Sexual Relationships
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My husband threatens to leave me because I fucked more guys than he thought?

My husbands new boss is a guy who I had casual sex with back in college and he bragged about it to some of his employees and word reached my husband. I had 4 casual partners (ONS and fuck buddies) that I didn't tell my husband about. I only told him about my 4 exes because he only asked how many bf's I had before him. I didn't see a reason to tell that because I knew he could be a little jealous and I was his first. I told him everything and now he threatens to leave me for that? We have a kid of 2 and I am pregnant with a second! I know it's not the most fun thing to hear but we have buit a family and he would break up because other guys have been in his wife before him? I know it's not just his thoughts. He has some bad friends that are into this anti-feminism shit and think women are only there to pump and dump, who talked him into this kind of thinking. Men want to be fucked but don't want a woman who's been fucked. They want us to know how to suck their cocks, fuck them senseless with enthusiasm but never take pleasure in the act until they are our partners? lol Ignorant, narcissistic egomaniacs. This is the attitude that keeps your wife lying to you and fucking someone else while you complain online that she doesn't enjoy sex, low sex drive, won't give it up. Comments like "no one wants to wife the slut" I would rather fuck 100 more guys in my life then marry a closed minded uptight basement jacking off to hamster porn because I shame my wife into being afraid to enjoy fucking douchebag! Sorry for being so angry and spreading a negative vibe, but WTF?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Life sucks sometimes don't it. You can get mad and aggressive because people's opinions are different from yours or you could chill and let people believe what they believe. Do I agree with your husband? No. But do I think he's "wrong"? No he has a preference (an odd preference in my opinion) that is based on a person's behaviors. If we can't judge people based on their actions then how could we possible discern who we want to associate with. It's his life as much as it is yours and if he feels uncomfortable with your past I don't see why it would be inappropriate for him to react to it. He doesn't need to be with you to be a good father. It'll make parenting more difficult but staying with you isn't necessary. You made your choices so why can't he make his? I'm not defending your husbands logic only his right to excercises his free will. Why not just take responsibility for your past acknowledge that this is something that could genuinely be bothering him and focus your attention on talking to him and trying to understand why his opinions are this way and what can be done to change them rather than getting defensive and attacking his position simply because you disagree with it. If he's your partner treat him like a partner and work with him and instead of pushing forward with this civil war like agenda towards men who dislike women who sleep around.

  • 1. Yes, this is a double standard and it is stupid.

    2. Not all men operate with this double standard.

    3. If you use other people's behavior to justify you telling lies and being unfaithful, you are telling us that you don't have any standards for your own conduct.

    4. Yes, I understand that you are angry. And he is upset. Feelings can never be rationalized or justified. You have a child and another one on back order so don't be too quick to throw in the towel. Do you have any flaws or weaknesses that he tolerates for the sake of your relationship?

    • It's not double standards in this case. "... and I was his first" is the line. It wasn't the act, in this case, but the fact she didn't tell him!

    • @dogbert444 It is probably the fact that his stupid boss banged her and is now bragging to the other employees, causing the boyfriend some embarrassment. There is still some element of double standard: it's okay for you to have sex with me but it's not okay if you had sex with anyone else. I call that a double standard.

    • They are the three issues here. His boss, plus bragging to other staff members, plus the fact that she withheld material facts before they got married.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • Guys just feel that way. It's instinct and has nothing to do with reason at all. It's something visceral about them. I asked a question once on why they want a chaste wife, I asked guys around me as well... The answer is always the same: She FEELS used, why would I take leftovers?

    It's instinct, feeling, male uneasiness and weird question of pride/teritory. We women don't feel it so we'll never understand it, but complaining about it won't make it go away. It's obviously male biology and nothing more.

    Accept that and try to be sensitive towards your husband. If he's a good man he'll work to overcome this within himself, but you being antagonistic, reminding him, or even saying those men were better than him, or even good, won't help him do it. This is an internal struggle with his own nature and you pray he wins.

    • I guess I'll try and keep it in mind. I'll try to make him feel better and more special than the others. Problem is, his boss was this arrogant spoiled frat boy who didn't have to study shit because his parents were rich and he'd be the boss of that firm anyway. He banged all the girls and I was naive and felt honored that he wanted to fuck me more than other girls. So I did some wild and nasty porn-ish stuff that I haven't done to anyone else (deepthroating, rimjobs, anal, even a foursome with two other girls,...). He treated me like a slut and told pretty much every detail at work, so it makes things a lot worse than they should be.

    • Really? I've never heard a guy say that irl! Most men I know want an experienced woman. Are the guys you talk to really religious?

    • @SovereignessofVamps No I have lots of male friends most of whom aren't religious, or that about their religion even if they are, and I asked guys online. Like if here on GaG. I, like many girls, tried to get it, and then I finally did get it: There is nothing to get. It just is.

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  • Ok why didn't you tell your husband about previous partners before marriage? You were afraid he'd make a big deal about it or in other words leave you, and now that he threatens to do so its a double standard? That's your fault for not being truthful !!! Should have been up front instead of hiding the truth he has every right to want to leave you.
    AND if the shoe was on the other foot you KNOW you would leave him if he had fucked you boss, she bragged about it and he never told you. That's an embarrassment people can't get past.

  • It's a double standard, but you should have told him. Sex is an important part of a relationship, and honestly, if I was him, I'd be pissed, too. That's like a violation of trust and the fact that you had sex with men that you weren't exclusive with sounds like you're a bit loose. It's not fair because men don't have that standard against them, but it's true.

    I think he has every right to be angry. However, I don't think he should be running around telling you he's going to leave you. And his boss is a jackass.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Well it's seem ur husband has some insecurity issues. Cause u wasn't truthfull about how men u slept with. U just need 2 tell him. The past is the past. Let it be. Show everybody who's the better man. Cause no matter what u love him. Along with telling him that some men are going 2 run off at the mouth. Reason being they are jealous of what we have. Which is a family that's growing. Remember u have one on the way. Tell him he needs 2 be positive. Cause rather u believe or not. That baby inside of knows when things aren't right. Which in turn can cause the baby 2 come with mixed emotions. The 2 of u might not think that is true. If not why do we have some many people that are bipolar. Reason being somewhere in thier life. They had something 2 happen that made them in sure of things. Which made them start question life. Enough of that back 2 subject. If u really love him like I think u do. Then tell him if things don't change. Meaning if still wants 2 leave u. Next look him straight in the face. Then tell him he had better think twice about wanting 2 leave u. Cause remember u already have one child and another on the way. If u have 2 raise the 2 of them by ur self. Then it will be costly. Child support is not cheap for 2 children. Tell him that's not a threat. That's the reality of life and a responsiblty. Good luck

  • Not being full with the truth came back to burn you basically. When sexual past came up my wife wanted to know. I was open and so was she. She had more bfs and had fuck buddies (I never had the latter) and it didn't change my thoughts on her and appreciated the honesty. It showed me that she wasn't ashamed of it and to take her as she was. Sucks though that one of your fuckboys became his boss. Deep cute, ego bruiser for sure but he has to give over that eventually.

  • Wow, what the fuck? Hopefully your husband comes to his senses and apologises profusely! That's fucking ridiculous!!!

    • Makes me laugh how the same guys who get irrationally angry about stuff like this are the same guys who will claim, without any sense of irony, that men are the "logical" sex and women are "emotional" lol

  • Sucks that your husband is so fragile; he's really upset that your number is higher than his, all because his boss strangely boasts about his sex life, while at at the workplace? So many things wrong with this situation...

    1) It shouldn't matter what either of your numbers are; you're together in this relationship, not discussing with Becky who likes Josh but went on a date with Mary and is unsure of whether she maybe just wants to be single for a while. (Basically saying your husband is acting like a teenager and needs to mature up, quick).

    2) Why is you husband influenced so easily by something that has no relevance and by someone who shouldn't have any meaning in your personal life? I couldn't care what my manager did when she was in college; that doesn't matter to anything that's relevant to me, like my paycheck, now.

    3) Maybe this is a sign that Mr. Husband needs to be Mr. Recently-Divorced if he's going to play the victim for dumb things. There are way more important discussions and issues to get through as a couple.

    --

    Personal note: my wife and I definitely have different numbers. For one, I was having sex several years before her. Also before her and I dated, I had about two years where I had a lot of sex with women and men. We've never actually discussed our numbers with each other, that's how little it honestly matters to the relationship.

    I'd say the only time it might come into play is if one partner has much more experience than the other- so if partner #2 was a virgin or close to it going into the relationship, while partner #1 had numerous sex partners and therefore may have things that s/he can teach their Significant Other about their bodies and sexuality. Y'all should embrace your differences, not get angry or jealous because you were able to get it in with more guys than he was able to slide it into the ladies.

    Also, his boss should be fired. Bragging about how much pussy you used to get back in college is disgusting, even to most men (shocking). When a guy starts bragging about his sex life, all I can think of is how insecure and delicate he is. So much so that he's stuck in the past- those were the best years of that man's life, and the remainder 60 years are all downhill, I suppose. Steer clear of people like that- they'll never grow.

  • Well, I will be open and explain most male's mentality. Most of us can't deal with the idea of our wives had orgasm with another guys and they cummed inside her. It is pure male nature to be disturbed by this idea.

    • How is this possible? Almost no woman marries the first guy that fucks her, so how does 98% of men deal with this?

    • They just try to ignore and think that their wife was an angel. Or just they l underestimate the members. If they learn the truth, they became pissed off in some levels depending on women and men. Also, I'm Irish in our traditions it is common to marry virgin women. It is not only 2%.

    • I totally agree! Also things that went on in a persons past really isn't anyone's business including husbands or wives unless you feel you want to tell it all.

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  • It's not the fact that you've been with these guys. The issue is you didn't tell him! I would feel the same way if I was your husband. Finding out from another source, especially as it is his boss who is one of the guys, is unacceptable. How do you really think your husband feels knowing his boss is thinking, "I fucked your wife before you did!"

    It's a similar thing to being unfaithful, and your partner finding out from a third party. You might stand some chance of putting it right if you confess, but finding out from someone else is a deal breaker.

    • She didn't have to tell him. What's stupid is him wanting to know.

    • @Sara413 Not at all stupid! It is material knowledge that might have influenced his decision on whether to get married or not. You just have to get your head round the fact that if this guy decides to leave, that's his right. There's f*** all the asker can do except not to make the same mistake in the future. If it were me, I'd have been off and away by now. Tough!

  • This is why I continue to tell people to NEVER talk about their sexual past. It will only cause problems. Nothing good will ever come from it. Guys don't handle it well. period.
    But if you do talk about it, you learned that you should be honest. You want to get off on a technicality. but it is your fault for not telling him the truth when you knew what kind of man he was. It is true he is acting like an ass but if a guy is the jealous type, this is a hard thing to handle. He really needs to see a therapist. That is probably the only way it is going to be resolved.

    • Well it became a problem because his boss was one of her previous fuck buddies. So it came out for reasons out of their control.

  • Most men aren't like him. Your husband is just mad because he only had 1 partner before you. Tell him how complicated divorce will make his life. there are many horror stories online about the consequences and how expensive divorce can be.

    I'm sorry, but your hubby sounds like a toddler.

    • I read the guys answers on here, but srsly irl MOST men aren't like this. But most men have had more than 1 partner too. No guy has ever asked me about my number. ever. We share funny stories, but my past is mine only.

    • This is the shittest advice I have ever seen. So you're telling her to manipulate him by telling her husband how expensive a divorce is? and how expensive it is?

    • Horror stories*

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  • Oh you screwed up big time. See a man for many reasons strongly desires a woman who hasn't been passed around, and to me a body count of 8 isn't all that high, but to your husband it may be. But the part that really screwed his mind over is the fact that you LIED about it, and kept it hidden. And now he has to wonder what else you have you been keeping from him. Honestly it would mess me up severely too. I don't know if I would break up a family over it, but that would leave me pretty devastated as it would for many guys in that situation.

  • I understand your thinking and I see your reasoning but what it is for him is that he's got this mental image of you in his mind all this time and now that's been shattered and he's hurt by it. My guess is it will just take some time for him to accept and get over. Once he realizes this image he has of you wasn't the real you then he can move past it. It would be like him all of the sudden telling you he's been with 25 women when you though you were his first. He feels like he doesn't know you now. You're not the woman he thought you were.

  • Damn his boss banged his wife! That is one very deep cut.
    Hamster porn is a thing?

    • I just came up with something pathetic. Hope it doesn't really exist and no, I won't google it. I know it sucks that his boss looks down on him for banging me before he did without attachment, but i can't help him becoming his boss.

    • yes you can only watch your husband facing the humiliation in his office from his Boss n other employees, n made fun of him

  • Well you've been with more people, lied about your past, 1 of them was his boss who he has to see everydays. Pluss his boss brags about it and youve admitted you were more wild in bed with his boss. That just makes things even worse. Thats a nightmare to hear your boss brag about how he fucked your wife and how she did things with him that she has never done with you even.

    I really don't blame him for being upset and even if he does force himself to stay with you I dont think he will ever truly get over it to the point that things are like the way they were before he found out.

    Nobody gets over their partners past. The guys who are ok with their wifes past dont get over it, they were just never all that bothered by it in the first place. The guys who are bothered rarely ever get over it.

  • While I agree that a woman can, and really should, be able to enjoy sex before marriage, your story isn't REALLY about that. It's about the fact that you lied.

    You lied the same way Bill Clinton lied. He said, "I did not have sex with that woman." Claiming later that he defined sex as sexual intercourse, and that BJs don't count.

    Had he not tried to lie, the Republicans couldn't have later fucked him over over nothing. In the same qay, you knew what your husband was REALLY asking. And then you lied.

  • The guy is his boss, his superior. In dominant position. Who is bragging to other employees, and he is feeling humilated. I have absolutely no sympathy at all in you lying. When he asked how man guys you knew full well what he meant. Fuck buddies and ONS are included, you deliberetly chose to lie. If you rather fuck 100 guys than be with close minded guys then you should've done that.

    But in my opinion 8 partners really isn't that much, not sure how old you guys were when got married. However its not about how many guys you slept with. Its about his Boss. I really can't seem to think of a good way to explain male perspective on this, maybe some of the other guys here can explain better.

    What was his boss like? The kind of guys girls just wanna fuck but marry a nice, provider type guy? So his boss is the kinda guy you girls fucked and settled with your husband. His boss is being an ass he literally humiliated your husband, your husband feels humiliated. He can't exactly shut his (boss) mouth, not to mention being his boss you fucked somebody superior to him.

    I don't know how to explain it. But its not about how many guys you fucked. If you can make him feel better, if he stops feeling inferior or humiliated. Tell him something he can say privately to his boss so he will shut his mouth and stop humiliating him. You need to find a way to make your man well feel like a man.

    Hopefully then remind him what he has to lose, family, companionship, kids.

  • p.fod4.com/.../..._Confused%20Christian%20Bale.gif
    .. huh?

    Anyways, I can sympathise with him but he's a father now and he has kids to take care of. Just let him calm down a bit...

    Boys play games, not men.

  • threatening for things that happened in the past is kind of stupid XD

  • There are men on here who will be accusing you of being dishonest but with the double standards women face when it comes to sex I don't blame you. He's acting like a child right now in my opinion so is his boss and the people spreading the rumors. If he's a decent man then it will blow over.

  • I mean the problem is this guy is your husbands boss. He has to either keep listening to this bullshit and shaming, or leave his job, or you.

    • If his boss is gonna be a dick to him about it, leaving her isn't gonna solve that problem... it'll just make it worse because now the boss will get to Lord it over him that be basically destroyed his marriage...

    • @Sara413 your right.

  • No way... 1st of all... your number is pretty darn low. You said it yourself... "I knew he could be a little jealous and I was his first". You were protecting him if anything. I can understand if he is that way and it gets in his head and it bothers him... however, if it's to the point where he threatens to leave... he's got deeper issues. My advice? Call his bluff and tell him "Okay, see ya..." he'll come crawling in no time. If you let on that you may feel guilty, he'll use it to play you.

  • You know i was with you till your last paragraph. You lost me there. Now you are no better. Your husband only had you while you had multiple partners, including one that is now his current boss!! Okay, you won't understand this since you are a female, but a man in this situation has two options: get another job
    Or
    Leave you.
    You have two kids and supposing you were faithfull to him i would pick option one. But i dont know the full extend of this and he seems to go for 2, you will have to convince him for 1. And forget your ego in this one. Else you will just prove him right and he will definitely dump you.

    • He has a third option - man the fuck up and stop acting like a fucking child. His wife had other partners before him - boo fucking hoo! Cry me a river, little Tommy, you're not the only little boy on the street who's ever had a cookie... waaaaaaah!!!

    • @Sara413 Yeah thats all nice and fine if he had lots of cookies as well, but guess what he didn't.. and that will make ANY person a bit insecure. Thats why i always say that you should alwaya marry someone with similar bodycount/slays Virgin-virgin 2-3-2-3 5-9 - 5-9 10-20 -10-20 20 + -20 + Hoe - pimp But thats not even the main issue. One of her ex's/fuckboys is his boss!! Thats some thing that YOU , a female won't understand.. Ever, thats some real man-shit that he needs to figure out.. And he only has two options. Dont put your opinion on something you dont understand!!

    • You're right. I don't understand it. My logical female brain doesn't understand irrational overly emotional male thinking.

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