What the hell does this guy want from me? Guys! Please help? Does he just want sex?

[Anonymous]

Known this guy since jr high (he lost his virginity to me then) were on our early twenties now. Throughout the years he'd be the one who reaches out via FB and ask how I'm doing. but we never really hung out often. We started hanging out the most we ever have this year. first, we'd meet up, hangout drink a little, watch tv and hook up. he wouldn't calltext much (only text after a few days) and we been having sex most of the time we meet. I told him i didn't want it to be just about the sex and he replied with "I can't help but be so attracted to you, col ltry to take u out more". Well, we didn't go out more, he would just invite me to his place (well his parents live there, when they weren't home) and we'd laugh, joke and then get into it. He would then start to say things like "could u see yourself being with a man like me" or "u could be a porn star" (while I was giving him a BJ) anyway, he talks about his ex occasionally saying how she calls him and he doesn't want anything to do with her. He invited me to his friend's wedding and I was joking at how people asked if we were "husband and wife" Later on that night he said to me "why can't you be my girlfiend" and I just said it may ruin our friendship. I have him an ultimatum that we be just friends or we make it official. He said he wants to be with me but he wants to go on a few more dates to get to know me better. We went on a date and stupid me we ended up having sex (I agreed to it) he text me a pic of his pet the day afternoon and the next day text a funny video on YouTube, just casual stuff.. but doesn't say much else. Why? This is what confuses me. What does he want from me? He won't officially ask me to be his girl though. Today I spoke to him as a friend and said he should try talking to girls at work or when he's free he said "no imxbnot interested, I like someone so" (referring to me) and I said just saying as a friend. And he said "no you're more to me than that and I'm more to you than that" I don't get him

[elew4too]

If he wanted to commit, he'd commit. And guys will almost never say no to sex; so as long as you're serving, he's dining. I imagine he's worried about the fallout in your friendship that may be caused through a relationship if it doesn't work out. The alternative, however, is you guys trying to awkwardly be friends after already having had sex so much (and being jealous if they get with someone else, etc.) . If I were this guy, I'd make a move because the latter scenario is not ideal.

[Asker]

He mentioned that he's afraid our friendship may change if we get into w relationship

[Asker]

But why tell me that I'm more to you or that you already see me as your girl, yet I don't hear from u often, and when u do text me its one or two word responses... I fuck him anyway so why say these things. Coukd he mean them? Is he intimidated by me?

[elew4too]

It changed the moment you guys started doin' it. It doesn't sound like he wants to accept that fact.

[elew4too]

He doesn't believe you either when you give ultimatums since the ultimatum was broken once already. So he may think he can have sex with you indefinitely without the relationship.

[Asker]

Well even before the ultimatum, we just have sex. I've known this guy since jr high (we're in our early twenties now) and he lost his virginity to me then. He really, really liked me then (in jr high) as the years went by, we lived our own separate lives. He'd private message me through FB just asking how I was, but that was it. We started hanging out the most we ever have this year

[Asker]

And we started hanging out the most that we ever have this year. at first, we met up and hung out, had sex. He didn't call/text much afterwards. I'd hear from him every few days. So after a while, I told him I didn't want it to just be about sex, I wanted us to go out and do things. He said he couldn't Eli but be so attracted to me and that he'll try to take me out more.. Well, we went out SELDOM! & we just continued having sex, so I just let it be what it was..

[elew4too]

If you guys just have sex, then why would he feel compelled to start a relationship?

[Asker]

Then, he started telling me things like "could you see yourself being with a man like me." Once when we were in this park with lots of streets (looked like the woods) I was giving him a BJ and he said " u could be a porn star" things like that... He would tell me "when are we getting married" he would mention that a few times... I don't get him. Should I just keep it casual for now?

[elew4too]

That depends on what you want. If you want a relationship, then you have to move on. If he wants one with you, he'll come back. If you want to keep it casual, then keep doing what you guys are doing and forget about having a relationship.

[Asker]

We go out sometimes too... So what I'm asking is... From an outsider looking in, is he just afraid to be in w relationship with me? Or does he just like what we have right now? I don't get it

[elew4too]

I'm gonna keep it real: A guy wants sex for the least effort he can possibly expend. If he has a friends with benefits, he is in an ideal situation. The fact that the girl he's with wants a relationship means that he'll have to expend more effort to get what he's already getting. Therefore, it's in his interest to keep it casual. That being said, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have feelings for you and isn't open to a relationship. He just may not be compelled to start a relationship with you... he's happy.

[Asker]

So all in all, he just wants the sex from me?

[elew4too]

Yeah, that's how your guys' relationship has been defined since the beginning. I still say that he may be open to the idea of a relationship though.

[Asker]

So he's not compelled to start a relationship with me because he's happy with what he has right now?

[Asker]

Thanks for being honest.. So u think there may be another girl who can compell him to be in a relationship?

[elew4too]

There's always someone out there who will make anyone commit. But he's happy with his situation right now and if there is to be a relationship between you two, it will have to be from your doing. Some of the best relationships I've known have started like this though, so your situation is not far-fetched.

[Asker]

How can u make someone commit in your eyes? (If your a lady how can u make a man commit... Him I mean) haha

[Asker]

Should I be more dominant? He said that he jumped into relationships in the past with girl's he didn't know... Yet with me, he won't get into a relationship but tell me all these "relationshipy" things lol he's so confusing

[Asker]

How can I get a relationship from him? I already have him an ultimatum but I fucked up because I had sex with him (my horniness overruled me) lol

[Asker]

Because you said it would have to be from my doing... what or how should j react...

[elew4too]

I hate to say it, as a guy, but you have to stop hooking up with him. You have to frame the situation like, "I want to have sex with you, but only if you're my man. If you don't want a relationship, that's fine; I'll find someone who does, but if you want it, it's right here for you." As long as he's having sex per usual, he will have no reason to commit, keepin' it real.

[elew4too]

And admit that you slipped up during your last ultimatum, but that you were serious.

[Asker]

I think he's still growing and not sure if he's ready for a real relationship, maybe I should just keep it causal

[Asker]

And also, when I gave him the ultimatum he just told me he wants to be with me he just wants to go on a few more dates.. Then on the day before we were suppose to go on our date, he told me how he's been craving to eat my ass and he knows how we said we won't have sex but he really wants to eat me out

[elew4too]

Do what you need to do

[Asker]

So once he said that, I saw it as he didn't take me seriously... So I guess I'll keep it ass a sex thing. What do u think of him saying that even after I gave him he ultimatum. (This was before we went on our date )

[Asker]

Could u answer one more thing (thanks for helping me out)... How do u see that? Him telling me even though he knows I said j didn't want sex he's been craving to eat my ass... He said this the day of our date.. So he didn't take me serious right?

[elew4too]

Yes, it does not sound like he took you seriously after you gave him an ultimatum.

[Asker]

Fuck buddy it is lol

[Anonymous]

He's enjoying the sex and friendship from you but it seems he doesn't really want to get into any kind a relationship with anyone

[Princessofpersia]

What are you guys in high school? Yes he is just using you for sex, but ur own fault for giving in. Hate to say this but ur being kind of a slut and it's hard for men to want a relationship with them

[Asker]

why am I a slut if I want sex as much as a man does? There goes that old American double standard again

[Princessofpersia]

He is a slut too. Y'all are both sluts. He is just aware of it. Anyway u shouldn't of had sex with him after the ultimatum. I think u shouldn't talk to the guy anymore because he is only after u for sex

[Asker]

Your term is rather childish. I love having sex, that doesn't make me a slut.

[Asker]

And yeah, he most likely it. He just confuses me when he says that I'm more to him, but that's probably bs

[Princessofpersia]

I'm not saying that makes u a slut, it's perfectly ok to like sex. Just saying if u give in to a guy so was little when u said u wouldn't. Yeah. I'm trying to help u but u obviously don't want it so I'm done here. Enjoy ur life of being used. Duces

[Asker]

Have a good day. :-)

[Asker]

& I do understand that you're trying to help me, I believe you're right in the fact that he's after sex.

[ArabianPwincess197]

I think so

[Makeushiver]

First you should insist on reciprocal sexual pleasure, If you have given him head, you should be abkle to tell him "I want you to go down on me". Once you have equal amounts of pleasure from sex than the rest would hopefully fall into place. If he doesn't like the idea of going down on you then cut off his BJs