Sexual Relationships
+1 y

He heard me say the safe word and continued?

Two months with my boyfriend and he's heavily into rough sex and he's very dominant. I won't get too into it but we created a safe word and the last time i was with him i didn't want to have sex but slowly gave in to it and at one point i said the safe word and he ignored it so I just laid there trying so hard to relax bc I knew if i tensed up it would hurt more. Then today the first time we fucked I didn't want to so I just watched tv as he fucked me and he didn't mind that i wasn't enjoying it. He just wanted to get off. Then the second time I told him i didn't want to and he said i was gonna take it whenever he wanted some. And blah blah i think it was his dick talking but later is was getting rough and i really wanted him to stop after i kept pushing him off and i finally said the safe word like 5 times and he heard me bc he repeated it and asked me if i wanted to stop and i said yes stop and he was getting off on me telling him to stop. He told me to tell him to stop and i did and he moaned. He tried repositioning himself and i quickly closed my legs but he's bigger than me so he was able to force my legs open. I was literally saying please and i was starting to cry sorta and thats when he stopped. I was upset and he kept trying to kiss me and i didn't want to and he grabs my face forcing me to kiss him and i say i dont want to and that im serious and he says he's serious too i better fucking kiss him. And the whole time he's squeezing my face. I dumped him. Long story short he apologized saying he thought i was liking it and he would never let that happen again. That he won't ever be a pig to me. But that was before i told him we werent compatible bc he clearly wanted sex so much more than i did that he was willing to go past my comfort zone. Then i told him if he wanted me as much as he said he wouldn't have made me uncomfortable. Then he kept texting me and it seemed genuine. I could feel it so now we're on a break bc i just want to clear my mind. I really want to be with him
Updates:
+1 y
He says we dont have to have sex. That he loves me for me. He cried on the phone when i told him i was on my way to the mall bc it was originally us going to the mall together. He was sad i was going without him. Thats when i said i was going alone bc there was no more us. He cried more. BUT like i said we're on break
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I don't know... if I had a girlfriend I really cared for, the second she says an established safe word, the second I'd stop, even if she whispered it passed what human ears could pick up because I'd really respect her and her body. There's nothing I would ever do that was passed her comfort zone, and if I hurt her I'd feel like utter garbage. In a TRULY caring situation, the "dominant" isn't actually the dominant one because he/she will always have to abide by the rules of the submissive one. The "submissive" one calls the shots. If he ignores the safe word and demands sex from you like you're a bucket to stick his penis in, then he isn't being dominant – he's dominating. As genuine as he might be, he doesn't do a good job and controlling his urges, and that's irresponsible and childish. Be careful. He sounds pretty unstable. Trust me, I'm a guy; most guys as far as I know don't do this. You're dealing with a guy in the 5% that is a bit too testosterone. And to me, he's not someone I'd even be comfortable being friends with. If I had to say, I'd say he's not someone you'd feel safe with, and that's important. A boyfriend (anyone you love, really) should always, ALWAYS make you feel safe.

    • Yeah i told him he can't control himself but he keeps sticking to his story about not realizing i actually didn't like it. He thought i was playing along

    • I think he should've understood that using the safe word means you do not like it. I can sense the vibe that he's not really telling the truth there; it's an all-too-common excuse in unstable relationships, as far as I've heard. As much as he thought that you were "playing along" by using the safe word, one thing doesn't change: if he didn't see the safe word as an absolute boundary, where was the boundary for him? Was he going to keep on having sex with you until you cried your eyes out? Or till you screamed at him at the top of your lungs? Where was the boundary for him? Well, it doesn't seem like he had a boundary set in place. It definitely wasn't the safe word because he would've stopped immediately if it mattered to him as much as it should have. So, to him, there was no boundary, and that's pretty dangerous.

  • Sounds like Grade A 100% Genuine ASSHOLE.
    You can do MUCH better than this prick, don't listen to his sob story. He clearly can't control himself and doesn't seem to have much (if any) respect for you.
    Don't take him back, you've seen what this guy is really like, he might be able to fool you for a period of time in order to get you back under his control, but he's not going to change.
    There are too many good guys out there who will respect you and treat you right for you to go back to this loser.

Most Helpful Girls

  • He had no respect for you. I don't know why you'd want to be with someone who made it VERY clear that he has no respect for you as a person and for your own relationship for that matter. He sounds selfish and like a pig. If he was willing to do that to once, heck even twice then I have no idea how you'd think he would suddenly re-respect you enough to actually make it work. It sounds like it's in his nature.

  • 'He thought I was liking it'. If he even understands the slightest bit of what you two were doing, then he knew you weren't liking it. You have a safe word for a reason, he knows that. Meh, if you still want to be with him, then you should try and establish more rules and lay of the roughness for a while until you build your trust back up.

  • ... If he ignores your safeword, that's rape. Even if he loves you. Even if he wants to marry you, even if he didn't mean to hurt you. There's a reason a woman can charge her husband for rape, and the fact you guys are in love doesn't have anything to do with the fart that you said no and he didn't listen.

  • Violating safewords is an instant 100% dealbreaker. There can be no reliability or safety in that relationship. Dump his ass.

    • I always thought it was a dealbreaker. i even told him. What if he relly did think i liked it

    • His mistake. It's unacceptable. There must be boundaries even (especially) in D/s or it does not work.

    • What if i tell him we won't have rought sex anymore. Like no d/s. Im sure there's a such thing as that. Normal sex without tying the other person

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 17

  • He sounds pretty disgusting, to be honest. I'm also pretty disgusted by the fact that you've considered reconciliation with him.

    He took advantage of your body, mind and trust... and you're still talking to him... instead of having him shackled and prosecuted... after he raped you...

    Let me correct that last part for you:
    "I really want to be with my rapist."

    • That honestly is disgusting. I'm not saying i forgive him. I'm saying what if he actually thought i was playing along

  • Hell. No. If he did it repeatedly, he's DEFINITELY someone you don't want to be with.

    I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

  • I just don't believe he will change. It's up to you to decide whether you want him back in your life, I just feel you shouldn't.
    He cannot claim to love you and threaten you to kiss him, forcing you to have sex against your will at the same time. How many times do you need to say no and push him away before he gets the picture? And the only reason why he's behaving like that, ignoring your pleas, is because you allowed it. The excuse he gave is because he thought you liked it. BULLSHIT.
    If you don't want sex, then there shall be no sex. Plain and simple.
    But the worst thing I got from your post is that you are already making excuses for this scum you called a boyfriend. "It was his dick talking". Rubbish. Are you telling me since it's his dick that's in control, his actions are justifiable?
    No wonder he felt that he can force you into having sex despite you saying no repeatedly, because he knows he can manipulate you into thinking it's not his fault, it's all just a misunderstanding. BS.

  • You do know that the definition of rape is someone forcing you to have sex against your will. If a guy ever treated me in this way I would leave him so fast he wouldn't even realise I was gone. As for him apologising profusely and saying it will never happen again sounds like the largest load of shit I have ever heard.

  • I’m in the minority here I guess. Because I get it. You sound very much like my wife. He is going to know what he lost. Trust me. Through most of your post I was relating because I am similar to him, until you got to the kiss part. That to me was waaayy too far and rubbing it in the face of a submissive girl is not right. I can do anything I really want in bed and my wife will accommodate. She is like you in that she doesn’t want to do any of it really but she likes pleasing people. But afterwards should be a soothing, back rubbing, calming down, caring time. Not stating out loud what you just did. Don’t you change one bit. Either fix him or find the right guy. You’re going to make some guy super happy. I feel like the luckiest guy on earth and outside of bed I treat my wife like a goddess. She wouldn’t change a thing. People give me shit on here because I’m honest with our marriage details but she is actually happy for the first time 100% only after I started being like this. I will tell you this though, if you say no more rough stuff then just leave him. I would be resentful and pretending to be satisfied if my wife said no rough sex. It’s what I enjoy. So if he can’t shape up, then I agree with the others, dump him. You are more valuable than you’ll ever know. If I’d have met you before my wife, you’d have one suitor right here! Lol. Good luck to you. Don’t change!!!

  • I'm glad you really want to be with your rapist. You'll have a lovely relationship. My condolences to your family, you know, in preparation for when they end up burying you sooner rather than later.

  • Maybe he is low-key into sadism and gets off seeing you in pain. (just a thought)

  • Fake tears

  • He says he loves you because he's a sick bastard and he knows you put up with his weird shit. Do what sensible people would do and run!

  • What he did to you is rape and sexual abuse. He isn't going to stop. You need to stay away from him, and press charges if you think you can go through with it. If he's done this to you, he's probably done it to someone else and probably will again.

  • I ll keep it simple.
    Don t go back to him and you know exactly why.
    People can t change just like that.

  • Seems just like an uncomfortable situation. I would just look for a different dynamic with someone new.

  • Dump him. If you want to be with him, you will continue to get raped. He needs to get locked up and then they key thrown away.

  • I don't understand!! How do you girls always find the twats?

    • Bc we give guys a chance we know we shouldn't

  • I'd dump him and get some dudes over there to ignore HIS safeword.

  • I'm sorry but stop being fucking stupid. You're dating an abusive rapist. Get your mind together and kick his ass to the curb

    • Thanks for MHO. Hope you got things sorted out

  • Dump him.. not much to think about..
    Except if u enjoy being treated as such..

  • good for you to leave my love

  • what the fuck is wrong with those guys :D
    if he loved u that much why can't he just make love to u
    i like it hard and i am heavily into rough sex but when im with the Girl i love
    i am sth else.
    he treats u like a (slut)
    u should stay on that break forever

  • That's not healthy and though it's a turn on for him it seems to be a turn off for u. U need to have serious talk with him.

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