I just had sex for the first time & lost my virginity, yet I don't feel any different. There was no pleasure, just pain. Whats wrong?

So I'm 20. I've been with an experienced man (27 years) for a month. We clicked so well. We've seen each other every day. He does so much for me, introduced me to his family, etc. he's really committed. I honestly felt in love. I was a virgin. I just had sex for the first time (my decision completely.) I was super tight because I never fingered myself or used a tampon. It was very painful in all honesty. He tried to go easy, finger me, go slow, but it didn't help. He was getting off (when I finally allowed him to.. It took several tries), while I felt just pain and pressure from something being inside me. After, he said we need to find ways to make it pleasurable for me& that he hates hurting me. I was just really quiet. There was no pleasure. I got better pleasure by rubbing my clit during previous masturbation sessions I had. I don't feel any different either. No magic. No stronger connection to him (my friend said I will forever feel connected to him since he took my virginity and it is something so amazing that she can't describe it). And yet nope, I feel nothing. I just want to carry on with my life like nothing happened. I don't feel dirty or less "pure" either. I feel the exact same. And actually I like him less? I was crazy about him and now I am unsure for reasons I don't know. For now, I keep bleeding :/ I think sex is dumb & I don't know what to do.
0 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • Well, the first time isn't going to be super pleasurable. It can be quite awkward and uncomfortable for women. You probably weren't used to the feeling of having something inside you so that takes time to get used to. It's also VERY important to make sure you are "turned on" enough. The vagina naturally lubricates itself for sex but sometimes it takes a bit of time and foreplay to work up to that. If you feel that you are not getting "wet enough" you can always invest in lubricants as well (but if you're using condoms, make sure the lube is water-based so it won't break down the condom).

    Other than that, it might just take practice, like anything else. Very few women actually really enjoy their first time. It's just such a mix of emotions and doesn't feel very great. So, I don't think you should write-off sex completely. Try new things to make it better and honestly, the more you do it, the better it will probably be. When you learn your own body and figure out what you like, what positions feels the best for you, etc. then I'm sure your opinions about sex will change.

  • My first time was really pleasurable!! But no, I don't feel any kind of connection to the guy whatsoever. Did you guys try lube? He can just ago ahead and finger you. Foreplay comes first. Eating you out, sucking on your nipples, pouring lube on your clit then rubbing it. You will enjoy sex when it feels pleasurable. By the way, the vaginal canal doesn't expand if the girl isn't aroused. It doesn't matter how horny u think u were if it didn't expand then u weren't horny enough. Maybe give it some time and try again when you're ready.

  • Sex is a big deal for the first time but i guess it's not as a big deal as some people make it out to be. It doesn't suddenly change your life and change you as a person. If you don't want to do it you don't have to, the guy your with sounds quite understanding. It's quite natural to not feel too much pleasure for your first time, this can partly be down to nerves or not knowing what to expect. If you want to work up to it then there are plenty of other ways you can be intimate without sex.

Most Helpful Guys

  • " I was super tight because I never fingered myself or used a tampon."
    says most of it.
    Next times will be better if you don't block.

    Don't do it right away.

    Finger yourself (deeply, not just rubbing clit) for some time (days, maybe weeks) , then let him finger you when you feel at ease , relaxed and very horny. Not before.
    After that, try it again.

  • So your first time wasn't fireworks it might take you a bit of time for you to get used to it. Try to relax, prepare your body, plenty of foreplay, loads of lube. Maybe practice on getting the vagina ready over a couple of make out sessions. When the confidence is right try again. There is plenty of stuff online about your first time you can not research it too much.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

6 2
  • If you bleed after the first time, you should consult a doctor. I don't think there's a high possibility of that being remnant hymen. Sex is not supposed to hurt, especially if he is taking it slow.

    For me, my first time was over fast (guy was a virgin too) but it felt nice. And every person is different, so not feeling pleasure the first time isn't a big deal. But if you are continuing to bleed, you should go to the doctor to be safe.

  • It's normal for the first time to feel a bit of an anti climax. It did for me anyway. You just need to keep doing it. Discover what you like and don't like about sex. You will become more confident and be able to make more pleasurable for you and your partner.

  • Sounds like he didn't do any foreplay or you weren't into him as you thought?

  • The first time rarely is pleasurable. Theore you do it the better it gets. I was the same way after my first time and now I like it more then hubby does

  • You won't have fun on your first time!!!

  • So it sounds pretty pointless... Thanks for sharing your experience. I imagined it to be stupid but I'm glad someone finally confirmed it for me. Guess I'm not missing out after all.

  • No foreplay? Maybe, that's why you didn't enjoy it. He probably wasn't trying to please you as much as he was trying to please himself.

  • If this helps my first time was not grand it hurt really bad it was only good for him o bleed to and I hurt several days afterwards but I promise u it does get better u just have to do it more often far as not being magical most people first time is not magical at all movies try to glamor up stuff like this but real life is awkward but it gets a lot better as time goes on and u get used to it pleasure will come