Sexual Relationships
+1 y

My boyfriend asked me to peg him and now I'm turned off?

I am freaking out guys. My boyfriend of several years said he wants me to use toys on his ass and eventually peg him We were in the middle of sex and I didn't want to be mean or react badly so I just said "we could try that" and then i just rubbed my vibrator on his butt until we were done... But I do not want to peg him. I keep scolding myself for feeling so close minded about it as there is NOTHING wrong with liking anal, but it just is not for me. I especially do not want to be the giver!!! also part of me is upset because no matter how many times I show him how I like to be touched or what gets me off, he doesn't listen for long or retain memory of what I asked for. my clit is very sensitive so i spend 80% of our intimacy saying "softer". and i rarely ever finish. so i think that part of this is that I'm resentful towards him that while I come up with all of this new crap to please him and how i spend so much time JUST pleasing him (like giving oral and not asking for any in return, random handys, etc) yet he can't even get my basics down. AFTER 3 YEARS. :( i dont know how to talk about this to him in a healthy way. i don't know if we're sexually compatible because of this :( i do love him, which is what makes this so hard for me. I'm usually very impatient with relationships, i usually leave at the first sign of trouble. he's the only one i've ever wanted to work things out with. we don't have other problems outside of this and i live with him (moved in together this summer). how do i approach this? am i being close minded? please help :(
hang in there!
Vote A
say you dont want to do it nicely and stay with him
Vote B
maybe you two aren't good for each other
Vote C
this is just a phase for him, be patient
Vote D
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
0 1

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think just sit an talk with him and let him know that you are missing out on sex lately because he doesn't seem to respond to your requests. I wouldn't be worried about the anal part; each person is unique in what sexually fulfills them... but he should also be understanding of things that you aren't comfortable with.

    If after letting him know that you want a little more out of sex.. and he doesn't respond, then it's clear he's only really in it for his satisfaction and it's time to more on. I know it can be hard when you've already invested to many years into this relationship, but why invest any more if it's not the right one? I think you've stuck it out quite a while, and that doesn't make you a "quitter" or "commitment phobe." It just means you are smart enough to know you want or deserve better.

    It's entirely possible to be with someone who is great... but they might not be the "great" you need. You might need to find someone greater.

  • Well, if you've tried and know you don't like it... at least you tried. You should be able to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. But after reading that he still doesn't listen to your needs after 3 years, it sounds like incompatibility.

    That's a shame, I would normally suggest more communication and sticking with it, but it just doesn't seem to be working. Do you think you can live with not being sexually fulfilled? If it's not as important as other aspects of your relationship, then you should try to come up with other compromises and stay with him. But if it is important, then you might have to find a man that can please you.

  • Either B or C

    You need to tell him. You have as much right to be turned on in the bedroom as he does and if that doesn't do it for you... like, not that it just doesn't turn you on but that it turns you off... you need to not do it.

    But, likewise, he has a right not to be denied what turns him on.

    So depending on how he takes this discussion... you two may need to part ways.

    • thank you... i just feel so awful i can't stop crying :( i love him so much but this just isn't for me :( the thought of even possibly leaving him hurts so bad. i dont know why this has changed everything so much :(

  • No need to dump him. Just tell him you're not into that.

    But I think you should try lol He would appreciate it so much.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well, in a great relationship, you should be willing to try things outside your comfort zone. So I'd say go for it.

    But the larger problem is his lack of skills, and before going into the whole (hole?) pegging thing, you should try to find a way of gently addressing his shortcomings as a lover.

  • U need to sit him down and tell him what has been happening and how it's been one sided and what he wants is really hard for u and just not who u r an it makes u uncomfertable but maybe if he listens to u a little more and focused on your needs sometimes u could give him what he wants

    • I feel like me saying that its been one sided would be bad timing on my time :( I stopped complaining about the sex so much a while ago. now i'll tell him how i want it once we've started doing something and i dont correct him when he does something wrong. i feel like it would be selfish and mean of me to say that i feel this is one sided... i think it'd seem as if im using my sexuality as a weapon if i say something along the lines of "please me and i'll please you"

    • No way it is one sided as u said he is to ruff dosn't listen ex it's a relationship meaning two equals and it will only get worse if u don't speak up he will en up talking u into it he will keep getting what he wants no mater how it makes u feel cause u have never told him and u don't have to act like its always happend just say something like lately things haven't been as goo for u and maybe u could try some new things its ur relationship so u have to chose ur own words but its not so thin u want to let drag out any longer it's oviously gotten to the point were u arnt confertable

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 6

  • Your issue is with him, you need to talk about it with him. If you both can be reasonable then you should have no trouble resolving this.

  • Buy the biggest fattest strap on you can find. Peg him. During the process of him crying, say "oh this is not enjoyable for you, we'll being rough with my clip is not enjoyable for me" I bet he listens after that.

  • That is not a phase, that is who he is. If you're not willing to deal with that, walk away.

  • The prostate is the male G spot, he obviously wants some attention in that area, if you have been together for several years then you should be able to sit him down and comfortably chat about your sexual wants and turn-offs. If you don't want to do it then buy him a dildo for his birthday and he can do it himself.

  • I had a girlfriend who always said if you are in it to make them happy go all out but if you really can't get past it tell him straight out the truth of course be sensitive to his feelings but tell him it is not something you are willing to do if he really loves you he will understand

  • Nah tell him you're not into that and if it's a deal breaker for you then let him know.

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