I am in a committed relationship and have a kink I really need done for me. What do I do?

Question

I am in a committed relationship. We have a healthy sexual relationship including sex, oral and hand play. No anal and no interest. I get as much sex as I want. She will even get me off when she doesn't need sex. However... i have a kink that's another path to orgasm. It involves tools and technique now on the fringe, although it's popularity is growing. There is a huge internet market for the tools that support my kink, which is done solo, straight and gay, ranging from moderate to extreme. I am moderate, have some of thsee tools and do it for myself with good "outcomes". Once I discovered it I was immediately "addicted". I get orgasms that are far stronger than any other way including (If I wanted it) two girls doing what they do at the same time and hitting all the hot spots. Fortunately, it is so intense, I only need it once in a while. My kink would by much better if it were done by the skilled hands of a girl, but trying to introduce this into my relationship would certainly harm what i already have. There are numerous video clips on the internet about my kink. I look at a few solo for technique and Girl on Guy. Its clear by guys' "outcomes" that the effects are amazing. So now to my question.
My kink is known but rare among sex workers. This is likely because it first emerged among BDSM enthusiasts and involved pain and "torture" before being tamed in technique and by technology to the point of offering genuine sexual pleasure. I am thinking of going to a "pro" with my tools and viewable video to train her on what I want and then go to her for a "fix" when my "thirst" gets strong. I don't want any relationship or other sexual intimacy and view this as I would an ethical masseuse. Its just one would get the kinks out of my back and the other would get the kink out of my libido. What do you think of the ethics of paying for something I "need" that I can't get any other way? Sure, I could do without it but would this business arrangement do any harm?

MadeInAmerica · Accepted Answer

All that just to say I want do something pay to have something done sexual to me behind my girlfriend back, is it wrong?

Yes it's wrong. If she is truly the one for you she would understand what you want. Now she may not want to do or want you to do it but she being your partner should at least know about it. You can explain in a way you just did and she may go for it. But you are a "couple" and a "team" so it should be a "we" decision and not just "yours". You sound like a decent guy and boyfriend but you never want to hide anything in a relationship.

max285 · Accepted Answer

I mean communication is key if you want your relationship to last. If you do go see a pro, which could be a great compromise, you still should probably let your partner know what the deal is. She might appreciate just not having to do it.

itsallover · Accepted Answer

You need to discuss this with your partner. Tell her what it is and go from there. If she's happy to fulfill it for you, then it's all good. If she doesn't, then you'll need to consider which is more important: fulfilling the kink or having your girlfriend in your life. If your sex life is already healthy, like you say, is there really any need for it?

Whatever you do, do not go behind her back and cheat.

fox_fairy · Accepted Answer

What really surprises me is how certain you are about your relationship being harmed if you were to share this kink and desire of you. I cannot, in any possible way, imagine that expressing a desire would hurt any healthy relationship more than cheating - I can see that you don't see it that way, but it doesn't change what it technically would be.

aliceinwonderland69 · Accepted Answer

WTF is your kink? Going to a prostitute is cheating. Don't risk losing ur girlfriend she sounds cool. You should share it with her.

justforfun1999 · Answer

Don't do anything that you guys have defined as "cheating." But, I would just talk to her about it. She may be willing to discuss an open sexual relationship of some kind or she may become open to giving you what you need with a little more info. People that don't have kinks sometimes just need more time/explanation/etc. to be introduced to a kink before they are comfortable. Another thing I'd say is that she may also have a kink or fetish you don't know about that she needs to be satisfied & talking to her about your kink may get her to open up. It's all about communication, a lot of women are more open to things than you may think.

NotYourCinderella · Answer

Talk to your partner. Healthy communication and honesty and a trustworthy relationship are all really important pillars. You need to communicate, be respectful and understanding to each other, care for each other's well being and have good trust to try new things. I was in a relationship for just under 4 years and we broke up several months ago but we tried a lot of things. About a year in to our relationship when we were 20 we decided to open up to new things as our relationship had been pretty vanilla until then. It's good to gradually and slowly warm up to things and we really trusted and cared for one another. Start off mild and see what you both like. I learned I'm in to BDSM and I really like the affection and caring and love and trust you get from a close partner doing that stuff and that I fit the more submissive role. My ex was a switch with a slight dominant lean and could do both ehich sometimes clashed with my submissive BDSM nature. But it was something new to both of us when we started and over the years we learned a lot when we were together. Just have experiences, take it slow, relax, communicate a lot, be honest and have fun.