Two questions about physical intimacy in a relationship: what if I don't enjoy french kissing? how long does it take most couples to make love?

My boyfriend and I have now been dating for two months. Unfortunately, I've never been much of a touchy-feely person to start with :^( Like not all, not all, I used to yelp when people accidentally touched me haha (I'm past that stage though now, thank goodness!) He's my first boyfriend, and it's my first time being in love. I'm still adjusting to physical contact, but he's the only person I've ever felt the need to touch, let alone kiss. Those things were weird for me at first, but I now starting enjoy them and they're coming naturally. My boyfriend, on the other hand, has dated a lot, and enjoys physical contact. However, I know he doesn't enjoy french kissing. Still, we tried together, and I found it so incredibly weird that I couldn't feel anything beyond that. I think we're both afraid of trying again, because neither one enjoys it... :^/ Is french kissing really important? Could we be '"incompatible" because of this? French kissing is always presented as the ultimate romantic kiss, so that's why it worries me. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The other thing that makes me anxious, is that I'm still a virgin. Obviously he isn't. At the beginning, I warned him I didn't feel ready for sex, and he was incredibly kind -- he said he could tell from the start, that that's not why he had pursued me, and that it wasn't that important. So far, he's never pressured me at all. However, when I tell my friends we haven't had sex yet, they act shocked. So this leads me to my second question: how long do most people take to have sex? Is two months a while, or not at all? I'm not a guy so I can't really imagine, but am I being inconsiderate towards him? Should I force myself, even if I don't want to? I mean I do love him and he loves me, at least I'm sure he's gentle and caring... Thanks for your help!
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Most Helpful Girl

  • French kissing is only as important as it is to the individuals in the couple.
    I, for example, love french kissing or making out, so kissing would be more important to myself in a relationship in comparison to how your boyfriend would see it. Everyone expresses themselves and prefers to receive love and affection in different ways.

    Don't be anxious about your virginity, either. There's really nothing about that which should make you nervous. You already know that your boyfriend is willing to wait till you're ready, and if he ever makes you feel pressured into doing something that you're not comfortable with, you'd know he's not a good match for you in the first place.
    It doesn't matter how long into sex other couples have had sex, as everyone's different. I slept with my boyfriend as well as kissed him for the first time after we'd been together for a month. Then again, we knew each other since high school so... yeah. Everyone's different.

    Just enjoy being with your boyfriend, doing whatever you two enjoy best, and it'll happen on it's own. :)

Most Helpful Guys

  • I don't really care for "french kissing" it's over-rated IMHO. I only french kiss when giving Oral;-) I actually prefer her kissing my neck than my lips... it just drives me crazy.

    As for sex... it varies from the person to person and if it's a quickie or a romantic session. Since your a virgin... it will probably be cut short by your discomfort/pain. Masturbating will help you get use to the sensation and if you have a dildo/toy it will help you get use to the size/pressure. It can be <5min if you get him very excited and he can't control himself. It can be an hour+ (foreplay and sex) if he takes his time and paces himself.

    You shouldn't think of, you not being ready... as an inconsideration to him. If he loves you.. he won't pressure you or make you feel like your being a tease. Only selfish guys that don't care about the girl... do that. If he loves you.. just being near you-seeing, kissing, caressing would mean the world... and he'll be ok with waiting.

  • A french kiss is usually reserved for when you're gonna get it on, otherwise it's a bit much. I dig it but if I had a girlfriend who hated it I'd have to learn to live without it. It depends on the people when it comes to how long it takes to bang. Some girls are selective and want to be able to trust you and bond with you before they decide it's time to let you have your freedom with them, others don't seem that bothered. If a guy really likes you he'll wait as long as it takes, as long as it'll happen one day! lol

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • No act, French kissing, intromissive sex, oral sex, etc. Is important, except as it affects the couple. If you're not ready for sex and he is OK with that, then that's fine. What works for your friends may not work for you and vice versa.