Last weekend, I got drunk with my friend, which we've done in the past and nothing has happened. However, this time, we were flirting and we started making out. It went as far as taking my shirt off before he stopped and told me that he couldn't continue because he had a girlfriend. We spent about an hour talking everything over, and he confessed that even though he wished he did, he didn't regret kissing me. Finally, we started kissing again and it ended up with us having sex. Then, he came over the next day and spent the entire day with me cuddling and stuff and that evening, we slept together again. During our conversation, he told me that he wasn't sure who he wanted because he has been with his girlfriend so awhile now, but he has been away from her recently because they go to different schools. He also told me that he wanted to be with us equally, and that he did not want me to be the
"girl on the side" or a friend with benefits. He also said that if he did break up with her that he wanted to do it gradually rather than tell her that he cheated on her, so it hopefully won't hurt her as badly, but now looking back on it, I'm really scared that he will pick to be with her. I've liked him for quite awhile now, and I never wanted this to happen because I didn't want his relationship to fall apart because of me. I need some advice on what to say to him or what you think is really on his mind because either way, someone is going to be really hurt.
Most Helpful Guy
"I never wanted this to happen because I didn't want his relationship to fall apart becase of me"
- It fell apart wayyyyy before you entered the picture.
A guy that is truthfully happy, regardless of how "drunk" he may be- won't be trying to get you over and "test his luck" to get laid- he will call his girlfriend and go "babe... Come over"... If she says no- he will find a way to go to her.
- Testing things out with you is because he has a lingering feeling left in his "love tank" about you and your personality.
I don't fear her getting hurt at all- there's two things that make me sketchy about this situation.
1) He did this to her, will he do it to you?
2) If she does get hurt about the situation- will she find out who you are and come after you physically / emotionally for a vendetta?
Either way- the damage is done, don't worry about it. Though just a heads up, this guy is sweet talking and sugar coating things.
- "I want to be with you both equally" - bullsh*t! Then why did you sleep with one over the other? It makes no sense. If he wanted you the same as he wants her- there is no reason to cheat. He would go to her if he had the SAME feelings.
You can NOT have the same feelings for two different people- two people / two situations never co-exist the exact same... Maybe similiar! But never the same. Which means your feelings about that "other person" or "second situation" are going to vary compared to your feelings with the original person and/or situation.
He's sweet talking you- which is the biggest possible red-flag that he knows what he did was wrong- yet he did it anyways.
The kid is confused and not ready for a high-comittment relationship, but I can't be talking on that one. I was there and just barely, have I actually started to step away from that.
Talk to him about the situation and let him know that you will wait for an answer, but you won't wait forever. Let him know that you have been around for a long time and that your feelings for him are real- beyond a bedroom. If he runs for the hills, he played you. If he dumps her and comes to you, he is ready but still confused.