Sexual Relationships
+1 y

My boyfriend is hot but I'm ugly?

He is really good looking and I'm average. We've been dating for about a year now. He has been with some pretty girls. His last girlfriend was sooo pretty and when we started dating i thought i was a rebound. Around other people he is always so happy and when its just us he's a differant person. He gets angry and moody. The other day he got angry about issues with his dad and i tried to comfort him and he said to me that i need to know that he's only with me because he wants to punish himself for being a crappy son. But later he said that he didn't mean that, it was in the heat of the moment. I just feel like crap all the time. When i was younger I was raped and I still have scars from where I was cut and my boyfriend will point them out whenever we're naked together. I can tell that he doesn't even enjoy the sex. He used to but over time. It just stopped. I don't want him to feel like he has to be with me or anything. I dont know how to tell him that. If he is unhappy he can leave. Am I just being insecure or should I tell him?
0 1

Most Helpful Girls

  • "he's only with me because he wants to punish himself for being a crappy son"

    People say things to hurt others, but 9 times out of 10 there is a grain of truth in there somewhere, The other issues just make this sound like a miserable relationship. This isn't about how attractive your boyfriend is, you haven't mentioned that at all... this is about you wondering if you should be with a guy just because he is handsome. If he treats you like this and shows no interest in you physically or emotionally and says things to purposefully hurt you... then rethink the whole thing. Either tell him this isn't right and it needs to change, or walk away and work on your own self esteem. Once you feel better about yourself you will not allow people to treat you like this. People tend to be attracted to those with a similar level of self esteem, so if you feel unworthy of him and he feels that way too then I doubt he finds you attractive. At least not as he should do.

    Don't tell him he doesn't have to be with you, he knows that, tell him that you shouldn't be punished for his fucked up relationship with his father. You aren't a tool to be used for his own personal development. You aren't something to be used to hurt or punish, you're a fucking human being and you deserve to be loved and desired. Don't settle for anything less.

  • Babygirl you need to leave him! I know, it's hard to hear but I was in a relationship like that. He just made me feel shitty about myself and our relationship all the time. All my friends told me to dump him (guys too which says something) but i was afraid to bc I didn't want to be alone:(. Looking back now I can't believe I even dated him that long and kept up with his bs. There were things that happened that I would brush off but take him back and I can't believe I did. (cheating, calling me a hoe) You don't know what you deserve until you experience it, believe me. I'm now with a guy who calls me a goddess, and treats me like one. I can't even imagine being with anyone again who treats you like your anything less than a blessing. You need to leave him and move on to someone better, but FIRST work on being happy by yourself. Even if you're with someone you still have to be able to be happy without them there, just in case.

  • So why are you in this relationship?
    Don't you see its only further damaging your self esteem?
    You are probably not even ugly.
    What is making you feel that way is your low self esteem.
    Being in the relationship you are in is only making it worse.
    You are beautiful.
    You deserve someone who loves you back and treats you with respect.
    You should not let a guy instead of your body if he talks down to you and does not love every inch of you.
    "You're only treated negatively if you allow yourself to be treated that way."
    Get out of this relationship!
    Break the pattern.
    Do not let it continue.
    Use the time you are single to better heal yourself.

    • **inside of your body

  • Firstly, i'm so sorry to hear about the trauma you have been through before. Sometimes you can never truly overcome something like that. If he knows about what happened i can't believe that he would make you feel uncomfortable about it, that is wrong.

    You shouldn't think of yourself as a lesser person than him. People are not just with people because of their looks. What he said to you was wrong but it is up to you on whether you can forgive him for that. You shouldn't have to be with someone that doesn't make you feel worthy. You deserve better than that.

Most Helpful Guys

  • It sounds like he is manipulating your insecurity to hurt you and further your insecurity
    This sounds very unhealthy, if i were you i would try to talk to him about it, calmly and maturely, if he gets very defensive and aggressive or makes you feel like crap during the argument, i dont think you should continue a relationship with him it will only further your insecurity

  • You need to tell him to get help or get lost. You telling him anything else isn't wise. He's clearly a train wreck inside and only a professional can help him sort through it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

12 9

  • he sounds awful. He will do nothing to help your self confidence... if he loved you he wouldn't treat you like this x

  • Maybe this is just your opinion...
    I'm sure it isn't 100% true.

  • I mean no... not necessary, if you love him use all your effort to keep him with you as long as he is a good loving and caring boyfriend who truly loves you..

  • Maye u should b the one dumping him. he's clearly not treating u well. As opposed to how u seem to b treating him.

  • You should leave him. He's affecting your self-esteem by making you feel bad about yourself :/

  • this relationship is awefull
    get over him.. find you another one.. with more compatibility
    that's will make you feel better and happier
    no doubts no fears and no abused

    good luck

  • He is an asshole. Just dump him.

  • Talk it out with him. If he uses your scars as a reason to find sex distasteful with you. Its really not worth it. I mean, are you still in it with him to get humiliated? That's just... So insensitive.

  • Dump him. He is crappy for you.

  • I'd dump his ass, pronto. Seriously, he is trying to play onto your insecurities and make you feel bad. The fuck is wrong with that guy.

  • He needs to apologize for making you feel that way. Tell him everything you feel and he better say sorry.

  • He sounds like a jerk to me. Angry or not, saying something like that to you is not acceptable. You shouldn't feel unequal in the relationship, like he's holding his attractiveness over you.

  • yes and? He obviously thinks you are more than your looks.

  • This relationship sounds dreadful. Cut your losses and go your separate ways, find someone who appreciates you. Good luck :)

  • if he doesn't make YOU happy... dump him!

  • "he said to me that i need to know that he's only with me because he wants to punish himself for being a crappy son." from your sentence it means he is only with you because he is being a crappy son. if it is there not other reasons why he is with you, than it simply means you have a choice to stay with him because he is hot or you should find someone who will love you. in my opinion, relationship is perfect if someone you love loves you very much. you deserve such person.

    • sorry for grammar errors. hope you understand...

  • Leave him you deserve better

  • I think you should break up with him. Angry words, much like drunk words, are sober thoughts, and you shouldn't be someone's punishment because you're probably an amazing person. He also shouldn't be pointing out your scars unless its to remind you how glad he is that you survived and that he's glad its a scar and not your cause of death. If you're on a forum like this posting thoughts like this, I dont think you're being insecure I think you're the one who's unhappy and you don't deserve to be in a relationship this toxic that's making you question your relationship. You should both be happy and comfortable.

    I really hope this helps and that you can be happy again soon xx :)

  • So you're with a really shitty guy because he's hot. That's what it sounds like. If you have any self-respect or anything close to it you wouldn't be with a guy that says or does these things. If he wasn't that good looking this would be a lot easier for you to see.

  • My dear there is nothing wrong with you. All girls are beautifull. Please dont underestimate self.

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