Sexual Relationships
+1 y

How to deal with my views on being gay while having gay friends?

I am against gay marriage and the LGBT movement. I'll put that out there right now. I have family members who are gay, and while I sincerely love them and relish in their happiness, I cannot support gay marriage. I also have friends who are gay. I don't treat these people any differently, and I don't hate or, as the term "phobic" goes, have an irrational or extreme fear of them. I just do not believe in the way they conduct their lives. I believe marriage itself is between a man and a woman, though am still considering my views on civil unions. Overall, I don't hate people based on sexual orientation, though I am against it. Why did I say all that? Because I know some people (I loosely call them "friends") who would think me the scum of the earth if they knew my views, no matter how reasonably I attempt to defend them. I've thus far narrowly avoided talking or delving deeply into the realm of gay matters and the LGBT movement, though the topic seems to come up more and more. I like to believe I have a right to my opinion not to agree, as they have a right to agree with and support such things. Yet, and I've seen it occur before, these types of girls will rip me to shreds if they ever found out my true position on such matters. My question is: what should I do? One thing to bear in mind: these girls are very close to some of my actual GOOD friends. To break away from them would cause severe drama, and I want to avoid that if possible. If worse comes to worse, however, I may have to... advice would be nice. Please, also, refrain from attacking my views. They are mine, and I am entitled to my opinion. I've remained anonymous for this reason specifically. Not that I am assuming I'll be attacked here, but... better safe than sorry.
Don't associate with these people if they don't tolerate your opinions
Vote A
If they ask, just lie to keep peace. Otherwise don't state your opinion and keep your mouth shut.
Vote B
When the topic comes up, find a way to leave the conversation so that you can avoid both lying and expressing your views.
Vote C
Other (if you have another solution, please describe it in the comments below)
Vote D
Select gender and age to cast your vote:
Girl Guy
Updates:
+1 y
THIS is a popular question: why don't I condone it. Well, I'll be frank. I can't explain really why, as it's more of an abstract thing. No one ever forced me to think this way. I just always felt, personally, that gay marriage wasn't right (I've given up on trying to defend this since a few people have already attacked me on that point). I just don't understand or condone marriage between those of the same sex.
+1 y
Alright. So it seems a majority of people actually don't believe in the idea that people can just simply have their opinions. This proves my point. Thanks for participating, everyone.
1 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • You're fine. I'm somewhat in a similar position when it comes to friends and such. I never agreed with gay marriage/couples even as a child because all I saw was male and female, and I wasn't taught to be for or against homosexuality. If anything, my mother tried to raise me not trusting men, especially with the neighborhood we lived in lol Weird, I know. Anyway, I recently found out that my mother is bisexual, and I'm the only one who knows about it and her past experiences & relationships with females. She says that she can't help her attraction to both sexes, but she's now against homosexual coupling. As I got older and learned that "love" is just chemical reactions in the brain, it only solidified my stance that "love" should not be the reason to just get married, because anyone can love family members, animals, even objects. Seriously!

    For people who judge you for your own beliefs, they're hypocrites, because I'm pretty sure they believe in everyone being entitled to such.

    It all comes down to this for them: you're good as long as you believe what they believe. Here's some advice:

    Just because there's a large crowd doesn't mean you should ALWAYS follow it. Think for yourself, look into matters on your own, and always try to see things from various perspectives before jumping to a narrow conclusion.

  • well you do not have to change your views what you think and fill is up to you and there is no point in getting i yelling match over it you and i are going to think differently that's all there is to it. but same could be said for your friends they are not going to change their views weather you expect them or not. being gay is a fundamental part of who they are. think of it this way i love you because you are you but i do not love you because you are a woman. but being a woman is a core part of who they are. being gay is not a choice they live with it the sleep with it they breath it they are borne with it. im not going to ask you to change your views that's not going to happen and yelling at each other tell we are blue in the face will do nothing. but what i think you should do is resurch look at things from both sides and come up with an argument based in fact. i always say you can be open mined with out your brain falling out. then tell them your opinions in a respectful way.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uUgrPgqzwYI


    i know your chances of watching this video are small but i am hoping you will god bless you and much love.

  • okay, I'm the same as u, but this is very very simple.

    i have gay friends, and they know i dont agree with homosexuality, but they know i love them as people. some aren't religious, and they dont agree with my religious views, but they love me, and they know I'm okay with that. you just establish your differences from your start, while strengthening the love you have for each other. you can love someone without supporting their lifestyle or behaviour.

    it's like a dad who grounds his kid. he doesn't like what the child has done, but he won't stop loving them.

    • You are the most practical person I've had answer. I respect this. Regardless of someone's opinion on gay rights, I'll respect them if they respect me. I appreciate your honesty and civility. You've earned MHO (I'm apparently required to wait 24 hours to give it but once I can, you've earned it :) )

    • oh thanks :) yeah i think that an overarching respect and/or love should surpass any kind of different we have, regardless of sexuality, race, religion, etc. hehe that's all good, ur sweet, thanks again.

    • Haha thank you! :)

  • You can love someone and love them as a person but disagree with their lifestyle. I mean is being gay all that they are? No. it isn't. So i mean i have family who are against interracial marriages but my aunt is married to a black man and has mixed childred (they look more white) but they still love her , her husband and the kids. They just dont agree with it.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well, I'm in the same spot, and it's tough. I can hardly call something a "girls movie" without getting told not to gender things. People have a hard time of grasping that you can believe something is wrong and still love people who do that thing. "Love thy neighbor as thyself". The as thyself part often slips the mind. We tend to keep loving ourselves even though we do bad things, and others get the same benefit. It's probably best not to bring it up, which it sounds like you're already being careful of, but stick to your guns if you're pressed on the topic. It's possible to fob it off many times if you're the non-confrontational type, but if you have to answer a question about homosexuality, be honest. A big part of the key is tone and vocab, though. Say the right thing the right way, not the right thing the wrong way. And yeah, some will hate you for it, that happens. But it's possible to be friends with somebody and not with their friends. Might be different for girls, but as a guy, I've got friends who enjoy the company of folks who really, really, dislike me. When they're together, I just do my own thing. In any case, don't put yourself in situations where your ideological opponents can get under your skin. If that means distancing oneself from certain scenarios, it's likely worth it. Don't bend to the mob's opinion.

  • Change your views.

    You may be entitled to your own opinions, but you are not entitled to your own facts or logic or science...

    The fact of that matter is that civil marriage exists to establish a family bond between two people and there is no legitimate reason for civil marriage to be denied to two consenting rational adults. For an authorizing government to deny a civil marriage based on the fact that the partners may have the same genitalia is not logical as it serves no legitimate purpose for government to do so. This is exactly how the US Supreme Court ruled in Obergefell v. Hodges last year.

    You may not like same-sex marriage for religious reasons, but be clear - that's the only legitimate reason for you to be against it. That said, religion is illogical, so using it as a basis for any logical argument is specious at best.

    So, feel free to be public about not supporting same-sex marriage on religious grounds, but, on logical grounds, you should tolerate and accept that civil marriage between same-sex partners is here, here to stay, and logical. To do anything less reflects negatively on your thought processes; in other words, it's very unbecoming.

    • For starters, you stated your own opinions that religion is illogical and that my views are unbecoming. Not to be rude, as I am trying to avoid that and remain courteous no matter what, but I have to say: who are you to tell me what to tolerate? I can, if I chose, make the argument that since marriage was meant in history as a means to reproduce in a way socially acceptable, I can believe that and say gay marriage takes away a key component that made marriage such an important ideal. Look, don't tell me to change my views, as I don't appreciate it in the slightest. If I actually had the desire, I could stage a decent argument. I have 1000 characters and the inability to truly care. I wanted to get people's take- I have it now.

    • Tolerate whatever you want. As for the history and origin of marriage... well, again, you are not entitled to your own facts. This: "since marriage was meant in history as a means to reproduce in a way socially acceptable" made laugh! Maybe this will help: www.livescience.com/37777-history-of-marriage.html

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 25

  • It's not your opinions that matter. It's your actions. When people attempt to legislate discrimination, that's where the rubber meets the road.

  • The best solution to these issues is to confront them head on, arguing has never solved anything but if you can try your best to discuss rather then argue (it's against our nature to discuss) Honestly I think if you do the research you'll understand why people are against you. Marriage equality is not as much about the institutional discrimination but about the multitude of rights you earn as a legally married couple (tax, medical, legal)

  • When the topic comes up just say that it's not any of your business how other people live their lives and leave it at that.

  • I honestly agree with you. They hate anyone who does not agree with them. I usually say something because if I don't they will just keep bragging about it and flaunting it. I'd rather they knew my opinion and be somewhat quiet about their intimate lives then constantly flaunting it to everyone. I'll go with A B and don't be shy about your views. Don't avoid it let them know that you don't agree with their life style and you cannot condone it.

  • I feel this is a case of double standards. In that I mean your fine with gays but do not condone gay marriage. You are right, I respect your views and I have my own. That being said if they are good friends then they would understand or at least take it with a grain of salt. Though in my opinion, if I were in your situation I would keep my views private unless I was specifically asked about it.

  • I don't get straight people. What's the point of having gay friends? Stick to your guns and leave gay people alone. We don't need your friendship. I agree with the other person, cut them off, you'll be doing them a tremendous favor.

    • U don't have to agree with someone's lifestyle to befriend them.

  • Fuck them. No, not literally.

    But congratulate yourself for understanding that a cat is not a dog just because it has four legs and a tail. It's still a cat.

  • Why are you against gaya marriage? How does it affect you?

  • I'd say ditch the friends because they shouldn't be judged behind their back

    • Wait, do you mean I shouldn't judge them behind their backs, or they shouldn't judge me?

    • you shouldn't be judging them. You may say you like them the same but if you don't support the way they love they deserve better

    • First, I never stated anything about judging anyone. I stated my opinion. Secondly, the "friends" I referenced here have called girls horrible names, insulted them, and even driven one girl to tears because they didn't like that she was against gay rights. How can you justify that? Better yet, how can you justify the right to have your opinion while putting down someone else's? Just because you agree with gay rights doesn't mean everyone else does-what exactly makes you right, or your opinion more important than that of others?

    • Show All

  • Ah I forgot we live in a world filled with unique people with unique personalities. I also forgot that everyone has to have same sexual or political views. Sorry you may be on the wrong planet. Who gives a fuck about LGBT community? There people just like anyone with different sexual orientation, it's not like there fucking aliens from Mars or shit.

  • You can have your opinions, sure, but be prepared to hear rebuttals if you wanna put your thoughts out there. That's just the way the world works.

  • Yes, your entitled to your opinion as they are entitled to theirs which is that your wrong. Instead on focusing on the differences between you and them I would instead try to shift the conversation to things you have in common with them.

  • So you're saying that 2 people can be in love regardless of gender and sexuality, but although most modern marriages is about love, only a heterosexual man and woman can be married? Interesting. Regardless your veiws are your views. So pick between lying or having drama. All up to you.

  • Never yield to a majority simply to fit in, people who can't respect your opinion or choose to blindly follow the herd don't deserve any respect. For those asking why she can't accept it, ask yourself, why can't you accept the fact certain people won't accept gay marriage?

  • just be yourself. tell them that you dont agree with what they are doing as long as you still like them as a person. kind of how I dont agree with snorting crack daily or anorexic habits or suicide, those types of things, but I would still be friends with someone who is anorexic, suicidal or addicted to drugs.

  • I run into this all the time as an Anti-Feminist. I rarely get backed into a corner but when I am I usually just say something like "I understand your views and viewpoint" and leave it at that. It's important to be able to discuss the subject from their point of view, even if you feel that they are wrong, having a good understanding of where they are coming from is as important as anything else, otherwise you end up in this long debate.

    I suppose the big issue is that many people from the left have very rigid views and rather than try and understand you, would rather condemn you and classify you in ways that you don't agree with.

    Such as "what you don't agree in marriage equality? You Nazi!" Big jump between the two. It seems that the progressive groups are an all or nothing dictatorship. Agree with EVERYTHING that we agree with or you hate EVERYTHING that I stand for." It's foolish but seems to be the reality.

  • So you don't hate gay people, you just don't want them to have the same rights as you?

  • I wouldn't know I don't associate myself on a friend basis with them but they know that even though I don't like what they practice and will never support it I am not going to go out of my way to make their life miserable or anything, I'll be kind and respectful to them, talk to them but beyond that, that's it and if ever asked about my views on homosexuality from gay friends of my actual friends or other people well I'm just honest with them, if they don't like it that's just to bad.

    Some respect me for it, some hate me for it, that's just life, your views are your views, some people will like you for it and others won't but you can't please everyone and not everyone is worth pleasing you be you, and don't concern yourself with anyone else when it comes to your views.

  • Always speak what you believe in; if they cannot "tolerate" your opinion, they can fuck off.

    Simple.

  • I think you should be more accepting of gay people and their way of life. They are human beings and they have the right to be with and marry the person who makes them happy just like you do. Also, not supporting gay marriage is idiotic because it literally doesn't affect you at all. What's the difference to you if a homosexual couple is legally married or just living together and having a family like any married couple?

    • And you should be more accepting of people's stances, beliefs, opinions, etc.

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