How do you get rid of sexual tension at work?

[Anonymous]

My manager and I have this unspoken sexual tension between us. I saw him the other day and my skin was ignited. I was tingling everywhere. I can't stop looking at him, but when he's very close to me I can't look him in the eyes. I just can't stop my body from everything that's going on. And I think he feels the same way, cuz he won't come near me, like he won't cross that line, he's always staring at me. Can u date ur boss? Is that legal? If not how can I get rid of this sexual tension? Besides masturbating it out?

[pnl86]

I think the reason he's not coming near you is probably because he doesn't feel like handing an employee a sexual harassment lotto ticket (if he's also the owner), or he doesn't feel like getting fired for creating a sexual harassment liability. There's not much room for reading into that any other way when sexual harassment is in the midst.

As far as getting rid of that sexual tension, start circulating a rumor around the office that you're dating someone... that you have to leave early because... that you're so upset because your "BOYFRIEND" spent the whole weekend playing on his iPhone while you were trying to watch a movie together.

I mean, that option is always available. If you don't want to take it, then "you" don't really want to "get rid of" the sexual tension.

As far as whether it's legal, sure it's legal. It's not like prostitution or something. The issue is, do you really want to arm the other person with a certain power dynamic over you?

The employer-employee relationship already has a power dynamic behind it. Take "at-will" employment for example. The employee enjoys a certain standard of living because she can exchange her labor in return for cash. The cash she gets paid is a result of the value of her labor. If the company is paying "too much" (compared to the services it needs), her job security is at risk. But, if the company isn't paying "enough," then it's the EMPLOYER that's at risk of losing the employee. 11th hour terminations cut both ways.

Conflict resolution is like torture, sometimes, just the "threat" of taking action is enough to induce a concession. "If you don't stay late and finish that thing, I'm going to cut your pay, I'm going to fire you, etc., blah blah blah." "I've already found another job, so I'm sorry I cannot stay here any longer (but not because I'm unhappy with anything else but my "pay" situation... hint hint, wink wink, it's an issue of money... so if you want to keep me, just pay me more).

For "commodity"-type work (e. g., secretaries, receptionists, etc.), the employee has very little bargaining leverage, so the employer has a lot of power as it is.

[pnl86]

The employee may already feel pressure to stay later than they have to, or not even take a full hour of lunch, or not even take time off, etc. Those are "concessions," things that the employee is not "required" to do, but effectively gets pressured into doing by the threat of some unfair dealing. Some women may feel like "adding sex" provides that additional gap in leverage to "even" the playing field (i. e., if you fire me, then you also have to say goodbye to the sex too). This is a mistake. "Sex" is not necessary to an individual staying alive, "money" is. So, "threat of no more sex" < "threat of no more paycheck tomorrow." Now, "in addition" to all the other concessions the employer has the power to get the employee to make, the employee has also now just put sex on the table. Sexual harassment laws are designed to "prohibit" that boundary from ever being crossed, no matter how great the bargaining power disparity.

[pnl86]

It's a very sensitive situation. But, you could get around it by "YOU" (the person who "creates/presents" the highest risk of a sexual harassment liability to the organization) executing what is essentially an admission by a party opponent (to be saved in HR's back pocket and used in the event of a later sexual harassment allegation). In the law of evidence, admissions by a party-opponent are admissible, and they may come in many forms (e. g., text message, e-mail), but HR will probably want a notarized affidavit memorializing the consensual nature of the relationship (along with contractual language obligating the employee to "immediately" disclose to HR any situation where that consent is no longer present). If I was heading an HR department, I wouldn't allow such a thing. Theoretically, in a moment's notice, "consent" can turn to "no longer consents to," and there's no reason to expose a business to liability for personal intimate transactions.

[AustinMan]

You could try talking to him. If he feels the same way and wants to pursue it, then you need a transfer.

[AustinMan]

Thanks for the upvote. What happened?

[Asker]

Nothing we just keep staring at each other and I can't pinpoint why. I keep reading that if a man faces but yesterday he had his body turned another way. But whenever he thinks I'm not looking he's looking at me, if I look back he glances away. I can't read him. And if he's so attracted why doesn't he make a move? I'm craving for him to touch me.

[AustinMan]

He's putting himself at risk professionally if he pursues you. That said, I'd suggest you get him alone, preferably away from work with a drink in your hands, and just ask him. This should be a calm, direct, matter of fact conversation. You might open with something like this: If I'm wrong here, I want to apologize in advance and drop it without awkwardness. I feel like there's some pretty electric chemistry between us and I want to know if the same is true to you? If he says yes, then ask him what he'd like to do about it. If he makes a suggestion that you like go for it. Be prepared to be rejected. He may feel it but not want it to go anywhere or he may really be in fear of the consequences. If he waffles, tell him you understand the situation and the need to be very discreet and closed mouth about any relationship.

[AustinMan]

It wouldn't hurt to set a place and time to meet after work and take the intervening time to change into something classy but devastatingly sexy with stiletto pumps. Set the meet at a place away from work so you won't run into any colleagues.

[BackAgain]

Date someone else like outside of work perhaps... You need a distraction non work related

[Anonymous]

Have wild monkey sex and get it out of your system.

[Caveman42]

It's not illegal at all, but not wise. If you break up, then what? Imagine the tension then.

Maybe he is just keeping back from you because he knows you have a huge crush on him and doesn't want to lead you on.

[DarkHumorRUs]

Release the tension.
(Have sex.)

[VerNauPap]

start with something basic.. like accidentally brushing up against him

or touching him on the shoulder to let him know you are A ok with him.. and then see how he responds

you have that tit for tat you can start that.. eye contact... trembling... longer duration touch ... and that.. hmm follow me over here look... lets go to the empty part of the building for a quick fuck

[NicoleAndrews94]

Just fuck him

[GuitarGuru2]

Now that's sound advise !!

[ConsultantIsBack]

In your performance evaluation give him a blowie

Suddenly you earned a raise lol

[ConsultantIsBack]

lol hey downvotes, that gag sense of humor tho lol

[Zombie-Killa]

A guy downvoted you too lol, what kinda fella disagrees with a blowjob :|

[ConsultantIsBack]

@Zombie-Killa lol I swear man, gag needs a cleansing. Get rid of all the basement dwellers lol

[Zombie-Killa]

Yeah, there's a fair share of sexually repressed, internet prudes on the internet.

[zagor]

It's certainly legal, but whether it is ethical is another question. If he was just an equal co-worker it would be easier to deal with.

[Zombie-Killa]

Yeah throw some hot ass his way, i'd give you a raise real quick <3

[Mr2kinky]

Fuck him... That's probably it, or do something that really turns him off. That my help.

[babu_001]

Resign from your job.

[jmmmfi2]

So let him bend you over his desk

[Anonymous]

Go out, meet people, don't get stuck on just one person, you're young

[Anonymous]

If your both single nothing wrong with dating but... Make sure it is lite hearted if one of you gets hurt your work environment will go to hell trust me I know