Sexual Relationships
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I was molested by my step dad as a child and its affecting my current relationship?

I am 25 years old and I've never told anyone this before. One night when I was 12, my step dad at the time (my mom and him are divorced), came into my room to say goodnight, my mother was at work. He, out of nowhere, began rubbing between my legs. I was scared and didn't know how to respond. I just laid there, to frightened to move. He kissed my forehead and left the room. This continued to happen on a daily basis for the next four years, until my mom finally divorced him for cheating on her. It would happen anywhere, anytime. Sometimes even driving down the road! When I was 22, my mother asked me if he ever did anything to me. Apparently, our neighbor had seen something one day that she didn't feel right about. I told her no. I was frightened. What was I supposed to say? Yes? He did. He never threatened me into not telling on him. So why didn't I? Why don't I now? I can't answer that because I don't know. Maybe I'm scared of him? Maybe I don't think anyone will believe me because it happened so long ago? Maybe I know it will break my mother's heart? This is literally the first time I have said this to ANYONE. I just needed to get it off my chest. My question in all of this, how can I tell my boyfriend? We've been together for 6 years and our sex life is less than normal. He gets frustrated with me about it. I blame it on my step dad. How can I share something with him that I can't even share with my own mother? Will be understand? Will he be upset that I hid it from him?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • You need to talk to a proffessional first. Before your mother or partner.
    Then you will think about the rest.
    What you experienced is not your future. It was happened unfortunately in your past.
    Of course you can have a healthy fullfilling relationship. But you need to talk about it to professional first.
    Everyone needs to share what she feels. It is too much load on yourself. This is why you just feel so stressed.
    He will not be upset. Because you hid it. It is not easy to share with someone. If it was easy you would share it already. I am sure he will understand too.
    Just do not think what he will think, your feelings are more important rght now.

  • First off, it is not your fault. But you do need to talk to someone, whether your boyfriend or even a professional. It won't get any easier until you do, and if there is mutual love between you and your boyfriend. It will only bring you closer, and help you in the long run. It will never go away ever, and talking about it with someone, will be one of the bravest things you will ever do. 3 out of 5 women have been sexually assaulted, and that information is based on what has been reported.

  • I hope someone beats those pedophile step dads black and blue and lose their balls. It's the truth that he needs to know because you have a block in becoming genuine with him in the bedroom. All these doubts in your head... it's better to speak to them, if they don't believe you... you'll know who's on your side or not.

    • The mothers who leave their daughters with their boyfriends need a beating too. They put their kids in that situation and fail to protect them.

Most Helpful Guys

  • If you have not gotten help to deal with the fact that you where molested, you need too. Molestation isn't something that you can simply get over. It has a deeply rooted emotional effect on you and it causes major issues in your emotional development as you grow up. So you should start seeing a therapist asap.

    Take it from me. I didn't realize just how much of a negative effect it has on you in tell I stated to see a therapist. I have been kicking myself for not seeing a therapist sooner. Because I screwed up a lot of good relationships with the people close to me because I had unresolved issues from being molested.

  • It's mandatory that you find a good therapist with experience working with sexual abuse victims and work through this. You CAN get past it and it's only fair to you and him that you do it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

3 6

  • You should probably share it with your therapist. And your boyfriend. He might leave you over it, but you're better off with someone who understands than someone who's always frustrated

  • Get professional help, tell your boyfriend he'll understand and try and help you and also tell your mom with the help of your boyfriend, she'll try and help you too.

  • I hope he didn't get intimate with you beyond limits?
    If he didn't then it is okay to tell you boyfriend about it. I'm sure you'll feel burden getting off from your heart.
    I feel very sad that you had to face this in your life, no human being should face this worst scenario.
    Just because of such perverts Islam prohibits step daughters to live with their step dads.
    I wish you had not faced this situation. Sweet heart now is the right time to move on with your life, don't cling to past, try to take away the power that past has over your feelings.
    I wish you a long and happy life inshAllah :)

  • he will understand and he will respect your choice of not sharing it with your mom.

  • This is why I don't believe in women with kids divorcing and remarrying and having boyfriends. I'm sorry but it is your mother's fault even if she didn't know for putting you in that situation and leaving you alone with a man who was not your father.

  • Been abused myself, so, I know how it feels. Pick up that courage and tell your mom. If you keep on brooding, it will have a negative impact on your psyche. You need therapy to get over he experience, as did I.

  • I would not tell my boyfriend.. i think you should consider getting professional help

  • your feelings are normal, i have known many female friends that have had that happen to them. i think i understand it but I'm not sure what to tell you about why, it could be a number of thing such as embarrassment. you should tell your mom.. its the right thing to do and she will be there for you. as for your boyfriend, do that second and if he loves you he will understand, if he gets upset and walks off he might just need to blow off steam but if he loves u he will be back.

    beyond this i highly recommend that you speak with a therapist for at least a few sessions. this is something that has been with you for a long long time and it is to common. a therapist can and will help you. and if u dont like the one u find, u can look for another, if u have insurance its likely to cover at least the 1st session so dont worry about that, even one can do wonders.

  • you NEED a professional!

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