Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Help, how come I get so close but can't reach the orgasm?

I'm almost 20 and have never had a orgasm. I know its normal for girls not to be able to get them. But my boyfriend has been getting me really close lately. I even get the urge to pee, even though I use the bathroom before we start. I read online that that's signs of pleasure and [maybe of a orgasm soon]. I get a lot of pleasure and stuff and it gets intense and close but it hasn't happened yet. He always gets worn out before I get there. And its not his fault, it just seems like its going to take forever to get me there. How come he gets me so close, but doesn't quite get there? I feel like he's going to have to do it foreverrrr before I get there. Is there anything that can be done to finish it off so I can reach it? Oh and is this normal? Lol. Help.
1 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • You're a squirter, and that's really cool.

    Good advice:

    Masturbate, get comfortable playing with yourself, don't expect to cum the first times, but enjoy it. Do it regularly and get comfortable being that exposed.

    Exercise. Not just regular workouts, but PC muscle training. The PC muscle is the the pubococcyx muscle and it stretches from your pubic area to your tail bone. If you penetrate yourself with a finger, try squeezing it with your vagina, that's the muscle that you need to work out. Your anus will also move a little forward and inwards. It's pretty easy to distinguish. Tighten the muscle, hold it for 5 to 20 seconds, depending on how strong it is, and repeat the contractions and the isometric "holding" period 10 times. Do this 3 times a day for a couple of weeks, and it will prepare you for orgasmic potential. Nobody can see you do it. Do it in the morning, after you pee, on the toilet, on the bus or in the car on the way home, and in bed before you fall asleep. It's so unnoticeable, you can have a conversation whilst improving your orgasmic potential!

    Foreplay. Before sex, have long foreplay with oral stimulus and a lot of kissing. Get comfortable with the situation.

    Massage. You don't know how to "chase the orgasm" yet, which will let you reach the climax instead of being inches away. To climax, you need to be so relaxed that you won't think about how uncommon and strange the peeing sensation is when it arrives, and good half hour massage concentrated around the legs, thighs and external genital organs, including the butt (very important, do it well), will relax the surrounding musculature, preparing it for the "cramps" of orgasm.

    Try to have him eat you out before attempting orgasmic intercourse. Have him eat you out whilst he fingers you. He should be using a water based lubricant, and enough of it, and focus on your g-spot. His fingers should almost gently stab you behind your pubic bone, right on the internal continuation of your clit. NB! Cut and file fingernails. More pressure is applied when you tell him to. Communicate what you like and what can make it better. You share this quest with him, and he'll be thrilled when you cum, with or without the awesome squirting effect. Being comfortable, letting him help you, and encouraging him is important. Remember, lying in between your legs, eating out pussy and fingering at the same time is hard work, and he will most likely need practice too. Patience, it'll all be worth it.

    When you feel like you have to pee, let yourself go. There are physiological mechanisms that will prevent you from urinating whilst sexually aroused, and hopefully, a clear liquid will sprout from you vagina (it's not from your urethra) and it will be awesome. Make sure you pee before sex, it will ease your mind when you KNOW there is no need for your body to urinate.

    Good luck!

    • Thanks, that was some good advice. Surprisingly I get really close when we're having sex. I also get close during fingering and stuff, but last time it was during sex, but I think I like tighten up my muscles down there when he gets close, maybe im like keeping the orgasm from happening? But I tighten up because I don't want to pee everywhere. Lol. I don't want to freak him out if stuff goes everywhere if he's not expecting it or something too. Ill doing those exercises. Maybe that'll help too. Thanks!

    • Thats great advice from cyberdog but I actually had a girl pee on me while she was cumming. she didn't know until afterwards but honestly it was amazing if messy for both of us.....she had such a big orgasm that she just let go. so if the guy really likes u...then he won't care and will be pleased that you had one......even if a bit messy.....main thing is to not think about it and relax and let go.....enjoy the feeling.... also mastrubate mastrubate mastrubate....buy a vibrator for urself

    • I've never had there be actual pee involved. I don't think you should be scared. My two cents.

    • Show All

  • The trick is lots of foreplay. He needs to build you up a lot before penetration, so you can both orgasm. You need to stay completely relaxed and enjoy it.

    -Tip-

    While having sex with a wet finger rub your clit you'll orgasm a lot easier that way

    Good luck & have fun

    -Deathecutioner

Most Helpful Girls

  • If you want a clitoral orgasm... you will need to stimulate the clitoris. This is the most common, it is sharp and quick and localized to the genitals. (Picture a sneeze)
    A vaginal is long, soft and full body (like a shiver) and is the hardest to acquire but isn't impossible.
    Then there is g-spot and squirting which is where you were headed with you partner. If you hold back at all on squirting the feeling will subside.
    Best bet is to sit on your heels and spread your knees. Have him stroke your g-spot (rigged area inside behind the pelvic bone) when you feel like you need to pee it is fluid building in the skene's gland and you are right is it not pee. As you start to orgasm, push down and pull your partners hand our of your vagina and pull up on your clitoris, your internal wall will push against the opening of your vagina and you will squirt the liquid out of the urethra (where the pee comes out) but it will be the clear tasteless fluid from the skenes gland. Once you are done cumming, your vagina will be super swollen and if you have intercourse now, your partners cock will feel massive and your g-spot will be pushing up against it, making intercourse super intense... You may be able to get your vaginal orgasm then, if not you may be able to have another g-spot with him in you.

  • I agree with the first guy and the first girl. The urge to pee is normal and the fact that you can't get off is not abnormal. Try the things you suggest. I have that problem too and you just have to try things to get a feel for what you like. You do need a vibrator though that way once you figure out what it takes then you can tell your guy. Is he going deep enough? I have this whole not getting quite there problem too so I'm hosting a toy party so you might wanna try that too

    • Yeah they have good answers. He goes deep enough. From reading the answers, I think maybe its because I don't relax. And I just think about peeing everywhere and "squirting" everywhere. Lol.

    • Yeah that may be a problem. That's something to think about. I was with my friend and he was using his fingers and I was so almost there but not quite. Pissed me off. I probably wasn't relaxed enough either.

  • Try running the bathtub faucet and lay down in the tub with your clit under the running water. This works for me every time! I was doing this before I ever had sex so I knew how great an orgasm was, so then it was easier for me to instruct my boyfriend on what I liked.

    • With warm water?

  • It's totally normal. A lot of women have trouble orgasming for the first time. Have you tried to do it yourself? It doesn't sound like you have. If not, you really should. Once you can get there on your own it becomes so much easier to guide a guy through doing it.

    • No I haven't tried on my own. I'm just not sure what to use and stuff. thanks for your advice. its a relief to know that if I get it on my own than it'll be easier for him to get there

    • Different girls do it differently, but just try with your finger at first. Rub it back and forth on your clit while applying some light pressure. Try it different ways and you'll figure out what feels better. If you like, you can use your other hand to play with your nipples (that always helps me), or put it inside yourself. Masturbating is great because you don't have the pressure of trying to orgasm for another person so you don't get all self-conscious and you can experiment freely.

    • Doesn't it take longer though when you have to turn yourself on instead of your boyfriend doing it? lol. maybe I should just be more patient with my body hah

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

Related Questions

Do girls with ugly bodies send nudes or hot bodies usually?
Do you feel bad when you watch porn sometimes?
If you recognised the person the other side of a gloryhole would you tell them?
Guy I'm with is not playing with my boobs. What should I do?

What Girls & Guys Said

9 3

  • He can do other things and use other body parts to get you in the mood for a longer period of time to cut down on his exhaustion. Try different things to find new things that arouse you, which you will find things that work and things that don't. But the point is that if you find things that you like (and you tell him) you can find a whole combination of things that are good for you and therefore you can get closer. :-)

  • Question. Do you masturbate? If you can bring yourself to climax then you know that you can get there. It is just a matter of letting your boyfriend know what you do that brings you there.

    Also, have you thought about toys? Something small and discrete like a vibrator can give you enough clitoral stimulation that will assist your poor boyfriend in the rush to the finish.

    Also, what is he doing to get you so close? Perhaps he needs to multi-task so-to-speak. You can also help him out while he is having sex with you.

  • I'm sorry but I'm just curious how you have never touched yourself? Like... Babies do it and we get curious as our bodies change and such... I started masturbating when I was like 8, so I guess I just can't understand how you would not do it. What do you have against it or whatever?

    • Well not all girls do that. I've like started doing it myself and stuff.. I just feel like its going to take forever, and I'not sure what stuff to use lol.

    • I see. I can get myself off in seconds haha. And usually do. Just rub your clit. Or finger yourself. Or if you have a detachable shower head, use that on your clit ;)

    • You should consider porn to get yourself off. It gets the job done quicker ;).

    • Show All

  • The thing that helped me get there with my guy? Getting myself there alone first.

    There's no way he's going to know how to do it right if you can't really direct him. Invest in a massaging shower head. Those things are fantastic. :) also, relax! A lot of reaching orgasm has to do with areas of the brain shutting down. (kind of crazy, isn't it? ) It'll come one day, and the less you worry, the easier it gets.

    • Thanks, :] im going to probably work on getting there when im alone, so that I know how to and be able to direct him.

  • okay this may or may not sound horrible...get a little drunk or stoned I guess...which ever you prefer. I'd think drunk would work best (not plastered or you won't feel as much) just enough to relax and stop thinking about the orgasm! Just enjoy the moment. Cyberdog900 is right about masturbating to get the feel of things per say . Just get use to yourself and get comfortable.

  • i would imagine at this point its all in your head. when you keep thinking " I wanna cum, I wanna cum" guess what? you wont! it goes for guys too, see I last a very very long time, and this is part of the problem, you just need to completely relax, make sure your really wet, turned on and teased, and go with the flow. thing is, be OK with not cumming, and it will happen, just like single people wanting a relationship, when they stop caring if they are single or not, they usually end up in one vs the people who LOOK for relationships yet can never find a good one or worse yet and settle

  • Dude I have the same problem! SOMEONE HELP

    • You should read the answers of everyone. There's some useful information

  • I think its normal. Have you tried to play with your clit during sex? I also think the urge to pee is normal, in fact women who squirt get that sensation. You also may want to try a vibrator on that clit ans see if you can get that orgasm.

    Good luck!

    • What works for me is the g-shot rather than the clit. apparently that's not as normal lol. I'm considering getting a vibrator so that I can get the hang of getting it and so my boyfriend won't have to try as hard [since ill know what works].

  • Just vaginal intercourse doesn't make all girls orgasm. Try to pull out all the stops if you have to, rub your clit, have him talk to you and do all the things that turn you on. Try having him eat you out first. And don't concentrate on that fact that you've never had an orgasm, just close your eyes and think about how amazing he's making you feel and you'll get it.

    • Well vaginal intercourse seems to be what feels the best for me. Apparently its kind of rare. Hah

  • Small p*nis?

  • I had a similar problem. Honestly, I wasn't able to orgasm until one day when I get very drunk with my boyfriend. Keep in mind, I trust him very much and it was really just watching a movie and drinking (The Graduate, PS). However, the alcohol relaxed me enough to not worry about it and I was able to orgasm. It was amazing, because after 5 years of trying I felt like I had made a breakthrough and ever since then it's been so much easier and I can do it without the alcohol =]

    • So either drinking is the key. Or relaxing? I probably do need to just relax and not be concerned about peeing everywhere lol

    • Relaxing is the major focus, but if you have trouble relaxing, drinking a little definitely helps.

  • For me, clit stimulation and hitting the G spot work every time. Try masturbating by yourself until you reach an orgasm so you can experiment with what it takes for you to reach an orgasm and apply that to you and your partner.

Latest Questions

Is corn the issue?
If youq could walk around in public naked, would you?
My boyfriend feels bad the sex wasn't that great, is he going to recover?
He goes soft with me?
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > Help, how come I get so close but can't reach the orgasm?