26 year old male virgin who has never had a girlfriend. Should I just give up?

[Anonymous]

I'm 26 years old and a virgin who has never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl. You name it I haven't done it. This will sound like a cliche, but the simple truth is that I would rather lose my virginity to a girl whom I truly care about, and who truly returns those feelings to me. I am shy in social situations but it's something I've been working on. I hate every single birthday, because it's one more year where I should have lost my virginity like normal people who aren't social retards like me. Despite my shyness I've tried going out to clubs and bars, online dating, speed dating nights, meeting new people through hobby and social groups, going on overseas trips with large groups to meet girls but... nothing. I have considered going the escort/hooker route to loose my virginity, another part of me thinks that I should just give up on women and go join the priesthood or go an live a celibate life in an ashram. At 26 years old, wouldn't most girls find my situation too awkward to embrace? Wouldn't they think I am some sort of weirdo/freak/idiot? Another conundrum I face is the constant depression and introversion this has caused me. I'm not ashamed of myself per se, I'm just paralysingly embarrassed to tell anyone else! Another pressing matter is that I have lied about my abstinence to my friends - and feel utterly shameful about it. Considering all that, I find myself in a daily Catch-22, I feel like I'm depressed because I'm a virgin and I've never had a girlfriend, and a virgin who has never had a girlfriend because I am depressed. Any advice? P. S. Please don't come at me with PUA rubbish, I've tried it, failed miserably.

[Northardt]

Go to a bar, get really hammered and your confidence will go through the roof. If you don't like drinking, start at home, its like anything else, if you do it long enough it won't be so bad later. And all you have to be is attracted to someone. They don't have to be the right one or have a meaningful impact on your life. Sex and relationships are two totally different things, yes they overlap sometimes but the highway has a west bound and and east bound and they have nothing to do with each other. If lose the V-card your confidence will also go through the roof because you'll realize its not a big deal. In a relationship its an after thought, so dont worry about meeting someone and not being adept. Just get shit faced until you go home with some girl you think is hot and start living life. Learn that sex is not so important. Travelling, meeting people, fighting for what you believe in, finding love (not sex), these are the things that matter. And once you get over this very small herald, you will be more open to these things that will bring you happiness.

[Decemberxbluex]

"I find myself in a daily Catch-22, I feel like I'm depressed because I'm a virgin and I've never had a girlfriend, and a virgin who has never had a girlfriend because I am depressed."

Very well said. I understand what you mean.

1) How is life outside of women? (Work, education, career, physical health, family life, social life, etc)

2) What are you doing outside of dating that makes you proud of yourself?

3) Have you tried dating women whom you are truly compatible with and share commonalities?

[Asker]

Apart from attending a few speed dating nights which were terrible, I've never been on a real date with a woman. My social life is pretty much non existent at the moment, I just started a new job which is very busy. However even when I did have an active social life I was too shy and introverted to go out of my way to approach women I felt attracted to, which happened rarely as most of the girls I was interested in either had boyfriends already or made it known they were not interested.

[Decemberxbluex]

What about #2 and #3? Don't fret over shyness and introversion. Firstly, you should embrace it (I'll expand upon that after I get more details). Secondly, you do a lot better in the domain of shyness than you give yourself credit for. You've actually approached women, so your situation isn't as dire as you may think.

[Asker]

This may sound lame but to be honest I can't think of anything I do that really makes me proud of myself. I have tried seeking out women I share commonalities with in fact they are the only girls I seek out, but after I've gotten to know them and asked them out on dates, every single one has rejected me, I've only known heartbreak when it comes to women and my faith in women is pretty low. I haven't actually approached a girl in nearly 3 years. I didn't see the point, I just got sick of the constant rejection.

[Decemberxbluex]

I cannot emphasize how important it is for you to become something which you are proud of. How can we expect to attract and appeal to others if we aren't first proud of ourselves? The good news is that in life it's not about where you start - it's where you finish. You're only 26 and you have more time than you think. Also, there's many virgin girls around your age, they won't judge you. They appreciate - and at times REQUIRE - their men to be virgins. The reason PUA failed you and will continue to fail others is because it's a bandaid solution. You put on a "face" rather than develop your character and your life; something of REAL substance. You don't need to possess anything extravagant, but we must have something in our lives that has appeal. It can be as simple as having a sense of humor and the ability to live a carefree life, while also being PASSIONATE about something and a hard worker. Do you have any idea how attractive that is to women?

[Decemberxbluex]

I truly believe that if you become a better version of yourself - a woman will naturally come into your life. No, she's not going to knock on your door, but when you interact at your school or your workplace you'll have something to offer, and that is so appealing. Your mind is doing exactly right, by the way. Your mind is looking at the "cost" and "benefit" of approaching women, and the cost has outweighed the benefits. So, why SHOULD you keep approaching, right? It would be a very illogical thing for your mind to consider. However, blaming your three year absence of approaching women on "shyness" is just misplacing blame. There's nothing wrong with experiencing anxiety when you approach, by the way. That never goes away. Accept this fact as a natural experience, it is no different than the anxiety one experiences whilst public speaking. Thus, don't beat yourself up about it.

[Decemberxbluex]

I'm telling you this from life experience (Not pulling it from my bum) - you should disregard the idea of dating, for now. Make 2-4 female friends and ONLY have platonic relationships as your motive (Very important). Develop yourself, follow pursuits YOU enjoy, become a version of yourself that YOU and your future children can be proud of. Trust me man... Then the rest will fall into place on its own.

[hannnah]

Seriously, if it's the right person I would never care if he was a virgin! I'm sure you will find a girl! Can't you write a bucket list and just stick to it? Like this year I will try to be brave enough to ask a girl out, just do it and you will find it more natural.

[LittleSally]

What's PUA?

Anyways... no... Just chill and hang out with A LOT of people often - you're bound to get someone interested in you. =)

[Asker]

PUA stands for "Pick Up Artist"

[Ashley34]

That's so cute that you're a 26 year old virgin in my opinion

[ilovesexyfeet]

No don't give up on love finding u. Just be yourself and your match will come along one day.

[James0]

Your call but instead of only waiting do something with your life

[Balcazaurus]

Yay! Same boat!

I realized a few months ago, in my loneliness and abysmal depression, that I wasn't looking for someone because I wanted it, but because I felt like I had to. Obligation to fit in. To understand what the big deal is.

I saw this quote and it really cleared things up for me: "I don't need someone to save me, I just want someone to be by my side when I save myself."

Try thinking of it this way: when she finally does come around, it'll be that much sweeter. This is just a fatty learning curve with plenty of room for mistakes. Mistakes that you can learn from.

Besides, the girls here seem like they are supportive. Take the hint and work on thyself. A hobby, a talent, an image, anything.

Good luck!

[moviedude714]

Maybe hire a dating coach?

[moviedude714]

Look up David Wygant, or Johnny Berba

[TheSpartan]

You can't be shy, man. You have to be somewhat outgoing and definitely very confident. Then, you'll get girls.

When you're down on your luck, remember that even Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin got married.

[IHateBeingaMan]

thats why i feel like Wolverine right here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdqYUnHpQm0

[Anonymous]

If I knew you I'd be like:
Wtf are you doing sitting on your lazy ass? Get outside now and hit on girls! If you get rejected then move on to the next girl! Stop acting like a bitch and man the f up!

But I don't so I'll just say that it's not difficult to find a girl. It's difficult if you keep putting yourself down. Go to places where your ideal girl might hand out, so not a club at 1am. Unless thas what you're into.
Just start asking girls out here and there, or even just ta to them. It'll boost your confidence. If they say nohen move on the next one.

Stop being depressed! Tell your friends about your troubles, or at least tell them to help you out with dating.