Guys, my husband wants a threesome, do you think he just wants another woman or he truly feels left out?

Before my husband and I met, I had already had a couple of threesomes while nmy husband had been in traditional relationships as long as he had been dating. We've now been married for over a year and together for three and this issue has come up multiple times over the last two years. Every couple of months we start fighting and this seems to be the starting point. He feels that I just don't think he's attractive enough or that I already tried it so why would I want to. So kind of like he wants to do it but I'm over it, I don't want to. Bottom line is, I don't want to share! He's my husband, I don't want to spend the rest of our marriage thinking of that time when my husband fucked another woman. He says he's tired of having to think of my experiences with others whenever he hears or thinks of threesomes. He'd rather think of our experiences together. Which I totally get! I don't think about my past experiences because quite honestly, they gross me out to think of because I can't believe I let pieces of shit touch me! So he's the only one that thinks about it positively. I may have had a different view on this issue if, in the beginning, he didn't make me feel like shit about my past. He's called me a slut and a whore and made fun of me, he's acted like I'm some prostitute who didn't have a role in life other than being fucked all the time. I was promiscuous but it was very short and then we met, 6 months before then I had been a virgin. It's unfair that we can't talk about his past but he can shred mine to pieces. When we first started this issue, he said he didn't want to touch the other woman if we did have a threesome, but now he says it shouldn't be an issue and he should be allowed to fuck her because I didn't hold those rules for an ex. Do you think he's just in it for the other woman or is it something more?
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  • To be fully honest with you that is usually a very bad sign when a guy in a relationship is (honestly - ie: he is serious) looking for that. Any satisfied guy (or girl for that matter) wouldn't consider it. If the girl is feeling the desire to get double plugged, fair enough, I can use a toy in my hand while I handle her on the other end. Point being, people who sexually connect make due and still feel a very serious fire without having to resort to the death sentence that you're asking about (of course there are exceptions in couples but, let's face it, they are super rare).

    If I was your friend I would (highly) recommend you have a conversation, face to face, with him and ask him, point blank, what he feels you are lacking on. Don't be offended by his response as that is, in my professional view, the most important facet to any long standing and successful relationship in terms of sex. You have to communicate (both of you) your desires and the other side needs to do their best to make it happen within reason.

    • I've asked him and he said the typical stuff that you'd expect (you're perfect, I love our sex, etc.) But he also doesn't like talking about such intimate stuff, so maybe we could write each other a note or text it or something. Thank you

    • @Asker I understand. It's not easy for couples to break that barrier as many feel it will offend the other person. The truth though is that it, typically, has the opposite effect. There is simply no way of knowing exacts without exacts being stated so it's absolutely crucial to have such rhetoric between the two of you (not just about sex of course). Judging from the very little I've read of you I have some opinions of your personality and my reading of people in the past has always been extremely accurate less a few traits here and there every now and again. Point being, I can tell you're a strong person who (very likely) doesn't know it yet because you have not embraced fate and who you are meant to be. Long story short as I will save you one of my novels, it will, very likely, have to come from you, the strong person in terms of communication, to bridge this gap and remedy it. Don't be afraid, it's a very simple thing and once it's done and fixed, it's done and fixed.

    • Thank you, I appreciate the thoughtfulness in your comments. We do need to communicate more effectively and I am better able to express my feelings, so I agree I should break that barrier. I just feel like we keep running in circles, the same arguments hopefully this new idea of communicating our needs will help change that pattern. I'm just worried that all this will force him to leave me or find the affection/attention else where.

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  • I think he is very angry at you and this is his way of seeking revenge. If you have not already done so, you need to explain how you feel about that part of your past and the way he has previously treated you because of your past. Tell him you have paid a big enough price for your mistakes and you don't need any more punishment.

    Don't suggest this in any serious way but ask him how he would feel if you suggested a MMF threesome. Ask him what he would think if he was watching you getting fucked by another guy. The point out to him that this I exactly what he is expecting you to watch, tolerate, accept.

    Is there some sexual activity (blindfolded and tied to the bed, role playing, anal sex) which you have never done before which your husband would like? Perhaps you could offer to try that so that he would have an experience with you that no one else has ever had.

    • It makes a lot of sense that he'd be angry and this was his revenge. That makes complete sense. He knows that this would be the one thing to hurt/break me and he would just love to see his dominance over me clearly. And unfortunately that means he'd rather see me hurt than to see us having fun together. I really do need to mention how his attitude towards my past and how he treated me as a result has effected me and the outcome of this situation. He says I have no fantasies because I've already experienced them with others but that isn't true. I just don't know what my fantasies are! I didn't even like the threesome, but I just haven't tried things like role playing or serious bondage. We've blindfolded each other, we've done anal, we've used toys and lingerie. It seems as though he's bored or isn't satisfied with even those! I just wonder if he isn't turned on by those things because I don't have an attractive body. I've asked him about MMF and he said you're right, I wouldn't want

    • *that.

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What Guys Said

(19)
  • Obviously not ready for the commitment of marriage... that's what happens when you rush into things

    • So 6 months prior to meeting your spouse you were a virgin... in this 6 months you went from virgin to participating in threesom and Married a guy after a year... either way this union is doomed.

  • I read to the point where you described that you two have a baby and it all made sense to me.

    Your husband feels the pressure of fatherhood and the responsiblity of being a better provider for your daughter. He also feels he missed out on sexual adventure by marrying so young.

    Of course, the fool shouldn't have gotten you pregnant if he really feels that way, or is he a stepdad?

    Anyway, I would reiterate to him again and again that your sexual adventures were mistakes and you would have done it differently if you could do it over again.

    • Thank you. He is her father, and I completely get feeling that pressure. I never wanted to marry or have kids until we got pregnant. He is extremely pressured by his parents, who we're living with at the moment. They've always been hard on him.

    • How the devil does he expect such an encounter under your parent's roof? (Unless he wants a motel for a night). That said, I do have a hunch that if you shifted his focus to getting you a place of your own, he might have a loftier goal.

    • We are in the process of getting a house built, should be done by Christmas. We probably would get a motel for the night, honestly

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  • i think he's saying those things out of anger. he probably always wanted a threesome but never had the opportunity to have one. now he has a wife who has had a threesome before and feels he has that opportunity however you dont want to do it which is denying him his dream which intern makes him mad. he probably thinks you are ok with bein promiscuous but now all of the sudden you aren't and it peeves him even more.

    basically he's thinking "how come you're ok with doing this with other people but not me despite how bad i want it? its not fair."

    • Holy cow, that's exactly what he's said before! I just don't know what to do. Should I give in, regret it most likely or not do it and possibly just see him get more angry? Or he could even just give up on it? I was fairly okay being free to govern my own sexual experiences, but after a while all I heard regarding my sexul nature or past was jokes, crude humor, asshole remarks and name calling. He mistreated me and made me believe what I had been doing was wrong, now that I'm conditioned to thinking it's wrong he wants me to revert back? I just have no clue what to do

    • hmmm.. make a deal with him. say you will do it on his birthday or on your next romantic holiday but until then he won't talk bad about you and make you feel bad and you won't do it again afterwards (both the insuls and the 3some) marriage is about comprimise but dont take my word for it 3somes can ruin marriages

    • I feel that a threesome right now or even in the nearest future would kill our marriage. We're still trying to figure stuff out, adding a stranger fucking my husband is only going to make things worse.

  • I think he's got a problem and if he doesn't get it resolved he will tear your marriage apart. The lack of respect he showed earlier really concerns me. It doesn't sound like this much fun for you. Maybe counseling would help if he's open to it.

    • Yeah, I've asked about therapy and he thought I believed our marriage was "that gone". Counseling is a tool, it is a nonbiased person. It's an argument that's gone on since right after our daughter was born, two years ago. It's just not fun to wonder if the person you love wants someone else.

    • I honestly don't think he wants someone else, so much as he wishes he had not married and fathered children *so soon*. Buyer's remorse and all that. But he doesn't have another lady in mind in particular.

    • Not that's he's mentioned, other than jokes of celebrities.

  • I wouldn't do it there is a fine line in marriage that you guys dont want to cross there is no comming back from that and you marriage will turn to shit slowly i would give him the ultimatum if we cross this line and break my heart for ever than thats up to you but i love and cherish what are marriage is and what it could be what i did in the past was stupid and i didn't love anyone like i love you lay it on him i laid the foundation lol

    • Haha thank you, that's all very helpful. I do cherish our marriage, I only hope he does as well

  • Sounds like there are couple of issues. Obviously he resents your past. Or is jeulous. Was your 3somes MMF or FFM or both. He may be interested because you have had them and to make to see him with another women also he may want to see you with another women. As this is a man's biggest fantasy. sone thing tells me he will not drop it till you agree. Or he may just be testing you

    • My previous threesomes were FFM, I can understand why it turns him on. I'd love to do it if I weren't scared he'd leave or he wouldn't leave and I'd regret it

    • One way or another your going to have to do something. As if you leave it things will only get worse. Call his bluff and see what reaction you get but let him know it is his decision not yours and your only doing it to make him happy. Otherwise you would not be interested

    • I'm scared things will get worse due to the way he reacts when he realizes the argument isn't going the way he'd like, i. e. me agreeing! He said if did it now, he'd feel like he pressured me to do it.. Well he did/is!

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  • he's a jackass, a guy who wants to bring another woman in to your relationship isn't a man, and no ofense but you must be stupid to allow such of thing, if another pussy is what he wants than marriage is not for him😉 tell him u want to have sex with another guy and him to watch to see what he says

    • I told him if we did a FFM then we were going to do a MMF and asked if he'd like to have to watch me be fucked by someone else, he said "Yeah you're right". I also agree that marriage may not be for him

    • he didn't ask for a threesome, what he really wanted to tell you is "i'm tired of your pussy, do i have permission to have a different pussy and you can join if you want" kick his ass to the curb

    • There's probably a lot of truth in what you're saying unfortunately.

  • You should tell him ok, but you want to pick the guy you bring home and share:-)

    • Yes I should!

  • Problem is, you lived your sexual life freely but he trapped inside traditional datings. It was clear that eventually he was going to open this topic talk about your threesomes, sexual life and stuff. He didn't even experienced the things you had fed up. You're not a slut or something just because you had threesomes, but he's right as well.

    I see that you guys don't love each other (if you do, that love looks like about to disintegrate), you're just married. So he may be in for the other woman or something more. You demand MMF threesome then? Like, you gonna have FFM threesome with him but you going to get MMF threesome as an exchange. Or first do what he wants and make him worthy, after then you demand your wish.
    And about sharing each other, fuck it. It's alloweable if you both want.

    • Sharing each other is allowable in any marriage, but the two people need to have a mutual respect and should be in a stable relationship. We're married but we're still trying to figure stuff out; our child, how to be the best we can for each other, jobs, etc. I lived my sexual life the way I saw fit, I truly didn't care about anything, including myself. He had the opportunity to do what he wanted in his previous relationships, bit he didn't. He's a man, he's watched porn so he knew what a threesome was before he met me. I don't want a MMF, I don't want any threesomes.

    • I get it. I don't see any other solution but new sexual experiences. He's not in inferiority complex or something, right?

    • From what I've just read, he sounds comparable to having an inferiority complex.

  • Not a very good wife are we?

    • I don't see how I'm not a good wife?

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