Boyfriend comparing me to pornstars?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend started watching porn together a while ago during foreplay, but I think it's damaging my relationship. He is always making some kind of comment. For example, first time he said "wow, check her skintone, I wish yours was like that". I shook it off. Then, he made some comment about one girl's ass he wished mine looked like and one girl's lips he said would be nice if I had similar. It's perfectly okay for him to wish some of my features were better, but what's the point in saying them out loud? After a while of this, I gave up on watching porn together but now we are having way less sex than before. Sometimes I go to wake him up with a bj in the morning, for example, and he doesn't want, but half an hour later he is watching porn. I don't know if this can be something like addiction and if it's something I should be worried about.

[HorrorFan]

Unfortunately, this guy is on the not acceptable end of the porn watching spectrum.

If he'd rather watch porn than have sex with you, that's a problem.

If he's comparing you to pornstars and not fully accepting of who you are and your physical features, that's a problem.

There's nothing wrong with watching porn... until the person becomes an addict. I won't say to just up and leave him or anything, but you may have to have a serious communication session with him and possibly even throw out some ultimatums to let him know that he could very well lose you if things don't change for the better.

[matheus_mb]

Yes, you should be worried. He probably got addicted and this led him to be unhappy with your relationship. I'm sorry to say that, but I think you got a serious problem. I can't believe he rejects a bj in the morning...

[CountVronsky]

Yes, that guy has some issues.

[Octavius]

That sounds like an addiction if he's turning down having sex with you because he'd rather watch porn. Don't look the other way you need to have a talk with him about this. It'll only get worse if you wait.

[sexyphil]

Smash the TV

[CountVronsky]

Why don't you dump the idiot? He's being too rude. That's not what one would expect from a partner.

[alonzoslade]

it amazes me how people emphasize long term relationships but do nothing to fix them. They are so quick to say break up with him

[CountVronsky]

Sometimes I suggest working with the problem. This seems like a lost case: he can't even respect her, let alone love her.

[Asker]

We have been living together for a while now and our relationship was going great until this porn thing started to happen. He is currently unemployed so maybe too much free time is doing this? Maybe things will go back to normal after he finds a job? I do want my sex life to be better, but I also want to try to fix this one relationship before I do something too radical.

[CountVronsky]

I understand. He's probably under a lot of stress. You have to make him see that what he's doing isn't right, though: nobody should have to cope with insults from their partner, and I'm pretty sure he'll understand that if you tell him. It'd also be good if he could reduce the amount of porn he watches: he's probably addicted to it, like other user said.

[CountVronsky]

I suppose he feels miserable because he doesn't have a job, and I guess you do. So maybe he wants to make you worry about some defects he makes up, like not having a good butt, or something like that: he thinks otherwise he doesn't stand a chance. He's trying to drive away his insecurity by making you insecure. He needs to understand that it doesn't work that way: you're both on the same boat.

[alonzoslade]

I would say that he has an ideological image of what you should be. Do you read romance novels?

[Asker]

No, why?

[alonzoslade]

because just as equally as men get unrealistic expectations from porn, women get unrealistic expectations of relationships from romance novels

[Asker]

No haha I prefer police/detective stuff or fiction. Never expected my future husband to come on a white horse or open doors for me.

[MattyBoy2018]

Porn is an extreme addiction