Guys, why is porn better than me?

I'm 24yrs old, petite, athletic, people say I'm pretty. My boyfriend is 33yrs old. We've only had sex once a month, his choice not mine. I've done everything I could think of to try to initiate or bring things to a new level. I even went to a sex store after work to surprise him and he wasn't even interested In knowing what I brought home. I get rejected almost any time I try to initiate it. He says he just hasn't been horny. When we do have sex its like he's not into it. He watches porn the next day. Makes me feel like I'm not enough to satisfy him. Maybe bc I don't have huge boobs. We just broke up and he says he's not ready for a live in relationship. I told him I'm not ready for a guy who has more interest in a fake video that fucking the girl he "loves" right. Even after we have bbroken up he tells me he loves me all time, even though i never do and he says that he knows he's fucking up by losing me. When we talked about it before, he said it had nothing to do with me, that he thinks I'm beautiful and he just likes porn. When I get mad he just says whsts the big deal I just fuvkef you yesterday. I don't understand how I can be loyal to man that has disinterested sex once a month with me, and he would barely even toych me. I've tried everything to make things right. I haven't felt wanted, desired or loved, depsite what he says bc nothing shows that. I'm moving out today. I feel like he chose porn over me. My self esteem is shot. Did I do something wrong? Am I not pretty enough? Should I have faked porn star behavior in bed? I don't see how I could be boring, I love sex all the time. Maybe I should have gotten a boob job? Why fid he chose porn over me when he knew how much it damaged our relationship and how much pain it caused me?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Most women take it as personal insult when the guy chooses porn over them. However, it's not the right way to look at it because it's not true. I'll use an analogy to try to make a point.

    A guy named Jim really likes the outdoors a lot. Ever since he was little, he always had a fascination with nature and enjoying the fresh air of outside. When he grew up, he thought, he'd definitely work in the woods and always be able to be around nature. Nature and the smell of the great outdoors was the best thing ever. When Jim was a teenager, however, some guys were all doing stuff together that all of them thought was really cool. Only the cool kids did it. It got Jim's attention and he wanted to try it out. Granted, it was just something he wanted to try and after he did, he'd just stop and never think of it again if he didn't like it. Jim had his first cigarette. Years had gone by and Jim had become a smoking addict. He needed several packs a day to satisfy the addiction. Jim eventually worked as a forest ranger, but he rarely got to smell the outdoors. It seemed like every time he was outside, rather than getting to enjoy the outdoors like he always wanted to and always loved doing most of all, he couldn't because of the addiction. It wasn't that he liked smoking better. If he could quit, he would love to just have the outdoors to smell like he's always wanted because it's always been what he's liked best. However, all Jim smells, anymore, is smoke. He's also lost some of his ability to breath properly and it makes it hard for him to even enjoy the outdoors when he can.

    This is what happens to porn addicts. It starts out just seeing a magazine that a friend has just out of curiosity. Then watching women undress becomes a habit. Then staying up late every night to watch one more video because routine. It's an addiction. It's not that he doesn't want his wife more. Porn and the addiction to it wrecks a lot of the ability to enjoy real sex because the brain instead uses porn as the gateway to relieve sexual urges just like when Jim wants to calm down, instead of taking a deep breath of fresh air like he'd like to, his first thought is a cigarette because that's what's always satisfied the urge, before, and that's become the only thing his brain uses to get the dopamine going. Just like any addiction, it can be something you recover from, but it's very VERY hard to get away from. Harder than most women (who aren't addicted, themselves) realize.

  • It's not your fault. Porn use is an addictive habit and a lot of people get hooked.

    But I will tell you this: Don't try to compete with porn on porn's terms - you can't. No one can. Because porn is a never-ending stream of attractive, well-groomed people having sex in (preferably) flattering lighting.

    And when wome try to compete on porn's terms, by getting fake boobs, dressing up etc., it invariably ends up becoming a bit pathetic and unattractive.

    Confidence is attractive in men, but I also think it's attractive in women.

    Do things that make you genuinely feel better about yourself and life, and if that is being more sassy, by all means go ahead. But do it for the right reasons, not form a place of insecurity.

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What Guys Said

(20)
  • Are you sure he's not actually your husband? lol

    Really, it's him not you, there are plenty of guys out there, they check you out every day. Get on your horse and ride.

  • Most guys would prefer a real woman over porn. It sounds like it was just a bad relationship. Not your fault. You shouldn't need to get a breast enlargement to be more attractive, even if you're flat. Some people find that very attractive.

  • most of the guys dream of a girlfriend like you so just keep your head up sweetie you are alright!
    and don't ever do plastic surgery, its a big turn off for every normal guy probably!

  • You're plenty pretty enough. He just prefers his hands over you. That's kinda sad too. Pussy feels much better. I think you need a new man

    • I know he used to have crazy wild role playing sex with his ex from a long time back. He asked when we first started dating if I was open to that, of course I said I was, yet not once in the past year has any of that happened. So, I don't understand how he goes from that to, prefering his hand, and to never even attempting that type of intimacy with me. Ugh..

  • Maybe you should've watched it with him to see what he wants in bed.

  • talk to him and tell him that you need sex.

  • I don't watch porn, so don't look at meh.

  • I think he is not physically fit, it doesn't mean he is totally unfit. He can't share it to you because of his ego. He just shows you that he is very interested in sex & watch pron. only to overcome his frustration. It is my opinion may be some other reason.

    • Well he's in good shape, but he's been doing steriods, which is why he said he hasn't had a sex drive. Lately its increased a little, but not with me, with porn.

    • He is very unlucky, he has a loyal girlfriend, but he didn't care

  • Why are you even still with this loser?

  • See the bads of the porn that's why it isn't right to watch it

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