Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Would you let your boyfriend get a naked lap dance? (GUYS) - Do you think this is okay?

Hi Everyone, Serious question here, my boyfriend of 2 years, has always loved strippers and strip clubs. Keep in mind, he is a great guy, he is not a scumbag by any means, he’s 34, super professional, wealthy, cares for me and has a very established life. (I’m 20). We live together and work together. He is actually the first guy I have ever been with, who would consider physically "dating" a stripper. Most men are turned off by the thought of actually being in a relationship with one... Most guys just want a one night thing and then nothing to do with them. So here is my issue: He has never been to a strip club since we have been together, mainly because the opportunity has not arose. We have had many discussions on it though, and in my opinion I have ZERO issue with him going to look at the strippers dance and have a good time, I have a very serious issue with a naked girl grinding her vag all over him privately. (I live in Canada, you can do anything you want with them). In the past he told me he’s fingered strippers before, got there phone numbers, how hot they are and that he wishes I could be like one, and has had the time of his life. Obviously, with this being said, I am not comfortable with him going anymore, because i don’t trust him. It makes me super insecure. He can’t understand why I have such a big issue with him going, and tells me guys do It all the time. The difference is those guys don’t actually want to BE with the girl who’s dancing on him, where I feel he would. What should I say to him about this? I don’t think he would like if I was grinding on guys all night, showing them my boobs and came home reeking of cologne. Its borderline cheating to me. Also, do you think its okay for a guy (Boyfriend) to constantly talk about how hot another girl is to your face and what you wanna do with her, in detail? How do i get him to stop this? I just feel unattractive to him now. What do you guys think? Ladies, would you le
Updates:
+1 y
These answers are great, thank you so much for the feedback! There are times where I consider breaking up with him, (I am not with him because of his money). I always just feel like, if I end things I won't ever find someone again? Does anyone feel that way when you consider breaking up. I am just so comfortable with him, and this whole thing has kind of made me feel insecure about my appearance. He is very attractive, and he knows it. Sadly, I don't think he would even care if I broke it up..
+1 y
Thank you so much to everyone who responded, it was great hearing everyone's opinion, most of them being on my side. Now that I know I am not over reacting, next time this topic comes up I can be very assertive on the topic and if he feels the need to do these things we should not be together. He keeps asking if he can take me to one to see what it’s like, but I think I would actually turn evil watching a naked girl sit on him and I awkwardly sit there and watch it, resenting him for it...
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Every red blooded guy goes through this and the more unattractive, the less sex granted at home, the more they seek this out AFTER the initial "let's see what this is all about" phase.. that ends in no sex, just frustrations = makes no sense to pay for that.

    So if my guy needs to go out with buddies (never allowed to alone) then I make the most of it. Of course they talk about the gals and what makes them hot to them... that makes it easy for me to emulate such traits to turn them on even more at home.

    Gal, there are times when I WANT to send him out to strippers, just so he'll get out of his work rut, get horny, then we have great sex after his pump has been primed... by others doing the hard work.

    I think of it as team work, not competition... those gals just want his/others money - they are not there to pick up/steal guys. This is a high pay job w/o such complications.

    That said, having strip joints in my life full time, all the time? No thanks = something's wrong with him when naked playtime can be had at the drop of his pants. Strip clubs are for the young, just to spice things up. Sorry you are having a problem with him. Suggest some naked strip games at home?

  • I agree that touching them and them being naked on him is cheating, 100% but he probably does too! Ask him if when he's done physical stuff with those strippers in the past, if he was single or in a relationship when he did it. I would reckon he was probably single and will draw the line when he's in a relationship. Just ask him about it and say to stop you feeling uncomfortable and paranoid about it, can you set up some clear boundaries so that you'll both be happy.
    And then when it comes to trusting him to actually follow it, thats the risk we all take in relationships with trusting, we just have to trust they'll do the right thing, if you start to accuse it will put a strain on the relationship.

    Regarding him saying how hot other women look, just tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and you understand that men will always look but you'd rather he didn't express those opinions to you! If he's mature he'll understand. And make sure you approach the topic in a polite way and willing to discuss, he will shut off to the request if you say it in a way that sounds like you're complaining/telling him off.

    • oh yeah that reminded me of another thing I was going to say, become his own little stripper at home! Play out the fantasy that you're a stripper and that he can only do little stuff with you slowly, if thats the kind of fantasy he likes, give it to him at home so that he doesn't need to go out somewhere else to get it! Then you'll be his perfect woman, perhaps the reason he would want to date a stripper is because he likes the idea of getting that stuff at home from a woman who knows how to do it!

  • No I wouldn't. As long as he's with me, all he gets to do at strip clubs is look. No lap dances, clothed or naked. I would consider that cheating. What's the difference between the stripper and a random ordinary girl? The difference is that the stripper gets paid. But the act is the same - he lets some random girl grind on him and turn him on. That counts as physical cheating in my book, just as much as kissing and groping does. Just because she's a "professional" and gets paid to do it, it doesn't make it any more right.

    If I was in a relationship and some random dude came up to me and started grinding on me, and I accepted/enjoyed it, I'm pretty sure my hypothetical boyfriend wouldn't like it. What makes strippers an exception?

    • I would have a hard time trusting your guy at a strip club, the way he thinks about strippers.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Ok, there are so many issues in this I don't know were to begin, and I don't have a big enough character allotment in this little box. So I will boil it down to bare bones.
    You don't trust him. That is your issue, not his.
    He, most likely, is not a monogamous soul. There are a lot of non-monogamous relationship styles in this world. You don't want him to be himself because it makes you uncomfortable. Keep that up and he will resent you. If you want to try to make this relationship work, look into the various types of non-monogamous relationships and see if there are any concepts that would work for BOTH of you. But since you have already decided that you don't trust him, I do not know if even that would work.

    For the most part I expect that this is going to lead to you needing to split up so that you can find someone that fits into your expectations and he can find someone that will accept him as he is.

    • Its her fault that she doesn't trust him? When he says he wants to date a stripper, that he wishes she was more like one, and given his past of fingering strippers before? If you read properly you'd see that she trusted him prior to him telling her that he wants to be sexual with a stripper. He openly talks about how other girls are hot and how he wants to do them to her face. All of this will cause distrust and resentment to most women and even men if they were in this situation. Its assumed by pretty much everyone that unless otherwise stated a relationship IS monogamous. Asking her to just open it up and let him do whatever he wants because he isn't "built" to be monogamous is ridiculous. If he knew he wasn't "built" that way it was his job to tell her that monogamy won't work for him before she gets involved, bc like I said, almost all people assume relationships are monogamous.

    • "Keep that up and he will resent you. " I am failing to see how she's the problem here? She seems more trusting than most gfs, being ok with him going to strip clubs in the first place and all. He is the one causing resentment and distress. It would be different if he had let her know that he has no intention of being monogamous from the beginning but he didn't. You can't expect a girl to be okay with their guy screwing whoever he wants just because he WANTS to. Most people are looking for a monogamous relationship so stop with that shit.

    • @RachelBrigs Thank you Rachel!!! I was like WTF when I saw this comment lmao. Who the hell wants to be in a relationship where you both cheat? No way! Thanks so much :)

    • Show All

  • For a guy to tell his girls that he finds another gal hot is maybe a little unfeeling, but maybe just a comment in passing without any bad connotation. But to constantly go on about how he finds a gal hot is not only wrong, it is knowingly hurting you, and regardless of how you feel about his feelings, that right there says a lot about how his feelilngs for you are not that great.

    And to look at other women is one thing, whether in public or even at a strip bar. But physical contact is not just noticing or fantasizing. It is real contact and that is cheating. And wanting that contact, especially fingering... Holy shit! Just so wrong. I don't think your relationship with this guy is as great as you believe it is.

    • I agree Red Arrow It kind of saddens me to read this...

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What Girls & Guys Said

23 17

  • I'm in the same mind-set as you. No issue with my boyfriend going to strip clubs at all. As a matter of fact, he took me to a strip club for my birthday. I would definitely draw the line at him getting a lapdance though. It's cool for someone in a relationship to let their imagination run wild, be it with porn or watching strippers but what would differ between getting a lap dance and dry sex? Once the touching begins, that's not something for someone who's in a relationship to participate in.

  • i might be a little bit uncomfortable with the idea of some naked chick on my man, but as long as he doesn't touch her and she doesn't get any creepy ideas and ONLY dances on him, then i'd deal with it. still would make me feel a little bit weird, but not something i would flat out say no to.

    • The thing is, my boyfriend would totally touch her, and be all over it.

    • then you shouldn't be with a guy like that :/

  • I would not be able to stand that. Way to much hurt. I'd tell him what u want and if he doesn't comply then u deserve better. U should be the only women he sees naked and touches sexually. For him to tell u what he wants to do with other women is totally wrong. Really messed up. U need to set your priorities higher and dump his ass.

  • Fuck no, if a guy found out his girlfriend was getting texts from some dude with pics of his dick then he'd go spare, men have such a double standard to wank material. Just because most of them are professional wankers they think that's an excuse to be able to be promiscuous in their sexual activities.

  • He'd be out the door if he so much stepped foot into a strip club.

  • that's not okay.. he seems to have some kind of obsession and it's not healthy for your relationship if he expects you to be that way. you shouldn't have to change for him. he seems kinda raunchy lol... not all guys love strippers, trust me. it is borderline cheating and there's no reason to go to a strip club if you're in a relationship.
    tell him he's making you feel bad and you feel

    • inadequate. tell him you don't like the way he feels about strippers and the way he acts about them lol... just let him know how you feel, and if you can't come up with a solution then i think it's time to call it quits. you guys seem like you are both in different stages in your life anyway.. sorry i accidentally clicked submit before i finished haha

  • He should not be telling you that other girls are hot. That is a no no. Also the naked lap dance, a hell no. Only woman that would be giving my man a naked lap dance would be me. You should be his private dancer. Not another woman. Do not condone this type of behavior. He should not even be discussing women in that way to you. That is not right, and results in your feelings being hurt.

  • um..

    What about incorporating this into some roleplay?

    Why don't you become his private stripper?

  • I'm completely with you on this.

    Like you, if my boyfriend wanted to go to a strip club, I wouldn't excitedly bounce up and down and update my Facebook with it, but I would let him go. Your boyfriend though? Nope.

    The moment he said he wanted to be with them and you to be more like them was the moment your trust broke. Yes it was hurtful to hear he fingered them and stuff, but the second he asked you to change was the second this broke.

    You need to ask yourself - is this something you can handle, or is he willing to give the girls up? If either/ both are no, the relationship cannot progress.

    • Just curious, if your boyfriend just wanted to go for the sake of seeing the strippers (rather than as a social thing with friends of his) you'd be okay with that?

    • Yes as long as he didn't touch. How is it different to watching porn? The look but don't touch applies. As I said, I wouldn't be thrilled about it but he is his own person at the end of the day and it's not my place to control him @bysshe

    • I guess it's not that different from choosing porn over you, for me porn is something I'd only use as a (poor) substitute for when she's away or not interested. I guess I thought girls would be bothered by their guy choosing to see a striper (or watch porn) rather than have sex with their girlfriend.

    • Show All

  • If he wants to be with you he needs to give up any thoughts about strippers. That's only putting something between you two. And yeah you could learn to do the lap dance thing if you want, why not

  • leave him. real love shouldn't make you feel insecure about your appearance. there's just to big of an age difference and he's not a trust worthy guy. leave him.

  • Hell no! I wouldn't let mine do that.

  • Listen, everyone has different opinions on strippers and strip clubs. Accept that you and your boyfriend do as well. It's very common.
    My view, I don't enjoy them because they're not real, and they don't do what I want anyway. But I accept and understand them, because western society is sloooooowly coming out of an age of deep sexual repression. We've got a long way to go, and tightening our assholes over emerging public sexuality won't help a thing.

  • Ordinarily, I would say that getting lap dances from strippers is no big deal. Usually something to do with the boys. Rarely are strip clubs opportunities for actual sex, so the rare occasion I go just gets me fired up to go home.

    Saying you find a woman sexually attractive is usually harmless as well - at least as long as he isn't trying to negatively compare you. One is appreciation for beauty, the other is disrespect.

    Telling your girl friend that you love stripper, find them as a class sexually attractive and that you want to be with one - then saying you are going to a strip club is just WTF?

    Maybe there is a disconnect between his mouth and brain, but it certainly doesn't show much consideration for your feelings.

    Have you thought about going with him or stripping for him at home?

    • He has asked me to go with him once for me to see what it is like, I have said okay to it. I honestly don't think I will like it very much. I told him I would not be okay with a naked girl dancing on you while I sit there and watch. He said "Yeah, well going with a girl is always a cock-block anyways, most strippers won't come over to your table"... So I am like, okay then why bother me going?

    • I would say two reasons: if this is a big part of his fantasy life, it might be better for your relationship if he starts connecting you with things that get him aroused. Either that, or if you express interest in going with him, it might reduce his interest in going. Either way - you win. The second is that it would give you a chance to watch him, and see what parts of the strip club interest him. Maybe you can use that information to your advantage. At the least, if he likes naked chicks grinding on him, maybe watching a few will give you the technique you need to be a naked chick grinding on him in the safety of your own home.

  • Naked lap dance from my GF? Hell yeah. Naked lap dance from another girl? Hell no. In fact, I'd consider that cheating.

    Ask him how he would feel if you paid a guy to strip down and rub bis boner all over you.

    • Where do I find one of you? Wish more guys thought like this!

  • I wouldn't like it and would be jealous and upset too. But maybe you should go with him next time?

    Obviously not going all the way with a stripper but getting a clothed lap dance? That way you can see his reaction and share a past time of his.

    If he does agree, ditch him.

    • *doesnt

  • Tbh he should be content with having you. I know I need no other woman then my girlfriend. If he needs a lap dance surely he can ask you? Saying you don't think he would care if you broke up, I think you know what to do...

    • I know, I just feel sometimes if I break up with him, I won't find someone else. I love being in a relationship, Its hard to meet people nowadays unless your on dating websites. I feel like I am settling for someone who mistreats me because I am scared if I breakup I won't find someone new :(

    • Your 20, of course you will meet someone else. Tbh I would rather be single than in a relationship I wasn't feeling positive about.

  • I'd let my girlfriend get a dance at a male strip club yes

    But only if it's for special occasions or like very rare, rare as I'm only a couple of times ever and that's it

    I wouldn't be ok if it's a routine

    • I agree, I actually would not have a problem with my boyfriend going on special occasions, and actually receiving a "naked lap dance", if it wasn't for the kind of person he is. The problem with him is, he actually sees that girl sitting on his lap as a potential relationship, he does not know the girls are paid to pretend to love you, and he thinks they actually do, then comes home like a big shot telling me how "great and hot" he must be, and that he can basically get anyone he wants...

    • then asker he is not just a jerk, but delusional as well You deserve much better

  • Hmm. Sad.

    He has desires. You are never gonna be enough for him.

  • First of all, he's NOT a great guy because he's borderline disrespecting you

    My answer: Hell no. If my boyfriend does the things you named to me, I would've been broke up with him

    Again, he's downright disrespectful!

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