Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Boyfriend hardly does anything sexual to me... why?

We've been dating for 9 months. I've given him several blowjobs and in return all he does is grab my butt. If we makeout for more than 30 seconds he pulls away. when i try to kiss him again he stops me and is like "lol babe noo". He's only fingered me once but its been like 7 months since he's done so. We've had plenty of chances to do lots of sexual things, but he won't even put his hand under my shirt or in my pants. He just cuddles with me... Sorta leaving me unsatisfied. We used to sext, but we dont do it anymore. Weird thing is.. he's had plenty of sex with his ex girlfriend (mainly because she kept making him feel bad if he didnt). I dont want to pressure him into anything, but at the same time sorta want what he got from his ex.. What should i do? Or why won't he be sexual with me?
Updates:
+1 y
Update! I asked, his answer was " I dont want you to think I only want you for sex cause thats not true. You're an amazing, funny girl who also happens to be extremely attractive. I had no idea you were feeling this way & next time i'll be sure to put your needs first. Plus I would never talk to any other girls. Its also b/c we're both in college & rarely have alone time. Just being around you leaves me satisfied enough that I dont need sex. I love you so much & if anything, I dont deserve you."
3 1

Most Helpful Girls

  • Oh wow. Well I don't know about sex because I'm a virgin but I have had lots of oral sex and fingers. I also masturbate. Maybe you should get your self off from time to time?
    Anyway I love giving bjs but I would not be as keen if the guy I was with didn't return the favour. Talk to him. And the next time u go down on him start sucking his cock until he's into it then stop and just straight up ask him "babe before I make u cum will you go down on me for a bit" or something. Make as a deal u could tell him u will swallow but to be honest he should be giving u attention regardless. Oh and make sure u are fully shaved down there and clean.

    • Calling yourself a virgin when you've let a guy fuck your throat.. LMAO

    • @Onlyinit4fun I am a Virgin. I want to experience full sex with my soulmate not just give it out to any old fool. I wouldn't say they fuck my throat as I do all the work lol Anyway I need to see a guys dick before I let him fuck me (when I meet the right guy I need to know) so what's wrong with giving head?

    • Nothing wrong with it but you can't claim to be a virgin. A virgin has no sexual experience, whatsoever! Sucking cock.. that would not go well with a guy who is very serious about virginity. It's false advertising when you call yourself a virgin when you've done a lot of other sexual activities. It's like those girls who claim to be a virgin because they only have anal sex LMAO!!! Just say, I've never been penetrated. That's being honest.

    • Show All

  • i think u might need to chill out. he obviously isn't giving u much for a reason. maybe he respects u? maybe he isn't ready? maybe he doesn't want to treat u like an object the way he did with his ex?

    u dont know..

    also, if u really want to try change this dynamic, why dont u just hold back and see what happens? stop kissing him as long. stop giving him blow jobs or being sexual and see how much he cares. this will let u know whether he really craves it from u or not.

    keep in mind however that just because a man isn't sexual with u, doesn't mean he isn't sexually attracted.

    • How the hell do you equate "not having sex" with respect... unless you consider sex (from a man) to be some kind of hurtful deed?

    • if all u got out of that was thinking that i equated the 2 then there's a problem. @transigence

  • There could be multiple reasons; he may not be a giver, he may be shy, he might just generally not be a sexual person. Your best approach would be to talk to him about it and try to find out where his hesitation is coming from, and then let him know that while you respect his feelings, he has to respect yours and understand that you have needs as well. From there, you can come to a compromise.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Maybe he is homosexual and not ready to admit it. Maybe he has low testosterone level. Maybe he is self-conscious about himself physically or self-conscious about his sexual performance.

    If you settle down with this guy, it will get worse. Talk to him, tell him you need more, and ask what he is willing to do to address this problem. Tell him you are willing to work with him as long as he is committed to resolving this problem.

    At your age, you should be doing it 5 times a week, and it sounds like you haven't even done it once, yet. If that doesn't change, it is a dismal future ahead for you two.

  • I think you need to talk to him about this. It's obviously bothering you a lot and justifiably so. It does sound to me like he is either gay or just has an extremely low sex drive. Like any relationship, you have to take the bad with the good. It's all up to you how much you can handle.

    For me, no sex without a really good reason is a bad sign. Sexual attraction is a huge part of the male/female relationship and without it, you may as well be friends. Don't ever feel guilty about making it known that your needs are not being met. Not saying something about it always makes the situation worse.

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What Girls & Guys Said

12 23

  • Are you sure he's straight? Maybe he's realising he's not and doesn't know how to handle talking to you about it?

  • WTF is up with GaGer's these days? Anyway... Have you asked him why? Maybe you should. Perhaps: "Hey (his name) I feel like we haven't been very intimate lately. Is there something wrong?" Best wishes :-)

  • maybe he is gay and trying to convince himself, his family, or friends he is straight? At your age, guys should be willing and more than able. Has he given you any reasons?

  • I call gay.

    • If a guy refuse or do or behaves less sexual he is a gay and if do it he is hungry dog perv etc etc What exactly you expect.

    • @James19 They expect to be able to define men as Neanderthal shitlords no matter what and for us to just shut up and accept the fact that they don't love us.

  • "(mainly because she kept making him feel bad if he didnt)" That's your answer! He might not be THAT sexual of a person, maybe you;re dealing with a man who is asexual? Maybe you're dealing with a man who has turned to dislike sex because his ex-girlfriend coerced him into sex?

  • "You dont go down on me=I dont go down on you" thats not pressuring, thats being fair. Done. Welcome.

  • He doesn't find you attractive.

    • Bullshit comment. Have you seen her face and body? No right. So how can you declare that he doesn't find her attractive? Everything is clear out of her comment that his ex forced him to have sex. When people get forced to do things they usually start to dislike it. He probably has psychological issues due to being forced to have sex in his previous relationship. He feel more comfortable with just hugging and being intimate without having intercourse.

    • @Onlyinit4fun Or, oR, or, OR.. he's not attracted to her.

  • Have you asked him... what is up? It is not normal for a young guy not to want sex 2-3 times a day! Do you think he is fooling around on you? Does he jerk off a lot when you are not around? Buy yourself a good sex toy so at least you can get off.

    Have you had sex with him yet?

  • can't you just ask him about it? I mean you guys dating for almost a year, it will be better if you both can talk about it.

  • It might be that you mean more to him than his ex. He may have just seen her as a opportunity to do that stuff and he sees you as a long term relationship which he wants to be meaningful.

    I would suggest saying, i know it's your choice and everything but I feel like you don't want to do anything sexual with me and see what his reply is

    Good luck

  • If you are giving and not receiving, then there is something wrong. You should not be asking for attention, but talk to him, he might have his reasons. I think he is sexually active, but maybe needs a friendly reminder of your needs. In my opinion, for men, giving is always better then receiving. He should not be lazy.

  • Maybe he's lost respect for you after seeing how willing you were to put his cock in your mouth.

  • Maybe Ask him to return the favor or to do simultaneous oral

  • I think you should have a conversation with him about it and understand on what he likes and doesn't like and then along with what your likes/dislikes work on something so you and him are both satisfied.

    Who knows maybe he wants more meaning out of the relationship than sex. Like I said go ask him what's going on and hopefully you'll get a solution.

    There you go his ex is an ex for a reason so that's just one piece to finding a solution to your problem.

  • Yeah gotta make sure he isn't cheating on you also you need to speak up
    tell him you want treated more better or there is no use in being together
    he did things for his ex but not for you yeah you wanna second think about him
    he isn't playing fair for sure by you i think you deserve more better.

  • um is he gay? or very very shy? I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months and usually I'm really shy to start anything sexual.. but he has no issues starting anything.

  • Sorta leaving you unsatisfied? Girl, you're totally unsatisfied. You gotta talk to him, and tell him what's on your mind, that he needs to get more active. Perhaps he's selfish and you don't need a guy like that because it won't end in the bedroom but perhaps he's used to it and it's the only way he knows to make love so when you talk to him, maybe things will get better. Best of luck! :)

  • Maybe he's asexual.. or in the closet

    • It's best to talk to him

  • How's your smell?

    If you aren't stankin', you should start cutting out the favors and moving on. What he's doing is actually a form of abuse (so long as he's willing to accept favors from you).

  • Reading between the lines, your boyfriend could be cheating since sex and intimacy between the two of you is virtually non-existent! You have two choices :
    1. Remain in the relationship with him feeling constantly unsatisfied :-( or
    2. End the relationship and find a potential partner who has the same libido as you and who completely appreciates you too :-)

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