Getting turned on when hooking up with guys?

I am a straight girl and I am extremely sexual. When I am alone I just think about being with guys all of the time. But whenever I am actually with a guy and horny I just don't get very turned on and when they finger me it doesn't feel good and there is no way a guy could ever make me orgasm no one has ever come anywhere close, with their mouth or their fingers. I have made myself orgasm thousands of times from just touching myself when I'm alone so it's not like I don't know how to do it or anything is dysfunctional. I can make myself cum with and without porn, but I definitely need to be thinking about something that specifically turns me on. The porn that I like to think about is just not really that transferrable to real life, so I can't really think about that stuff when I'm actually with guys. Basically, the sensation of someone touching me alone does nothing for me, my brain needs to be thinking about other stuff to get turned on enough where I could actually orgasm. Does anyone else have a problem ;like this because it is so annoying to never be able to get any real pleasure from guys, even though I love men and I love hooking up with them, but they just can't make me feel good like I can make myself feel.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I've been with several women who have told me this same tale. Guys rarely/never make them orgasm, even though they're attracted to men. They warned me not to expect them to orgasm with me either, and that it isn't me, etc.

    I nod and say "okay, no problem" but inside I just smile to myself. Then I set about BUILDING TRUST with the girl. I work on getting her aroused first, but without making any real effort to make her cum. I make her feel safe and secure. And in a short amount of time (usually 2-3 sessions), she's a waterfall down there because she's able to relax, because I'm not putting a lot of pressure on her.

    Then, I move to fingering her while I keep eye contact with her. The eye contact is important - she has to be able to trust me and know that I'm paying attention to her. Again, it often takes 2-3 sessions to "figure her out" as far as exactly what works for her, but for the most part, I'm stimulating her G-spot and letting her adjust to that. Many women have never had a man specifically target her G-spot, or help her to relax. Let me tell you, though, if you know what you're doing, it won't take too long before the orgasms arrive, and once they do, they keep right on coming (pun intended!).

    After a few times of that, you can add oral and/or intercourse, and she is going to cum and cum and cum - at least, that's been my experience.

    But it all starts with building trust, and that's a step too many guys overlook and too many girls don't know to ask for.

  • I suppose you're blocking your feelings and physical reactions, without being aware of it. A girl's education has been aimed at that for centuries. Parents and priests are afraid girls would become nonmarriable sluts if their sexuality was free to develop. Here we're 'civilized' and it's done by education, but in some parts of Africa, they simply cut off female parts with that aim. (That was even done in America: https://www.fgmnetwork.org/articles/duffy.htm )

Most Helpful Girl

  • it's because your mind isn't in it.
    yes their touch alone will do nothing you have to think about their touch as they touch you and sometimes i create little porn stories in my head like he's punishing me or picture my landlord, etc. get your mind dirty

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • There's some sort of disconnect. I'm guessing a few sessions with a good therapist will let you ferret out the why and with the why comes the fix.

  • www.troll.me/.../dude-that-sucks-thumb.jpg

    Doesn't sound like its them more of a mental block you have to get through. Just keep trying.

  • Perhaps if he went down on you while you were watching porn... kind of a double stimulation thing.

    You may be a very visual person too, so if his head is in the way it is tough to get turned on.

    Maybe make a movie of yourself getting off that you can watch while he helps to stimulate you.

  • If you can orgasm, but those guys can not make you orgasm the answer should be clear that its not a physical but a mental/emotional issues.

    My bet would be that while being sexual and everything is all cool, the lack of trust, comfortableness with the guy as well as intimacy makes you block an orgasm off. Simply by not being able to let go to your fullest.

    • what he said ^

    • Yup. One solution is probably to forget sex until you meet someone who you actually want to pleasure and not just the other way round. If you meet someone who you also like with our the sex, they'll be able to keep your attention even outside the bedroom. When you want to pleasure someone, you usually have to trust them and be invested in the act first. If you are fully invested in that person, you won't even be doing much thinking to start.

  • Tell me what do you think about when you're masturbating? What turns you on and try your best to explain it. Is it more passion that turns you on? Have you sexual thrill seeked before?

    • Its hard for me to pinpoint exactly what turns me on,. Some things that turn me on when I'm by myself is just like girls being submissive and guys being dominant especially with butts like I really like spanking and kind of bdsm but I don't like really intense bdsm I do NOT like anything going inside a girls butt or vagina like objects that really grosses me out, its more just the humiliation and dominance of the guy. But actual boys also really turn me on when they say things about my body or how much they want me and just like wanting to fuck me so badly and just telling me what they like about my body. I like when guys are dominant and possessive and they like my body and need it to turn them on and make them feel good

    • Oh that is easy. Have you explored the BDSM world? I've been in practice for about 8-10 years now.

    • Well I want to be able to orgasm and have fun with guys that aren't like specifically into that you know? Also I'm not sure if I would like it in real life; I feel like its less scary and hotter in porn because I don't have to be involved and it doesn't feel like theyre really REAL people

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  • Hmm interesting, What porn interests can't be actually applied in real life?

    • sometimes I like watching bdsm but I don't like being involved in it and I don't think I would like it in real life. it just turns me on to think about and watch.

    • Ah but if you haven't tried it then how do you know you won't like it? Does the sub or Dom turn you on more?

    • I guess being a sub would turn me on more

  • Maybe you just haven't been with your sexual match yet, someone compatible? The best sex has build up too, are you doing that? lots of teasing, sexting, etc. until you just can't take it any more and fuck like wild animals lmao

  • You need to find a guy that's into the same kind of porn babe, it's all transferable into real life you just gotta let go a bit

  • You should hook up with me! Lol

  • what if instead of fingering i kiss n ate ur pussy

    • lol.

  • good stuff