Is it weird- I don't "see" myself having sex?

[Anonymous]

Id like to try it someday, but I hardly imagine any guy want to have sex with me. I can't imagine doing it for real witha man. When i go out, or just hang out I see guys hitting on other girls and being flirty or romantic. Never happens to me, I think men dont see me in that girlfriend way:I mean as a desirable women they would date or have sex, or plans for future, kids etc. I really think Im not the person for all this stuff in their eyes, as I never see men interested in me in that way and im nearly 24, so... And i have positive open attitude, really. I think Im cute, i have athletic body. But it doesn't work, even if i flirt or make the first move. These are just facts, its not a whining post)

[Ozanne]

I have to wonder how healthy this is, to be honest. I'm not saying this in the tone you might think - I'm saying this out of concern because I had a friend whose wife gave him sex only a few times in their relationship, then cut him off entirely due to her damaged libido. The couple was told by a counsellor that she may want to consider sexual therapy if she wanted to remain in the marriage.

I say this because I'm sure you may want a relationship - because of what you said about men not seeing you in a "girlfriend way". So I'm wondering if you do long for a relationship, but once you are in it, will not find the desire to have sex.

If I'm reading this all wrong and you do have a libido but you are just not seeing hope in finding the right guy, then that is totally different. Many women in their teens and twenties are finding relationships harder to find as more people "find themselves" during these years and don't take relationships seriously, or are guarded from getting in to them because they want to focus on education or have heard too much negative about relationships and are avoiding them. The guy you are meant to be with will come along when you least expect it, and is probably out there right now wondering where you are while you sit at home and don't take the opportunities when you go out.

If men aren't hitting on you as you think you'd like, the way they do with other girls, it is likely because of your image or your personality sends the message that you are not the kind of girl they would treat that way. A guy WILL eventually see beauty in you that he can't help but take charge and tell you, and it usually takes a guy a few years out of this extension of the teen years that they have to make their mistakes and learn that we girls aren't all perfect, and that's when they slowly start to realize that looks aren't everything.

Be patient and don't stop being you, and throw some indication out there that you are ready for the opportunity too. If you feel like flirting, do it. You might shock a guy that something just dropped out of your mouth that was sexy and he didn't expect it coming from you! It's then that a guy will likely turn his attention on you because at that moment, you just became sexy. :)

[Asker]

No my libido is fine, i was never asked on a date you know. So literally they dont see me as a girly girl they want to be with, cuddle, kisss etc. Never. That makes me think that im not made for dating /sexual life at all. Because even my interesting personality, wise mind, cute looks and nice style are not attracting men. A guy up there said "you dress weird"... like im 24 ok, he means all these years i was so weird for men they dont want me. Thats nonsense, as i dress really nice and have common sense.

[Ozanne]

Boho chic isn't weird and is in style. It's not that. I'm sure you're lovely. Tons of women these days in your age range are having a problem, as are many guys. I did too a long time ago. It's a selective time if you're not one of those people who are out to play. Not being asked out yet is a bit more common than you think, so don't give up too much hope! :)

[Asker]

What do you mean out to play?

[Ozanne]

Playing the field. Casual sex, basically.

[Asker]

Lol but even if I wanted, i couldnt because they dont even see me like that! Sounds so easy, but for its a no way.

[sexyphil]

The reason guys don't hit on you is probably because of the vibes you are giving off. You are probably giving off "I'm not available" messages so guys just don't come near you. I have read what you said but I'm sure there is something in what you are doing that is acting like insect repellent to guys. I imagine you are still a virgin? Are you in the USA or UK? Message me if you want to discuss it further.

[Asker]

Yes virgin. but i dont know what vibe you mean? what, is my behaviour wrong or something, with guys? Im just a random girl, im open, like to joke. im not weird or anything. i can be pretty straight forward , not too much. No idea...

[sexyphil]

Pass without actually being face to face I have no other suggestion of coaching. By vibe I mean that something you are doing is giving the wrong message to guys that you don't want them to get too close are you. Wher abouts do you live?

[Asker]

South Europe , where the guys generally are more flirty, which makes my believes even more real... I dont think im doing anything wrong, i see girls less attractive who get all the male attention tho

[sexyphil]

If you had been UK I was going to offer to meet up and see if I could see what it was but South Europe I imagine Spain or Southern France so some distance from me

[Asker]

Well but you can tell your ideas here. Why would i meet you? lol

[sexyphil]

post a picture on here then. seeing you would give an idea of what vibes you were putting out. being face to face would let me see what you were doing that put guys off. No ulterior motive at all...

[Asker]

No i can't share pics. sorry. But thanks for answering. British men give nice answers here)

[sexyphil]

sorry I can't be more help. Just a thought I wonder if you are giving off a pheromone that is offputing. try a subtle perfume but not a strong one and see if that helps. You need to have just a hint of smellies

[sexyphil]

The idea of a photo was to see how you dress and what you look like. you'll probably say no again but what about email me one. Fully clothed just as you would dress for an evening out.. I'm kinda batting blind here...

[Asker]

Haha... Im obsessed with self image, health care and parfumes, if you mean that im not clean or something.

[Asker]

Ill think about asking some things maybe, hm...

[sexyphil]

No nothing like that. It's to do with your natural body pheromones that don't actually smell but males and females are sensitive to. Like if a guy has high Testosterone then he gives of a pheromone that attracts girls but you can't smell it at all. we are just sensitive to these things and it affects how the opposite sex reacts to us. It's all about "chemistry" that people talk about. It is ral believe me and perfumes mimic pheromones in some cases hence my remark about perfume. Nothing to do with inferring that you have bad personal hygiene at all. That's not what I was referring to. I'm just trying to isolate what could be the problem but I'm running out of ideas to try to help.

[Marttinez]

This is the hardest question I have seen so far. Is really hard to tell what's going on, I feel there are a lot more details as why this is happening.

[Asker]

Like what? as a man, tell me why is it difficult to you? what are the details whi h can influence?

[Marttinez]

The way you act and the way you dress make a big influence. Are you feminine?

[Asker]

Yes i am femenine.

[Marttinez]

Post a picture. There has to be something that you are not aware of

[Klaatu51]

how do u dress then? u didn't mention...

[Asker]

ever heard of boho chic? well i love it)

[Klaatu51]

awesome, but i'm afraid many guys might find this outfit... err, weird :/

[Asker]

But im not wearing literally what you see on fashion magazines... Beside you're telling me that guys judge clothes So much that they dont even want to approach a girl... well that hella, Hella shallow

[Asker]

So should i dress like a slut then? what clothes are not weird for men? i hear that men care about personality more... its wrong then?

[Klaatu51]

SOME guys yeah... SOME of em care bout clothes and stuff like dat. maybe some of em might think u r "hippie" and repellent... shallow indeed. do u get any stares at least?

[Asker]

Thats not hippy. oh you googled it, ok. Google ashley olsen, thats how i dress. I get stared at yes, but never approached.

[Klaatu51]

if u get stared it's good then... maybe u should make a move if u see some guy starin at u often

[Asker]

Do guys stare always at cute pretty girls? how can i know, maybe he stares at me thinking "oh ugly"!

[Klaatu51]

if it was "oh ugly", then he'd give u some quick glance, and then just look away :)

[nate18]

Maybe your just ugly?

[Asker]

No im not.

[nate18]

Lol. That's what they all say ;) :p

[Asker]

Look if you think im ugly fine, you dont know me. I thought people are more clever here.