Are men really insecure about how fast they cum?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend loves to give me oral which I enjoy very much but I'm starting to get the feeling that he's a little insecure about how fast he orgasms. He tells me that he likes to space sex out because he doesn't want me to get to used to him and other excuses for not having sex so often. I have a higher libado than him so I want sex all of the time. However, he thinks that I should work on controlling my high sex drive. I think the reason he makes excuses is because he's insecure about how fast he cums. He does cum rather quickly when we have sex but the sex is still enjoyable.

[pnl86]

"I have a higher libido than him so I want sex all of the time. However, he thinks that I should work on controlling my high sex drive."

If the roles were reversed here, and this was a girl telling a guy to "work on controlling his high sex drive," that "relationship" would be finished faster than your boyfriend.

(zing)

In all seriousness, though, some guys are insecure about things like that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpjq8jqrPq8

Perhaps he should consider the alternative that he's mentally aiming for: "delayed" or "retarded" ejaculation. Imaging wanting to get off so bad, but not being able to. Your partner is right there, ready, willing, able, and trying so hard to get you off... and you're there trying so hard to get off... and you can't get off.

You end up feeling unsatisfied, and your partner ends up feeling crappy too.

[Anonymous]

The more often he has sex, the longer he will last. You can also help by changing the positions more often and certain other positions will allow him to last longer too

[Questionizer]

Great answer. When my man and I first started having sex, he would often come within a few seconds to a minute. He was so incredibly insecure about it even when I told him not to worry about it. He has a high sex libido so that didn't stop him from avoiding sex. Nowadays, he can last 15+ minutes.

[Bliss-taylor]

Kinda on the same boat but I'm more understanding of the boat I'm in. My husband is self conscious of how quickly he cums sometimes. He's not always quick, if we have sex a lot one week but if it's spaced only 3 days apart he stops and waits there for a bit till he calms down. I have a higher sex drive than him by far. He feels bad that he's not always in the mood. And when I've tried to do things to get him in the mood he gets hard but during sex he goes soft. He gets all upset and feels like he has to reassure me that he wants me and he doesn't understand why it happens. So I've learned to just wait and hope until he's in the mood then sex is very satisfying. You need to learn how to please yourself when he's not in the mood. Because sexual frustration causes a lot of arguing after time.

[Asker]

Thank you!! You really have no idea how much this helped! My boyfriend and I aren't married yet, but I can tell that I make him feel so bad. I don't mean to intentionally put pressure on him or make him feel any less of a man but I do sometimes get frustrated. He's a 10-year vet and has been to war 3 times. He recently stated that I would never understand what all he has been through. He said that it really changed his life. He doesn't come right out and say that he hates that he can't please me the way that he wants, but I can sense it. I can also sense when I hurt his feelings. It doesn't make me love him any less though. I guess I need to invest in some toys, huh? lol Thanks for your advice. This definitely deserves best MHO!! :)

[Bliss-taylor]

Thank you. =) Yes definitely get some toys and try not to make him feel bad. He should try to please you other ways sometimes even if he's not wanting sex. My husband uses foreplay to get me off a lot when he's not in the mood for sex. Just have a talk with him. Y'all will be fine. =)

[BrunetteNYC]

He should meeting you halfway to please you not telling you to control your sex drive. This is not a good lover. It's selfish of him.

[Asker]

That's the same thing I was thinking. Its like he uses it as a way to control me. If we do have sex he limits what he does because he so-called doesn't want to give me all of him sexually yet. But before we got into a relationship we never had a problem in bed. He's always gave me his all!

[SmoMan]

There is nothing wrong with having a high sex drive. If you need it more than he does you can always look into getting some toys to help you out when he can't. As far as him cumming early I can't help much, it is not a problem I have ever had.

[ichot]

i hate to give this answer since I haven't answered the question..

Talk to your partner. Communicate as adults would and not like a child.

[Asker]

Tried that. He just cut me off and told me I can never be satisfied but how can I be satisfied when he never listens.

[ichot]

Seems like you married a man-child. I suppose couples therapy would also be rejected on his part correct? If he doesn't want to change for the betterment of the relationship, then why are you putting up with this? Or is sex something you are willing to do away with? Don't bother with ultimatums like "if we don't have sex 3 times a week then I'm breaking up with you". You'll get the worst sex just to fulfill the requirements. If you are miserable enough, I'd consider breaking the relationship. Check out a video on youtube titled "The sex-starved marriage Michele Weiner-Davis"

[NerdInDenial]

Some men who have premature ejaculation fear of ejaculating too quickly. The fear is that their partner is not satisfied.

[SlightlyCrazy]

You must be great in bed if he cums that fast, or he is a bit premature. There are many articles you can read about delaying male orgasm. Look it up. also high sex drive is awsome. First time I had sex on my agenda I worried it lasting long so I looked that up. Turns out I was so nervous I stayed hard for 2 hours before I came. Isn't life great sometimes

[Caliguy88]

I can usually last longer than the girl but sometimes it just happens a little quicker than expected. I’ll do anything the girl wants to help get her off. I don’t stress it but I feel bad the moment it happens.

[SROMFTW]

While he's fucking you does he ever just stop? would you mind if he did? maby he needs to slow down the process so you can reach orgasm closer together, have you talked to him about this?

[Asker]

No he's never stopped and no I wouldn't be ok with him stopping. I told him sex for me is bonding. I love the feeling of being close to him. This he knows. When I try to talk about it he shuts the conversation down. So, I just leave it alone. Its getting to the point where its becoming a problem because I feel like he uses it as a way to control me!

[SROMFTW]

I'm sorry I probably should've explained that more thoroughly, I didn't mean stop completely more of a pause in the thrusting, I do this all the time and every partner I've been with have always been very satisfied and came a lot ! I think you might be happier with someone else who appreciates you and your sexual intimacy needs, the way he's acting toward you sounds a little abusive.

[jakeofalltrades]

yeah, most are

[Anonymous]

Well, some of us may be, because I heard lot of girls hate that.

[Anonymous]

Yes that could b a big part that's the only reason why I'm still a virgin in afraid what she might think how she will react if she will tell people ik it's stupid but it's really tuff maybe he feels the same if he dose he will focuse on u most I the time trying to keep his disk out of the picture as much as possible