My boyfriend gets too excited while making out, how do I help him?

[Anonymous]

Here's the thing. We've been dating for almost six months. I have not and will not have sex with him until marriage for multiple reasons. He had agreed to this and respects my wishes. Well, we still make out. Deep kissing and touching each other, no touching privates or my chest. He will my butt and everything but my chest and you know what. We remain fully clothed. It's great. The problem is two things. One: he gets too excited and gets a little rough and starts kind of dry humping and he gets too much sometimes and I don't know how to make him stop, he gets kind of rough and he's pretty strong. I know he doesn't mean to, and he feels really bad afterward. Also, I think he might went all the way once or twice. I don't know how to tell. But he said sorry that happened. And usually when he stops it's because he catches himself getting too excited and stops abruptly, breathing hard and like he's almost going top pass out. Those two times, he was making sounds, wouldn't stop, then when he did, he tensed then was really relaxed and though remorseful, he seemed euphoric. Anyway two: I don't want to be a tease or turn him on, leave him on. What can I do or not do to help him not get too excited and control himself? I love him, I want sex with him, but not yet. He's an awesome guy and wants to do this for me. So far, I do not reach under his clothes or touch his privates. I kiss him, his face, ears, neck. I hug him. Caress his back, arms, face, chest etc. Help people. This is the only aspect of our relationship that needs help. And don't bash him, he does try, even though he needs to try harder. Just need help for me on what to do or say. And yes we have talked about it, a lot.

[Anonymous]

It's pure reflexes, he is literally going against his instincts.
i would never be able to keep a stable relationship being so sexually oppressed. he is doing incredibly if you ask me. you are setting the standard no guy would be able to do it. at least hetero men.

[NormalUser]

Not sure... but maybe say 'A.. a' like saying 'No' just replaced with that, then it won't feel like you're teased.. and will be able to control him?

[Not_Peanuts]

My girlfriend and I had a very similar situation. She did not want any sort of sex until marriage, and marriage wasn't possible until I finished college (actually, graduate school). But she understood very well what was happening with me. When we kissed and cuddled, especially if she was wearing short shorts, she could see the effect through my pants, even though I tried to hide it. One day she asked me outright, "Do you need to do something about that. It looks uncomfortable." I wasn't sure what she meant at first, and I asked her if she meant for me to take matters in my own hand. She smiled and said, "Why not? I would rather you do it here than to drive home miserable, or to stop along the way and have another girl do it for you." She dimmed the lights, turned on the TV and told me to get comfortable. It didn't take me long to finish. We spent many evenings like this, and we eventually got married. Life couldn't be better.

[Anonymous]

Maybe do something to relieve the pressure in his balls?

[Asker]

I'm not doing anything like that. No hand or blow jobs. That's no better than sex.

[Opinion Owner]

Well, to be fair, sex is better than both of those things. But if you're going to turn the guy on, then you can help his discomfort by relieving his tension. Or you could suggest that he just relieve it himself.

[Asker]

I didn't mean it's not better. I meant, it's still compromising standards just as sex would be What I want to know is how to not get him too excited cause I know it's unfair. To tell him to relieve himself would embarrass him greatly, but it's worth a tactical suggestion.

[Opinion Owner]

You could tell him you like that he gets excited by you and that you don't want him to be uncomfortable so you want him to relieve himself. You could make it better for him by offering some visual stimulation. I'm sure he'd LOVE that!

[Asker]

I like the idea, but as for visual, clothes stay on and I wouldn't want him to do that in front of me. But thank you, it doesn't sound too bad to suggest like that.

[Opinion Owner]

Why not have him do it front of you? That way he doesn't have to feel ashamed like he has to hide it. You can share the full experience from excitement to relief.