Should I ever tell my boyfriend my biggest secret?

My boyfriend and I been together for 3 years we had a up and down relationship , we had plan to move in when we are establish. We don't want to get married any soon , we have great sex but there's one thing , I was raped when I was 13 I been with him since I was 16 . My mom always told me that I should never tell nobody about this should I keep it like that? Should I tell my boyfriend this if someday we do get married or move in?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • The longer you hide it the harder its going to sting. I would recommend 2 options.
    1: Tell him now and get it over with, it will hurt and you will go through a rough patch, but you will have a clean slate. He will appreciate it also that you are honest (well I would be).
    2: Never tell him for the rest of your life, but you will have to learn to get over it by yourself. In other words the effect of it must diminish with time. Otherwise it will come back and haunt you later in life.

    Iam sorry that this horrendous thing has happened to you, just want to say that it could have been anyone and its not your fault. All the best and I hope you too have a happy life together.

  • I think many people have a story about themselves or their family that they keep private until they tell the one most important person in their lives.

    When you've decided to get married, when you know he is the One, then at that point my suggestion would be to tell him.

    Good luck. :)

Most Helpful Girls

  • Personally I think your mother is completely and utterly wrong in giving you such wrong advice.

    You should certainly make a point in time , perhaps when things are quiet, controlled and comfortable, in taking your boyfriend into your totally confidence and explaining to him what happened to you earlier in your life.. There's no need to go into vast or great detail, just the basics will do to start with, unless he should ask you more.

  • Well, if you have been dating him for 3 years, I trust you can tell him things you wouldn't be able to tell just anyone. It's in the past, and if the past is something that you openly discuss in your relationship, you should tell him. But only if you want to, there's no obligation. It's a serious and traumatizing experience and if you want to keep it to yourself, you have every right to.

    • Agreed! I have actually had 2 GFs that had previously been raped, one of them I was the first guy they had been with since it happened. If you plan to spend the rest of your life with this guy honestly is necessary.

  • If you trust him enough, then I think you should tell him, but only if you are ready to tell him.
    I think it is important to share something like that with your partner if it's a serious relationship and if you're going to get married one day.

    Good luck, I hope you figure it out.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I'm so sorry! Did you ever get any counseling after you were attacked?

  • Don't unless he ask that question. But Its up to u.

  • yes you should tell him about it... and i think your mom is wrong in telling you to hide it

  • Better he know it if he's going to understand more about your behaviour towards some issues you may have.

  • Your mom is wrong. Tell him now. He'll be supportive

  • No no. Dont say. This is not a proud news to share with everyone. Please keep that secret with you. This is not a secret. Without knowing your sense it was happened. Just forget the past and move. All the best for your best half. :)

  • You absolutely should; there is absolutely no room in any intimate/romantic relationship for secrets or lies...

  • What the fk is up with your mother? She just told you to "deal" with a traumatic childhood experience like that's even possible! If I was you I'd tell my boyfriend just because he deserves to know it as your partner for 3 years. Additionally have a serious talk with your mom and ask her what she was thinking.

  • Tell him after he proposes (if he does, let's hope he does) then ask him if he still wants you, he'll almost positively say yes, and the two of you will live happily togther.

  • No you shouldn't.. becz its not good to ruin the future becz of some unpleseant past. Just lock the secret away

  • Any descent human being would not judge you for it. He would understand im sure and it probably would make you two closer if you are comfortable with telling him

  • Yes, if someday you get maried. I believe there should be no secretes held between husband and wife. that trust should be established, nor should it be used against you.

  • You should tell him. If it's something he can't tolerate, he's probably not the guy for you.

  • You should never hold in your story. Holding it in will just make it harder for you to live. Talk about it.

  • Yeah...3 years yes. Be more open... comfortable..

  • Welcome to the club, miss :(

    Anyway if it's a reason for the ups and down in your relationship. I wouldn't hesitate telling him it.
    Also... you should be able to tell your partner everything. If you're thinking about that horrible event, and you don't want to tell him...
    It hurts him to see you hurt while feeling powerless to cheer you up, you know