Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend told me he had a threesome before he met me and I can't get it off my mind. What do I do?

My boyfriend told me he had a threesome while we were in bed today. I originally thought he was joking but after a few minutes I realized he was very serious. I instantly got upset and felt sick to my stomach. I can not look at him the same and I feel like crying when we get intimate. He told me it was three years ago and before we met and I understand that the past is the past but the fact that he slept with two girls in one night makes me want to puke. I'm very very upset and I do not know what to do. I feel like crying and I do not know how to get past this. Please help?
1 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • Although my motto in life with this kind of strife, @Claire233333 is "Let sleeping dogs lie," it seems this little horn dog who opened up a smelly can of worms from the Past, is Now in the dog house, Not Smelling too good at the moment.
    I truly believe he was trying to be honest so okay, Noble should probably be Slapped across his head. However, he should have Let his own Bad 'Past' sit in a corner because as it stands right now, he is Sitting in one himself right now, a Dunce cap on his head as 'We were in bed..'
    You are Not the kind of girl who will get Past it, I can tell already, and every time you are both together or even if you are alone at home, it will Eat up up like a Cancer inside of you and eventually Cause problems down a Problem path in your hard working relationship.
    You need to decide to either Deal with the Raw Ordeal. If he hasn't shown any sloppy proof in his pudding cup with Doing it gain, then let it go and deal with It... Alone.
    However, if you let it Destroy you, let it 'Destroy; your relationship with him, then it might be best from the rest to Give you both a cat nap for the time Being and A... Rest, until you have Better thought things Over with Rover, by Putting your own Thinking cap on.
    Good luck. xx

    • why all the rhyming? that was so hard to read lol

    • @imsabotage lol!!! I pun for fun but never have much of a problem in Relating here, dear, I am almost Master. lol Thanks for being a sweetheart about it. lolxxoo

    • Thank you, sweetie, for the Vote of Confidence. xxoo

  • Why does it make you feel so bad? Everyone has pasts. You probably knew you weren't his first and you also knew he had had more than one girl already, what's so much worse about 2 of the past girls being at the same time?

    Id view it as nothing different than if he told me about having tried drugs in the past or having bungee jumped or something. A cool or stupid act in the past depending on my opinion on my opinion of the specific act (stupid in this case, regarding your reaction).
    People experiment and you shouldn't be hard on your boyfriend for having done so before he even met you.

    Maybe my vision is coloured because I had a threesome, which I didn't particularly like, but I am happy I tried it because I learned from the experience and explored my sexuality. You try things, you like some, you dislike others, good to know for next time. So did your boyfriend.

  • he told you this WHILE you were in the middle of sexy time? wow, that's insensitive and a terrible idea on his part... not sure what he was thinking there.

    i once had a 3way, 5 years before i met my man; he is aware of it, though it didn't cause him to see me any differently (it's all in the delivery). in fact, he thinks the idea of me with another girl is hot.

    i'm 29 and he's 31, so we obviously aren't each other's firsts. but we are old enough to understand that someone's sexual past is no indication of the present.

    if it's bothering you that much, talk to him about your concerns (are you worried that this will somehow make him disloyal to you, or did you go into the relationship thinking you were both virgins?). but, if you absolutely cannot move past it, then it may be time to move on.

    either way, good luck.

    -von

Most Helpful Guys

  • I definitley sympathize with you, I would probably have the same response. His actions are an indicator of his priorities and his beliefs. Actions are who you are not words and you do not like the actions he took. Perfectly reasonable. I would talk to him about it, ask him why he informed you of it (if he was trying to be open and honest with you then he should get some points for that) then tell him how it makes you feel and see what happens from their. Its a hard position to be put in but you'll have to decide if you can move past this (prefferablly if he regretted it or has no interest in that now) or it may be necessary to move on. Good luck either way.
    (also don't listen to any one who says its just the past, again our actions define us we can never divest our actions from who we are)

  • I think you should consider dumping him. Once you are in a marriage a guy that is comfortable getting three-soles is not a good fit for a girl that throws up and cries about the idea. Sex is a very personal thing and not having that in common with each other, to that extent, would be a deal breaker for me. Once your sex life gets boring as it does in marriage, he will probably want similar things as before. The sooner you break up the better it is for everyone. He is very polyamorous you are very monogamous, not a good fit.

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What Girls & Guys Said

4 14

  • It was BEFORE you... why do people whine about the past, there's nothing you can do. he was having fun and you seem like a stickler.
    You want to even it out? have ANOTHER threesome but this time YOU will participate in it.

  • Get over it. I'm not trying to be rude but there's not much else you can do, nothing can change the past. Just be happy it wasn't while you were together. You'll stop thinking about it eventually.

  • You need to figure out what about his prior experiences you had nothing to do with affects you so much. Maybe take some time alone for a while.

  • There isn't anything wrong with what he did.. you have the issue. Looks like your relationship is ready for the honesty.

  • if you can't deal with it, then dump him, quite frankly his past is his past, nothing he or you can do will change it, you have to accept a person for who they are when you meet them and their past, good or bad, is what makes them who they are, if you can't accept their past, how can you truly accept them? if you can't get over something he did before you even met, then you can't really say you love him, so dump him, or get over it, those are your choices.

  • First of all why did he feel the need to tell you this? He probably knows you well enough to know this would bother you? Second, you said you realize the past is the past but you don't obviously. So you find 3 somes disgusting (why? what do you think happens that's so disgusting?) but it was before you and you have no control over it what's so ever. You can't change what's happened so what's the point in thinking about it and letting it bother you? Are you afraid he's going to cheat on you and have a 3 some?

  • BS or not
    he's trying to impress you (the wrong way)
    + planting the seed for you to be his next 3some

    if he's really in love w/you... then he's sharing as openly as we all wish others would do, so let it go and be glad you saved him from that risk & fate

  • Well, first let's address WHY you're so upset about it.

  • Do you feel like it was unethical, or do you feel like he can't be satisfied without one now?

  • You need to sit down and figure out what*part* of this is upsetting you. I assume that if he had had sex with either girl separately you'd have been ok with it.

    Is it how the girls felt. What they looked like or us it him and how he felt?

  • This is why it's best to not share previous sexual history. No good comes from it. Talk only about present and future.

    This is totally a scene from chasing Amy. If you haven't seen the movie - watch it.

  • Could we discuss why it makes you uncomfortable, so we may possibly help?

  • Why does it bother you so much? It was before your time. If it bother you that much you should break things off.

  • His past is his past nothing to do with you

  • Wow!
    You are upset with something almost every guy dreams about. Some were lucky enough to experience it.
    You have some serious thinking to do. And may be search for another guy. But very probable that if he did not do it, this next would have this in his fantasy list.
    You should exchange fantasy list with a guy before you go for more with him, and may be prepare for a very single life or open up to the real world...

  • It happened before he met you, before you two were together... it's not like he's doing that now. At least I'd hope not. Sometimes people need to explore things before realizing what they want. That was 3 years ago, and he's with you now. He seems to want you, so I would take it like that.

  • Get Over It, What He Did Before He Met You Does Not Concern Your Relationship With Him

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > My boyfriend told me he had a threesome before he met me and I can't get it off my mind. What do I do?