How do I not lose my boyfriend after I told him I was sexually assaulted?

Question

I was sexually assaulted recently by a someone who I thought was a friend. I lied and told everyone that I didn't know the person who raped me. I was scared and didn't know what to do. My boyfriend was away on a vacation and he was the first person I called after I got out of the house. 

My mom came and got me after I parked and was freaking out. We went the police and the hospital. The next night my boyfriend arrived and went through my phone and found calls that I had with the person who raped me. My boyfriend thinks I got drunk and went over and slept with him on purpose and I'm lying. 

I don't know what to do. We talked to my parents and I told them the truth about everything and who did it. My boyfriend left me and won't talk to me for a bit, I feel like I lost him. I know I should be more worried about pressing charges, but I love my boyfriend, he wants to be with me told me, he told me he was inlove with me.

Can anyone help me! I'm not well right now, I can't eat, sleep, think. I'm drowning in my own tears. I'm giving my him space to process everything but I need him more than ever right now.

Tanuron · Accepted Answer

Damn, thats a pretty sucky situation. I know as a guy though, there is no amount of unlimited rage I would have for the person who raped my girlfriend in such a situation, but I would also be insanly angry at myself too for not being there. He should be there for you, he really should but its a possbility he withdraws in a way to deal with it all. Cause me for one I would seriously have a hard time not killing the guy who did this. Even if awarely or not, he again might withdraw himself to not make things worse, but I know too again yes, that yes, you need him more than ever now. So I really hope he sees or realise that and put aside himself somewhat, but really again too. If he genuinly think you simply cheated on him, dont be afraid to make your voice heard to him either, sometimes people can be pretty thick headed. If anything again, since police been in involved as well as hospital, would at least think they could somewhat confirm your story and with time even more so.

Its complicated ill imagine in either case. I know again with me, I would have a hard time living with myself for not being there or around my girlfriend if such a thing happen. Think is important at least to remember when two people love each other, everything always affect both whenever something bad happens. One experience trauma, the other one does it too. I really really hope it will work out for you two, and if he can't overcome his own crap sort of, he sadly isent worth your time. As they say, through thick and thin. People can't run away when it gets tough.

madhatters4 · Accepted Answer

well first let me say i'm sorry. maybe consider going to talk to a grief counselor becase i can only imagine that something like sexual assault is very very hard to move past from...

it seems very problematic that your boyfriend wouldn't trust when you say that you've been raped. to me that is real problem. I don't really know how you can keep him around... but frankly I think you should really ask whether or not you want to be with someone who doesn't have trust in you to be honest about these types of things

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don't think you or most people here are understanding the issue.
Your boyfriend didn't abandon you after you told him you were raped. You called him after you left the house and told him you were raped by a stranger. He was away on a vacation and I'm under the impression he came back the next day to be with you, right?

You went to the police and the hospital with your parents and told everyone you were raped by a stranger too, right? And where did this take place?
Maybe the details of your story dont really make sense to anyone, and that's why your boyfriend went through your phone... It makes a hell lot of a difference you actually went to a friend's house and things happened there. That's why you were hiding it, and honestly it sounds you're hiding things for a reason.

I'm not trying to be mean here, but how can you expect people to be there for you, trust you and support you if you're going around lying to everyone, including the police?
It sounds like you wouldn't even have done anything if it weren't for your boyfriend and family (they're surely more angry than you seem to be), you were trying to hide it and yet, at the same time, your boyfriend was the first person you called to and now you're more worried about losing him than anything else? Hmm

Your boyfriend isn't the one who needs space to process everything. Take your head out of the sand.

AustinMan · Answer

I'm so so sorry you're going through this. I'm also sorry to deliver what may be difficult news but if he bails because your were the victim of a violent crime, he's not a candidate for a permanent relationship.

waves_skylines · Answer

If he's a decent guy he will come around, talk to you, and be understanding. I would never hold rape against the victim, that's horrible and ridiculous. It wouldn't change a thing for me, except I would be really concerned about you. It's not a reason to stop loving someone.

JoeCensored · Answer

You should keep giving him some space for a while. The problem is after lying to him, and him having to figure it out on his own, he has no reason to believe you know and will never trust you the same again.

It would certainly help your side of the story if charges were formally filed against the guy. Without them your boyfriend is unlikely to ever believe you.

Maik567 · Answer

Can you tell us more details about what happened, did you willingly go to his place or what?

Insecure1636 · Answer

This isn't what you are going to want to hear but if he isn't able to trust you on something this serious then you are better off without him. The fact that he went through your phone is bad enough but for him to not believe you were raped is really wrong.

Intraluminal · Answer

I think you're in a very tough place right now, and at least a part of your concern about your boyfriend is just a way of avoiding thinking about the real issues of dealing with this rapist. If your boyfriend really cares for you at all then a soon as he stops freaking out he be back to help you. If he doesn't come back to help you then he's not your boyfriend and never was, he was just a fool and you're better off without him.

drewtacular · Answer

well you did lie about it. Why protect the person who raped you? Your story dosnt make sense to me so I understand it not making sense to your boyfriend.

Skadouchebag · Answer

If a guy leaves you because you were raped, then do you really think he ever loved you to begin with? I mean, such a guy doesn't even see you as a person! he sees you as damaged goods!

VampireEmpress · Answer

ask your parents to help talk to him!

takumii · Answer

You lost him.

chrisbigman · Answer

There's not a whole lot you can do with your boyfriend right now. The ball is in his court, so to speak, in terms of what he will do. I will admit - I don't blame your boyfriend for his reaction. However, I would hate myself for not being there. If only I knew the guy that raped my girlfriend, I would find a way to confront the guy and get the guy to admit it. I'd have to be quite careful though, as some guys can be slick. Some guys can be stupid that way though in terms of admitting things, especially if they are drunk.