Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend wants me to be more aggressive when we have sex? Tips?

First, let me say that I don't know if I am a virgin or not lol. This is my first boyfriend, still a virgin when iI met him, and he has waited for me to feel comfortable to have sex with him, but here's the problem. When we tried the first time, he just put his penis inside me, limp. It wasn't hard because he said he "Didn't want to hurt me", and just wanted me to feel what's it's like to have a penis in there lol, but I bled, so I don't know if he tore my hymen or not. The second time, he was trying to get hard, but he claims it was the "condom" why he couldn't get hard because it was too "restricting". He also said he's stressed out, and he is really stressed out, but I took it as him not being hard as he's not into me. He's the one that confesses his love for me, and was wanting it, so it is confusing to me as to why he can't get hard. Now he's telling me that i need to act more aggressive, and kiss him more, and take more control, because thats a huge turn on, but how can I do that when I know nothing about sex? I still might be a virgin for all I know, but he is my first sexual experience in my 21 years. What should I do? Do you think he's being out of line considering that I am not at all sexually experienced? Any tips on how to be aggressive too? Also am I virgin or not? Lol. Thank you.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Uhm. Yeah... the stressed out makes more sence to me. Its not because you're not attracting him. Also yeah, being aggressive isn't hard to do. just do what you feel like. I love it when she doesn't only kisses me on my lips, she should kiss me everywhere on my face. My cheeks, my nose, my forehead, my eyes (do the eyes slowly tho.. he needs time to close them) just make him drown in kisses lol XD thats already aggressive. Maybe the neck also. Also when he says he is stressed out, maybe give him a massage: legs, back, arms, neck. There are plenty of beginner tutorials for massages on YT. A man can also get a boner from feeling comfortable, so a massage kills the stress and makes him feel comfortable.

    In Short: kisses all over the face and neck, and Massage to make him relaxed.

    Pro tip: make him follow your breath rythm while you massage him. Breath 1 time loud and slow so he can follow you and breath with you at the same time. That makes you feel closer and relaxes even more.

    Welcome!

  • First off your not a virgin. His penis went into your vagina. Two he had to be "somewhat hard" if his penis was able to go in the first time because as you see when it was the second time a limp penis won't go in.

    As for aggression he's an idiot. As your new to sex he should be doing the majority of the work and help you feel comfortable and enjoy the experiences of sex instead of trying to put more pressure on you. Kissing him more will help him stay hard probably and some touching but for the most part he should handle it.

    • Thank you. I agree with you. I said to him that I am new to all of this, and I don't know what to do, he's 7 years older than me, and he lost his virginity when he was 17, so he has 11 years experience in sex, I literally have none. Haha. Like just those two experiences haha. So I don't know why he expects me to be more aggressive. Maybe I just don't turn him on? That upsets me the most, but that doesn't make any sense because he was the one always trying to have sex with me, and he was the one always confessing his feelings, and undying love for me. It's weird, but thank you for commenting.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Sometimes being verbal is enough. If the idea of adding more kink to the bedroom is a bit scary for you, you may want to start by simply asking for sex more often, being more verbal about what you'd like him to do to you, and working on your dirty talk game. It feels kind of silly at first, but saying things out loud (at least to me) can kind of help me move into that headspace.

    Good luck.

    • Thank you, I will try that lol.

  • i personally like when the guy takes control... but you can try to grab his face and kiss him, tell him how badly you want him, lighlty push him onto the bed and give him a bj. lay on top of him... hopefully that helps

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 16

  • To be honest the best way to spice up your sexual life, is to be comfortable with doing what you are doing. Instead having all these thoughts about him enjoying or you being good enough, you should focus on just relaxing and having a great time :)

  • Presume for the sake of discussion that you are no longer a virgin. What are your sexual dreams and fantasies?

  • The guy is so nervous that he can't get hard and that makes him feel inadequate. He is asking you to be more aggressive because he is too busy worrying about his penis to know what to do in bed, which makes him more nervous. So he wants to delegate some of the weight of performance on your shoulders. I think it makes sense. The guy is just as inexperienced as you are and he still has to manage an erection while "knowing" everything that pleases you like he had done that all his life. I think the best thing you could do is to remove his need to perform. Remove all the pressure from his shoulders. Make him understand that it's ok and you don't expect anything but to have fun. Tell him to let go of his worries and to just have fun. It will take some time, but eventually, if you give him the permission to "suck", he'll get better and have his erection in no time. Care about him just as much as you would want him to care about you. We are not born with the capacity to perform at sex, it's something you learn...

    • As for your question about if you are still a virgin or not. You are still a virgin if you want to, and are not a virgin if you don't want to. Nobody cares but you. Nobody can "prove" anything. Many people have different views on what virginity is. I would even say the concept is ridiculous and shouldn't even exist. Just don't think about it.

  • that's his problem not urs... and no ur not a virgin.

  • He may have ED or low testosterone if he was able to put his penis in you and not get a boner. I get a boner at the sight of booty.

  • it's hard to be "more aggressive" with someone who can't even get a boner up, but I think he should clearly just lay off the porn. Because, well, if you have the opportunity to have sex with someone you find attractive, there's zero reason why one should be so focused on stress and not on the moment.

  • He's probably masturbating too much. Tell him to only do it once a day.

    Also stress is a huge factor for male libido. Help him relax. Give him a massage. Suck his dick. Then he should get over his performance anxiety and be ready to perform. :)

  • Not sure on the virgin. I wasn't there.

    Yes guys can lose an erection due to emotional stress. However at 21 I was more than ready to go at the slightest encouragement.

    He wants to know you are into it. Some rough talk is probably in order to get him fully aroused.

  • You can't blame the girl for your lack of performance. If he wants it to be aggressive then twist his nipples. Maybe he's just embarrassed so he's trying to put the blame on you cause most guys never go limp on their first time.

  • Maybe he is gay... Just saying.

  • It sounds like he did tear your hymen even though he was limp so you are technically not a virgin any more
    The lack of errection is a different matter all together and he should seek some professional advice on the matter or just kiss him a lot and see if that helps. Kissing is intuitive and won't take you long to master. Basically if it turns you on then it's turning him on.

  • bite him! hard!

  • Ride him like a dimestore pony

  • It probably is connected to stress. It can certainly have that effect. I can't imagine why he wouldn't be into you - what's not to like? Also if he wasn't, he wouldn't want to have been your boyfriend in the first place. Maybe he's nervous or something because he really wants to please you.

    As for tips on being aggressive, just use your imagination. Lie him down, play with his penis, stroke it, kiss it and suck it. Work those big boobs too. Dangle them in his face, drag them down his body, put his penis between them. I know you don't really like them but you might as well make use of them :) Most of all, have fun with each other.

  • First if he stuck his dick inside your pussy then you're not a virgin especially if you broke your hymen and you bled. Second your boyfriend is a moron. He's suppose to get hard then put the condom on not put the condom on and try to get hard while it's on so he doesn't know what he's doing. Also if you're not sure about kissing get a pear or apple or canelope and place your lips on that and practice kissing on that

  • so looks like he is more submissive in sex.. and u being virgen have to take control... but he had to get hard... he wait for you and now he can't get hard? strange...

  • beat him up

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