Just found out my girlfriend had a threesome in college?

I dumped her and she thinks its a dumb reason to dump somebody. how do you feel about this.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • You should think VERY carefully and VERY thoroughly about •WHY• this is a deal-breaker for you.

    I mean, look, I have a couple of similar deal-breakers. For instance, if I ever found out that a man had paid for sex in the past, I'd lose ALL attraction to him IMMEDIATELY, and I would absolutely have to end that relationship -- there's just no way I could get over that.

    But, in my case, I can articulate the actual REASONS why I feel that way.
    If a guy is willing to pay for sex with a prostitute, that means that he's OK with (1) fucking someone who doesn't *want* to fuck HIM, and, worse, (2) *still* fucking that person immediately after negotiating a price and paying cash... ugh.
    If a guy is willing to go through with that, then that means he thinks about sex in a way that's fundamentally different from, and incompatible with, my own values. I absolutely abhor the thought of fucking someone who doesn't WANT me -- and I *demand* that my man feel the same way. That's not something I can compromise on.

    It's also an instant deal-breaker / attraction-destroyer, for me, if a man has ever had a homosexual experience -- but, again, that's something I can explain. (Any non-heterosexual attraction, in my mind, cheapens or destroys the sheer beauty of attraction between a man and a woman -- it reduces that from pure awesomeness to just one item on a big "menu".)

    Do you have ACTUAL REASONS for feeling the way you do? Reasons that extend beyond stupid shit like "she's a ho"? Yes, that's stupid shit.

    Like, can you actually *articulate* how this goes against some fundamental core value of yours?

    • i dont date sluts. its thats easy. she is not good enough to be the mother of my children. you dont get to decide what a stupid reason is. i no longer respect her and i find her to be of low quality. also im not going to pay full price for damaged goods.

    • Are you sure you aren't just envious because YOU've never had a threesome? Because that tends to be the deal, most of the time, with situations like this one -- the upset person is acting as though life has a scoreboard, and every score has to be tied.

    • nope not the reason at all. like i could be friends with benefits with her but she has no honor as a women. she's not good enough for me to commit to her.

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  • Sounds like this is a bit of a dealbreaker for you. Either you're okay with it and she doesn't want to have more 3 ways, or you're not okay with it and/or she wants more 3 ways.

    Honestly, I think it's always best to consider your girlfriend's past to be just that, the past. She's with you in the present because she chooses you now.

    And she makes that choice weighted against knowing whatever was good in her past. So if she liked 3 ways, you must be pretty special.

    But if it's important to you that this happened and you can't stop thinking about it then you might want to consider breaking up with her because you would prefer a more vanilla history.

    That happened to a friend of mine. He dated her for a long time, but he could never forget she was in a threesome with 2 guys.

    They broke up eventually.

    Wishing you the best of luck.

    • why do women do these things if they know its going to affect their future. she says she loves me but how could a women ever expect a man like me to love a women like her.

    • The problem is with "a man like you", not with "a woman like her". Some people just can't get over this stuff; others don't give a shit. You should know which camp you are in, and make decisions (and have discussions) accordingly. __ More importantly -- If this is yr attitude, you have NO RIGHT to be upset if yr girl lies her ass off about her sexual history. (It's not like you'd ever find out, anyway.)

    • @redeyemindtricks lying is bad in this context. I would have every right to be upset.

  • I think you're an anonymous troll that made this up just to give you an opportunity to continually respond to answers with something to the effect of
    "I dont date sluts".

    So... if she is in fact really (which I don't believe) she's probably saying something similar to herself, like "good riddance".

Most Helpful Guys

  • I encourage any men to leave their girlfriend for the most stupid reasons ever. Why? More for the rest of us. If you judge a girl for these stupid little things, you'll find women who never had a threesome but are deeply flawed in many other ways. You can't find the perfect mate.

    • Im not looking for perfect. Im looking for not a slut.

  • I'm with her. It's really none of your business plus what's it matter? She was a curious young adult.

    • i dont date sluts.

    • She's not a slut. You're a judgmental fool who thinks that people don't have pasts. Grow up and join us real people out here.

    • the rest of you in a failing civilization? hahaha nope no thanks.

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What Girls & Guys Said

23 33
  • Hey, if it's a deal breaker for you, it's a deal breaker for you. But unless she wanted to have more threesomes in the future and you weren't okay with that, I don't see any real reason for this singular past experience to cause any problems for your relationship. You'd better watch your step very carefully if you plan to judge other people's pasts this harshly.

    • her wanting threesomes or not is not something we even discussed.

    • Seriously, you didn't even get that far with the conversation?

    • why would i need to know if she wants more threesomes? her doing this was a deal breaker in itself.

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  • Yeah, it's a dumb reason. It was in college, before your relationship. It's not like she cheated on you with these two other people. College is in part about finding yourself and becoming the person you want to be. You do that by experimenting, taking risks, trying new things, etc. She was just having fun and experimenting in college. This is before she got serious, figured out what she wanted, and CHOSE YOU to date. This is a pretty shallow and illogical reason to break up with her, unless this gets in the way of some REALLY important values you have.

    • she can't undo the past. she will always be a cheap slut in my eyes.

  • I won't ever do a 3some myself, but I don't see how it effects you *NOW*.
    So, yeah, I think it's stupid that you dumped her for this.

    What I'm learning from all of the men (like yourself) who judge a girl based on her past; is not to tell you about it.

    Thanks for the lesson!

    • Not all guys are like this. Don't close yourself off from a good man. My wife told me things that affected here that helped me to better understand her. I accepted her completely and did not dig deeper into those things.

    • @Red_Arrow - You are likely an exception. Next guy isn't going to know anything about my past. This made my decision final. It's not even close to the first post I've seen like this on the site. smmfh.

    • I hope that when you get close enough to really know him that you will be able to discuss anything without fear of repercussions. And of course he must be the same.

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  • You're allowed to break up whenever you want to. If I found a potential boyfriend was into the porn industry, I would have reacted the same and been disgusted. It would have ended up in a break up too.

    That's because I have never had random sex and only had a past relationship. I pretty much expect a guy with similar history and views towards sex. I can't date someone that's had dozens of partners either.

    • ***found out Though, I must say if you're the type of guy that can get any women and has had your share in the past but only think a woman is disgusting for doing the same, then you would be a hypocrite.

  • It's only dumb if you dumped while she was dating you, while she had the threesome. Otherwise you made a giant mistake.

    • how is it a giant mistake to not want to date a slut.

    • Did she have the threesome while dating you?

  • Yeah that was a stupid and insanely immature reason to break up with her. It happened before u so its none of your business and lucky for her now she's not with someone who can't handle something she did before meeting him

    • how is it none of my business. she's was my girlfriend everything in her life is my business.

    • Your logic isn't much better than his. What if you found out your boyfriend used to fool around with goats, sheep and other barn animals? You wouldn't care since he did it before you met him?

    • @Redshift animals is way different then a threesome with people. And making that comparison is completely weird that u did it's like saying if he slept with kids. I wouldn't care if b4 I met my boyfriend he had fucked dudes or had threesomes everyday with other girls. His life b4 me is none of my business because I wasn't n his life then. If he did it while we where together that'd b worth breaking up over. And no anything they did b4 meeting u is actually not your business as it does not pertain to u at all

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  • If you're not okay with it, then I think it is a valid reason. For me personally, I wouldn't care, it was in the past. I would be curious about it and probably ask her about it but I wouldn't care.

    For me it is just like a woman having different partners in the past, it just so happened that she had two partners at the same time, no big deal.

  • I agree with her. sorry. but thats in the past and most likely she didn't know you by then. I could understand if she cheated on you by having a threesome and you dumped her. You guys need to discuss it and move forward.

    • nah there will be no discussion but i am moving forward as a single man.

    • @Asker, really? you aren't even gonna try?

    • no of course not. she can't undo what she already did.

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  • Yeah it's a dumb reason to dump somebody. Why would you do that?

    • i dont date sluts. she's not good enough to be the mother of my children.

    • I think your morals are a bit messed up. What does a sexual act determine the quality of a mother? If that's how you think, somebody's going to be single for a long time...

    • yeah that somebody is not me. im a hot commodity sluts are not.

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  • I would not have done so but you reserve the right to dump someone for whatever reason you feel justifies it. It does not need to make sense or avoid hurting the feelings of others.

  • You dumped her for something she did before even meeting you? What the hell is wrong with you? What she did prior to being your girlfriend us none of your business. Smh.

    • she can't change the past. also yes it is my business. wtf is wrong with women these days, you have zero respect for men.

    • Dude, What are you talking about? How on earth is it your business? If you think every woman you meets prior activities are in any way your business you are destined to be a very lonely and bitter single man. And how does "respect for men" even become part of this conversation? ?

    • not every women i meet, just the ones that require me to raise children with them and marry them and not sleep with other women. respect for men is part of this because you dont see mens requirements for a relationship as important.

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  • I'm not understanding how that's a good reason. I wouldn't like it if someone I dated had a threesome but if they did it years ago with two consenting people and the person they were dating was okay with it then who the hell cares? It doesn't make them a slut or anything, it's a fetish a lot of people have. Doesn't mean they're a cheater, doesn't mean they have an STD, doesn't mean they won't treat me right...

    You sound judgmental. There are a lot worse things that she could have done. I personally don't think it was really any of your business that she did that anyway. Has nothing to do with you and her.

    • it does make them a slut.

    • How? How is it different to sleep with two different guys in one night versus 1 guy in 2010 and 1 guy in 2011? What's the difference?

    • the differences is slut.

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  • wow, so she double cheated on you.

    • she didn't cheat on me.

    • Oooh I assumed she was in college right now and had a threesome there while dating you.

  • If she didn't do it behind your back/while you were together than it's not a big deal.

    • it wasn't behind my back it was before we met.

    • It wouldn't bother me. I prefer not knowing about past relationships... I only care that she's health and what she enjoys doing with me.

    • yeah but i can get any women. no need to have a ho.

  • Everyone has the right to choose what they can tolerate and what they can't when looking for a partner. I'd never date a smoker. You dumped her for sleeping around. We make choices and live with them. I don't think you need our approval or judgement. It's your life after all.

  • Everyone has standards. If something she's done violates yours, you have every right to break up with her. Based on some of the female responses to this, I'm hoping you gave her a different reason so that she won't lie about her history to the next guy that gets involved with her.

  • Yeah that was kinda a dumb reason to break up with someone. That's her past not her future. It was college everyone has done something their not proud off. You live and you learn.

    I personally could never date a guy who would bash his ex girlfriend or talk down on her because it shows what kind of person you are and if you would do it to her you dam sure would do it to me

    • the past is the only thing that matters. the future didn't happen yet.

    • But the future will happen with or without you. If you couldn't accept her past you don't deserve to be in her future. I honestly think she dodged a bullet, you are not worth her time.

  • I'd think you were jelly and laugh.

  • Well, not everyone is gonna accept everything that others do, people need to realize that. So if you're not ok with what she did, then I don't see anything wrong in breaking up.
    The past is the past excuse is bullshit.

    • This.

  • She was just finding herself bro how dare you stomp on this strong, independent woman's free expression of her sexuality.

    • you're funny man.

    • Can I just say, I like how checking back 13 days later, the absolutely massive negative response you had for not being particularly interested in a girl who had a threesome. Would it be okay to dump her if she had gotten herpes from her sexual experiences? Or should a man love a woman's herpes, as they're a part of her, just like her curves.

    • its nuts. what is the world coming to.

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