My boyfriend can't get me off from sex. Should or how do I break up?

[Anonymous]

Sooo... We've been having sex for a few months now, and I'm just tired of this. I have tried telling him what I need and he does try, but I guess it just won't work for the two of us. My boyfriend does get me off from oral but I don't feel satisfied from that totally. Honestly I'm starting to get pissed. He gets off from sex every. single. time. It's not fair to me. Not even remotely fair. I don't want to have a relationship like this anymore. BUT. It does sound like a shallow reason to break up. But I also just hate our sex life now and I want to actually be happy. Not orgasming from the sex is unbelievably frustrating to me. So I know that the tension obviously won't help fix things or make me relax during sex... but I'm sick of trying and I don't think we can fix things. Should I tell him why I want to split or make up an excuse? I don't want to hurt him. But I do really like him and he told me honesty is really important to him. So I can't decide what to say.

[redeyemindtricks]

It seems like all the other opinions/discussions here are focusing on the physical aspects.
Problem is, when there are issues like this, those issues are VERY rarely ever physical in nature.

I mean... if yr not getting off, I'm sure you probably close yr eyes and fantasize from time to time, do you not?
If so, I *highly* doubt that you're closing yr eyes and fantasizing about "Oh, if only he'd do [physical thing] to me..."
Nope.
You're probably fantasizing about a *vibe* that you want, that just isn't there with him right now. Or things that you'd want him to do *besides* or *beyond* the physical.

Right?

My husband is the best lover I've ever had by far, but, when I close my eyes and think about him in that way, I'm NEVER thinking about the literal physical stimulation he gives me (although, ohhh gurrllllll...)
Nope.
I'm thinking about the way he *looks* at me, and makes me wet myself just by flashing his eyes in a certain way.
I'm thinking about how we'll be 6 hours from anywhere we can possibly get it on, and he'll drop some innocuous comment in just the right voice to make me KNOW exactly what's gna happen 6 hours later (and to get constantly distracted by those thoughts for the whole 6 hours).
I'm thinking about how I can get wet just looking at random clothes in my drawer, or at floors or pieces of furniture in our house, knowing what he's done to me in, or on, them.
I'm thinking about the way he effortlessly handles my bitchiness, emotional outbursts, and occasional screaming... and flips them right back around on me to make me hornier than *ever*.
Etc.

You get me.

None of these things has *anything* to do with physical stimulation. Honestly, with the right kind of vibe/mood, ANY physical stimulation should be able to make you explode.

__

So...

When you close yr eyes, WHAT do you actually fantasize about, that's currently missing from yr relationship?

Think long and hard (haha, "long and hard") about that.

Then think about how you might... work on it, with yr man.

Fight for this relationship, girl. Fight for it WITH him. Don't just throw it away.

What do you fantasize about?

[Paris13]

It seems here, dear, you Only have a few Options left Then, my Friend...
Either you both work out the 'Sex is unbelievably frustrating to me' or Consider Another Important Factor. If there is Trouble in Paradise with 'Just hate our sex life now,' What about Other Main Drain 'Factors' in this Relationship to irk you even More after the Door... Opens and it's back to Realization in Life?
If it Starts with Sex, it could go to other Not so Good other Naughty and Not so Nice of Spice Problems down a Path of Destruction. It can be anything from Soup to Nuts that puts a Sour ball in your Mouth.
Do some Soul Searching. A zebra doesn't often change his own stripes with gripes, and this little Doggie is Definitely barking up the wrong Tree with Thee.
"Obviously won't help fix things?" Probably not, No matter What he says.
Good luck. xx

[Asker]

Completely agree and yes there ate other factors. I'm not even totally turned on by him. I will break up so thanks for your answer. It helped for me to consider other angles for when I talk to him. Not that I'll tell him he's bad in bed, just on gentler ways to say it.

[Paris13]

Thank you, sweetie, for the Vote of Confidence and I am quite Confident you will deal and then... Heal. xxoo

[LaurenGrace]

Get some toys and do your own foreplay before he comes over and order some "herbel ignite for women" off the internet
Its great stuff good for your libido when you get horny you are really dripping wett horny its natural works with your own hormones just google search andnd order
"Herbel Ignite for Women"

[singlebee]

@ asker -Take advice from her... She knows what she is telling about

[LaurenGrace]

www.herbalignite.com/.../...+Ignite+for+Women.html

[LaurenGrace]

Being too stressed out and focussed on the orgasmless sex won't be helping. orgasm and pleasure has a lot to with with your mood. Try to relax , have fun , work hard in bed

[Emmdk]

have you talked with him about it? Because its not only his responsibility to get you off. Its also your own. Maybe you can try some new positions? Or toys? Something. I think you should try to fix the problem instead of breaking up with him because of it.

[mikemx55]

Have you been capable of orgasming before from sex? Could it be your problem? Since you say that he does the things you tell him to.

I cannot say this enough, but the primary reason for the man to have sex, is for his own pleasure. He will do anything to please himself. Of course that if he can please you too, that's a huge bonus.

But look at it from another angle: what are you doing in sex to please yourself? Are you just waiting for him to please you? Because he has already the task of doing that for himself. So engage in sex in a way that you can please yourself, and make that your primary goal, because as a byproduct of that, you'll be pleasing him too.

It still baffles me how people don't understand this so simple reality...

TL;DR: rub your clit

[Asker]

Oh yeah, I've been masturbating dince middle school. And have orgasned with other guys... so you're saying guys are moatly selfish during sex? My boyfriend does try but it could be he mostly cares about his pleasure. You'd think that'd make guys feel bad.

[Asker]

Oh god my phone spelling errors. I've been up since way earlier xD

[mikemx55]

It's not really a matter of selfishness. It's more about what you're asking from him. And from what you mentioned, he's not that selfish, right? It's more about what are you doing for yourself? It's a two people act, so don't expect him to do everything, because he also won't expect you to do all the work for him. And if you do all the work, but he feels he can add more by helping himself, he will. So do the same for yourself.

[Asker]

Orgasming with other guys hasn't really been an issue before for me. thanks for the advice but a break up will probably happen.

[redeyemindtricks]

"I cannot say this enough, but the primary reason for the man to have sex, is for his own pleasure. He will do anything to please himself. Of course that if he can please you too, that's a huge bonus." Speak for yourself, but... uh... nope. I swear, it's almost like a guy's whole identity is wrapped up in whether the girl gets off. The *vast* majority of guys I've been with -- even the ones most people would call fundamentally selfish assholes -- would be CRUSHED if the girl didn't get off and/or was bored during sex. Your sample size is, presumably, 1 guy (since guys don't typically talk about this stuff with friends -- and, if they do, they're hardly honest about it). My sample size is... significantly greater. And my experiences don't agree with yours at all. Apologies to the women you've been with, if this has been yr attitude... lol

[mikemx55]

@Asker Happy break up. @redeyemindtricks You think guys chase around girls all the time, so that they can please them? because that is their primary goal? to please everyone around them? nope, not really, they just wanna get laid. Pleasing others is a byproduct of that, but not a primary goal. One thing I'm not sure I understood. You criticised "all" guys for being crushed if the girl didn't get off. And how it's all wrapped in their mind. I said I think differently, and I wouldn't be crushed, because I assume it was also her fault, and you still apologise to the women I've been with... *sigh* And yes, you can assume correctly my sample size is just me, which was also a reason for me to post that answer, and see the reactions I would get.

[redeyemindtricks]

I'm not "criticizing" guys for this -- obviously, I think it's pretty damn cool. (: It's just... fascinating, though, how much the egos of *otherwise* totally selfish guys depend on whether (and how hard) the woman gets off. Even if it's a meaningless one night thing. I can't speak for drunken sex, because I've never had it (ir even been drunk). Mb that's different. But, yeah, no -- that's definitely not a criticism of guys, not at all. (I'm not even sure how it could be read that way, tbh.) That's actually a *very* good thing. Or, who knows, mb I was just realllllly lucky with the guys I've been with lmao

[Asker]

See the reactions? I didn't think your answer was so bad. It's common for women not to orgasm. I actually need specific positions.

[mikemx55]

Well, about the positions, I wouldn't know, cause I'm not a women, and they're all different anyway. So it really is a matter of trying, no? I'm sure you can use your imagination. Maybe @redeyemindtricks can give you some hints though.

[Oram52]

Sexual compatibility is very important in relationship. If this is how you feel now imagine how you're going to feel in few months, its not going to end well. Be honest with with him. Simply you guys are not sexually compatible and you feel its time to move on. I see nothing wrong with that.

[Asker]

I think you are exactly right. Other people on here were saying that me getting off from oral was good enough. But it really isn't!!! I doubt my soon to be ex would put up with just getting blowjobs. So thank you for your clear answer.

[Oram52]

thanks for MHO :]

[katiesmuff]

Good luck with that one!

[MrNameless]

Have him try positions that would hit your clit more.. Or rub your clit while he's penetrating you.

[MrNameless]

How long does he last also? If he doesn't last long, have him orgasm first and try again. Second round should take him much longer to orgasm.

[Asker]

TY but he lasts a good ten minutes. It's just that with other guys I've cum in half that time.

[OlderAndWiser]

Does he do the things that you ask him to do? Or do you not orgasm regardless of what he does? Have you had a previous sexual partner? If so, did you have this problem with them?

[Asker]

I had this problem with some previous partners but not the more recent ones. My boyfriend is good at foreplay but it's not enough just to orgasm from that... I think we just don't mesh together.

[OlderAndWiser]

Have you asked him to use a vibrator (or other sex toy) on you? It may be that, once you overcome this obstacle, you will start having orgasms with him more easily.

[Asker]

I've tried vibes solo and haven't been able to get off... I'm not crazy about using them during sex.

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you have a problem orgasming solo? Maybe you are blaming him for something that is coming from within you?

[Asker]

Nope. I've been masturbating since middle school. I really think we just have bad chemistry.

[OlderAndWiser]

I have been with women who were not close to being The One and I knew the relationship would not develop into anything significant, but I could always make them orgasm. Have you tried masturbating while he watches so he can see what gets you off? Maybe he needs a live demonstration.

[SweetHomicidalQueen]

Actually, orgasms tend to happen more from clitoral stimulation rather than penetration, so getting off during sex is less likely than getting off from oral.
Don't dump your boyfriend over this, and don't make excuses. Maybe try some new/different things in the bedroom.

[EllieLexis513]

Depends. Have you ever had an orgasm? I haven't, so I would say that's not a good reason. But if you've had them before with other men, that's a different story.

[Asker]

Yes. I have had them before with other guys.

[10dsw]

It's a pretty stupid reason to break up... yes. I think both of you need to have a serious discussion as to how to enhance your sex life. This issue seems to be particularly common in people who live BORING sex lives (i. e. missionary, etc). What can you do? Become comfortable with role playing, implement toys into your routine, consider tying each other up... the list goes on.

From the sounds of it however, it seems like you are emotionally attracted to him but not sexually attracted to him.

I say this from personal experience: I have a very specific routine due to several kinks/fetishes. A while ago I was hooking up a lot and I used the exact same routine on every girl. Certain girls would simply be unaroused whereas certain girls would be very aroused and climax very quickly. I took this as simply being sexually attractive to some and not sexually attractive to others, personality-wise.

Hope I could help!

[FemWorship]

It would be interesting to read from what sources you are being told that gals are getting what they need, as you long for... or if it's just a dream, expectation or entitlement.

Most gals than I expected have confessed the very same thing, some with 2 children and married so long.

The most common solution heard was being aggressive enough to get what it takes to have your own orgasm. Does that statement sink in, or bounces off your brain as not understandable? If the latter, there's plenty of books and counselors that can begin you on the path of self fulfillment. The boyfriend is simply a tool and you must know how to use "it".

Someday your orgasm-prince will come but don't be surprised he is the same as the boyfriend you are developing with patience & love.

[Asker]

Entitlement from me how? My boyfriend gets off every time and I haven't called him entitled. It's just very annoying. Although I have heard this is a common issue, and I have tried different things with my boyfriend. I think we just don't mesh well with each other.

[FemWorship]

When you don't read/understand what I write, then repeat again what you wrote I don't think you have the ability or maybe the drive to learn you way to a solution here. I do agree it's for the BF's best interests that you leave & bother someone else with this - maybe you'll get lucky? It won't be from being smart, diligent.

[Asker]

I understand you're saying to work on it myself. But I've been fine with other guys.

[FemWorship]

Your last bit of evidence should have been placed in the headline. As is, it was buried until needed to win an argument... if true. SO I must amend my opinion, thinking this all a waste of time and why invest more... such a guy could mature into your best orgasms, if in love and dedicated to you/that. Everyone I know male "gets off every time" but all I know are at least quasi-athletes or young = means nothing in America... in other countries, a real man holds off his orgasm until she has hers (note the word is not given hers) ... so I agree to a point. Now I think you're better off changing horses, at least for awhile and get a vacation from only giving, not getting

[Intraluminal]

You should tell him why honestly, but you don't have to be mean about it.

[singlebee]

This is where you are wrong. .
It's not his fault that you are not cumming from penetrative sex... It's something wrong with you... And as you said you can get off from oral then what's the problem?
Many women can't cum from penetrative sex alone..

But still if you wanna breakup then go do it...

[singlebee]

And it's not his responsibility to get you off during sex.. It's more of yours.. So what's your participation in it?

[Asker]

With other guys getting off from sex had been fairly easy. It took maybe a few weeks to get into a really good routine. If we both have to put lots of effort in I see that as really annoying. I usually get off in five minutes or so. Oral orgasms are good but sex is best. I doubt my boyfriend would put up with just getting off from blowjobs.

[orphan]

just dispose of your current one and find yourself a new one.

that's what makes this generation greaaaaat

[EllieLexis513]

Yeah, great for people who only want sex lol

[singlebee]

Lol that's true

[bcromartie]

Just leave. No reasoning.

[dudegrt09]

Umm getting a women off just from sex is not that easy, it is more easy through oral yes... but overall if you are not having a sexually satisfying relationship then you'll have to do what you have to do

[Anonymous]

MANY women cannot orgasm from vaginal penetration. Likely not his fault at all.

[Asker]

I have cum from sex with past bfs. I can't have sex anymore knowing he c ums but I don't. It's too unfair and I finally decided to split.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if you do break up with him, he will probably be crushed no matter what... Sex isn't that big of a deal when it comes to a relationship... I've been with my girlfriend for a year now, and she has a terrible time with penatrative sex because no matter what it's painful... Your boyfriend is trying, and your just upset because you can't get off? Just do oral/hand stimulation until you're at the brink of no return the switch to penetration. That's the only way my girlfriend and i are able to cope with her issue. Sex really isn't something that is a make or break since there is always something to do. Other options are different sex position. For example put your ankles on his shoulders, allow him to enter and then cross your legs and it will cause a tighter fit.

[Asker]

Those last two positions ate the ones that make me cum usually! But not with this guy. I mean c'mon would you be satisfied with just getting off from handjobs and blowjobs?

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly, yes... If it's what will allow my partner to satisfy me, I don't mind. Oral is really the only way I can get my girlfriend to climax without causing her any pain so I've accepted it because I don't really care since I have a emotional connection with my partner.

[Opinion Owner]

The other thing is that he is not the sole cause of why you can not climax. Have you tried positions where you're in full control?

[Asker]

Her condition sounds serious. How do you guys even have sex if it hurts that bad? I think I know the name for that condition. It's called vagimisus? Or something like that... Also other guys have gotten me off pretty fast, so in all honesty putting in tons of effort to cum is not for me.

[Opinion Owner]

Yep that's the condition. It's difficult, but we make it work. Shouldn't you be paying closer attention to how he treats you or cares for you? Yes sex is something to consider in a relationship, but it isn't as important as how you feel about the other person in the relationship.

[Asker]

Then why do you have sex with your girlfriend when it hurts her? Why not say no to sex?

[Opinion Owner]

She is the one who wants to. I've found that if she is extremely close to climaxing it does not particularly hurt her. So I mainly do oral or external stimuli to get her to that point.

[Opinion Owner]

She does treatment/exercises for it and always wants to see if she is progressing. For me it's kinda difficult when i know I'm hurting her so i stop immediately.

[Asker]

You both sound cute!!! But I still want to break up because it's not right. He c ums and I don't? Not acceptable to me...

[Anonymous]

So the reason for breaking up is just sex? you don't care that he's caring , loving , loyal etc? Keep in mind that if you break up you might have great sex but and asshole who doesn't care about you and just uses your body for sex.

[Anonymous]

Have you taken his hand and guided it to show him what you like?

[Anonymous]

What is it you need that isn't happening? What's been different with other partners?

[Asker]

I just don't mesh well with him. We've tried different things but we aren't in sync really.

[Anonymous]

You do know women any always get off from sex alone right? Guide him. Be patient with him. But if you don't think it's worth it and your sexual satisfaction is the most important thing to you then just tell him that.

[Asker]

Yes I know it can be common. I think I'll try a mix of honesty and mentioning other things.