My husband says he doesn't check out other women. I don't believe him. How to get him to confess?

Question

He has it confused. I trust that he would never cheat on me. He's a very loyal man, and Id bet my life on it. He is madly in love with me even after all this time, and I do know he loves my body and my face. There's no problems here.
When I ask him if he checks out other women, it's because I am curious to know what he likes. I want him to tell me parts of women he likes so I can try my best to duplicate it in a way that works for me. I just want to look good for him is all. I want him to point out nice clothes on women, hair, make up, their bodies. 
He swears to God he doesn't check out other women. I'm not an idiot and I know this is a lie. When I say checking out, I don't mean that he looks at women and wants to sleep with them or thinks they're better than me. I mean, it's common sense. If he never checked women out, how would he know that he finds me attractive? Get it?
But no. He's just totally blind to other girls. Does he think I'm stupid?
How to make him comfortable enough to sit and people watch with me and tell me what parts of women he likes most?

Rawrzz · Accepted Answer

Why not just let it go?

Though, given your age, I wouldn't count on him *never* cheating. Or you never cheating. It's a constant battle. If a lull in willpower approaches, something bad happens, a fight is inevitably had, around the same time as an opportunity to cheat, it'll happen. Males instinctually want to fuck 80% of the female population--variety; and females instinctively want to trade up as high as possible--quality. And, even then, cheating is biologically more advantageous than marriage is. Males get their desire for variety fulfilled by cheating, while females get access to two sets of genes and possibly extra resources. Marriage is a perpetual fight against human instinct. Becoming complacent is a good way to get divorced, in my opinion. Of course, that's just me.

I also wouldn't think that you want to know if he's checking out other women so you can try to duplicate what he likes. Otherwise, why wouldn't you just ask him what kinds of clothes, hair, and make up he likes? This is a supremely roundabout way towards obtaining your goal. I can only surmise that the real reason you want to know if he looks at other women is for some other reason. Perhaps--just a blind guess--because you want to really know if he's solely attracted to you? Or to hold it against him somehow. Or to really test him or something.

Just my reasoning. I don't speak in absolutes.

As for how to get him to people watch with you, the only thing I can think of would be putting yourself out there, first. You're asking him to take a leap of faith, to declare a vulnerability; and he doesn't know whether or not you're going to hold it against him or not: either now or in the future. It's sorta like asking him if he'll take his armor off, while you've got a sword in your hand, I think. There's really nothing for him to gain, but a possibility to lose something or have it held against him. If you explain what you like in other men, then he'll feel more comfortable. Because it will be even ground, then. And I'm sure you look at some guys, too: male celebrities or actors, at least.

If you want someone to drop their guard, you can't have yours up at the same time. Not the right way, anyway.

Tanuron · Accepted Answer

he's probably honest. I am that way, for me it dosent really exsist another female in my universe than the one im with. I achknowledge them as people and a person, but not in a sense I even compare my partner to them or obviously dont think about dating them, sleep with them etc. If you want to dress better for him and what not, you can just simple ask directly instead or try something out so he can see "Does this look good on me, do you think that/this would look good on me?" etc. Instead of asking him if other woman look good in this and that, since in my case again. The one and only who really looks good would be my partner, its hard to compare to anything when yeah, in my universe for example it is just one.

Bozikins · Accepted Answer

In my Admiral Ackbar voice, "It's a trap!"

If he says he does, you'd get mad he's looking at other women. If he says he doesn't, you think he's lying. Basically, he's damned if he does, damned if he doesn't, so he'll go with the path of least resistance. Don't bring other women into it or claim you just want to look good for him. You already stated that he loves your body and face. Asking leading questions is just contradicting what you've already said and projecting your insecurities off on him, and that's not fair.

If you really want to know what he thinks would look good on you, just flat out ask him, "What kinds of looks would you like to see on me in terms of makeup/clothes/hair?" You'll find out what he thinks, whether he would like to see a different hair color on you or likes you just the way you are.

Barnone · Accepted Answer

Be careful what you wish for.

If you keep nagging him about it he'll get annoyed and resent the fact you don't believe him. Of course he sees other women and of course he may think one or two are good looking but he's not with them, he's with you. Maybe it makes him uncomfortable to sit around and tell you what he thinks of other women and their appearance, and really I don't get why you'd want to do that with him.

He's response was polite and instead of being insulted try wording yourself differently because if a guy said what you said to me I'd be annoyed.

shadowlegend · Accepted Answer

OR he values your feelings and doesn't want you comparing yourself to other women, so stop making an issue out of it and appreciate that he is trying to reassure your insecurity, and he loves you the way you are, obviously. If you persist and accuse him of lying, you will piss him off and have created an issue that wasn't there in the first place, let it go and be happy with the sweet man you have.

kaylaS91 · Accepted Answer

Just tell him you know he does and that you're perfectly fine with it. If that still fails to get him to 'confess', you can continue to insist that it's fine, that you check guys out too.

AustinMan · Answer

Tell him that if he'll tell you what he likes about other women, you'll do whatever the sex things he loves. It's all about the incentives AND about him getting past his PC training.

grlpwr · Answer

Let him check out other women, stop being so needy and insecure! Women and men are beautiful creatures and admiring one doesn't mean he doesn't love you!

Harta · Answer

It all depends if your trust is deep enough, With my experience guys tend to shy away from the girls that dont trust them. For now i would believe him but just in case next time it happens take a picture that will get him to confess.

GirlsLie · Answer

Because you're just asking for trouble and he knows it.

It doesn't do any good to learn what your boyfriend likes in women because most guys enjoy a variety of women, you're not really going to gain anything from the experience.

You have a man who is respectful of your feelings, just be happy with that.

If you want to know what he likes or spice things up then ask him what you can personally do to make things more fun or try changing your appearance a little sometimes for fun.

karahiri · Answer

you know that he probably does check out other girls and that you are not the best-looking person on the planet.. how will it make you feel better to have him confirm that? just be glad he's gentlemanly enough to try to protect your feelings.

DodgersGM · Answer

I don't see any benefit to persisting with this.  If you are really just trying to see what he likes, ask him what he likes best on *you*.

rjroy3 · Answer

1. Let it go and don't ask him to confess.

2. Just workout to be in your best shape for you.

3. Ask him his preference on clothes, using yourself as the model. He'll have no issues saying he prefers how one thing looks on you over another.

He doesn't need to say he checks out other women if you mean what you say, when you say you just want to look good for him.

Intraluminal · Answer

Two possibilities: 1) He's telling the truth. 2) He's not telling the truth, but he likes breathing without a respirator. Either way, leave him alone.

pervertedjester · Answer

I just look at women now and think "I'm glad I'm single."

SomeoneImportant · Answer

He thinks you're trying to pull some female trick on him

He's playing it smart. Besides, I doubt you would be as cool about it as you say.

You would use it against him somehow.

Also, when guys check out girls, we think "would I, or would I not sleep with her?" And I know you know that.

drewtacular · Answer

maybe his is really gay and just in the closet. So when he said he is not checking out other girls its the truth..

ConsultantIsBack · Answer

He would rather slip out a lie than to be nagged and lectured by you for eternity.  Cold hard truth😆

annoyymouse · Answer

Ask him just like that. He may be confused with what yo mean by checking out.

DudeWithAHotWife · Answer

Prompt it. Nod to a girl who has hair you like and say "I'm thinking of trying my hair like that. It looks so pretty. What do you think?"

Springnok93 · Answer

Do me a favour throw away all those magazines with half naked men, stop watching those rom coms, stop drooling over male celebrities and stop talking to your friends about how (insert celebrity) "look so cute".

Hypocrite.

John_Doesnt · Answer

Did you try explaining that to him why you're asking? If you phrased it that way he'd probably confess.
Marriage is about honesty and respect. Just ask the world's oldest couple, married for 87 years.

Jared____ · Answer

😂 don't be that wife🙈 Can't you just be happy 💁🏻

TheSpartan · Answer

I mean, it's possible he doesn't. There are some rare people who don't. More likely, though, is that he just doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

jakeofalltrades · Answer

just because a guy looks at a girl doesn't mean he is checking her out. also you wouldn't like it if he started telling you he checked out other women, no matter what you say