Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Boyfriend's masturbation habits... I need some serious advice?

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year (with another year and a half prior when we were 'friends with benefits'). He told me when we were friends that he masturbates every morning before work - it's part of his daily routine and how he likes to start the day (he uses porn to do it). Even after dating he's always been open about this and it never bothered me because we're still not living together, I usually stay at his place 2 or 3 nights a week. Well he was living in a tiny studio up until a month ago so he never did when I was there, and we'd usually have sex anyway or I'd go down on him on those days. Now he has a huge place and has invited me to move in (which I said I might do in a couple months). He has his own den/office, with his computer which he uses when he watches porn. I just spent 10 days there, as we were both off for the holidays. We had quite a bit of sex but not every day, and I go down on him very often. Well around the 6th morning, he woke up and asked if I was going to sleep longer, I said yes, then he said "well... then I might go take care of business". I told him to get back in bed, and gave him a blow job. Next morning we had sex, then the following day same thing "gonna go take care of business". I got upset and asked if he can just not do that when I'm home. He got very defensive, said he has the right to masturbate at his own house and that this will happen at times when we're living together and I should get used to it. I said I dont mind weekdays cause I leave for work an hour before him anyways and I'm not always in the mood to have sex/give head in the mornings, but weekends should be our time to sleep in, fool around in bed etc... and not him rushing to jerk off if i decide to sleep a bit longer, then turn me down when i want sex later. I tried to explain this but he was very defensive, so I couldn't. This gave me so much anxiety that I left 2 hours later and was away the entire day and am unsure about moving in now.
Updates:
+1 y
*I just want to add, he's a great boyfriend, we have our differences but he's caring, affectionate and treats me really well. Our sex is really good, but if it was up to me, we'd do it more often (we do it about twice a week). The reason we don't is he is always horny in the mornings and I'm not - though I still make an effort to go down on him most times. I'm more of an evening person. I dont care that he masturbates, but I def won't be ok with it happening while im home and him "announcing" it
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • Your boyfriend's behaviour is utterly inappropriate, disrespectful and disgusting. Despite being open with you about his interest in masturbation and porn, he is without doubt addicted to masturbation and porn.

    He just hasn't come to terms with the fact that masturbation to porn has robbed him of his ability to have physical connection and a fulfilling sexual relationship with you. It has robbed him of basic sensitivity towards the feelings of a loved one.

    If my guts feelings are right, he probably has lost ability to orgasm inside you, and possibly keeping a hard erection. Is that the reason why you go down on him often? If yes, those are the direct results of years of porn and masturbation.

    Do not move in with him until he commits to tackle his love affair with porn and masturbation. You certainly don't want to play second fiddle to the pixels of women beaming on his PC monitor. By all account, that's certainly your role to him right now.

    See these websites for help:
    www.reddit.com/r/NoFap
    www.reddit.com/r/pornfree

    • You are wrong. I go down on him often because he loves morning action and I'm not always up for sex in the morning. He has no problem keeping an erection when we have sex, comes inside me very often. If the porn was severely affecting our sex life I'd be way more worried, but we still have great sex.

  • He has a right to do his things his way. If it causes you grief, or causes problems with your way of things, you have the right to leave and enjoy things your way, alone or with someone else. Yes, it sounds very weird of him, and he may not be very fair with you, but he has that right. I doubt he will change much over time, maybe even get worse. So you need to make a decision about putting up with that or getting away now.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think it must be difficult to get out of that sort of habit, I'm not saying what he did was right but try to see it from his perspective. Although I don't think that he had to be such a dick

    • Can I ask you a question?

    • @DestinyBeauty yes of course

    • Have you tried groupsex or threesome?

    • Show All

  • The thing is, just because you're there does not mean sex on demand and stop preventing him from taking care of business - let it be, easy.

    • yeah but then if I want sex later, he isn't up for it cause he already got off - it's happened before. Is it really that unfair to ask him to hold off on masturbation just 2 days a week?

    • I don't think so but maybe he does that to force you to give it to him when HE wants it, so selfish. And I thought men could go again if they wanted to after some time passed? Like a guy can get hard and come all over again later the same day. He should be able to perform regardless.

    • He's mid 30's with a poor diet and doesn't exercise, so he doesn't have great sexual energy. I mean, usually if we have sex twice in a day, the second time he doesn't come, but will always stay hard for as long as it takes for me to come. He has turned it down in random afternoons before, and I believe it's cause he had already jerked off in the morning.

  • Lock him in one of those cock chastity devices and hold onto the key. Allow him to cum only when you desire.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 8

  • Make it your routine also. Watch him
    Let him watch you
    Solo, doesn't have to be the same time. Just watch

    • I've suggested that, he's not up for it. I find it a huge turn on to watch him masturbate but even during foreplay he doesn't like to do it... he doesn't like having someone watching him.

    • Well, it is a beautiful and erotic personal time. But strange he doesn't find pleasure in the thought of sharing that amazing time with you, mutually watching. Perhaps he enjoys something he sees in the porno better? Not sure. Maybe you need a man that enjoys watching you and sharing full erotic experiences with you. It is best to never hold back desires and always good to freely express fantasy

    • He's not a huge fan of mutual masturbation but he's a great lover otherwise. Very good at foreplay, at making sure I orgasm etc. We dont have sex as much as I'd like, but when we do, it's always really good. He does turn it down at times though, which I suspect could be because he masturbates so much, but still not to the point where it's a concern. I worry though that once we're living together his sexual interest will decline even more and that the whole jerking off on weekends before I wake up will become a regular thing. I wonder if there's any way I can approach this conversation and talk about my concerns without sounding like I want to control him?

    • Show All

  • For me it would be weird telling my girlfriend I am going to watch porn, even it would be okay she knowing I am going to masturbate.

    • He seems to be of the opinion that it's a normal thing that guys do and as mature adults in a relationship, he should be able to be open about it with me, which I understand, but it's one of those things I just dont want to hear about... like I'm fine knowing he does it, but it does not need to be announced, brought up or discussed at all.

    • Same feeling.

    • I've decided I'm just going to tell him that... if he could try and do it when I'm not home (which is often, I have a pretty active social life) that would be best, but if he must do it while I'm there every now and again to at least be discreet about it (like do it when I'm asleep/in the shower/watching a show), and no need to mention it. I think it's a pretty fair request?

    • Show All

  • masturbation has nothing to do w/ sex. sex isn't a substitute. people tend to masturbate more when they're in a relationship. (so i've read from sex therapists etc)

    it's a solo activity.

    • I understand that. I also masturbate. I would never do it when he's around though, let alone announce "going to take care of business, brb". I dont know about other girls, but i find this seriously uncomfortable. He's not a teenager anymore - can't he control himself when im home?

    • if you're going to be living together, then you might as well practice as if you were. individual life will still exist when and if you do move in.. that involves him choosing to jack off when you're home... it's just another activity to him like wrenching on his car in the garage. if you involve yourself in the emotions it stirs because it's percieved as a sexual act, just remember it isn't. espceially for a guy. you could always mutually masturbate.. shoulder to shoulder. done it quite a few times, very hot. if i were you i'd find a way to embrace it. realize you were there for 6 straight days before he finally gave in to his usual habit. quite the accomplishment for someone who schedules himself every morning.

    • Lol this is true, but we were at his parents for a couple day for Christmas and the other days we had sex/I gave him head. That particular morning, I was pretty sleepy, so he thought I wouldn't be up for it and didn't even try. I have suggested mutual masturbation, he isn't up for it. I love watching a guy masturbate. I ask him all the time during foreplay and he does a bit but I can tell he's uncomfortable. I have suggested masturbating together to porn, he said he doesn't like someone watching him, that its a very personal thing. I leave for work an hour before him so he will have time for his morning ritual even after I move in. All I want to ask is for this to not be a weekend thing - for him to save the weekend mornings for us. Is it an unreasonable request?

    • Show All

  • Well if you can't accept the fact that a man has the right to masturbate in his own house without your approval, then maybe you should look for a man who you can more easily control.

    • OP here. He invited me to move in, so once I do (if I do), it will be our house, not just his. I agree he has the right to, I also masturbate myself from time to time. I do find it a bit weird that he has an actual need to do it every single morning, but if he needs that release to start his work day, then so be it. All I want is for him to not do it on weekends when I'm home. Weekends is our time together, I dont need to rush out the door, I can go down on him, have sex, whatever. It's 2 days a week when I want him to not be looking at other boobs and vaginas and spend his sexual energy on me. Honest question here: is that too much to ask?

    • Oh I read and understood your position. I still find it controlling. And, by the way, it is still his house.

    • Are you selling your home in order to buy half of his?

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  • unless you are going to be willing and able to take care of him every morning he will keep doing it

  • It sounds like the two of you need to get on the same schedule. You could try going to bed earlier so you're both awake in the morning, maybe?

  • I think you should be more clear that if he can wait till you're ready to wake up you'd like sex a little later. When that's the case.

    And other times if he's in the mood and you're not in the mood then maybe you should not worry about him jerking off.

    Basically he gets to decide when he's horny. And you get first option at participating. If you want to negotiate him waiting suggest it.

  • He has a right to masturbate, if he was just masturbating and not wanting to do anything with you then yeh possible red flag. But to be honest as great as sex and blowjobs are, occasionally the hand is still nice to mix it up a bit. His hand I mean not yours.

    Likewise you have a right to masturbate yourself too, its his body...

    • It's not occasionally though. Like I said, when I sleep over, if I'm not up for morning sex or a blow job, he jerks off after I leave his place. It's a daily morning habit, and it doesn't bother me, cause I'm not there. Out of sight, out of mind. But weekends I'll be there, and it'll bother me to know he's doing it in the room next door while I'm in bed. He's a very honest guy and doesn't like sneaking behind my back. He prefers to openly announce it and thinks I should just be mature and deal with it. I know he does it, but i dont wanna hear about it, have it announced to me, or feel like he's choosing porn over me on the weekends when I'm home. Even if he wakes up before me on a weekend, why can't he wait for me to wake up? I know that after I wake up, he won't be in the mood if he's already jerked off.

    • OK well for me if I was in a relationship, and this is theoretical cos every guy is different then it would go something like this. If I had 7 orgasms a week then I would like half to be from sex, roughly another couple from a blowjob and one or two from wanking...

    • If there was less sex or blowjobs in the scenario, the other times would be by myself...

    • Show All

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