Guys, is my fetish a turn off?

So I'm into weird stuff, like bdsm and rough sex. Is this a turn off for guys? I've heard boys make fun of their ex's for wanting to be tied up but it gets me so hot. Never done anything other then normal sex before and I don't know if/how I should go about it
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Most Helpful Guys

  • It isn't for me (because it's normal for me), but understand that, while some guys are definitely into it, others are definitely not, and if they aren't, then you aren't going to change them. In other words, if BDSM stuff is important to you, then you need to make it a dating criteria, and guys who don't fit your desired type (presumably a dominant, perhaps also a sadist) need to be passed over. No matter how hot a guy might be, if he's a submissive or a "vanilla", he's not going to make you happy, and you aren't going to be able to turn him into a dominant.

    You should also know that being a good dominant requires having a LOT of self-confidence - something that most guys don't have in their 20s, but start to develop in their 30s. Thus, there aren't many 20-something dominants around. Sure, there are quite a few fakers and pretenders, but they're mostly desperate for sex and you'd see right through them. Anyway, younger submissive girls often complain that there aren't many guys in their age group who are dominants, and they are right - there aren't - so just know that, in order to find what you want, you'll probably need to date guys who are a little older than you are used to.

  • LOVE IT!!! tie u up then fuck u like a slut pull your hair twist nipples skull fucking then after lay in bed cuddling till you fall asleep

    • What's skull fucking?

Most Helpful Girls

  • Hun, you gna run into a bunch of boys who'll be like, "nope, not gonna."

    They won't have reasons.

    Nope.

    No reason.

    Their reasoning will amount to, "Nyah nyah nyah." Or. "Mommy told me." Or some other non-reason.

    I'd even respect it if it were a religious thing, but, for the most part, it's not. Nope. They use abstract non-justifications like "morals" or "ethics", but then, when they're pinned down (with words...), nope. No basis. No basis for their morals. Their morals are empty.

    They won't do it because they won't do it. Circular reasoning. In other words, no reasoning.

    Really they're scared.

    They're scared they might lose control.

    They're scared that everything mommy taught them might be wrong. For you and me (especially me, I didn't have a mommy), this is normal. For mama's boys, nope. Mama's boys are aliens. They're fuckin' weird, hun. Weird. Don't get with one, unless you want to go to bed with mama, too. ::shudders::

    We got into this, on here, a couple days back. I tried to get some justification out of some of the haters. Nope. Didn't get it.

    I'll find the threads for you.

    • Here's one of 'em.

      Enjoy.

      I have many haters. You shall see why, forthwith.

      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1842172-guys-would-you-slap-choke-or-whip-a-girl-if-she-asks

    • And here's another one.

      www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1845661-good-husbands-you-wanna-know-why-your-sex-life-eventually-your

      Enjoy.

      Note how the men who are against, CANNOT justify it. They cannot. Beyond their own "ethics", which ultimately are non-ethics, because they stand for nothing. Stand for nothing.
      They'd deny their woman's needs... For nothing.

      A couple of 'em are almost 70.

      Sad life.

      Enjoy.

    • By the way, Lisa, you know what you do? You fantasize. You fantasize the absolute living shit out of this stuff. Every last detail. You fantasize every day. You fill notebook after notebook with hot steamy smut, and you save the notebooks, and you open them up from time to time. When you open them up, you cum again. Partly because the stories are still hot, and partly because you feel that shame at being such a slut. That YOU wrote such dirty, dirty stories. Shame is hot, too. You fucked up. You always fuck up. Always bad. Bad, bad girl. Look at what you did, when left to yourself. That's what you do. Then, when you meet someone who's worthy of you, you challenge the living shit out of him. Not in a mean spirited way. In a fun way. Fun, but serious. Submission is earned, not given. Make him TAKE you. When he does, you've got years and years of surprises waiting for him. Waiting for him to come along. He'll come along. and even if he doesn't, fantasies are pretty fucking awesome.

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  • My snarky response is that boys might make fun, but men like it :D
    Okay, more seriously... it's a kink, and it's not everyone's kink. But it happens to me mine, and the kink of some of my partners. (For others, they're either not interested at all, or tried it and played a bit but ultimately it wasn't for them)
    I might sound like a boring old person here but... talk to your partner first. Read up on ways to limit risk, eliminate harm, guarantee safety, etc. It's super important, I think, to have a strong sense of trust between/among partners before you start into the "rough stuff". Be explicit about what is and isn't okay. Always communicate what does and doesn't feel good, right, safe, okay, whatever your boundaries are. Don't forget that each time is different -- just because you were turned on by getting cuffed last time, doesn't mean it's always going to feel right. Trust your body and your instincts... and have fun!

  • I can't answer for all men, but i know my ex was a little timid when i told him i wanted rough sex. For example i wanted my breasts slapped while i was riding him, and i had to keep telling him "harder, harder" He was scared of hurting me. but after a while he got used to what i wanted and then he really got into it too.

    So i'd say your fetish isn't a turn off, but give your man some time to get used to what you want, and be patient with him, it will be worth it. Trust me hehe

    • lmfaoo when I read" while I was riding him" I imagined you put a strap on aand was fucking him while he was slapping yours titties lool

    • ^^ Patience is a thing. It will only get better. And better. And better. And better and better andbetterandbetterandbetter... 14+ years married, and it still gets better. Every. Damn. Day. Every day. It gets better.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • First of all, I thought I was weird for liking the same thing for far too long.

    Second, there is a community for people like us, and after I found it I felt more comfortable in the world. Its called fetlife. Its basically the facebook for us kinksters.

    Link for you:
    https://fetlife.com/

    You're not weird, unusual, or bizarre in anyway. In my world you're positively wonderful.

    • Additionally we're not all into pain. Some of us are far more into sensuality rather than beating the crap out of my sub.

  • hi gal,
    my personal opinion is, i dont like extreme rough sex.

    so if you are into it then a guy like me would not really enjoy if its too harsh.

    i can't get that harsh with a girl for anything.

  • I believe if someone enjoys something that is not hurtful to either party, then even if I am not into it, I would be willing to participate for their enjoyment. Not my place to judge their fetish.

  • There are some fetishes which I would consider a huge turn off but this one isn't one of them. It's in fact something a lot of couples do to spice things up and I think it's pretty fun. Poop fetish on the other hand is a no no for me, but I could still date a girl who's into that, provided that she wouldn't mind if we don't act out her fantasy.

  • it isn't a turn off or weird or anything. some people are just more vanilla than others

  • I'm into them too I don't think it's a turn off but sown guys may think of you as not the serious relationship type. I'm not saying that you are just saying what people might think

    • That's true it doesn't give a maternal vibe Thanks

    • Haha no problem 😊

  • Saying "Weird" and even "BDSM" covers a WIDE variety of things, so it's hard to comment on. Are we only talking stuff like being tied up/blind folds/spanking? Because that isn't weird or rough?

  • Tying up isn't all that weird (although I did hear from someone that they hated it because they're all about touching and touching is restricted if you can't use your hands, duh) but I think rough sex is weird, for me it'd be a turn-off, but then again , we probably wouldn't get so far in the first place as elements of that type of preference permeate throughout one's behavior, and I'd most likely not be attracted to that type of behavior in the first place.

    • I don't think I can trust someone who enjoys being hurt by someone they love, and neither can I trust someone who sees inflicting pain as a sign of affection. That is not a healthy persona. I would not trust it.

    • Why? It's fun. It's only sexual, so it's fine. I mean, if you hurt her IRL you have problems. If you hirt her during sex and she's cool with it what's wrong with that?

    • @TheHooptyMiata sex is also part of "IRL". If she wants to be hurt (especially by people she loves), then that means her decision-making is not reliable.

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  • Turn on for me in moderation. I don't like being physically hit or hut but i absolutely love being teased (And its fine if you need to tie me up for that).

    As a dom i'd be able to go quite far, from all the teasing i enjoy myself to the hitting or basically most things you'd desire. I find it an interesting kink that allows for a lot of games and variation.

  • You know there are guys like me who are into that stuff. I don't like inflicting pain but horny damsel in distress turns me on.

    Some guys just like vanilla sex. I prefer role play and a bit bdsm but not really into the extreme.

  • It's a turn on for some guys and a turn off for others. At your age its a little bit dangerous because many guys your age will say that they're into it, but they won't know how to keep you safe. Tahtbsaid, there are dating sites for those in the scene.

    Good luck and be safe!

  • I have been in the kinky world for 30 years now, as far as I am concerned it's normal. Everybody has a little kink, just some people aren't willing to explore it.

  • Rough sex? Sure, I am all for it - but within means. Like choking until the girl almost pass out would be a no-go.

    Additionally I would like to still also share sexual intimacy at times and not always just fuck each other brainless until the girl walks funny the next day.

  • You need to find a Mann that works with you to help you reach your point of satisfaction.
    If feeling out of your control helps you get there.
    Then you need a man that takes charge

  • Most girls I've been with have been turned on at least a little by being tied up. It's quite normal, and in the right guy's hands, quite a turn on.

  • I love pinning a girl against a wa and fcking her tI'll she starts screaming begging me toslow down. Hottest thing ever. Most girls like this shit. Normal

  • Not at all. I'm into that sort of thing too.

  • Nah if a girl tells me she likes it rough I go full savage on that bitch hahaha

    • What is full savage?

    • @redeyemindtricks Choking, biting, slamming the dick in real hard, scratching her with my nails... I'm sure you get the picture. Some love it, some not so much.

    • Are you? Are you sure I get the picture? Are you sure YOU get the picture? Look, it's good that you are not going to wimp out here, but, nope. Also wrong answer. You're giving THE OTHER wrong answer. This is the other wrong answer, kids. This is the wrong answer in which the woman is not actually a woman. Hey, look at what you wrote. You know what you didn't mention? Uh, her. At least not her experience. Which is the point. This is really about her experience. Yours, too, but only through what you're doing to her. The correct answer is everything you're saying, but, "... up to her limit, then feel out that limit, THEN MAYBE PUSH IT a LITTLE farther." That is the correct answer. Your wrong answer, is the really fucking dangerous wrong answer, by the way. The other guys, they just frustrate people. That sucks. You? You go too far, too fast, and you'll break her. Not in the good way. Girls are still fragile things. Oh, and you might go to jail, too. Her boundaries. You push. Fun.

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  • No because naughty Girls with bad habits are hot and have better orgasms too!!

  • a woman once told me mockingly, " *guys* want sex to be all romantic and stuff. girls want to be choked and fucked hard from behind."

    so, not weird.

    • Mockingly, eh? What'd you do to her? Tellmetellmetellmestorytime!

    • lmao @redeyemindtricks the clothes were coming off and I was being oh so romantic and kissing a line down her neck, across her nipples and to her stomach... and she was like "nooo this is not the pace were are going at,"

    • And? You did what? Tell me you gave that woman at least SOME of what she wanted. Something.

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