How can you tell if someone is gay?

how can you tell if someone is gay? what are the tell-tale signs? because I know of true-blue gays who actually have girlfriends, and one even ended up getting the girl pregnant. so can you really tell if someone is gay or not?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I know of gay guys who had girlfriends, who slept with their girlfriends, who did everything they could imagine to try and convince themselves that they weren't gay. It's not that they were against homosexuality in principle, but just that it's still very hard to be gay in society. I mean, it's such a hard thing to come out, you wanna be damn sure before you do it.

    One of my friends that I met in college was considered one of those "studs" in high school because he was always getting girls at parties, and then he came out and everyone was stunned. Turned out he had just been trying to prove to himself that he wasn't gay, but ultimately he realized that he was and he couldn't change it. And it's funny if you look at him now, cause he's not the hookup kind of guy at all. He just slept with girls (both girlfriends and hookups) in an effort to make himself become straight, to make his feelings for guys go away, because it's so much easier to be straight. Of course, it ultimately didn't work, and now he's cool with himself as he is. But the guys you mention might be at that stage.

    I might suspect someone is gay based on their voice or their actions or the way they dress, but I don't assume unless they are out or they tell me they are.


What Guys Said 4

  • there is no way to just tell if someone is gay

    even if they tell you, they probably aren't really certain about it

    i know,

    I'm not gay, but I feat I might be. its called homosexuality obsessive compulsive disorder. and from what I hear, a lot of straight people have it.

    in a nut shell, its a straight guy afraid of being gay

    they might actually admit to being gay.

    i hope that sort of answers it

    the only way to actually know if someone is gay, is to just ask them or have them tell you.

    • Thanks! interesting answer

  • if a guy is having sex with a girl, then he's not gay. He could be bi. But he's not gay.

  • I don't know many gay guys but those that I do know it was obvious. Their dress, actions, and voice were real giveaways.

    I remember my friend's nephew was about 12 years old when we pronounced him gay. It was all of those signs that I mentioned above that led us to believe it. I think his mother (my friend's sister) always knew it too and she was so happy (not a typical reaction) when at 18 he got a girl pregnant. I think it proved to her that he wasn't gay. However, the relationship didn't last and he finally came out at about 20 years old.

    When he came out, everyone just laughed because he was told that it was always known. It seems like he was the only one who didn't know, or wouldn't admit it.

  • 1. body language/ movement

    2. voice

    3. social standing with both men and women

    4. strong sexual tension

    If you ask, usually you will get a response. but that's what I use as a guide when I'm trying to figure out if a guy I'm interested in is gay.


What Girls Said 5

  • Well, if a guy is having sex with another guy or has feelings for other men - that person is gay. I guess that appearance can play a key role too - hence the famous appeal toward gay men is that they'd dress up like women do (make-up, painted nails, their clothes etc). Tone of their voice, in many ways, can also give you some idea as to whether a person is gay or not.

  • You can't be sure and only the individual knows if he or she is gay. If a person decides to tell you they are gay, then you will know for sure. Otherwise, it's none of your business. Well, some guys act a little gay. For a women they are sometimes butch. But you can't tell most people are gay by these things, just some. Others are right next to you on the bus and others in the doctor's office or even the doctor. Don't be afraid. They are just like you and me, they just love someone just like them which, come to think of it, straights do that, too. Some gays/girls flaunt it and some don't, so it would be very hard at times to tell if a person is gay. It's also not fair to the other person to ask if they are gay so you pretty much have to wait until they volunteer that information. Gays come from all walks of life and can be muscular, rough and tough looking, while some gay men can be very effeminate. Women that are gay can be considered beautiful, feminine, but still can be gay, and some women will act like a guy (often referred to as a Butch). If you are in a relationship and are wondering, then the person may be gay or bisexual. Then if this is a concern to you ask, but be warned, if the person isn't gay or bisexual, this remark could end your relationship. I know how this one guy is gay because he tries to talk like a girl all the time, he gets a little too close to other guys, he hates girls, he wears rainbow colors, and he puts mascara on his eyelashes. Well, you might recognize a lesbian by her behavior, clothing, and/or grooming. If a woman looks a lot like a man---man's hair style, mannish clothing---or if she walks and talks like a man or seems romantically attracted to other women, she may well be a lesbian. If she displays none of these signs, she may still be a lesbian, but there is no way to know unless she tells you. You don't always know, sometimes they hide it or they don't act like the stereo type gay. Some gay guys act feminine, for example talking in a high pitched voice or wearing feminine clothing. Some guys can also seem gay, but they aren't. It can be confusing at times. That's where stereotype comes in...If a guy enjoys dressing nice, taking his time to get ready, and just loves being high maintenance does that automatically make him gay? If a girl has short hair, likes sports, and wears baggy clothes (not because she's a lesbian but because its comfy) DOES that make her a lesbian? That is the mistake that people make when it comes to this question. Gay people, AND straight people are all very different. Some gay guys act more fem, some don't. Same goes for gay girls. Sexual orientation doesn't have much to do with the way we look. There is no such a thing as GAYDAR really. Let me ask you this question then... How can you tell if someone is straight? Hmm? Well I hope this is an OK answer. I just want to remind everyone, don't judge based on looks because looks CAN be deceiving.

  • I don't understand why you are looking signs? They are no different then you or I. Tolerance of peoples differences, should be in this day and age, a gold rule. The guy you know that has a girlfriend and she is now pregnant, most likely if he is gay, needs to hide it in this relationship. Because of the judgment and hate from gayphobic people. I am Christian, and I believe that tolerance and understanding of differences is more important then trying guess what a persons sexual preference is. Think about, what if the tables were turned and it was your religion, race, or even sexual preference. How would you feel? Why do you want to know! They are humans with feels too and not some freak show. People me, there are a lot of other people that give a good freak show. I hope you someday realize this, remember what goes around comes around. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday, you will yourself under the same type of stare.

  • There is no way to know for sure unless someone tells you. I knew a woman whose husband left her because he was gay.after they already had a child together and she had no idea.