I don't feel desirable or am I asexual?

[Anonymous]

I never dated a guy, never even kissed one. They just dont really approach me. I'm not shy, i'm not hideous looking (i think lol) but i dont have a sexappeal. can it be connected that I feel like my libido is very low, i never want to have sex? i just have no idea how sex is done lol dont get me wrong, i know the process. i mean how people go from: going out, movie, dinner blabla how do they end up in bed naked and both actually want to have sex with each other? how that type of thoughts come to your mind? (yes i'm this direct, i know, yes )) does it mean guys never have this kind of sexual thoughts about me? I'm not a teen and i start to be concerned when people, who are twice younger than me, have active sexual life :D it's confusing me. why me, a normal average nice girl, have this weird perception of sexuality and why men dont see me as sexually attractive.

[bobair]

You sound very normal to me!

Sexy feelings tend to be connected to our hormones and our thoughts. So it's not a bad idea to get regular checkups with the doc to exclude anything out of sorts. But mostly our sexuality is linked to our thinking.

And if you're not dating, or you have a lot of negative self talk about yourself (like your appearance, or career, or life direction) then of course you're going to be less interested in sex. That's completely normal. Sex isn't like food... we can easily live without it.

What happens when we date is that we want to connect more and more with that someone special. And often intimacy requires us to be vulnerable and open... like being naked for example. But also when we share our inner desires and secrets.

My suspicion is that some where along the line you've chosen not to explore self touch or masterbation... because that alone will slowly build your sexual confidence, and therefore your sexual interest in others. If you have any inner road blocks about self directed sex then that's the best place to start. Either by talking to close friends, or even a safe therapist. Because until you're comfortable being open and loving with yourself it's going to be very hard to be open with someone else.

Be patient with yourself, you're worth it!

:D

~ Robby

[Asker]

I masterbate but just few times in couple of months, i dont feel like i want it or need it. also, you say if i experience this "pleasure" next step will be try it with a guy? the thing is, i dont want to. i dont feel like getting naked and let a man touch me and fuck me. its not a sexy ides for me, i dont get aroused by this thoughts.

[Asker]

*idea

[bobair]

Hmmm... I'm not an expert, I'm just giving my best guess. My guess would be that your relationship with sex... how you view it (as healthy and fun or gross and evil) will impact how you FEEL about it. So if you FEEL uninterested then perhaps there's no reason to worry. But if you feel repulsed by the idea of sex, then there's definitely something in your belief system worth digging into. Like past traumas, or something the parents taught you, etc. PLUS how healthy are your relationships with men in general (or women)? Do you have close personal friends that you love and enjoy? Or do you keep people at a distance, etc. You're curious enough to ask us so clearly you're wise enough to learn more about yourself, and I applaud that! Too many people live with their head's in the sand avoiding anything challenging.

[Asker]

I dont feel its repulsive, sometimes i think ew gross, but then im like, wait in porn she moans like crazy, that can't be that bad lol i have totally normal relationships with both sexes, couple of close firends, the rest normal friends like any other person i guess. the really have no answers to my questions)) i was growing up having lots of boys being my friends, i always was treated with respect, i never was this "princess" type of girl tho. i dress nice, mean skirts and all this femenine stuff. ... I just dont see myself having sex, also i dont see guys being interested in me as a sexual partneer and i'm confused why.

[Berethor]

For your information women moaning are not always real, sometimes women fake it, both in real life and in porn. Anyway, if you watch porn then you already know more or less how sex really looks. If other women can enjoy sex, it still don't mean that you can enjoy sex, just as you can't feel sexual desire, it's unlikely for you to enjoy sex if you are so repulsed by it, even though their is still an little chance that if you try it then you would chance you mind about it. Guys are not interested in you, because they might sense your asexual ki. :)

https://dragonball.wikia.com/wiki/Ki_Sense

[bobair]

From my point of view its very easy to see why guys won't be sexually interested in you... because you're not sexually interested. How you feel about yourself and about sex is expressed in your moods, body language, vocal tone, personally style, hygiene, expressions of affection, etc. Since you're not really into sex then you're sub communicating to guys that you're not interested. While if you WERE horny, or sexually curious, you would be communicating something completely different.. you would dress differently, talk differently, and touch differently. Your vibe is what pulls guys in, or pushes them away. So if you WANT guys to pursue you, then you're going to have to develop different feelings about your sexuality. And the healthiest feelings are "curiosity." This way you're not trying to force yourself to be a certain way... but instead you're just poking around with open mindedness and curiosity.

[Berethor]

If you can to identify with Sasuke more then with Karin then you are asexual. If you don't want sex then you don't need to worry about the fact that no guy approaching you, maybe they somehow feels your asexual energy and understand from the start that it's hopeless to go out with you. By the way did you not see the point in relationship as well? even with a guy that you like and know for a long time, and not some random guy? how that type of thoughts come to our mind? well when you have sexually and attraction the thoughts about sex comes quite naturally, almost like the thoughts about other things that you might want to do with people, also most people find sex as better way to get sexual satisfaction then masturbation. Anyway I actually respect that you are still almost totally pure at this age, it's quite a rare thing nowadays, even if in your case it's come mostly of out asexually and not out morality.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98PTBX5jpL4

[Asker]

this was funny. i'm the guy with dark hair) i even get asked similar things, when talking about boyfriend or sex, people go "oh don't try to act like a nun","oh don't be so stuck up", "playing a pure virgin, huh? lol". and i'm like but... i just... don't want, don't feel the need, don't feel the desire to have intimate contact with a man. people find it really weird and think im playing some virgin games, while im totally not.

[Berethor]

It's really matters so much if people can't understand you as long as you are fine with your situation, and with staying alone. You don't need to be in relationship just to be like the rest of the people, but you would seek for relationship only if you really wants it. It's most likely that you are "aromantic asexual", because some asexual actually wants relationship, even though they don't like/need sex, you on the other hand don't needs it at all, so it's actually easier for you, because good luck with finding relationship without sex, I see an aromantic asexual as full asexual, what the point in wanting kisses but no sex, like other asexuals? all or nothing makes far more sense to me.

www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Aromantic

[Asker]

that's interesting. and what about men's part? think my behaviour somehow shows them im not intrested? even tho im smiley and nice to them when we talk. but men do not approach me in a sexual way or romantic.

[Berethor]

Likely so, somehow they might well that you are not sexual girl, even if you are nice to them, being nice as a friend and having desire in you eyes, is to different things, also they might heard rumors about you, that saying that you are asexual. :)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_desire

[NJ_Casanova]

If you don't have any desire/dream about men or women, you might be Asexual or low hormone level. I would have a medical opinon on your hormone levels. If you don't ever masturbate, don't enjoy it, I don't think you'll have the drive/desire to get into a relationship. Guys, "as slow as thery are", LOL can pick up on the vibe a girl is giving off, (wants to be left alone, looking for fun, etc). I hope U find what you need, Having someone, is a great thing, that is until it ends:-(

[Skadouchebag]

Do you like to look at naked men?