I know from personal experience it Friends With Benefits just happen. It's sort of like the two people have a physical attraction but not emotional, so there's really no emotional attachment whatsoever, which can be nice at times. But, it's smart to make it clear that you don't want anything serious...that's when things get me.

    • I have a lot of the other kind emotional but not physical on her part. I get stuck in "The Friends Zone"

  • Well lol mine just started. My friend told me he liked me and we started playing "games" I was ok with it so I just let it happen. I enjoy it. Just find a friend ur close to and if she's really like you she'll do it.

  • For me, the FWB relationship didn't happen randomly or anything. We started talking just as friends. We started hanging out, flirting, but neither of us wanted to go out because we had both just come out of serious relationships. Eventually we stared hooking up at parties, if I was having a bad day I would call him to "cheer me up" ;) he became one of my best friends. Just make sure who ever your benefiting understands the FRIENDS part of it or else some one can end up serously hurt.

  • For me the friends with benefits just happened. we kissed and it just lead on. when I asked about a relationship we tryed dating like going on dates but it just didn't work. yea, I got hurt but friends with benefits is just fine :]

  • I think friends with benefits is a good idea. If you find a girl with the same ideas as you, and you get it clear that you don't want a proper relationship, it's a great way to have fun. No ties. I don't think there's any proper way to go about it, just be flirty and fun. They'll soon come running.

  • It is creepy and you deserve to be slapped is one thing oif this happens naturally, but to try to initiate this is just ridiculous. Girls have a hard time not getting attached, and almost always get hurt. I think that it is better to hit it and quit it rather than get a girl attached and then break her heart, that's just my opinion though.

    • I might like that

    • Yeah I'm sure you would.

  • start hanging out with a girl you are attracted to then begin to slowly make your moves. kiss her, and try tell her things that will make her see you as more than a friend. but I think that if guys are looking for something like this they normally will come off as a creep.

  • Beware. FWB is awesome… if that’s only what you’re looking for. But for most, FWB turns into emotions of jealousy and wanting more.

    But I’ll let you know how my relationship wound up being a FWB. I don’t know how other people begin but with mine, I knew the guy for awhile, like most of my life actually. We randomly saw each other and began to talk. I would always hang out with him, over his house. I really liked him, but didn’t start having sex with him until a month after. I didn’t want him thinking I was some slutty girl, plus I actually liked him, wanted to be with him. Well… he didn’t, so I moved on. Started dating this guy exclusively, which he was upset about. About a few months later the new guy and I broke up. Then I somehow started hanging with the old one… we began to have sex again, but this time I didn’t care to look for a relationship, more like a rebound. And it was great! For awhile! I felt like he was my best friend in some sense. But after awhile, I fell in love. And now I’m just heart broken. =(

    • Damm I had a best friend who was a girl. She broke up with her boyfriend and turned to me for comforting I cared don't get me wrong but thought it might lead to some rebound action. But then she went to some other guy for that. That kinda p*ssed me off lol but thanks for telling me ur story. Its odd he doesn't want a relationship with you. Maybe he just takes you for granted

    • Yeah, this sh*ts been going on for almost a year now, so gay!

What Guys Said 5

  • One way it starts is as a normal relationship where you pursue a girl, after a little while you both decide you like the sex but not the "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship so you settle on being friends but keep having sex.

    It can also start with you two as friends that turns into a sexual relationship. Again, you both decide you only want the sex.

    Rarely it starts randomly through personal ads.

    That's been my experience anyway.

  • I agree with others, it's usually a sexual tension at first and an understanding that you both want the same thing. With no strings attached that is. But sadly, this isn't always the case.

  • I usually have about 5 or 6 girls that I have sex with, new ones come and go.. but I always try to leave myself with some variety.. depending on what I want on a certain night.

    Basically, you have to learn how to treat a woman for a certain desired affect. I'm not a player anymore, I don't need to be, I always tell the girl how it is.. I don't lie to them. If I meet a girl in a bar or in the store or even street, I will kind of hit on them but without being creepy (the ability to do this relies entirely on your appearance I'm afraid) flirt with them, make fun of them a little... give them my number (always give your number, never ask for theirs!) then when you meet up with them, try it on but play it cool like you don't care, try to make them feel like YOU are the catch, then when you are half way to gettin jiggy.. or even after you have got jiggy, you tell them you arnt wanting a relationship but you are happy to fullfil any needs that they may have.

    easy peasy. Of course this all does depend on how smooth you are with women, it takes a few years practice to get to my level lol.

  • my brother. Let me advise you. Friends with Benifits is the aftermath of a failed relationship. you meet a girl you have interest in. court her like you would date her. Lie about your feelings. Have sex with her before having a relationship. Then tell her the truth (you aren't ready for a relationship). Its a trick... there's a winner and a loser. She has given herself to you and you two are comfortable with each other. No problem. Now the fun begins, but watch the emotions. Read them carefully.

  • Like you, I've always been the guy friend that women can talk to about how they don't understand their men. But they keep going back to the inconsiderate jerks because they think there is something sexy about them. Mostly they confuse arrogant selfish behavior as a sign of strength, especially in your age group. The young ones are still trying to figure out their feelings and find "the one".

    It starts with a friendship where you can talk about anything. Including sex. Ask her to explain what she knows about fwb. Listen to her. Accept where she is on it. Most women aren't into the idea, but she'll think about it and maybe decide when the time is right, so don't drop her if she says no.

    Older women who are sexually experienced, such as divorcees, tend to miss the sex even if they aren't interested or available for a love relationship. They are also less impressed with the alpha-male types and more able to keep secrets and perspective.

    If your friends are involved, you'll have to bide your time. Don't even suggest that she cheat with you, but let her know you're interested if she gets single. Be there for her either way.

    In my case I met an older woman two years widowed. Her daughter took her out dancing to get her out of the house. We enjoyed dancing and exchanged phone #s so we could co-ordinate. One night I called her afterward and thanked her for such a wonderful evening. I said I thought about asking to come home with her but I knew our situations would never work out. Then I said, Why not come out and ask? Even if we can't be a couple, we can enjoy what we can while we can. Blew me away when she said yes.

    Now I'm balancing 3 friends with benefits relationships with 3 very different women. They all know about each other and it's all good.