Why does my boyfriend watch porn and how can I ask him to stop?

[Anonymous]

I recently came across my boyfriends stash of porn accidentally. He said it was all really old but I checked the dates downloaded and it was from two months ago and some really gross ones from a few weeks ago, and it really broke my heart and made me start questioning why he has it when he has me. I am not unwilling to have any form of sex with him and we have great sex when we do... I mean I'm so open about my sexuality there isn't much I wouldn't try, I love to go on cam or sext send pictures, you name it. He could have a complete stash of porn of just me by the ammounts of videos pictures etc that I have sent them but I found all of mine in his trash on his computer! He knows it bothers me but I haven't asked him to stop watching it because I know he will think I'm being unreasonable and just getting hurt over nothing but I don't go looking at naked men on my free time why does he need to see some naked girl? It honestly makes me feel so gross in his eyes... He's looking at girls I could never compare to or that any normal woman can! So why would he watch it rather than have me the way I am and how willing I am? I've been reading stuff all over the place that's been scaring me saying that will eventually or could already be making him not attracted to me... I just don't feel comfortable with it at all and I need some advice on how to ask him to stop, and to be able to prove to me that he has since I've caught him lying about other things and we're working on that now...

[Lovelinefan]

Ah, a topic near and dear to my heart. I too, was once "busted" by a girlfriend who felt the same exact way you do. That was years ago, otherwise I'd swear it was you! LOL

Okay, so here's the scoop on porn, and a little crash course on how a guys brain works and how it's different from the female brain. I'm going to use myself as an example, because that's the only person I can speak on behalf of, though rest assured your boyfriend is probably preeeettty much the same. (We all are).

I've been looking at porn since I was probably 12 years old and discovered a stash of old penthouse and hustler magazines at this spot off a trail in the woods with some buddies. Kinda creepy to look back at now, but we survived, LOL.
Except for the period between when the magazines disappeared from their hiding spot and the time that my parents moved the computer to a more secluded part of the house, it's been a non-stop part of my life ever since.
I imagine people younger than me have just as much, if not more access to porn now with so many free sites out there (used to have to download it off of p2p networks, with 56k... do you even know what dialup is/was? lol)

Anyway, it's just part of what guys like to do... look at porn and whack off.. Even if we're madly in love with a girl and having regular sex, porn and masturbation are like a separate part of a guys life. Whether it's just a habit that's been part of a routine for MUCH longer than we've known you (our girlfriends) or a convenient and safe way to satisfy the animalistic urge to "spread our seed" with as many women as possible (doesn't mean we have any interest in cheating on you, ever), it is what it is.

Does it mean we're not attracted to you? Or aren't satisfied with the sex we have with you? HELLL NO! I was crazy about my girlfriend (the one who busted me) and sex with her was the best! I never EVER considered cheating on her or leaving her for some fake, porn-star looking girl. It's not even in the same league.

Do I blame you for being jealous? Nah, I get it. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably feel the same way. But trying to force him to stop is just asking for him to lie to you.
The freaky stuff? Sounds normal... I watch some weird porn, stuff I'd never want to actually do.

Almost out of space to type this, but please, don't assume he has any interest in other women... don't assume he's not happy with you... let him do what he's gotta do without a hard time, maybe try watching porn WITH him?

[Asker]

I don't know how to be okay with it though - Like the way you explain it is awesome and perfect and just what I need to hear but I look at my boyfriend and I question weather that's how he feels about it... And I always will - I don't want to ever feel insecure in my relationship and sex life and I didn't up until I found it...

[Lovelinefan]

Well... I mean, as I said, I can only speak for myself, so if there's something else going on with your boyfriend, that's gonna be a different story, but from what your post said, it sounds like the insecurity has more to do with your feelings about porn, and the idea that your boyfriend watches/looks at it, than with your boyfriend. I'm not trying to blame you or put 100% of the responsibility on you, it should be something that you and your boyfriend have a conversation about for sure. I just think that you will be better off if you approach the subject with him more from a "help me understand/feel more comfortable/help me feel secure again" standpoint rather than telling him you don't want him to do it or that he needs to stop. I hope you figure out a solution that's realistic and agreeable to both of you... Just don't set yourself up for disappointment, and try to come to an understanding that it has absolutely NOTHING to do with you or his sexual relationship w you...

[Pisces101]

Hi there! I have read your replies to this question and would love your advice on one of my questions regarding a similar topic :(

[sta-47]

For the porn, I wouldn't worry too much about it. I think it's just a guy thing. My father is in his mid 60's and he still flirts with women, and I seen some funny internet browsing histories because he didn't know how to delete it, and mom doesn't care! They have been together since the early 70's and they are closer than ever. Try not to be too jealous, because that is very bad. The only thing to justify ending the relationship is if you found out that he is more than just friends with another girl. Probably the reason he deleted all your pictures is because it was like a form of nagging and it's like you are saying, you are just allowed to look at me and only me! If you find his behaviour is changing or less enthusiastic in the following months, then that is reason to worry.

[Anonymous]

leave the poor guy alone. is it okay for a girl to have a vibrating 8 inch dick as a toy to masturbate with? yes? then its okay for a guy to have his porn. he's not comparing you to the porn girls. guys need to see things in order to get turned on. and like you said, he can see you anytime. its programmed into a mans brain to have sex with multiple women in order to further the humans species. so he looks at porn. if its okay for a girl to use a toy that no man can measure up to, then it should be okay for a guy to look at porn.

[MrOracle]

Here is a MyTake I wrote on this a couple years ago:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a5423-why-men-watch-porn

[Lovelinefan]

Very good article, well written. If the asker (or anyone, for that matter) wants even more detail, the book "Sex at Dawn" goes into detail on this subject and is a worthwhile read for anyone interested in learning why humans are the way we are (sexually)

[ShocknAwem]

Seems like he want's something more from sex. Ask him wtf is he watching and if there is anything you can do to make that a reality if you up to do it.

[OrangeDutchie]

My partner knows I watch porn. I am very open about it and she respects it. I only do watch it when we are far away from each other or without each other for longer than 3 days... it has NOTHING to do with him feeling attracted to you or not. Women always think the guy is comparing the pornstars to their partner, but no. I sometimes watch porn with ladies I don't even find good looking! It really just is to see something while playing. Women don't need it because they are better to imagine something (this is even proven) so, it really isn't something to feel bad about! Inbox me if you want to talk more on the matter!

[Pisces101]

Hi there! I have read your replies to this question and would love your advice on one of my questions regarding a similar topic 

[annoyymouse]

Porn is a fantasy, and even guys involved in happy relationships watch it. Nothing to be worried about

[orphan]

didn't kno people still watch porn on DVD...

[Joshuafirestar]

He just has a REALLY HIGH sex drive that satisfying is unreasonable for anyone

[Inevitable_opening68]

Your feeling may be valid but rest assured that watching bouncing boobies would not interfere or in anyway be a hindrance in your relationship, watching porn is fine watching it with him? he will surely like it by the way you can save some videos locally by using VideoPower RED try looking a guide at grabporn

[Anonymous]

Because you're not always going to be around or in the mood

[Anonymous]

A guys porn collection is valuable. How could u ask him to get rid of it. He shares it with his buddies when the come over. Likely shows al his friends your pics and vids too
Doesn't tbat turn you on knowing he shows everyone your naughty vids?
Maybe they are all doing circle jerks around your pics

[Brunette_barbie111]

This made me sick to my stomach.😷

[Anonymous]

Watch it with him!