Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Why do we live in a sex-crazed society?

I'm 17 and I'm so fed up by how obsessed everyone is by sex. At school, 90% (or even more) of the guys are pigs, it's disgusting sometimes to hear what they say. (Not to mention they can make every subject relate to sex) The other day I heard one of my classmates say to the other: "You have a girlfriend?" -"Yeah." (I'm translating bc my first language isn't English) -"Did you drill her yet?" -"Yeah." -"Really, but you've only been dating her for 2 weeks.." The other one just raised his shoulders and that was that. I wonder what ever happened to romance, to the first date, second date, first kiss etc... And who saves their virginity to their true love anymore? It's just for fun nowadays, and they have to get rid of it as soon as possible. Last week a guy was interested in me but I guess I didn't initiate enough because he told my friend I'm too good, too innocent and he lost interest. It's so sad, even more when you're not like that and see it all happening. You're being laughed at because you're clueless and being the only person who doesn't know what "netflix and chill" means... What has happened to this world and will it ever change?
Updates:
+1 y
I'm not generalizing, I know not everyone is like that. In my story it just happened to be boys who acted this way. And I should mention I go to a school where there are less than 20 girls (and I know 5 of them) and we don't talk about it a lot.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I think you should stop expecting the world to cater to what "YOU" would like.

    Different things are important to men and women, and boys and girls value certain facts in life differently.

    For example, you "HEAR":

    Q: "You have a girlfriend?"
    A: "Yeah."
    Q: "Did you drill her yet?"
    A: "Yeah."
    Q: "Really, but you've only been dating her for 2 weeks.."

    The information actually being exchanged is:

    Q: "Where do you rank among other men in terms of your biological and social value as a man?"
    A: "Fairly high."
    Q: "Prove it, objectively. How high is your value to women as a voluntarily selected mating partner?"
    A: "I have a girlfriend, so clearly, women desire my value as a male."
    Q: "Okay, but did she actually voluntarily accept you as a sexual partner?"
    A: "Yes, we even had sexual intercourse."
    Q: "Okay, but what did you have to give her in exchange for her sexual acceptance?"
    A: "Nothing much. We have only been seeing each other for two weeks. She did what she did for no other reason than the fact that she desires me sexually. So, that fact is an objective indication of my value, unadulterated by any other factors or exchanges of value that would induce her to take such action."
    Q: "Okay, I'm sufficiently convinced of your value as a male."

    Granted, this is in sharp conflict with a similar dialog between women:

    A: "So, I started seeing this guy." (men find my female value desirable)
    Q: "How long have you two been going out?" (how much has this man invested in you?)
    A: "It's only been like 2-3 months." (a fair amount of time)
    Q: "Who is he? What does he look like? What does he do?" (what is his objective value to other women, and what are his available alternative choices?)
    A: "He's a 6' handsome investment banker who is third-generation Yale Law" (high)
    Q: "Have you two.. you know.." (okay, but what have you had to exchange in order for him to continue to invest in you?)
    A: "No, it's only been 2-3 months... blah blah blah" (nothing, or very little... so, his actions clearly demonstrate that I'm very valuable as a female partner).

    Before you ask whether we live in a "sex-crazed" society, first ask yourself whether you are reasonably comfortable with notions of sex between to people (particularly outside of marriage or a serious/committed relationship). Then, ask yourself whether there is perhaps a "risk" that your perspective is tainted by bias and motive for rationalizing your own line of thinking and system of beliefs.

    • So, male desire for "reality testing" of their own biological and social value (as men) encounters the obstacle of female desire for "reality testing" of their own biological and social value (as women). In high school, men don't own cars, houses, investments, and multiple bank accounts with assets upon assets, and job title upon life accomplishment to back-up and support their biological and social value (as men). So, the major "barometer" they use is "sexual acceptance" by girls. This is at odds with what women use to test their biological and social value (as women), which is based on the level of "investment" a man will make for her. If the man does anything else to "otherwise induce" the female to sexually accept him, then he's not really testing "reality" (and not getting the confirmation he seeks). Similarly, if the women does anything else to "otherwise induce" the male to invest in her, then she's not really testing "reality" (and not getting the confirmation she seeks).

    • The problem (in high school, and perhaps still college to some degree) for women, is that this mode of "reality testing" continues until women finally "become married" (i. e., prove to the world that a man was willing to invest strongly in her; and can thereafter feel secure with that level of her value as a woman and now move on to reaching self-actualization in "being a good mother."). For men, as soon as they get a job and their resume' and bank account starts growing, the importance of sex (as a means of confirmation of value) becomes less and less. Yet, in high school, girls are frustrated by the fact that they have to essentially "negotiate" with boys. They need to "exchange" validation in return for validation. They cannot just get the validation they want, while ignoring their supposed male partner's desire for validation. But, doing so means enduring the judgment of "other girls," and in turn, feeling "worse" about her value as a girl.

    • So, this system of beliefs creates a "double-bind," which pre-destines girls in high school and college to have negative and almost hostile attitudes towards sex, which may be "transferred" or "projected" onto men. Calling guys "pigs" and trying to change or influence "other people" is generally something that is not within your control. So, if you're going to go on through life feeling anger towards ideas and people you cannot control or change, just so you can continue to maintain the line of thinking that is causing you to feel unhappy and miserable, then you're simply going to continue to feel unhappy and miserable (on the inside, regardless what you pretend you feel on the outside). What "is" within your control is how "YOU" think. YOUR system of beliefs and internal set of "rules" about how the world and male/female relationships "should" work, are within your control. They currently make you feel unhappy. Maybe the same information could be viewed slightly differently?

  • You are 17. Do you know that if you were born 60 years ago (or anytime before that in human history), you would almost certainly be married and have a child already? Prior to the 1960s, the average marriage age for women was 15, and that was fairly consistent throughout history. And for men, the average marriage age was 17 - the age you are now and the age these guys likely are.

    Why did people marry so young? Because, for most, that was the only way to have sex - there was no birth control, and having bastard children was a big black mark, especially for women. But, notice that people WERE in fact having sex at your age and younger - all throughout history.

    That's because having sex as a teen is NORMAL, and always has been. Our bodies are designed not only to be able to HAVE sex, but to WANT sex, as teens. Millions of years of evolution created that instinctual drive in us. And until post-WWII, that was all fine. But post WWII, the rise of technology brought a greater need for education, and a massive increase in people going to school past 8th Grade (which was the norm before then). The prosperity of the 1950s further led to big increases in people going to college - something that was very unusual before unless you were either brilliant in some area or were from a wealthy family.

    And having birth control and modern medicine meant that you could have sex and NOT have to assume that a baby would soon follow, which meant that people could have sex when they CHOSE, without having to be married, etc. This led to the Sexual Revolution of the 1960s, and with it, the gradual increase of the average marriage age from 15 (for women) to today's average of 30!

    One of the changes as a result of that is that boys in their teens are no longer courting potential wives in high school, as they used to be (and why there was more focus on romance) - they're just trying to get laid. Unfortunately, women, while they've quickly and happily adopted many of the changes that benefit them (BC, college, careers outside the home, independence, etc.), they're still taught to expect the courting and romance from the pre-feminist era - but that time is gone and so are those courting rituals - and it is WOMEN who are responsible for their deaths.

    • Listen to your master. He knows what he's talking about.

    • they also got laid more in the 60s. every decade since the 50s has been laid more than us. even as pretentious as the victorian age was, they were all doing it up the ass like, nonstop. our generation is the generation that sells sex the most but has it the least. its used to sell hamburgers, deodorant, cars, ideas, music, clothing, lifestyles, political and ideological mindsets, and even pornography which is technically the idea of sex itself but the one thing this generation can't do is just have it in and of itself for no other reason than itself. which is stupid. you use sex for your meal ticket, or to manipulate fucking customers, or to promote your own ideological or existential superiority, but you can't just have it because its fucking fun? thats a load of crap.

    • But don't worry asker, you can still easily find a gentleman.

Most Helpful Girls

  • At 17 it's hard to expect romance from guys who are only thinking about getting laid. I'm sorry, but for most teens, it's true. At 17 there are so many other things to worry about, like choosing a college, getting good grades, and who is going to ask you to prom.

    I agree with you though, it would be frustrating. But trust me, when you get older, it does get better! Guys eventually, even though not all do, but they do eventually want to settle down and have kids. So you will start to see guys being more respectful and thinking more along the lines of having actual relationships.

    The best thing to do is to just be yourself and don't worry about those guys who only care about sex. It's a good thing they are showing their colours, because you will know to avoid them if that's not what you want!

    But people at your age do have sex. I don't think sex is a bad thing. However, I think it becomes a problem when people have unrealistic expectations or are uneducated and can't protect themselves properly.

    Sex can be a healthy part of life for many. But if you are not wanting to do it just yet, or prefer to be in a relationship, then that's okay too.

    I didn't have sex until I was 21. Which is still young, but most of my friends had already had sex by then. I was like you, I was labelled a prude and people made fun of me for not being overly sexual.

    I do enjoy sex. But I only like sex as part of a relationship. I'm not one to just randomly hook up with people.

  • You're seventeen, of course guys are going to have sex on their minds. Things have always been like that. You just watch too many romance movies and read too many romance books. In the real world, things aren't like that. It's best you realize that now or you'll be disappointed. You might turn down a decent guy just because you think he should be like Prince Charming.

  • Oh dear lord, I swear every new generation thinks the one before were some kind of chaste, sexless, polite generation of people.

    People have been fucking each other with little to no respect for centuries, just social norms have changed and we talk about it much more, plus kids have too much access to sex via the internet.

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 40

  • "I wonder what ever happened to romance, to the first date, second date, first kiss etc... And who saves their virginity to their true love " That shit is outdated + catered to women only it seemed not men... now we're more open about sex + becoming more #equal (gender wise) so yeah... fuck all that bullshit ya know wining and dining some broad for some pussy #DaFaq I look like? Since what 1 girl #wont do the #next 1 will quite easily.. heck you'll also be less stressed via taking that route it seems ^_^ hahahahaha

    i1127.photobucket.com/.../ezgif.com-add-text.gif

  • Because MOST people are scientifically illiterate, will distort information to appeal to their gnarled agenda, and have no imagination. 1/3 of the United States has an STD according to the CDC. Popularity is an illusion. Be better, help break vicious cycles, and watch out for yourself.

  • Virginity is overrated in my opinion. Darling, guys get more mature with age. Give them time.

  • I love how your entire story is bashing males, when women talk shit about guys behind their back.

    "I wonder what ever happened to romance, to the first date, second date, first kiss etc... And who saves their virginity to their true love "

    That went out the window with the sexual revolution, and women no longer appreciation chivalry.

    "Last week a guy was interested in me but I guess I didn't initiate enough because he told my friend I'm too good, too innocent and he lost interest."

    More like your responses were one word and boring and he got fed up of always having to start the conversation.

    • No, I'm not bashing males, definitely not. I know they aren't all like that. But I'm in a school where there are less than 20 girls or something and I only know 5 of them and we don't talk about it a lot. Didn't want to generalize, sorry. And for the part where I was boring, the music was really loud so we couldn't really talk but I knew he likes to drink and such so I know whe'd not be a good match.

  • Because sex sells.

  • You're a high schooler, of course you're surrounded by horny teenagers.

  • No one is telling you that you need to have sex with the first person you meet, nor that you have to have sex with anyone whose primary interest is sexuality, and being with you in general is second.

    But that doesn't mean there is anything objectively wrong with other people having sexual relations that they choose to have with people who choose to do the same thing. You can still find value in your kisses and romance and all that. No one said you can't. There are also like-minded individuals, Just please note that desiring sex is not offensive. In fact, not desiring sex towards someone you claim to love is more of a problem if anything.

  • I agree with you this worlds full of evil , well heard our local school
    district is having problems with sexual harassment, i think parents
    need to do something about it. like file charges against students
    who wanna sexually harass other students.

  • We're supposed to be obsessed with sex. Especially at 17. Every other animal on the planet is obsessed with sex -- literally all they do is eat to get mature enough to have sex, then have sex, and when they ca no longer procreate they die. The unnatural thing is to believe there is something more important. Grownups who tell you that are just doing it so they can keep the young fertile females for themselves.

  • Because that BS you were taught doesn't work in the real world for guys you just got to accept it, I have no doubt you will find the "one" you will lose it to but guys get the short end of this stick and have to unlearn most of the shit we were taught lol

  • They are programmed sex robots

    • Programmed by women.

  • The world is as it was, for the most part. What you (and the guys) are experiencing is a hormonally turbulent phase. It passes.

    As for courtly love, personally, I don't think that shit can die out fast enough. What a shit-show, with the man prostrating himself, elevating women to where he ought not be able to reach them. And women with a smug sense of moral superiority doling out character judgments on others.

    Men don't want to play that game anymore. And if women want to play at all, they have to adapt.

    • "elevating women to where he ought not be able to reach them. " Such a great way to put it!

  • In High school a lot of the guys are dogs and the girls are easy. Its very sad because parents aren't doing their job and stuff and pressures are drilled into both genders. All you can do is look out for yourself and stick to your own morals.

    • Her high school isn't the epitome of every other high school...

  • i honestly hate people that are obsessed with sex. sex only exists because we need to reproduce, nothing else

    • If you're going to look at things that way, -everything we do- only exists so we can reproduce.

    • @0112358 technically it does. if we stopped reproducing, humankind would soon cease to exist

  • Well if you cuddle maybe it won't be so hard to show the pigs how a relaxing night without such a beige end event of euphoria can be achieved.

  • I'm part of this world you describe and hope it doesn't change.

    You have to realize that you are being at least as judgmental of us and our lifestyle as you had been judged when you didn't know what "netflix and chill" meant.

    It's totally ok to be not interested in sex, just as it's totally ok to be interested in sex. What's not ok is to force yourself into being something you're not AND/OR judging other people for who they are.

    I can tell you now that if you choose to be unavailable for sex, then you will need to get used to guys who were initially interested, but will quickly lose interest. There's nothing wrong with them, just as there's nothing wrong with you. Sex is just an important part of life.

  • You can't expect someone to respect you if you don't respect yourself.
    Dont be cheap. you give em it and you gave it all save it for someone worthwhile

  • The world is becoming more and more Godless... enough said.

  • Sentence number 2: "all guys are pigs"

    Yeah, I see you getting a lot of helpful comments from the guys.

  • your English is pretty good! there are hundreds of people at school right? so find the ones like you.

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