The CATCH 22 of older male virgins. Why are women harsher towards them?

Question

When a woman is a virgin. Our society sees it as something comendable (A woman in Africa actually got a $1 million dollar scholarship for being a virgin recently). Guy's are more willing to wife up/LTR of a virgin girl and show her the ropes. Men are willing to date and some actually pursue virgin girls to take their virginity. All in all, men don't have a problem with virgin girls even if she is one in her 20's and 30's. So girls who are virgins even late in life have the amply opporutnity to get a chance to learn about sex.

 

On the flip side. Despite women saying they have no problem with virgin men, reality does not coincide with their statement. Women want men with experience and most will not entertain being the first time with a male in his 20's or 30's. Common argument made by women is that they want a man who knows what he is doing, teach them new things and lead them in the bedroom. They don't like male virgins because they are afraid he will become to clingy, afraid of dissapointing his expectations, or he'll just suck. There seems to be an unconscious amount of disgust from women when they hear a man is a virgin in his 20's and 30's, often like he is somewhat defective. So this in hear lies a problem for most men.

 

- To not be a virgin somone must be willing to sleep with you.
- To not be bad at sex you need to practice having sex. Porn is good but actually trying it out is another.
-Majority of women do not want to sleep with men who are virgins in their 20's and 30's or later. Looking at them as disgusting.

So you can't improve on a skill if majority of women aren't giving you a chance. So the only way for old male virgins to get that experience that woman want is to sleep with prostutes, strippers and risk getting STI.

Does anyone think this is fear on behalf of men and are women being too entitled to right off male virgins?

loosekunt · Accepted Answer

I had opportunities but just didn’t realize them at the time, there was a time where girls would come up and flirt with me, but I didn’t find it that easy and would just freeze up, become very shy and quite by there presence, and simple missed the boat, got left behind in the dating game when all my mates didn't I'm now fast approaching middle-age without ever having had sexual intercourse, and being a 43 year old virgin this is my biggest fear if I’m ever lucky enough to meet that someone special , when it comes to sex, my complete lack of any real-life experience will prove to be an even bigger turn-off and naturally the longer I stay a virgin, the more difficult it to lose it, girls don't a man to fumble about nervously, I get it that they prefer a man who knows what to do, and well I haven't been with a woman on any level since I was 18, I've never even been on a date, let alone have a girlfriend, I have to accept it’s too late for me I'm no longer dating material anymore, I have a reputation that I'm still a virgin, and at 43 I'm even more scared of dating and sex, terrified and embarrassed, I completely avoid making any sexual advances at all.

AleDeEurope · Accepted Answer

I think most women see virgin men as "less masculine" therefore making them less attractive. Every guy has been pressured to have sex in order to not be seen as a "pussy" generally by other men, but women also reinforce that behavior with the "he's a virgin *giggles*".
This makes the guy build a bigger shell so it makes it even more difficult for him to approach a girl for sex, and girls that realize he's a virgin will end up rejecting him, because they lose attraction for him.

Very few girls will be with a virgin (besides the religious ones) unless she's already in "love" before she knew he was a virgin.

I'm just basing my opinion on what I've seen and experienced, hell, I lost it when I was 16 and felt pressured to do it, and even when I was 18 I got asked by a few girls in a group if I was a virgin and they all were kinda laughing, but when I told them I wasn't their faces changed completely.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It's honestly probably a status thing. More experience = more opportunities = more girls have been willing to sleep with you = you have more of the traits (confidence, height, charisma, popularity, good looks) that girls "select for" in the mating process.

The image of the 23-year-old, forever alone virgin jerking it in his parents' basement because he can't laid isn't all that appealing. It possibly means he's a chronically friendzoned/rejected incel who's only able to score with his hand (and if he's lucky, a fleshlight). He has more of the traits (nervousness, low self-esteem, timidity, emotional weakness) that girls "screen out" when choosing a mate. Trust me, there's a whole subculture of 20-something guys that know this, and jack off to how "beta" they are and how they'll "never get any pussy." I actually feel sorry for them. I'm not trying to rationalize any of this, I'm just looking at it objectively.

kaylaS91 · Accepted Answer

The only reason that female virgins had and still have value placed on their 'purity' is because of men. They were put on a pedestal by men for that very reason so let's not call the majority of them as 'entitled'.

You make it sound as if it's a powerful position to be in or something when the true roots behind it are anything but. Filled mostly with women living in extremely repressive, borderline dangerous conditions that I wouldn't envy them of one bit.

COCOCHANEL · Accepted Answer

i'm thinking it has more to do with physical attraction

Blume20 · Answer

I find it weird that this is a thing. I would not care if a men is a virgin, and I know plenty of my friends who feel the same. Granted, I am waiting for marriage so I might be biased. Of course, things like confidence do matter, so if he is really nervous than that could be a turn off.
On the other hand, I had plenty of guys who definitely did not want to date me, because I want to wait. So I am unsure if all men do value virginity over women who have some experience and probably are better at sex.

myname604 · Answer

An older virgin man would be a real score. But I do not believe it exists. At least not of the higher quality man that a girl wants.
A fat lazy or skinny liberal man who is a virgin is not worth any girls time, but a healthy and fit hard working man of great honor and character who should also happen to be a virgin, then this would be most desirable.

Dragonblood21 · Answer

As from what I have seen, most women don't right off virgin men. They don't like virgins as much as guys do, but most don't seem to care about your sexual past so long as it wasn't banging a million girls. And if you do find one that actually does care about that, and won't enter a relationship with you because of that... who cares? That's an incredibly stupid reason, because learning really isn't hard, and I'm probably best off not dating someone who can't see that. If you don't want to have a one night stand with me for that reason, I can understand that. Oh well.

Helpmeplease44 · Answer

Honestly, when I was 17 - up to 17 I was a virgin because I was massively overweight.

Girls wouldn't touch me with a pole, let alone look at me. Old friends didn't recognize me when I came back from being out of country - I'd lost over 100 lbs and changed my lifestyle.

When girls who knew me previously started to notice me, I began to really understand why a lot of virgins existed well into your 20s. you have to be confident in your appearance, and it definitely helps if that appearance is easy on the eyes for ladies. That, paired with social awkwardness, I find is the biggest culprit of why there are a lot of male virgins - then of course there's the monopoly of 10% of the guys controlling 90% of the female attention.

Jack_S · Answer

This sounds like someone misreading into their own culture. I've never experienced a harsh reaction towards virgin men, either through my own or 2nd hand tellings

BertMacklinFBI · Answer

i suppose another reason society won't ever reach true equality lol

israelisevil · Answer

Girls with more ten bodys better and know how to and dont get sore after 30 minutes. i find it a turnoff if girl a virgin i see it as nervous and scared to live life in good way.

MyUsernameRules · Answer

And this is why I am done with approaching women. Too much headache.

Other_Tommy_Wiseau · Answer

can you give me an lt;dr?

ChromAzonyx108 · Answer

F*ck catch-22s. In this case, literally f*ck them.

TJ000 · Answer

I lost my virginity at 13 it was the best day of my life so far and I don't regret it but I find girls that are so stuck up about giving it up very unattractive sex is a requirement in a relationship I'm in I understand if you don't wanna drop ur panties on the first or second date I could give it a months or 2 depending on how much I really liked the girl but then again that's just me and I'm not looking to settle down any time soon

imfreeze95 · Answer

As an autistic man (age 26) having never even had a steady girlfriend I’ve pretty much given up. I was never interested much to begin with someone would have to be interested in me (spoiler alert hasn’t happened)

Willoughby23 · Answer

I lost mine at 23 (very late in my opinion). From my experience in high school everyone just thinks of you as a kid, or a guy who is scared to make a move. Guys are expected to always be trying to get sex, so your either seen as a guy who tries to get sex but can't or a guy who is too much of a pussy to make a move. A lot of girls lose it before even being sixteen so being a virgin guy at 17 or older makes you seem weird and immature to them, especially the girls who lost it in their early teens and had multiple partners and sex filled relationships. Having sex with your SO everyday was common in high school and talked about a lot. Hearing about all the sex people where having and getting shamed for never having sex only makes it harder to lose it for a virgin guy. Thats why I didn’t lose mine till I was 23. I had chances to get with girls in high school and after I graduated but sometimes didn’t realize it. The times I knew a girl liked me I just didn’t know how to go about showing her I was attracted to her and was just awkward around girls in general, so I pretty much ignored their obvious advances. I've only been with two girls and Im 24, and they where both from dating apps. I still dont have the confidence to approach women in person and probably never will. I also have never had a girlfriend just hookups.

Anonymous · Answer

Ok so this touches home bit to much. So for the guys that share my pain, I know its not easy, I am sure each and everyone of you has different reasons, and for the girls who is picky/entitled/judgmental.. I want you to put yourself in this situation and see things from our perspective. I am a male virgin at 33 and its so hard to describe what life is like. I live my life in secret. This is not something you want people to know. So what does any guy do. Claim he slept with her and her and her... I took it further to protect my secret and made very convincing stories and when I say convincing I mean I discovered look alike girls that looks like the girls I was involved with over the years back then and brushed it off as I took that picture in her bedroom, and that one I took over there. There was even a friend who I helped with her OF account and when my friends found out they assumed I took them and I just said nothing. I let them believe what they want. I am ashamed of this and it eats me up every day, but id rather have my friends and family think I have explored and enjoyed my life when I was younger than everyone finding out I am a 33 year old virgin. I went first, second and third base, just stimulation but never gave or received oral or sex. So i'm not that inexperienced.

My father left my mom when I was 4 so I was raised by my mother, gran and granpa. So I was raised old school. My grandpa told me and taught me that woman are not objects. I will forever remember his teachings. I haven't been in a relationship in 9 years because I have had to look after my mother. I have looked after her since the age of 15. And moved a lot of times. Eventually I moved again when my sister moved out with her boyfriend, but my mother had to come live with me. She has no place to go and no one wants to take her. So number 1 I know girls won't even be interested in the situation, they just can't see themselves with a guy whose mother lives with him, number one because they assume there would be no privacy. Number two because I should be independant already and have money and wheels.

I've lost everything in my life few times and had to rebuild my life a few times over the years. Its always been hard to get by.. Covid forced me to sell my car, luckily I have the company car but can't use it for personal things. A girl wants a guy with his own wheels. Sure I get that. But girls have a very different approach towards guys like me. We are in a loop that we can't get out, like the article said, you can't practice something if no one wants to give you a shot, and I'm not sleeping with a prostitute or stripper.

I've had my fair shots, believe me, girls (friends) who offered them in ways to me that would make 90% of guys jealous, and this was my younger days. 2 different friends even hinting they want sex right now, its clear as day cues or hints and were dead serious.. these were friends of mine. But i can't use them like that. Today they are both mothers with their own happy families. I could easily have said yes, including shooting down a threesome with girls at a concert, I knew the one well she was my friend, she played with one of the bands, but mostly because the one girl, her friends that was there, her rep was well known with band guys has been around and I certainly would have gotten a STD.

Because I was raised by two woman, and my grandpa and my sister in the mix (that's three woman) I have a totally different view about sex and relationships. I've seen the pain guys cause girls, I've seen the tears girls cry that guys caused by the way they were treated. Tears and pain those guys never saw or even know of or even are bothered by it. I have a deep respect for woman and would never do what guys do, use them left or right and break their hearts, cheat on them.. I can't grasp that. Because those tears and pain and cries are edged into my mind. I'm not saying I am saving myself for marriage, but I can't have sex with someone who offers it just like that when there is no connection underneath.

I want to explore and see if there is a connection with someone first, a nice attraction like, damn I really like you and can see and feel you like me too thing.. before I have sex with someone, and not just jump into bed with someone out of the gates and barely know them and then build feelings and a relationship on top of that connection created automatically by having sex. So yes it is a daily fear I will never get someone. Yes it is a daily fear, I am the last of my family line.
Recently I opened up to one of my friends I really like, there is or was something there. Its one of those, definite I am certain she feels something likes me deals. Or rather there was something. I shared my biggest secret with her because I want her to know. She was surprised and thought I have had sex a bunch of times. I want to be honest. And what happened.. She drifted away, started avoiding me, its like when that hot cold flip switches between two people, and you know the reason... and she jumped into a relationship shortly after with someone else. And as a guy who has dealt with this his entire life, that was because of the fact that I am a virgin, what I told her.. I had the chance to loose my virginity 6 times between the ages of 14 - 18, so from 18 upwards, believe me when i tell you there is no other reason besides the fact that I am a virgin, and I've always when i got close to someone shared that secret. Because I don't want to be dishonest. And the fact that my mother has to live with me ( who is sick and one kidney and can't work) and no car, that adds to my situation. And everytime I share my secret with someone I am attracted to and know is attracted to me, the same shit happens.

And i am not the guy who will just try and shut up once and just do it and get it over with. That is a fantasy. It doesn't exist. I tried, I am not that person and I am not going to change. So I don't know who will or can relate or will even end up reading this, but life screwed me over from a young age, shitty circumstances and events, and in that regard I am not a virgin, life f... me hard. But living like this, and keeping it a secret too, kills me inside everyday. Im depressed, and stress about daily life, trying to get by just to make it to the end of the month, stress about money, and have this constant thoughts in my mind of where I am heading. I have tried ending myself 2 times years ago, life is getting me down because of this. I hate this. I just want that beautiful thing couple have. Share things with someone, have someone, and be there for someone. but each day I am getting further and further away from that and it kills me.

Anonymous · Answer

I guess it's the whole spread seed thing

Anonymous · Answer

Women seem to refuse to accept that it's not that easy for many guys to get laid. So they interpret late male virginity, unless clearly religiously inspired (which they like or hate based on their own faith) as being him not being very sexual.

On top of that, women care significantly more than men do about men's skill level. Teenage girls seem much more sympathetic to guys not knowing what they're doing, where i've often seen women by their mid 20s say things like 'if he doesn't know now, he'll never learn' or 'i've lived through enough guys not knowing what to do, i'm not going to wait around for him to learn'. basically, they are through the fumbling stage, and aren't interested in going back to it.

The CATCH 22 of older male virgins. Why are women harsher towards them?

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