Sexual Relationships
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I am a 21 year old female virgin and I got dumped by my boyfriend because I didn't want to have sex with him yet and I'm feeling confused?

My boyfriend felt like we were in a high school relationship because i didn't want to have sex with him yet. We were dating for about a month and a half. He had sex before with 2 other girlfriends. I had another boyfriend previously who was a virgin as well, but we broke up because i ended up not being that into him. He didn't try to pressure me or anyting. I feel like i am more attracted to men who have had sex before because they initiate more physical contact like kissing, hugging, etc. I feel they are not afraid to touch women and are more confident. However, this could be just my last boyfriend i just had happend to be that way. I don't know. But im feeling confused because i feel like i should wait to have sex until im in love and my boyfriend is in love with me. I think that when i do have sex i think it will be something that i really will love doing just like i love kissing and making out. I have gone to 2nd base with both guys and i feel like once i have sex it is something i will want to do a lot. I know that my boyfriend i just had only wanted sex from me and thats why he dumped me, and I don't regret not giving it to him, but im confused on whether or not i should do it already with my next boyfriend even if were not in love yet but i know its not just all about sex for him just so i can do it and know whats its like and if our relationship doesn't workout other guys won't dump me because i dont want to have sex. I read online all about how guys don't want to be with a girl when they know sex is not on the table, and i really don't want that to be a deal breaker. Or is this reasoning dumb and i should really wait till we are both in love with each other? I feel like once i do have sex it won't matter anymore to me if were in love or not just like kissing.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I might have an unpopular opinion but I don't necessarily think he was only using you for sex. You said that you like to date guys who have had sex before, so the problem is compatibility. Most people (especially guys) who are used to having sex in past relationships aren't going to stop wanting sex just because their new partner doesn't want it.

    To be honest, he has a right to want what he wants. He seems like he heavily values sex in a relationship. The thing some people don't understand is that love & feelings aren't always the only things that matter in a relationship. Sex, money, lifestyle, etc. are all things that can also matter. Maybe not to you or certain people, but for a lot of people, they do. If two people aren't on the same page or have the same feelings regarding those issues, the relationship isn't going to work.

    With that being said, you have a right to your virginity for as long as you want. But you need to stop beating yourself up about it & start going after guys who at least FEEL the same way about sex.

    • I see your reasoning, and the thing is i think for me sex would be something very important in a relationship and maybe the love&feelings don't have to really be there after i finally do have sex the first time (something I'm not sure about), but if a guy really wants to be with you won't he wait to have sex until his girlfriend is ready?

    • Maybe, maybe not. Like I said, love & feelings aren't the only things that matter. In a way, that IS true, but it doesn't make him a bad guy if he doesn't want to wait. Besides, you guys were only dating for a month & a half... you don't really know if someone is "the one" during that time.

  • I think you should wait until you find someone you love and who loves and respects you. It sounds like you really want an intimate sort of relationship and for the guy to really love you when you finally decide to have sex. I don't think you should waiver on your desire to wait until you find someone like that.

    Obviously your last boyfriend was not the right person for you if he dumped you after a month just because you weren't ready for sex yet. Sex is a very emotional and intimate act so it's completely understandable to want to wait for the right person. Ultimately, it's your decision but I would highly recommend waiting until you're really in love and 100% sure that the guy loves you and also respects you.

  • I think you shouldn't have your first time with someone you don't love and trust completely. When you trust someone and love them, it normally makes you a little less tense which will help with your first time not being painful. Also it makes you normally more excited and makes orgasming easier and orgasms better.

    So keep your ideals and don't ever have sex with someone only because you feel you have to.

Most Helpful Guys

  • All this has done is show you what a douche he is. imagine if you had sex with him early and found out later what kind of person he is? You would feel regret that you let a asshole take your virginity. I see a lot of posts by girls with various reasons talking about how a boyfriend doing whatever, lying, cheating, pressuring, being shallow, whatever. i saw the same thing to them all. Congrats, you found out now. You didn't waste more of your life on a loser. The question you have to ask yourself is, do you really want sex to be the reason a guy stays with you? I think being a female virgin gives you a card that lets you see the quality of the man you are dating.

  • awww bless you. There are many types of guy out there who would be happy to wait it with you together so don't give up and don't make a harsh decision because you want to have sex. Today on GAG was 22 years old women who wanted to very very badly enter a relationship as she was a virgin and thought it would be great to sleep with someone off craiglist and become close after she done it, she realised she fucked up because guy wasn't interested in her at all, it was craiglist after all. So don't make the same mistake and wait for right guy x).

    Good Luck !

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 8

  • Have sex only when you're ready to have it and not a day sooner, but don't make it so conditional that you run away from every opportunity and end up never having sex. And don't forget that you need to be fully prepared for it and on birth control in advance of that opportunity, so please take care of that right now, if you haven't already done so.

  • trust yourself and wait for the time you are ready for it. Noone should pressure you or demand anything from you that you are not comfortable with. Guy that really cares for you will respect you and like/love you the way you are.
    If a guy breaks up with you for the reason like that you don't need him and he doesn't really care for you.

  • Give your virginity to the person you would share your entire life with. But it depends on how much you value your chastity.

  • He just have to respect that you are a virgin and not force you into it. What if he finally get it then dump you just because that was his goal to just have sex. So let him leave and don't let him play with your mind.

  • He doesn't deserve you if he doesn't respect you. Trust me, I've been in that position before. Giving it up to someone who will dump you if you don't lose your virginity to him isn't worth it. I've been there and i regret it to this day :( Definitely save it for someone who loves you and appreciates you for you. I wish I did... :(

  • To hell with no sex being a deal breaker. If you wanna wait until your in love to have sex then do that. If a guy dumps you because you won't let him smash then he's probably not good for you. Just do what you want to do.

  • I think you should keep your ideals, not because I agree with them, but because giving up your ideals for someone else is a sign of having a weak will. It happened once, it will probably happen again, so just be ready for that.

  • Well

    https://youtu.be/lQlIhraqL7o

  • You asked to be dumped and you're totally wrong for not having sex with him. Women no longer have the luxury of waiting. It's put out or get out ! You need to wake up and smell the coffee.

  • Wanna chat?

  • It could be worse you could be a 29 yr old male virgin. Then
    come talk to.

  • Girl, You do not need to have sex until you are ready. there's many women who wish they could've held on to there virginities until they were 21. Im one who believe its not special but don't ever do nothing that is not on your terms. If he is willing to leave you because your not putting out he is not for you. Sex is just an accessory to a relationship. The important things is love ; respect ; caring ; generosity ; &. The things you put down to build upon. I commend you girl ! he's not worth you if he's just after the pussy. Continue to love and value yourself.

    • Yep. Plenty of people would do anything to get rid of the bad memories from terrible exes.

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