How do I get over losing my virginity to this guy?

[Anonymous]

I don't want to lose my hymen till marriage, but last time me and my boyfriend were having sex (no penetration) and he slightly touched there and there were few drops of blood. I told him to be careful because he knows what I want, but this time same thing happened and it was worse: too much hot blood. The sight of this blood amount scared me s lot and right now I feel bad for apparently losing all hymen to guy who is not and will not be my husband, and also that he didn't say sorry. I feel so bad and can't stop crying because of this. I want to hit myself because I allowed this to happen by accepting sex again. How can I get over this?

[ak666]

I don't understand this desire to retain virginity past marriage. Is it biological in nature? If you guys are already sexually intimate with each other (everything but penetration), what's the point of it?

Is it religious in nature? If so, I'm not sure that when priests were talking about sexuality outside of marriage that they would exclude things like handjobs and fondling each other's bodies from the mix. After all, oral sex is considered *sodomy* by Biblical standards even within a marriage.

As for the general idea of staying pure past marriage, to me it's gambling. A lot of what cements a couple's long term relationship will often involve their relationship in the bedroom. To me it's playing roulette to try to wait until marriage to find out what that's going to be like. To me it's even more dangerous than, say, deciding not to go on dinner dates until after marriage, since a husband and wife might be able to do without nice dinner dates, but they probably won't do so well without a good sexual relationship.

Anyway, I don't know how you get over this except to just get over this whole idea that sex until marriage might be a really bad idea. Another is maybe just embrace the idea that since there's no penetration, it's not really sex. If there's some metaphysical idea attached to this, you either didn't necessarily violate it, or you violated it the moment you started doing anything sexual in nature.

[Asker]

Thank you. Your answer is very convincing. Sometimes I react unconsciously- i. e. using my cultural and religious luggage. It's like an uncontrolled reaction. It's like mourning.

[ak666]

I don't want to impede on your religious beliefs. I'm kind of insensitive there not having been brought up in a religious setting, but I think saving sex strictly post-marriage might be a gamble just on your part as well -- maybe more, since a woman's sexual satisfaction with her male partner might be more elusive than a man's. Of course everyone can get better and you might be able to find a potentially great lover even if they start off poorly. I don't know -- I just think sexuality is a very important part of solidifying a relationship, since it's one of the few activities that you two will exclusively have together that can't be sought out elsewhere (or at least really shouldn't be). That said, if you feel very strongly about this, it's not necessarily tied to your hymen, I imagine, and a lot of people apparently can have a stretched hymen who are still virgins. After all, if we defined virginity that way, we might even consider a girl who uses tampons as no longer a virgin.

[Skeye89]

This is one instance I'm glad there's no down Vote cause you would be hammered... Good stuff you need to write a mytake about this...

[Asker]

@Skeye89 I totally agree.

[AustinMan]

You didn't lose your virginity. Your hymen may not have been intact before. It may have been extremely delicate and therefore keeping intact was a virtual impossibility. Have you had it checked to see if it's still intact? As for me, I think you're making a huge fuss over a non issue.

[kittykatg]

You're hymen isn't something that goes away. It's a thin stretchy membrane that outlines the vagina. It doesn't cover it, if it did, we couldn't have periods or use tampons.
Many virgins have "broken" their hymen from horseback riding or bike riding or from using a tampon. There are nonvirgins who never "break" theirs because it is stretchy and if you're turned on enough should tear and bleed. The tear can also heal.
Watch these videos. I promise you'll feel a lot better.

https://youtu.be/1ikXim4wevchttps://youtu.be/9qFojO8WkpA

[Berethor]

Nobody is buying the lie about the "horseback riding", thanks to an stories like this.

[kittykatg]

@berethor what stories are you talking about?

[kittykatg]

Sorry I meant shouldn't year or bleed if you're turned on

[Berethor]

The storie here, she lost it because of sexual acts with other guy and not because of horseback riding, and that why those excuses are bullshit in most of the cases.

[kittykatg]

@berethor and you could marry a girl who lost it before you and never know! The hymen isn't a way to prove virginity. It can break for a variety of reasons. Yes it this case it happen to be related to sex, in most cases though, it tears for other reasons besides sex.

[Berethor]

I never said that that it's impossible to fraud me, but it's much harder to do then you think, because I am very cautious and skeptical, in a matters like this. Usually I know an slut when I see her, and I know many ways to uncover the truth. Checking if the hymen is intact is an classical and useful way to expose an not really innocent girl, but there are other ways on top of it to, like investigating people that know the girl, including her ex-boyfriends. I don't buy your claim that in most it tear up because for other reasons, I believe that in most cases it's an good sign that the girl very likely to not be pure, and it's an very good reason to suspect her. It's looks like obviously not an first hand girls like to claim that an hymen didn't matter, in desperate attempt to hide their doubtful past and personality.

[kittykatg]

@berethor they hymen doesn't work like that. I don't care how badly that you want to believe that it is an indicator of virginity but it simply doesn't work that way. Trying to hold on to the belief that it does is just archaic and won't suddenly make it true. Science proves over and over that hymens don't work that way.

[RachelBrigs]

You didn't even have sex?
Your hymen doesn't mean shit, you can "break" it without ever even being penetrated by anything. But the truth is, most women don't ever "break" it or "lose it", it just gets stretched out...

I guess you define virginity differently, but the condition of a flap of skin doesn't sound like a good way to assess virginity.

[Berethor]

Actually it's an very good way to expose an not really innocent girls like the asker.

[RachelBrigs]

@berethor uhh like I said you can break it without having sex, and not all girls bleed their first time so it is a really unreliable indicator. Your word choice bothers me. "Expose"? Sounds like you're one of those who thinks women have to remain "pure" until they date YOU and then give it to YOUR desires but if she did that with anyone else she's a hoe

[Intraluminal]

Exactly!

[RachelBrigs]

@intraluminal what part are you referring to?

[Berethor]

@RachelBrigs it's unreliable enough to rightfully suspect girls who didn't have it, and the story here is only one more proof to why, in the end she lost it because of sexual acts with other guy, and it's all what important for her fiance to know and/or suspect. You right, I believe that girls should remain pure, and I can't stand an fake virgins, if an girl is acting slutty then she should at the very least be honest about that, and yes I prefer an first hand girl and not an ho.

tvtropes.org/.../NatureAdoresAVirgin

[cupcakes94]

First of all, you don't lose your hymen. In fact, it doesn't always break. But if you're worried yours broke, it is possible for it to heal. Don't beat yourself up over it. Virginity is a myth.

Watch this video. It may be a CollegeHumor video, but it's incredibly informative and accurate.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PM79UBTwfsg

[Lioness]

Wait, how did you have sex without penetration?

[SarahsSummer]

Unless he did something without your approval, why should he apologize? It sounds like you should apologize to him for leading him on. Furthermore, if you insist on saving yourself for your husband and he's not it, why did you fool around with him a second time? let him go so he can have a full relationship with someone not so conflicted.

[Berethor]

And that why an true virgin should never do sexual things, if she really wish to keep her purity.

tvtropes.org/.../TechnicalVirgin

[Nicu11]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ikXim4wevc

Watch this

[Boomer123]

Your hymen could be broken riding a horse, motorcycle or using a tampon.
A virgin is someone without sexual knowledge and even if you didn't bleed you have knowledge. If it's that important don't mess around with men that aren't planning on marrying you

[HunterGuy15]

Go out and drink a lot, drink until it feels like you are a good person

[Intraluminal]

You have a normal healthy desire to have sex, so don't beat yourself up. At the same time, I find it difficult to believe that you're almost 35 are unmarried still a virgin but are sexually active. How did that happen?

[Asker]

I am moderately religious, and it's also the culture I was brought up in. I am not afraid of anyone at all, but it's just losing this blood and the pain along- the vision is not nice. Technically I am not virgin because a woman can have sex without things inside

[Intraluminal]

Technically it could be said you are still a virgin because you haven't had intromissive sex with a man. The definition is not well described. In any case, you have defied your culture to the extent that you have had some forms of sex, and you have done this despite the fact that this man will never be your husband. You are no longer a child. Isn't it time you either got married and started a family, or acknowledged that that is not what you want, and moved on?

[Asker]

I agree.

[Intraluminal]

So which will it be?

[meatballs21]

What did he touch you with that caused you to bleed, if you don't mind my asking?

[Asker]

His penis.

[Skeye89]

He went in all the way

[Asker]

no he didn't. He touched the opening.

[KawaiiPie67]

U were having sex w/o penetration?

[jacquesvol]

Just accept it happened: billions of women had sex before marriage. Hundreds of millions of girls broke their hymen without having sex

[jace117]

It's no big deal, if your pants are willingly down in front of a guy, you should be glad more didn't happen.