I don't turn my boyfriend on?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. However, this issue has been going on for quite a few months. Our sex life has decreased to once a week and sometimes once every two weeks. I strut around in lingerie and a lot of times naked. I know a lot of guys that would pounce. But I barely get a look from him. I'm very fit and not trying to brag, but have a great body. I only wanna mention that so that I can halt negativity there before it starts. Anyway, I asked him about it. He says that looking at me doesn't turn me on. So, I followed up with why we don't have sex as much. He replied that I don't do anything to turn him on (almost verbatim). I know he didn't mean that in a bad way. However, why doesn't he just have urges without me having to touch him downstairs? Aren't men supposed to be visual? We even rub each other's bodies at night and that doesn't do it for him. Are there any guys out there like this that can help me understand what I'm dealing with? I find myself backing up to him and moving around ever so gently just to try and arouse him. Doesn't seem anything about me or my body turns him on. It just seems the only time he comes onto me is when it's been a while and its built up for him. I know a while back he had been watching porn on his phone. This upset me, so he SAYS he hasn't done it since. I asked if he watched it when we first started dating and he said no. Apparently he started a few months into our relationship. I wonder why he needed that so early into it? I'm a very sexual being... always ready to go! Help?

[FantasticPlanet]

He's stressed about something.
You're going to need a long, deep conversation with him to sort out the real issue.

Unfortunately, there is little that men hate more than a long, deep conversation about what is wrong with him.

So first you'll have to figure out if he WANTS to get his sex drive back.
If that turns out to be a yes, then you may proceed with caution to asking him when things changed, why they changed.
You are just as driven as ever, but he is the one acting differently.

It's a tough subject to tackle, and he's unlikely to go into it willingly. But as long as he doesn't leave the conversation, or shut down, then you are making progress because he WANTS to fix things.

I've been this guy before, and the girl that talked me through it now gets more dick from me than she ever planned on.
In fact, it might have backfired a bit for her.

[FantasticPlanet]

Thank you for the MHO 🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆

[Asker]

I've tried to talk to him multiple times. He gets defensive. I'm very calm and mature while talking to him, but he doesn't take it very well. How did your girlfriend do it do that you didn't get defensive?

[Asker]

You're welcome!

[FantasticPlanet]

It's really not easy. You have to walk the subtle line between the hurt that he's causing you in the cause of his decreased sex drive. You know him best so you will know how to carefully breach the subject with him. There is another possibility, as time passes his sexual needs may be changing. Potentially, his desires and wants have grown kinkier or darker, and he may be afraid to share those with the woman he respects and sees every day. If during the conversation you can get him to see how his lack of initiative is hurting you, hurting your self worth, & and causing possible irreparable damage to the relationship, then there may be a chance. That is the difficult part for men. If he thinks the conversation is about his shortcomings or weaknesses he's not going to want to talk about it. However, if he sees it as an opportunity to become a better lover, and a chance to make your sexual fantasies come true, he may be more inclined to participate in the conversation. That's about all I can explain on this page, message me if any of this is unclear.

[Asker]

That all makes perfect sense. Thank you... I will talk to him! Now, since everyone else seems to think he's cheating... your thoughts on that?

[FantasticPlanet]

He either is that type, or isn't that type. If he has ever admitted to frequent cheating in earlier relationships, that ups the possibility. But I've only ever cheated in retaliation for girls cheating, so I've done it, but not initiated it. Also, your relationship sounds too new for him to be seeking out others. Furthermore, if he WAS cheating, and you asked him why sex frequency had decreased, his response should've been to start boning you all the time to eliminate your suspicions. Since instead, he gets defensive and upset that you're questioning his manhood, I think you're safe. From cheating anyways. Try to outkink him next time sex DOES happen. See if he gets into it, or pushes you away. Also, look for classic cheating signs: a shower AS SOON AS he gets home, always keeps his phone on him never leaving it behind, or weird receipts in the laundry. Guys think they're sly, but they always keep "proof" of their conquests. But I really don't think this is your guy.

[AustinMan]

First, men are like the boys in junior high school: when asked if they masturbate, 97% do and 3% lie. Men watch porn. Deal with it. I suggest you find a good couple's counselor and figure out what's going on. Could it be that he's kinky and you're vanilla and he won't say anything?

[Asker]

I can deal as long as it doesn't interfere with our sex life. Which, at this point, I'm not sure if that's what it is. I've made it very, VERY clear that I'm not vanilla. I've bought sex toys, games and wanted to do different positions. He will 98% of the time flip me back to missionary. Also, he doesn't want anything to do with games. If anything, he seems vanilla.

[AustinMan]

We kinksters can't ever be happy with anyone who's not as enthusiastic about the kinks as we are. I suggest you strongly consider moving on.

[Asker]

I think you're right. I think I'd be happier if I just got it MORE!

[AustinMan]

More and rougher and kinkier. You probably need spanked, frequently and forcefully as well and just done hard., right?

[Asker]

Yeah, just a little excitement!

[AustinMan]

You need to find a really horny, really kinky guy who will appreciate you and leave your sore and satisfied. This guy just isn't ever gonna get it done. Move on.

[KFettario]

Dear, I am sorry to tell you but your guy probably has another woman. Every girl I have ever known, including myself that this has happened to, found out that he had a mistress.

[Asker]

Thank you! I'm definitely going to watch out. I just don't know how! We've had such a great relationship, he's a great guy, etc. His sex drive dropped about a few months in... isn't that kind of early?

[KFettario]

yes. And dropping to the extent that you indicated. Yes, great guys and great girls... we trust them. That is why they can cheat. Maybe he isn't, it is just my experience that that is the only time sex gets sparse.

[Asker]

Yeah, you're right about that. We trust them, so they're able to get away with it. My eyes are wide open now... thank you! Just a crappy situation to be in.

[KFettario]

*hug*

[LibraPisces66]

Sounds like his hormones are out of balance, and affecting his libido.

[HookingSwan]

Maybe he could see a doctor about this

[Asker]

I'll see what I can do to convince him.

[HeatherLopez]

time to move on.

[Asker]

I'm seriously thinking now.., thank you!

[HereForTheDay]

He is cheating on you. A man will have sex with you even if you are Unattractive, unless he has an alternative. I am sure you are attractive, I am not saying you aren't. BUT you need to start looking to him for your answers.
I would put a recorder on his things, or in his car (they are cheap... like $8 on ebay and record about 10 hours. rechargeable... Ill link one)
You can also put WebWatcher on his computer. It will record all of his web activity. There is one for smartphones too. Don't think "he wouldn't do that!" THey do. And they LIE.

www.ebay.com/itm/like/231390820323?lpid=82&chn=ps

[Asker]

This seems a little overboard. How often do you want to have sex in your relationship?

[Asker]

I just don't wanna turn into that crazy girlfriend, you know?

[HereForTheDay]

okay. but remember what I wrote and keep your eyes open. When a man (or woman) cuts way back on sex, he has another woman

[HereForTheDay]

I like at least 3 times a week. Almost every night if we are together.

[HereForTheDay]

well, you don't want to be that door mat either, I assume. Just keep your eyes open at least.

[Asker]

Wow! Now I really feel bad... not because of you, I promise. But 3x a week or more is something I can only hope for. I will most definitely keep my eyes open. I really do appreciate your input. I guess I'm just having a hard time thinking about when he could possibly cheat. He comes straight home to me from work and then we are always together. It's very rare that we aren't together.

[HereForTheDay]

Takes very little time. And if you dont work at the same place it could be there. Lunch hours are a time lots get together.

[HereForTheDay]

Here is a good website for you by the way. Lots of great articles. It is geared for married people but it all applies to you too. www.marriagebuilders.com

[Asker]

I'm going to check that out now... thank you!

[Hercules073]

There can be many reasons for this. He can have a decrease of testosterone in his body or maybe pron made him desensitized.

[Asker]

His friends are always sending him pix of girls boobs and MANY other body parts. Sometimes videos. Do you think that seeing that (and possibly porn) all the time could really make him not have sexual urges for the real thing with me?

[Hercules073]

Yes, I have noticed this myself. I wasn't attracted to girl in real life anymore. I'm trying to stop watching porn all together. It is still hard to stop tho.

[Asker]

Wow! Not a good situation to be in. I'd much rather have the real thing, but then again, I'm not a guy. Thank you for your thoughts. And good luck with the habit! :)

[Not_Helping]

You must be ugly.

[Asker]

I most certainly am not, but thanks for your input.

[HeatherLopez]

@Asker you don't have to thank him for input like this.

[JohnDoe23]

If a fit woman strutting around doesn't turn him on, he needs to get his test levels checked and possibly do something to increase them.

[Asker]

He says that no one has ever turned him on visually, so maybe you're right. He says he's attracted to me, but it just doesn't seem that way because of his lack of urges.

[JohnDoe23]

You're fit and you stand in front of a guy. I think that you know what 99 percent of men would do without me going into detail.

[Asker]

You're around my boyfriend's age. Any stock into what the guy says above about him cheating?

[JohnDoe23]

Actually yes that makes perfect sense. I hope that is not true and it is just his test levels.

[Asker]

Crap, more and more people are saying this :(. Thank you for the honesty though.

[blake112068]

I don't know why, but guys loose interest on sex and they don't ask for it. I was with one married woman like 3 years and she was saying they didn't have sex st all. You need to make serious talk with him.

[Anonymous]

Either he is gay or his sex drive is lower than the average guy or maybe he is asexual.

[Asker]

I'm leaning towards not gay, but sex drive possibly. Cheating, maybe.

[Anonymous]

You're 35-45, how old is your boyfriend?

[Asker]

I'm 36 and he's 33