Guy I've been having sex with now really wants blowjobs?

[Anonymous]

We ususally just go straight to the sex. Neither of us seemed to care about oral sex. He's only given me oral sex once and it was short and I've never given him head, because he always skips straight to sex. Well, a few days ago he ate me out a LOT more than ususal... or ever. Then he texted me yesterday saying he was just doing that so that I would *return the favor.* Personally, I don't feel comfrotable giving head. Over a year ago, without getting into detail, I was raped. Giving head is triggering/traumatic for me and I just don't like doing it or even thinking about it anymore. So questions: 1) Why does a guy ask for oral sex when he's already getting regular sex and does that mean the sex isn't good enough? 2) I don't want to let him down, but do you think me rejecting this idea will make him not enjoy sex anymore or make him want to leave? We aren't dating, but we're exclusive for a couple months now.

[Tanuron]

I see, sorry for whatever happen to you regardless of details. But are sevreal ways to think about this, do you feel like what happen to you which I hate to say, is gonna control your future and your sex life? Its totally understandable you have trauma with it, but it just holds people back too when what happen in the past start to control their life, and can damage your own happiness too as well as others obviously. Considring its as fresh as it is, its not any weird at all, but have you told this to your boyfriend by the way? You certainly should if you haven't so maybe he would understand it better. An possible option that might be easier is for you is maybe 69? or if feel a bit more kinkier. Put handcuffs on him or tie him to the bed so he can't do anything. So its controlled entirly by you, so you can try or test yourself in whatever form or speed you wanna do. Although Im not that fond of "return the favor" part, people should just give for the sake of giving, not to expect stuff in return, but thats just me.

[madhatters4]

1) Why does a guy ask for oral sex when he's already getting regular sex and does that mean the sex isn't good enough?
--- because oral sex feels really good. why have just spaghetti when you can have spaghetti AND meatballs.

2) I don't want to let him down, but do you think me rejecting this idea will make him not enjoy sex anymore or make him want to leave?
--- your reasons for not being comfortable with it is understandable. Maybe you just need to tell him your reasons for not being into it. he may not be happy that he may not get oral but he should understand and be sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

Hot dogs become the focus when every meal has been hamburgers, no matter HOW great they were.
You have a box of 12 lipsticks but only use ONE all the time because of some good reason but then become bored and wonder why not use more of these?
You have all the free fruit in the world but told don't eat the apples...

Denial makes the apple more desirable, then obsessive over it, when it began only as a wonder-what passing idea.

Have lots of abused friends, including rape that found BJs much more satisfying than vag sex... don't ask me why. Guessing only that most BJs put the gal in charge and the guy becomes putty in their hands/mouth.

So suggest you establish that at all times, YOU are in charge & WHY (your history). This will turn him on more and make this experiment at your pace, whatever you care to do slowly working up to something both might enjoy.

[Katie1964]

1) Why does a guy ask for oral sex when he's already getting regular sex and does that mean the sex isn't good enough?
Doesn't mean that regular sex isn't good enough. My husband just enjoys having his dick suck, says it feels different. Not really better or worse, just different. He also says it makes him feel like I total accept him.

2) I don't want to let him down, but do you think me rejecting this idea will make him not enjoy sex anymore or make him want to leave?
He probably will still enjoy sex and probably not leave over it, but I would suggest you get some counselling about your issue about giving head. I certainly understand you hesitancy based on what you said but oral sex is a healthy part of any sexual relationship. I think once you get over the trauma you will find that giving is truly better than receiving when it comes to oral loving.

[samhradh_leannan]

If you're not comfortable with it (especially with a reason like yours, not that you need a reason to feel uncomfortable with something), don't do it. End of story.

Obviously it's something he really wants. But that doesn't mean you're obligated to provide it. So this is something you'll need to work out with him. Have you explained to him why you don't feel comfortable with it?

You could potentially really benefit from talking to a therapist or counselor about this. But that's something you should do for your own well being, happiness, and ability to enjoy life in all the ways that you want to. It shouldn't be for his sake.

[SarahsSummer]

First off I don't have any idea what "we're not dating but we're exclusive for a couple months" means? In a healthy relationship, sex should be able to flow, each exploring other ways of pleasure for both and each other. If you have problems expanding your intimacy, and based on several things you've said, you do, I think you should find a good counselor to discuss and work things through. that being said, I love giving my guy bj's and he loves going down on me but it's not about returning the favor, it's about pleasing each other.

[AustinMan]

Have you gotten help from a professional with experience treating victims of sexual abuse? I've dated a victim who had the same issue but she got past it and eventually loved it and was amazing at it.

[MadeInAmerica]

1. Oral sex is another kind of sex. I not big on oral sex either but I do like to get it every so often so it's nice when the wife goes down there. The sex is good be just some oral to go along with the penetration.

2. I think if you are comfortable at saying why you don't do oral that would be more understanding then just saying no.

[ccp16]

1. In many ways oral is separate form sex, and in some ways better. I can understand why he would want that and ask for it. I think me and my one ex who I had the best sex life with kept a 5:1 ratio of sex to oral.

2. I think you need to explain to him why you feel uncomfortable. I know it is personal and traumatic, but I would be a little upset my girlfriend was not into oral because I love oral both ways it is very important to many people form both genders I think. But if I knew what you said, I would be much more understanding of you, and work to help you over come those fears hopefully.

Either way, I would not take it as the sex is bad, I can have incredible sex and still desire oral lol though, that is not to say I like more per say... just in different ways.

[truthbeknown]

1- Oral has a totally different sensation. It is more "focused" or better detailed feeling.

2- It would with me. Deal breaker. Not all guys are like that though, but chances are not in your favour. I would respect that you have issues with it, and would never make you do something you are not comfortable with. But you would also have to respect that is something I do want and therefore it would be best to see other people.

[OlderAndWiser]

It's not about the sex isn't good enough. It's about variety and wanting to have sex with you every way imaginable. If you explain why you don't want to do it and he makes a fuss. . . you need to find a new boyfriend.

[Jess1985]

Does he know about the trauma you have experienced? Maybe you need to start seeing a therapist. To be honest, there is nothing wrong with doing that and getting past your trauma. In saying this, there is nothing wrong with making the decision not to do it but you do need to deal with the issue of trauma

[Dragonstarterplus]

because blowjobs are great, at times there as good if not better than sex

[Insecure1636]

First, guys ask for it because it is a different sensation and feels awesome. It in no way means the sex is bad. Most guys are respectful of your feelings about it especially given your past. As long as you don't expect him to continue to go down on you. I highly doubt wlhe will become disinterested in sex just because you won't blow him.

[reptocarl]

He's getting bored with the routine and wants to change things up. It wouldn't make me leave but can't speak for him. Tell him the truth why you're hesitant

[oldanddecrepid]

Considering what you have been put through and the fact that it is a trigger... I am sure he would be sensitive to the issue.

Don't be afraid to tell him... if he bawks at it, then you know he is not the right one for you!

[squeelz]

You don't have to do anything you don't wan to do no matter the situation. He's looking for oral sex because he is a guy I'm sure he was nervous to ask but now he really wants it even though he is getting sex on the reg. He's getting regular sex he should be happy with what he is getting and there is no title he needs to consider himself lucky

[annoyymouse]

Oral just feels different that sex, not necessarily better, but different. It's a good change of pace.

I would be honest about why your apprehensive About going down on him. If he is a decent guy, then he should be understanding and patient.

[Drain-My-Balls]

Sorry to hear about your rape. It is totally understandable that you don't want to give head for the reason you stated.

Speaking only for myself, the act of receiving head is more intimate than intercorse. It signifies a higher level of submission on the woman's part and therefore is seen as a higher level of commitment in a mans mind. That is my "text book" response.

From a more primal perspective I would say that men are turned on by sex that is seen by some or many as taboo or dirty. For the most part, I think most men have a more intense orgasm when engaging in these acts. I know that for me, knowing that a woman is going to swallow my cum makes my orgasn far more intence. It may be more mental than physical but that's the best that I can explain it.

[Anonymous]

1) no. We just like the variety. Some guys oral is their favorite, I really doubt it's this guys favorite or he'd have gone for it sooner.

2) Id actually suggest being as direct as possible. Just say you had a traumatic experience around it and you're nowhere ready for that act. But maybe there are other things he'd like to try you are comfortable with?

[Anonymous]

You do realize oral helps sex feel better, right? You don't need to have an orgasm from oral before sex butttt if you do it beforehand, it'll make sex feel better, what an idiot

[Anonymous]

Guys like oral sex. The worst thing you could do is to just ignore your problem. It would be better if you could see a therapist, work out your fears and start enjoying oral sex.

[Anonymous]

I personally wouldn't stay with a girl who didn't. But it is my fave fave fave. Sorry... (PTSD is real) There are lot of info on coaching for good BJ technique. If you approach it correctly you could think of yourself as taking control of him. Remember it has little to with "skills". Just having the appearance that you are there by choice and are craving him, and lots of eye contact. BAM!!! you will own him.